Thank Suzzzz. I have the same wish for you too hun. xoxo TWW, Now, lets see. I wish for you this next week to go slowly for your little womb to catch up a bit to the process underway....then I want Fast fast fast....You hear me Ms Universe! Bring our Suzie a bubba now! Boy or girl is ok...just bring it on.
Suz - positive vibes my sweet... all coming your way.... thanks for checking up on me too. It absolutely blows my mind that those numbers apply to me.
Gigi - I hear you so much. I can feel your emotions about having something very personal invaded. Don't worry about what they thought.... you were just being protective of your DD. People who love you will accept that.
Powelly - still thinking of you.
Chris - good to hear that things went so well and that so far two of your care providers are going to work in collaboration with each other. Yeah. Hope those pain meds are still working and you are recovering well.
Kateo and Ms tess - how are you doing?
AFM had my great nieces christening on sunday. it was nice. but I was struck by an unexpected wave of tears. just glad I was on my way back from the loo at the time. So I remembered and rejoiced the infinite beauty of my angels, had some quiet me time and then on with the show... I was a godmother after all. I suppose I didn't want to spoil it for my nephew and his partner by making it about me, when it was about their little daughter. It was weird being with all those peopl but good to see my Mum, Step dad and Brother... guess I am a bit like Gigi? And I am out of practice, what with being at home mostly on my own with the kitties. Oh excitement plus - only 3 more sleeps til my fur baby comes home from his 3 week sojourn at the vets. I am sooooo excited. I hope he doesn't resent me too much and give me the cold shoulder when he comes home..... but not to worry I will work him into kitty kat contentment! (ie food and cuddles)
Hey there girls,
Dory, you did a magical job hun at having a moment and letting the show go on. I tried to explain to my SIL today that dealing with infertility can be likened to having a disability in a way. You have to manage it, learn to live with it, consider it everytime you go out and about. Losing a child certainly exacerbates it 10 fold. People forget it is something we live with for the rest of our lives, not just an experience that happened a while back. I think that is why people sometimes think we 'hold on' to the pain and sadness...No, we live with it, it follows us, it is not for attention, or self pity. It is something we learn to manage. I was saying my SIL...I have had to find my trust in life again. I think I am pretty close to it now. I am learning to trust the universe again...but there will be hell to pay if my faith is taken for granted again.xoxo
AFM- Well it has been an interesting couple of days. I have written it in my blog so I will be brief here. Had a bit of a spin out....OVcaught me un awares on CD9. VERY early for me and I found myself having similar thoughts to Suz...but my lining needs more time!
I have no idea what was happening. I have had no Ov pain as per usual. CM was watery and not much of it But cervix was well and truely open with EWCM in small quantitiy...so What the hell.... we dtd etc and again for good measure and cause it was so much fun the first time...and I went mad trying to work it all out. Had a great night actually besides the analysing!
So... the line on the OPK was so dark, as dark as the indicator line...I just don;t know when it started being so dark. I only started testing that day-CD9. Anyway, what will be will be. I kind of feel good about it all, sychronicity and all. We felt like getting up to mischeif which is always a good sign.
Tomorrow, gardening if weather allows. DH is off and then we get to play Cranium over at my SIL and bros house. Should be a fun night and a good distraction. xoxoxo Fingers are crossed.
Hi Ladies!
Can I ask a quicky? Do you have to wait for a period after m/c to ttc? The doc said to wait for one cycle but I have heard differing opinions. I'm thinking I'll wait but what are your thoughts/experiences?
Will aim for personals after work :-)
Powelly, Hun i have heard both sides of the fence. One saying it is good to let your mind and womb heal and a cycle come back into synch ...and the other that essentailly supports that if you are not ready for pregnancy, you won't fall pregnant. I think you should follow your gut on this one....My opinion love.
BEst wishes hm xoxo
Thanks Gigi! What would I do without you :-) My heart is saying wait, to have correct LMP etc. I think I'll enjoy a few wines in the next couple of weeks and then start a big TTC health kick! Gotta be positive don't we.
Sounds like you may have got the right time. Fingers crossed for you! I love when things happen out of the blue. I always think things happen for a reason. Good luck.
Hi to all. Sorry I haven't done personals. I'm thinking of you all, hoping the pregnant ladies are well and keeping sane and the TTC'ers are going to get a BFP this month! We'll be rejoining end August/early Sep!
