Hi Guys - I'm not sure things are going so well. I stopped spotting on Saturday and then when I got up this morning there was brown when I wiped (sorry for TMI). Not sure if the cramps I have are in my head or something starting. I don't know what to do. I feel silly going to the doctor and asking for a blood test. I just hope it's not happening again :-( I feel so anxious.
Oh hun, rest up and take care. I am sure it will be ok hun and this will all be a distant memory for you. I really hope so. This is not easy sweet, hang in there. Love and many big hugs. Thinking of you and hoping with all my heart. xoxoxo
Powelly,
Hang in there. See a Dr or get a blood test if it makes you feel better. Rest, read, and be positive.
I'm thinking of you.
K
Thanks Kate and Gi - I'm hanging in there...just! Still got a back ache and the lightest of light spotting. I've googled way too much today about ectopics, miscarriage etc so that didn't help much. I guess time will tell and that's the hardest thing. I'm scared about what the morning will bring :-( Your support has been so wonderful, thank you.
Powelly, sleep well gorgeous girl...you are growing a bubba in there. I am sure of it. Google is a blastered thing hey...a blessing and a curse I am sure...all in one go. Sending you sweet dreams and a uneventful morning .xoxox
Thanks Gi. Well the night was long and painful as the cramps waved in. And this morning came the heavy bleeding and the buckets full of tears. I can't believe it. I was so sure this was the one. I'm freaked out now that it's 2 in a row, similar timing. Feeling sad, angry, robbed. Off to work. I can't sit around feeling like this :-(
Powelly,
I shed tears for you this morning. I know the feelings. I don't know exactly how you feel but I know what that loss feels like. My thoughts are with you. Think positive about this. Look forward not back. Know we are all with you in this
Kate
Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry :hug: I wish I could give you a huge hug, and make it all better. I'm sorry this is happening to you. I would also recommend getting a BT to see what is happening exactly and talk to a doc to see if it could be something very simple that can be fixed, IF there is a problem. There might not be which could be more frasturating, but at least you're making a step in the right direction to find out if there is something that can be done.
Big big hugs and I'm thinking of you sweets.
Beata xxx
Thanks so much. Your support means so much. I have just got home from spending the day in hospital. Had major dizzy spell this morning and thought it may have been ectopic but all ok. HCG level at 3 so miscarriage complete. Weird because I didn't bleed much this time but the ultrasound said all had passed?
Can I ask some advice? Should i go and see an OB/GYN? I seem to fall pregnant easy, but it doesn't seem to implant. I'm so not educated about possible causes and am not sure I have the energy to start looking. I can get an appt in a fortnight. I've never had endo or PCOS? Just not sure what to do and don't want to continue to have miscarriage after miscarriage.
Once again, thank you again. I hate being in this place but I know with each day it gets that little bit easier again...
Go see someone. They may not have the answers but at leat you'll have tried. I feel for your losses. Hopefully they can help you "hang in there" next time. I know my SIL had to take drugs when she was preggas to "hang on" to her bubs so perhaps you need to investigate this.......just my thoughts.
Powely, i'm so so so sorry sweetie :hug: , I would go see someone hun. It can't hurt. Big hugs again :hug:
Oh No hun. I am so so sorry. I am going between a tear and anger for you right now. It is just not fair. I really thought this was it and all was behind you. Looks like the time was not quite perfect for you and bub. Oh god I am sorry Babe. This is horrible news.
When you are back, have had a rest and ready to chat I will question why htis might have happened...Beata is right...there might be something small you can do-MAybe!
Rest up sweety and replenish your mojo. You are not done yet! xoxoxoxo
Yep...see someone. It ight be as easy as a bit of progesterone to start you off. You just never know. Also, consider a traditional chinese medicine side of things...i beleive they could help hold on to bubs too. xoxoxo Good Luck on the hunt for answers.
Hi Powelly
So sorry to hear about your loss hun :hug: It is just so hard and unfair. I hope you are taking things easy and being kind to yourself.
