Gigi and Beata thanks. It might seem like we have done this very quickly but really it has taken more than 2 years since we were first advised to find an ED to where we are today. Of course we had to accept it first and that meant grieving the loss of my own genetic child. Falling pg kind of threw that process somewhat. But we have done lots of reading and I have spoken to many mums of ED children and have learnt a lot from them and their experiences. If this doesn't work then I guess that will be the end of our TTC journey. What a difficult road we travel!
Thanks again for everyone's kind words and support. It means a lot to me.
oxo
I am finding this thread very helpful. It's so nice to know other people have doubts and worries about their TTC journeys.....it's not nice that they are worried and doubtful, just good to know I'm not the only one.
Chez, your plan sounds very very exciting. I think any child who is loved is lucky, you will love any child you concieve using the process you have chosen. I wish you hope health and happiness in your journey.
Dory, your support and kind word are a constant help to me thanks.
To everyone else thanks, and good luck to you on your journeys.
I am 4 days from the end of my 2ww......arrggghhhh.
I feel weird but not sure if I'm preggas......I'm almost too scared to hope.
I didn't buy into all this TTC stuff so heavily before Ellen was concieved, I just had faith. Since her death I have very very little faith.........
Kate, I have my fingers crossed for you big time hun. This journey does find you losing a bit of faith for a while. I am not sure if it ever ALL comes back but it certainly resurfaces, in part, from somewhere. But most certainly we kiss our innocence goodbye! I hope you are pleasantly surprised this month hun.
Well ladies, CD1 today. We have a fizzer. I am really disappointed although I was losing faith big time in the last few days. I have comfort in knowing my body...i did OV early, strange for me but it was confirmed today with 14DPO and AF starting. We are both Gutted with a capital G! Dh has been a star, I enjoy us reconnecting deeper and deeper everytime we invest in each other. We have had such a strong year together after losing DD. We have always been strong but there is something to be said for sahring an experience like the one we have all been through. No one will ever fully understand but the one who went through it with you. There is huge comfort in that. My second place of call is here! You ladies are incredible and a huge part of my life and support. I just don't know where i woul dbe without you all. Thank you for your love and cheers this month. I will be calling on you all again in a couple of weeks...until then...idle chit chat will be in order.
Now lets see wehn Ov will be this month...i hope it is not making a new habit of things. Regularity...please stick around, you are all I have got to hold onto somedays!!
It's 3 days before AF is due so I did a test.....BFN.....had a huge cry! I did some work this am then went to a good friends funeral. I felt like I needed some good news and felt this was gonna be our month.......seems not......I am devestated. It's weird because my boobs have been tender, I've been a bit nauseous and I've felt that "calm pregnant feeling". Oh well. BUGGER!
My good friend (her hubby's funeral) gave me a hug after the service (where they chose to read one of my poems). She actually said she hopes her Tony sends me a baby! I am blown away by her caring to be thinking of me like that at her husbands funeral! She is a truly amazing woman. I hope I've been doing enough to help them. I've cooked meals for them and popped in quickly to check on them. It's so hard to not smother them but to let them know we are there.
We were going to start IVF this week but as it turns out hubby might have to be out of town right at the "vital" moment so we've decided to wait another month......hope it's the right decision.
Sorry this is all me,me, me, I'm just not coping so well atm.
Thanks for all the support I get
Kate
Oh boy hunny, you are having such a full one time. What a day. I am so sorry for your loss this month. I am also sorry you are surrounded by more grief and the loss of such a close friend. It is perfectly understandable to not be coping so well sweet. You are human and only one woman...which in the spirit of girl power is usually enough to do anything, BUT this is just a lot hun and you can only handle so much at a time. I remember saying once that I just can't handle the same amount of stuff anymore. Your boat gets full and it is closer to sinking point a lot quicker than before.
You are so thoughtful and special to be taking them meals. How kind of you hun when you have so much going on for yourself. You are an incredibly loving friend. I am sure she appreciates it and I am sure she appreciates that you have some understanding to what she might be going through. I know it is different but you know what it is like to have your heart ripped out.
And wow...and IVF cycle. Maybe it is good timing to wait a few weeks so you can catch up.
I am worried for you sweet, go easy on yourself and I hope there is someone there for you too. I went to a funeral a month after we had DD's...it hit me more than DD's funeral. I think because i had to keep it together for hers. The next funeral, was a raw reminder that death does exists, what happen to us was not a dream. It is real and it hurts and it touches everyone. Such a raw awakening...or rather a reminder of what we already know.
Oh hun, sending you a big hug. Hope you get to have a nice bath to prepare for your 'resting time' of the month- AF. I hope you get to start a cycle as soon as you can and I really HOPE you have your dreams come true.