Chio
Powelly - my obs gave the go ahead to try straight away after Amelia and she was born a few weeks gestation after your beloved son. Basically, I was healthy and emotionally ready to try. Guess DH had to be too. LOL. After Nicholas and Sophie my obs recommended waiting, but we knew we both needed to wait - for both emotional and physical healing and also to give us the chance to do some more investigations as to possible causes.
If you are ready to try again, and no physical reasons not to delay, then get on the TTC rollercoaster.
Gigi - you are so profound and so spot on. With both infertility and the death of a child, the sadness and pain remain life long. You don't get over it, just some days it's more at the front of your consciousness than other days, but it's never far away and the love and pain are always in our hearts. I am sorry that O caught you unawares...... hope you got to do some gardening. Could you send me some of your green thumb? I am hopeless. I like to mow the lawn, and smell the muraya flowers but that's the extent of it for me.
Dory, LOL...my green thumb. You would laugh. I sound so green don't I. Truth is, it is all intention. I try my best and with each project i hope it lasts longer than the last. This time I am trying to set up our courtyard...Will type later on that once I have got a few things done. But hun. I very much rely on my loving husband to pick up where I fail. He waters more often than I do. Sad really, cause i want to be better at it. I think I get bored. I do crave the garden and blossoms, green and calm it brings often. We are not all that different. lol xoxo Will be back later.
Hi lovely ladies
Sorry I have been MIA for a while. I have been off sick all week with a virus which started as a fever on Monday morning just after I got to work. I went home and DH rushed me to the Dr's. It was horrible, I couldn't get warm even with layers of clothes and the heating in the car on maximum! It left a few hours later but I have spent most of the week feeling very washed out and tired and headachey. Yuck.
I have tried to catch up with everybody's posts but my head is still a bit fuzzy so I will attempt a few quick ones... Gigi happy belated birthday, Chris great news on the surgery, Suz FX for you for this cycle, Dory you are sounding well... :hello: to everyone else.
AFM, we have decided not to do another IVF cycle with my eggs. My head, heart and gut are all telling me the same thing... that it is going backwards... so we are investigating doing an ED cycle hopefully before the end of the year. That is where we are devoting our energies now, and I have been in touch with some wonderful ladies who have been in very similar circumstances to us who now have beautiful babies or who are pg, so we see this as our path to our dream. It is not where we expected to be 12 months ago, but then I guess none of us would choose any of this heartache and grief if we were given the option. I saw some posts on YouTube from a lady who has been through two ED cycles, and something she said really resonated with me. We are already mothers... we are just waiting for our baby's spirit to come to us in a physical form whether it be through IVF, ED, adoption or foster care. I know some may not agree with this, but for me that really summed up how I feel.
So I guess what I am trying to say is that I understand if some here don't agree with the whole donor thing, and therefore, I will be respectful of everyone's wishes if you do not want me to continue to post in here. If you don't want me to post, just PM me and I will respect that. It is controversial, but we are trying to be as thoughtful and considerate about the whole process as possible, particularly how the donor is treated and then what contact our child may have/request from the donor in the future. I have done lots of reading and spoken to people on both sides on another site, and have found that are occasionally some stories of regret from donors, but on the whole they feel that donating was a wonderful opportunity to help others.
Thanks again all and I wish lots of :bluedust::pink-babydust: and BFPs for everyone very soon.
oxo
Chez - hiya..... thanks for the special mention! I have to say the concept of already being a mother, but waiting for the spiritual form of our child/children to come to us in a physical form, resonates with me too, even though our journey's are so different.
Personally I have absolutely no objection to you posting in here - regardless of what form of TTC you feel is best for you. For me this is not a place to judge how each of us tries to achieve our dreams, but is rather a place of support and sometimes the opportunity to expand our belief systems. But the fact that you've thought about it speaks volume of the beautiful and thoughtful person you are.
OH hun, I couldn't agree with you more. Yes we are already mothers. My chiro has always pointed that out to me. Each and every month we nurture and prepare. i have often said that I sometimes feel like I have had so many kids...nothing else can explain the pure exhaustion we often feel.
I think you should stay here. I have no idea why you wouldn't. I don't understand what is wrong with choosing the ED route. Please ignore my ignorance. I don't get what the problem might be. This is your choice and making this decision might be the perfect next step for you.