I would definitely go and see someone. Not sure where you are but Dr Gavin Sacks in Sydney specialises in auto-immune problems and implantation problems. He does phone consults too if you can't get to Sydney. I know he has been very helpful for lots of ladies on BB to achieve and hold on to their pregnancies. There are so many reasons why you might be miscarrying at the same time and with some more testing they can be eliminated or treated. Don't give up hun. Sometimes it as simple as taking a baby aspirin everyday.
And Gigi is right about TCM helping. My TCM makes a formula called fetal support that she has had me on for the first trimester in the past and I really think it helped. I plan to do that again this time around after ED.
I really hope you can find some answers soon and not have to go through this sad and frustrating time again. Send you lots of love.
oxo
Chez, thanks so much for the referral. I just checked him out and he sounds amazing. Gi, I chatted with a friend yest re CM and I'm very interested in this.
I've booked in to see an OB/GYN in a fortnight. Just want to chat and get an opinion. If I can't get what I want there, I think I'll suss out that Dr you suggested Chez. I'm SOOOO hoping it was just bad luck, but two has scared me in a way I've not felt before.
At least things have settled physically. Compared to last time, I didn't bleed half as much and it's almost stopped only 3 days on.
The support in here has been truly amazing and I'm grateful to you guys for your help.
Powelly - I have been awol, and I am so saddened to return and hear your sad news. I agree with Chez and Gi. One of my friends in another thread actually had the testing done and she had NKC ( natural killer cells) and she had to really push to get the testing done. She took some meds and is now utd - about 19 weeks now from memory. Glad the physical burden have been less this time around, but the emotional burden is much heavier. TMC worked wonders for me too.
I've left my ticker on, not to upset you, but rather to announce our news. As happy as I am for her safe arrival in the end ( I developed preeclampsia and HELLP synrome and had an emergency caesarean), our little Hannah bear is at times a reminder of all the missed opporunities that we will never have with Amelia, Nicholas, Sophie or our wee little sprite. Then I feel guilty to be so blessed, and to feel sad for lost chances. So, even those I am so so very blessed, the burdens of our losses are never too far away for me. I wonder if that will be less in time? It's not all the time, I do adore Hannah bear in her own right... it's jsut sometimes I am struck by what could have been.
Anyway, I had better have a rest. Take care.
So Powelly my dear, go gently on yourself....
Hello Ladies
Powelly - I have been following your posts and I am saddened to hear/read your sad news. (hugs)
Dory - Congratulations, I can totally relate to your post, even though we havent concieved as yet after the loss of Matthew.
OK I thought I read up on everything about Clomid... This is my second month on it and have been in agonizing backpain. I did just want to let everyone know who is on clomid that this is a side effect, (relating to the relaxing of pelvic muscles).
I will however march on, whatever I have to do to get the goal I achieve.
Tess
Powelly- that is good hun. You sound empowered despite it all. Hope all the appointments go well and you find some answers hun .xoxox
Dory- Hey chicka, love the ticker. I am sure the mix of emotions can knock you off your feet sometimes hun. Go with it...we are all learnt and you know so well...not worth questioning it or fighting it- embrace. We all have much more interesting and loving lives for it. It will most likely always be there hun. Part of being a mum i guess and how we embrace those burdens can make all the difference to our lives. I admire you hun and hope you are enjoying your new little girl. I have thought of you often. xoxoxo
Lady tess, That clomid sounds like it is giving you a bit of a go. Hope you find it will all be worth it hun..I am sure it will be. Good luck and hope this cycle is a good one for you.
AFM-CD5 and just about to finish up my AF thankfully. I have been able to pick myself up relatively easy this month and ready for the next and last round! I have a good feeling about this month. Went to a hypnotist and he questioned...why are you 'trying'...to which he followed- JUST DO IT! Well ok, we will then, if you are going to be like that. It was quite funny and very true that forever we have been TRYING very hard which still leaves room for failure! o if it is that easy...mind set has changed and we are on our way. This month which incidently was the month we fell preg with DD 2 years ago...looks like it will be the last month as 'just the 3 of us'. Ohh that gives me goose bumps.