Love and light to you hun. xoxoxo
Hope you are all ok and still waiting to see some BFP's!!
Chez67 - You are an amazing woman and I think it's just beautiful that you will try different avenues to fulfil your dream of having a baby. There is nothing at all wrong with ED and anyone who tries to tell you there is, obviosly hasn't walked a mile in your shoes. You go girl! Fingers crossed for you :-)
Kateo - Hon, I promise promise promise that you won't always feel this awful. When we lost our little boy, I honestly thought life on this earth wasn't worth living and couldn't imagine smiling or feeling happy again. Whilst I do have my moments, and some days it feels like it only happened yesterday, things are easier now and they continue to get easier each day. I'm so sorry you got a BFN. They are the *****iest three letters when put together! I have actually started seeing car numberplates with BFN and BFP and just think I'm a loony! haha - Try and relax and do something nice for yourself EACH AND EVERY day. It gives you that little something to look forward to. Good luck with IVF. When are you starting?
GIGI! How are you? I can't remember when you are testing? Fingers crossed for you and hope this is your month!
As for me, after miscarrying late July, I'm assuming my periods are due within the next fortnight. I had signs of ovulation last week and am already moody and teary so my hormones are certainly giving me a good go of it! We'll be TTC next month and am already a little aprehensive. Whilst I have hated missing a month of TTC, it has also been nice not concentrating on every symptom, niggle, feeling! Oh well, whatever will be will be!
Powelly - good to hear from you again...sorry that no IVF starting this month... but sometimes just having that break like you said can be the most re juveninating thing, for the body mind and soul. Have my fingers crossed for the next cycle..... and make sure DH is around at the vital times, no ifs no buts next time...
Kate - like Gi I am worried about you..... my counsellor says that grieving people are like sponges - they too readily absorb the grief around them, sometimes to their detriment. So.... be sure to look out for yourself and not give too much of yourself to your friend. You sound as if you have done exactly what was needed for her. I agree with Gi, the first funeral after your own angel is so very hard. I went to my best friends mum's funeral in between losing Nicholas but still being pregnant with Sophie, and it was the first since both Amelia's & Nicholas' funerals. Although sometimes the oddest things can happen. My friends mum was catholic so the service was catholic which meant incense... after a while my strong will was required not to gag or puke at the aroma of the incense which did take my mind off my own spiraling dark thoughts. And even more ironic? My friend was having the same experience... with not gagging. Strange the things you can share with your friends. Sorry that you didn't get your bfp...
Gi - I hear you so much on becoming even closer to DH than you thought, through the grief and adversity of having your precious child die and the struggle to make a life in the aftermath. I am so proud of you and your DH for being able to do that... it really says something to me about the commitment to each other and also your DD. But remember it's not just the circumstances you found yourselves in, you both have worked hard to reveal an even deeper love and respect for each other. I find that I have changed too - last night I was just a mess. I started to cry because one of the cats knocked over my glass of water ( I left it unattended, so my bad), and DH went to clean it up for me. Then I cried because I felt DH left me (to clean up the mess)... but in the old days I would have not tried to understand why I was upset and just react to the initial feeling of being excluded by DH or worse imply that DH was blaming me for something that he wasn't even remotely blaming me for. Instead I just thought about why I was so upset (and cried, of course)but then could tell DH what was going on rather than just reacting to something that (a) wasn't the real cause of my upset and (b) making DH defensive by seeming to make it about him rather than who it was really about which was me. I have to say though it was hard work as sometimes it's really hard to work out why exactly I am upset. That was last night. A whole bunch of other stuff was actually why I was upset, it was just it reached crisis point when I felt excluded/blamed. And bless him DH was so good with me when I finally worked it out and he had an inkling of what was going on for me before I did.
I am sorry you didn't get your bfp...I was really hoping... but I have enough hope for your next cycle....
Chez - so proud of you! A friend of mine was offered a donated egg recently and she turned it down. She wasn't ready for that journey yet. But she was really honoured to have been made the offer. It's not every day that you get the offer of such an amazing gift. I am hoping that you get an offer like that or that you have an easy enough time finding an egg donor. My friends SIL has children now as a result of an ED, but I am not too sure how they actually came to arranging the ED. I have to say I am completely in the dark as to how it's done.
All ok here. I have a cluster of symptoms that the Dr is now watching, and went in yesterday at my own request for a consult and have another pre scheduled consult tomorrow. So glad I live close by to the Drs rooms and hossy. Not that I selected the Dr's based on that in the first place, but it certainly has been handy, as it turns out. Will keep you updated. Am making sure I rest even more now.... just when I thought I might be able to become a bit more mobile and independent! At least I still get to enjoy lots of cat cuddles.....
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