Well actually it might be the last month that we 'try' and mext month' we 'do' it as we have the wedding and trip down south this month and timing might make it difficult. Stay tuned anyhow.
However, i have thought that if I take this seriously...the 'doing' and not the 'trying' than it may mean leaving this thread which unsettles me a bit. But as i will be pregnant soon, i guess that is ok. This space has been a seriously comforting and supportive place for me over the last year or so and breaking that is a big step for me. But hey...i am falling pregnant so that means moving on from here anyway.
SO...love and thanks to you all and here I go....IN THE NEXT TWO MONTHS...YOU WILL ALL BE CYBER AUNTIES, AND I WILL BE PREGNANT! Pretty cool really.
Love love love, laughter and peace.
HM xoxo
Hi Ladies!
I hope I can join your thread again.... :)
OMG there has been some wonderful news since I last was here. Massive congrats to Crumpet, Dory & Samcougar - just to name a few!! I am so happy for all of you lovely ladies who have been blessed with BFP's!!
I am now a year and a half down the track from losing my precious son at 21 weeks gest. I am still no closer to that elusive BFP - I have since had another laparoscopy to fix up a blocked tube (which worked thank goodness!) and am onto IUI next cycle. I havent had AF since the surgery which was 5 weeks ago now but have had lots of 'signs' of ovulation over the last two weeks in particular. Lots of cm and ovary twinges so I am in the dark a little but will wait patiently.... ;)
I hope to get to know you all a little better and hope that our BFP's arent too far away!!
Aries... I am sorry to hear that a bfp has been elusive for you...
Gi - I like the change in view..... this is your time!
Powelly hugs.
got to run.....
Hi ladies
Gigi - I love your new mindset. I really hope it works for you. If that's the case, we could have similar EDDs! How exciting!
Dory - glad to hear you are still around - hope you are enjoying baby Hannah.
Powelly - I hope everything is going well for you hun!
Ladytess - sorry to hear that the clomid is causing you backpain - it can be so hard to function when in pain constantly. I really hope that is worth the discomfort.
Aries - welcome back hun. Glad to hear the surgery was a success and that maybe O is about to happen! I wish you lots of luck.
AFM, started more drugs yesterday - Synarel! Oh how I have not missed the side affects of Synarel but hopefully it is all for a good cause. Scans and blood tests start next week!
Take care everyone!
oxo
Good luck Chezza! Hope we are on the right track together! xx
Hey Dory hope you are well hun. xoxo
Hi Guys,
Thanks everyone for your thoughts and support over the last couple of weeks. After the miscarriage I sort of felt ok, oddly, but then it hit me like a tonne of bricks and it's taken me this long to get out of the fog.
I saw the ob/gyn today who I wasn't too comfortable with. It felt way too clinical and my questions seemed silly. Anyway, he wants to do some blood workups and an ultrasound to check everything out. I've decided to go through with these tests as a start and then go from there. This time certainly scared me as the anxiety that I've worked long and hard at overcoming returned and I'm not sure I want to risk too much heartache but we SOOO WANT this baby. Guess I'll do the tests and go from there. We are taking this month off TTC as I'm just not ready.
Gi, your positive post really helped drag me out of my funk so thank you and GOOD LUCK! In fact, you don't need luck, you are going to be fine :-)
Chez - sounds like it's all going well for this month. Fingers x'd!!! Keep us posted. Hoping to see you and Gi with BFP's real soon!
Ladytess - that's poo that you have bad back pain. Can Osteo or chiro help or is it just part of the journey? Maybe a nice lavendar heat pack?? :-)
Dory - hope things are going well. I bet it's a shock to the system starting again with a newby! Enjoy that newby smell and those funny sounds as they grow way too fast :-)
Well that's it from me. Blood tests are locked in for next week (as is the ultrasound) so we'll go from there.
Hi ladies,
Wow, so much going on in here!
Gigi, I just love your positive thinking hun! I sincerely hope that you can add to the three of you very soon, positive thinking is the key sweetie. GL and I'll be stalking you (like I'm not alrerady! haha)
Dory, I love your posts of late, nice and shot and sweet, ha ha busy mumma! Hope you're enjoying your little princess :)
Cherry, GL hun and I am so excited for you! Not long for you to get your long awaited BFP!!!!
Welcome back Aries! So good to have you in here again hun. I missed you! Very glad all is on track, and those ovaries are working like clockwork :) GL in your next cycle!
Powelly, it's a shame you didn't feel very comfortable with the ob/gyn, but hey, if he's good and will get you your BFP then it's all good! GL with all your tests!
Tess, sorry to hear the bad side effects of clomid! Hopefully this back pain will go away soon. GL in your cycle hun!
Hi to everyone else!
Just thought I'd pop my ugly head in and spread some very lovely babydust to you all!!
B xxx
Thanks everyone. Well, after a trip to the physio and xrays, it seems it might not be all the Clomids fault. I injured my back quiet badly 3 years ago, and even though I havent felt a twinge since recovering from that, the Clomid did relax alot of pelvic muscles and, me being me kept going and it seems I have re-injured it. The good news is I can happily continue on with the clomid, and taking care of myself in the process. Eventually we all have to realise we aint spring chickens anymore... lol
I have had really crampy days the last 2 days, so I am hoping ovulation is a go this month. (I am cd13 on a 30 day cycle) I have my ultrasound locked in for Friday to check those follicles, and Blood test locked in for the following friday for the Progestrone levels. I so badly want this month to be the month, I am worried about what it might do to me if it isnt. My sisterin law is having her baby induced next friday, and I was worried about how it might make me feel, still am worried in a sense.
Powelly - Good luck with your tests hun. I also didn't feel very comfortable with the ob/gyn I was given when I was preg last year, but I moved on it quickly and made it known. I was able to find another in the same center. It cuts down the stress levels a little. I am sorry you felt your questions seemed silly.
Gigi - I have been following this thread since about April and I find your words truly inspiring. At time you almost write what is in my heart, something I could never get on paper. You keep your chin up there girl, We are all standing by you, every step of the way.
Aries - I am sorry you havent gotten your BFP yet, Sending Baby dust your way too.
Baby Dust to you all...
Tess xx
Powelly, I hope you feel your stength hunny and you can find the ob you need in this journey. I believe your Ob has to be a perfect fit. Look around sweety. I also respect that you need to give a chance to warm from each other. For me...generally, my first feelings are pretty spot on and it only increases anxiety to prolong it. See how you go, but whatever you do- you are not silly, neither are your questions, fears or desires. You are perfect hun and you have had reason to be frightened.Ii hope with all my heart you have no more experiences like this that make you feel so broken. You deserve beautiful things hun..including a stressless pregnancy. You are strong- you can do this. xoxo Good luck on the tests- you are going about it all the right way hun...GL xo
Aries, Welcome back sweet and hope you are healing well. 18 months ...bit more for us too. I feel you hun and wishing you all fortune in the world. You will be a mumma to another little baby before you know it. xoxo
Beata and DOry, thanks girls...we are working on it and trusting the process. Love and thanks to you both.
Lady Tess, Thank you for you loving and kind words hun. I am so grateful my minds meanderings help in someway. It is a hard journey for all the ladies here and you are all such a strength for me. You all keep me sane! Much love hun and thank you. I hope you take your SIL's birth and new baby one step at a time, in your own way and please be as gentle as you can with your heart. I found my SILs babies very difficult to be around for a good while. DH couldn't hold them for the first couple of months. I took a couple of weeks. It was very hard to hear them cry, smell them, hold them and see them be held, cared for and celebrated. It was a situation for me that i was caught between two worlds. So happy for them and so sad for me. I find it easier now and relish the time with them when I can...but that took some time. They are no longer new borns and the pains i feel are different, still many but different. That was for me and everyone is sso different. My advice- trust your heart, explain yourself if you must, but do not push yourself until you are ready. They will understand as i am sure they will be kind and loving towards how you might feel. Don't be surprised if it is a very distant memory for them...18mth ago to someone about to have a baby seems like a decade ago. It is only when you lose something so precious that it feels like yesterday.
I hope you are feeling better today and you find some time to sit and be...have a hot choc for me! I would but I am off sugar atm and being a very good girl.
Well girls I will not talk about my cycle as it is all in motion and will leave it at that..Life on the other hand- i can do.
As you would know it is the month to remember all the pregnancy and infant loss- October. In Brisbane all the SANDS crowd are gathering to walk, remember and release butterflies for their precious ones. I probably won't do a butterfly this time, DD gets a couple released for her every year. I will however do something else. I will take photos of the day and I am thinking of making some cupcakes too. I will see how i go. We have donated a dinner voucher for the raffle and it should be a nice day it the rains stays away for one day. I LOVE the rain- but this day is important for so many and raises awareness for those you need it. So that is where I will be on Sunday. I will also be lighting a candle for all your angels this friday night at 7pm for International Preg and infant Loss. It is a global thing...hope you all can too.
Getting ready for a holiday down south- for my dear little cousins wedding. Should be lovely...lots to do before then. Anyway must go to bed now. But all my love to you all and many thanks for the support and love you give in return. xoxoxox
Gi - remembering your DD today....and the butterflies flying free with her today.... did you make cup cakes?
Powelly - I agree with gi's advice.... hope you enjoyed your hot chocolate. I have come through the other side of this journey and it still feels like yesterday I was holding Amelia both overjoyed at her majesty and heartbroken. I am not sure that feeling will ever fade.... the same for Nicholas & Sophie.
Better go....
Hi Lovely Ladies!
Hope you are all well and I think it's about time we got some BFP's in here so what's happening!!!
I had an ultrasound over the weekend and was told that "structurally" everything looks great, all within normal ranges. I have to get the blood tests done in a week or so (just prior to periods) and then we'll go from there. I feel much better knowing things look ok, now to see if hormones are ok.
Dory, I didn't see your post to me and I just read it. Thank you! And I couldn't be happier for you with little Hannah! How is she treating you? Those early days are hard hard hard! I remember the first 6 weeks feeling in a daze of sleeplessness and baby's cries. It's hard but we get to the other end.
Gi, was thinking about you on the 17th. I am loving your positive attitude and I'm not sure about the other girls in here, but it makes me positive too and I think we could all use a bit of positivity in our journeys.
Hi to everyone else. Big hugs to all!
Right Girls, How are we doing. Powelly- good point love...about time we mix things up a bit in here.
So I reckon I have a little cherub on board this TWW. Will let you all know as soon as i can confirm!
IN the meantime- Some delicious bickies to send you all into a frenzy. These are great. Resting the dough does make a huge difference so don't skip that part no matter how strong the desire!
Powelly- That si GREAT news hun, really really great. Doesn't it help having more knowledge. Now, hun, remember that it is very hard to get a completely accurate idea of homeones when we can fluctuate so much from one day/hour to the next. So no matter what comes back- you are another step closer. xoox
Dory- Thank you for your wishes hun. Yes I made cupcakes and took photos of the day. There was a good turn out and a lovely day to be out in the park.
A very good point was made in one of the readings- whether we were there or not, rain or shine, still or windy, we walk with our babies everyday anyway and we honour them, every moment. Not every moment is sad and certainly not every moment is happy. We are a special kind of parent. So so true and what a wonderful way to think.
Others move on and we are changed forever. I feel in a good way though. A heart and soul broken can only be put back together in such a mishap way after losing a baby that makes you different, unique, your own and whole again but with missing pieces of yourself, a new whole, a new normal. Our babies exist in another way. Not a way i ever hoped for or wish for still but it is what it is. I hate that DD is not here in the flesh. But how privileged I am to be her mum, have held her and include her still in our life the way we can.
It was a challenging day but i held on to my camera, captured others and their families in moments of happiness and sorrow. It was special.
Back to sewing my dress....and something yummy for you all. xoxoxo Go and make babies ladies.
Chocolate Chip Cookies
3 ½ cups plain flour
1 ¼ tsp baking soda
1 ½ tsp baking powder
1 ½ tsp Maldon sea salt
1 ¼ cups unsalted butter
1 ¼ cups brown sugar
1 cup raw granulated/Demerara sugar (Nadia only uses Demerara sugar if the cookies are aimed at winning someone’s affections, otherwise raw granulated sugar is fine.)
2 free-range eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
600g bitter chocolate chips/chunks
Maldon sea salt
Sift dry ingredients together. Cream the butter and sugar. Add eggs one at a time and the vanilla. Add dry ingredients to the buttery-sugar mixture, then chocolate chips. Mix until just combined.
The cookie dough should be cool and firm, so wrap in clingwrap and chill. The dough gets better and better and ideally should be chilled overnight (or for 36 hours as in the New York Times recipe).
Preheat oven to 180C. When dough has had time to chill roll into 50c piece-ish sized balls and flatten ever so slightly. Here it is really just like giving them a little love blessing with the back of a wooden spoon. Place on baking paper. Sprinkle each cookie with a little Maldon sea salt. To bake use a good quality aluminium cookie sheet with no edges. This is important for the even heating of the cookies.
Bake for about 10 to 15 minutes. A little less, a little more, depending on your oven – until they are golden brown but still soft. Leave to cool on a wire rack.
Well Gigi. I have to say you have done it again. That positive attitude of yours just lifts me out of my chair and makes me want to yell "YES!!!... What she said!!!!" I love the reading, it is a healthy and might I say heart warming way of thinking about our loss. I have no doubt that my sadness and stress of trying to conceive again has alot to do with not conceiving yet. I am finding myself giving a small sad smile when I think of DS, I AM proud to be his mum. I know I have changed in ways, I didnt think possible, my thought processes about lifes little things.
Powelly - It all sounds very positive for now doesn't it? We are all here to take your hand and walk with you step by step.
AFM - I feel this month is our month (but I have a feeling we may see a few BFPs this month). My back pain has stopped completely, so I dont even know if it was the clomid causing it. to, but I bought a pile of OPKs off ebay and have been testing every single day to see if there is in fact any changes. I went for an ultrasound on friday (cd 14) to find not many follicles on both ovaries but my my,,, some huge dominate ones (up to 2.75cms) even the lady doing the scan said "oh my"!! Being a on-the-dot 30 day cycler my OB as well as myself naturally assumed ovulation would occur between cd15 & cd17. Much bding went on these days, no matter what the OPKs were telling me.
http://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c9...l/b6b4db71.jpg
But then wow, the cramping started. on the night of cd18 (not long after I took the OPK above). lasted all night and all the next day and is still continuing today. Here is the OPK from last night.....
http://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c9...l/7bf1abb8.jpg.
So tell me, have I got this right??? instead of ovulating in the middle of my cycle, I have been ovulating a few days later???? could be that would be the main reason for not conceiving yet??? Putting in all the effort during when we all assumed I was ovulating???
Wow Lady-Tess! That's an LH surge if I've ever seen one! I have always ovulated later than the "predicted" timeframe. They always say around CD14, however, I ovulate more like days 16-18. I'd say that could have been a factor in why you haven't conceived yet, however, depends if you were BD'ing during this fertile time regardless. It seems you have managed to pin-point it now so off the computer with you and GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!
Thanks Powelly.
I know, I havent seen a surge like that yet, with anyone. let alone me... lol It has really lifted my spirits a little, and along with gigis words, I am now once again thinking positive. Without being too TMI, we would go "hard at it" between cd 14 and cd 17. then it would drop off a little (even with a small "rest" after was things get a little sore... lol but now I am thinking when we were resting is when I was ovulating. Makes so much more sense now.
Needless to say, I will be ravaging DH once he steps in the door, so then I can lay in bed for a episode of united states of tara. Sore or not... THIS IS OUR MONTH!!!!!!!
Baby dust to all
Tess
You girls crack me up! Well done I say.
Love to you both and others out there. It is lovely to think we all lift each other up when needed. You girls do for me too when i am down, with such love and support- forever grateful to you both.
Tess- That is such a good idea hun, to test everyday. I have done that a couple of times a year to make sure I am in order and nothing has changed dramatically, although my body is prety good with the signs. I often think that women don't fall pregnant so easily simply because of bad timing and trying to hit Ov time. OUr body's can be so different from each other...run late, ontime or early of symptoms too. Wow this making babies business is a miracle wouldn't you say. Make sure you get a good rest in there hun and build up hubbies supply too. LOL 'Hard at it'- oh how well we know what you mean. xoxox Good luck and get back to ravaging hun!! P.s. thanks for the pickies.
AFM- MIA for about a week now ladies, I will be away at a wedding for TWW. A welcomed distraction but to be honest i have been so busy and so trusting of this month that i have not given it much thought. God we are amazing...our brains and how they switch on and off.
Ladies...lets bring the house down with BFPs this month!!! My order is out there...now time to fill it mrs universe!
Love and dust to all xoxoxo
Powelly,xoxoxo
Bring on the BFP's girls... I will be praying for you.
ok... thought I would just say something as the thread seems to have died a little... lol (hope it isnt me)
4DPO and I am being driven insane by the wait...
Gigi - Hope your having a absolutly FAB time, and your trying to relax.
Dory... Thank you
BFP all round... BRING IT ON!!!!
I am sorry I haven't been here for a while.
If I haven't already said it congrats to you Dory on your precious new bundle.
I am having a really tough time and things have gone from bad to worse if that is at all possible.
I decided to see our FS again as I was stressed about starting IVF this month as they seemed very (too much) laid back about the fact I have problems with aneasthetic. I also have huge phobia about hospitals generally as I have had very bad experiences each time I have been to hospital.
My Sids counselor offered to talk to the IVF counselor and fill them in about me and the upshot of this was she spoke to my FS. During that conversation she told my FS some very personal stuff and FS has decided I am not OK to start IVF. She even suggested I would not be OK to be a mother which hurt me very deeply.
I am a little cross with my counselor now and don't have the same faith in my FS as I feel I should.
Upshot is that instead of my FS understanding I have a fear of needles and hospitals and need things explained slowly and carefully she instead sees me as mentally unstable. She doesn't seem to have got the correct message from my counselor.
I have been doing a tracking cycle this month and so far everything is normal.
I have been "labeled" with "unexplained infertility" however I feel I am actually fertile as I had a baby only 9 months ago. So far everything on the tracking is spot on. I know I shouldn't have told my counselor how I was feeling so she could tell the FS and I know I should also change FS. I would like to change FS but I'd be on a waiting list for about 3 months to see a new person.
Sorry about the long vent, I am having a bad day.
I worked so so hard this month to stay relaxed and be positive and I have a blood test on Monday and it's freaking me out a little. I have to work all day tomorrow......
thanks to you all.
Kate
Hi ladies
Kateo, I am so shocked at what your counsellor told your FS! You poor hun, you don't need this extra stress, that shows such a huge level of insensitivity and breach of confidence along with unfounded judgement. I would be complaining to the counsellor's boss and finding someone else to speak to. I don't think that person has your best interests at heart at all. :hugs: hun I wish I could reach through the computer and give you a big hug in person :hugs: Speak to your FS and if they are not understanding get yourself on that waiting list straight away! I hope things work out for you and your tracking sounds perfect. Maybe it is time to find someone else who will not label you so quickly.
Gigi - loving your new confidence and attitude - hope you're having a lovely break and the cookie recipe sounds delicious - can't wait to try it out!
Dory - hope you are doing well with your precious bub and getting some rest. Well done on being off the sugar, wish I could say the same but food is my comfort when I am stressed!
Beata - thanks for popping in and spreading some baby dust to us!
ladytess - wow great surge! I am sure this is your month! And I wanted to say that testing each day is a great idea, most of us don't cycle like clockwork. I know I could O anywhere from CD6 to CD16 and I am sure we conceive on a CD6 O. It really is an individual thing and varies from month to month, I found anyway. Good luck hun!
Powelly - great news on your ultrasound results. That must be such a relief for you. Hope the b/t results are good too.
Aries - hope you're doing well hun.
AFM, moving along nicely. Another ultrasound and b/t tomorrow morning. Have another uni assignment to do so I had better stop procrastinating and get moving!
Take care and babydust to all!
xox
Hi ladies
Do you mind if I pop in here from time to time? We're not actively TTC again yet and probably won't be until the new year. Our son Leo died soon after birth 13 weeks ago from a genetic disorder. I'm healing physically, though still have mild SPD (I was on crutches in the last 2 months of pregnancy). DH and I are both still emotionally healing. Not that anyone can ever get over a child's death, but we're getting better at coping. I don't feel ready to TTC, as I still miss Leo and have difficulty visualising another baby yet. But another part of me desperately wants a baby in my arms, so it's hard to not want to jump right in again.
When I was pregnant with Leo, I assumed I was having a girl. Once he was born, of course all I wanted was a little boy. He was all I could think of. I'm scared that I now want another little boy because I really just want Leo. I don't want to project our need for Leo onto another child. Is this normal or am I over analysing things? I now can't visualise a baby girl and wonder that I'd be disappointed if we had one. Really I just want a healthy take home baby, but this worries me a little. Has anyone else felt this? TBH, I'm finding it difficult to imagine loving another baby like we love Leo.
thanks
BFN
In tears
Have just found out I should have done a tracking cycle as soon as I saw the FS but I guess she didn't believe I could get pg so she just didn't bother. Now I have found out my progesterone is low......we could have found this out months ago. I wish I knew more about the process........very annoyed atm.
Currently looking for new FS
Hi ladies,
Kate, I'm so sorry about the councillor and FS and your BFN. Looks like you'll need to find two new ones..:( I wish you lived in Melbourne as I have the best FS here. I'm sorry you're not travelling very well ATM, but I am sure things will improve with a new course of action (and a new councillor & FS!!)
Tashybabe, I am not really a part of this group, but I was a few months back and although no one should ever wish to be a part of it, it's given me so much support and love I will forever be greatful to all the beautiful ladies here and the ones that have moved on! I am so sorry for your loss hun, I can feel how much Leo is loved, just by reading your post. That's how I feel about my wee Josh. I didn't care what we were having when we conceived Joshua, but as soon as we found out our bub was a boy, I was over the moon. A week later exactly, at 21 weeks, he was gone :( Trying again about 12 months later (I would have started earlier had it not been for my operation to fix my uterus) I was in two minds also, would I like another boy and would I compare him to Josh or would I prefer a girl?? Well, I decided pretty early on that no other baby would ever replace Josh. I just wished I could have him back every second of every day. When we got pg again last year, I couldn't help but feel that I dearly wanted another little boy, as I missed out on Josh, and I just couldn't imagine myself with a baby girl. But of course if I had a wee girl, she would have been so so loved, no less than Josh. Well, we decided to find out the sex again (I'm not one for surprises, lol) and I was so over the moon when a little willy was floating in there. To tell you the honest truth, I just had this very strong gut feeling there was a boy in there. So Cameron came along, and I tell you, there are so many similarities in their pictures, it blows me away. Somehow, I can't help feeling that a part of little Josh is in Cam. Maybe it's not healthy, and I know Cam is not Josh, but it gives me so much peace and comfort to know they look so alike.
Hi to all the lovely ladies in here and........babydust, babydust, babydust, babydust, babydust, babydust, babydust, babydust, babydust, babydust, babydust to all.
Beata xxx