I also think this is fab hun and very exciting. You go girl. Sometimes we don't get to pick how our children come to us. I believe we are the strong women chosen to have our angels. I also think that your next baby may choose a different route to the last. It is more complicated than most understand. Whatever happens...it will be perfect hun. I have such faith in you. You will do what ever is right when you follow your heart, head and gut hun. xoxooxoxox
CD16 and hanging in there...approx 7-8DPO. I have a very good feeling. I woke up this morning and I was semi awake. A voice said to me...(I know...I am hearing things) Are you taking your folic acid? As soon as i tried to focus on what was said and who said it...it disappeared. You know when you wake up and you are holding onto a dream, a feeling, a sense and the more you think about it or try to hold on to it...It drifts further from your mind. It was like that. I got up and took my multi.
I believe DD was with me today. A stone plaque caught my eye of a child with wings- fairy not cupid, and a mother. It was beautiful even though I am not normally into plaques. It looked like me and DD. Her tippy toed on my outstretched hand, flying with her little wings. Me standing below her with my feet on the ground, and she is placing flowers on my hair.
Then we chose another with a group of fairies dancing and skipping together though flowers. It is a reminder that she is not alone, and neither are we. It is a reminder of my dear friends on BB and other areas of our life and thier lost babies. So we bought that for them and for us. The medium did say last year that DD wanted a plaque to be remembered by. This might have been the one she chose. Funny how you find things. I have looked for something for months and today was a great day to find something we all liked. xoxo
Hi
Dory and Gigi - thank you both for being so understanding and saying such beautiful things. Your words have brought tears to my eyes and I am shaking while I am typing this. Having made this decision it feels so right for both of us. We finally feel like we have a very real chance to complete our family and hope that this works for us.
Gigi, the plaques that you have found so beautiful. I especially love your description of the baby girl balancing on her tippy toes on your hand putting flowers in your hair. What a beautiful picture! And the other plaque also sounds beautiful, recognising the other babies that surround your DD. Gorgeous.
Dory, thanks for your words. You mentioned previously that you were adopted and that felt special because of it. That is something that we want to make sure happens for our child. There is only one person IRL who we have shared this information with, apart from Drs and my TCM, and everyone has been so positive and supportive which is great. The only area which is hasn't been 100% supportive is my FS who has suggested I contact my GP about support through the ED process, which is what we were going to do anyway as she is much easier to get an appointment with than my FS, and a lot cheaper as well!
Thanks again to both of you for your understanding. :grouphug:
oxo
Gigi - LOL re the green thumb... me too best of intentions, but thwarted by the monotony of repetition. I think the plaque you've describred is just beautiful.... your DD just knew when she found the right one. BTW it's awesome to have our fur baby family together again, even though one littke blosssom struggled (hissing, growling, chuffing and then getting so worked up .... vomitting) with some patience, all have settled. I think it helps that the one who has been away no longer reeks of the vets but he is extra snuggly at the mo.. but that is not surprising.
Chez - I have no doubt your child will feel special.... IRL people may be more judgmental.... so if you encounter one, let Gi and me know and we'll hex them for you. Gi pls don't be offended by that.....
He heee, not at all offended and will back you up with muscle! xoxo
Hello lovely ladies
Chez - I agree with Dory and Gigi wholeheartedly. You and your DH obviously haven't reached this decision lightly and I say well done you. It must feel good to have a plan and way forward. I know I always feel better (lighter perhaps) with some sort of plan. Reading your post made me think of those donors and I just have to say what amazing women I think they are! They are providing such an awesome gift.
Gigi - I hope you caught that egg! You sound really positive. I take a lot of stock of what happens in our dreams. Too many things have happened that have come from my dreams - but that is another story. I have all my fingers and toes crossed for you and will be stalking you to hear any news.
Thanks for all of the postitive vibes everyone. I have been biding my time hoping to provide some good news but ahhhhh it was not meant to be. AF has found its way to me again (boohoo!) A 21 day cycle - I wish my body can sort itself out! I think AP has helped a lot though as AF has been nice and red so far (sorry for TMI). Not too bummed though as I prepared myself better this month for the disappointment. I am also sworn off POAS after this cycle. I did get my hopes up at 13 dpo when temp was still high....nothing worse than seeing that single line.....
I have been kind of worried lately about Asherman's syndrome (uterine scaring) which was mentioned to me by my consultant after my last ERPC as he said he did have to be more agressive to get the last of the placenta. At least I am having periods but last month's brown period really worried me so I have decided to go to see a specialist here. Even if it just puts my mind at ease, it will be money well spent - DH agrees. I know I am going to be packing it as I don't know what I will do if he finds anything - the last thing I want is more surgery but I don't want to bury my head in the sand either. And it is easier to get it sorted earlier rather than later and whilst I am in London. Maybe I am just being a hypochondriac (there are enough in my family!).
Hello to Dory, Powelly, ChrisW, Kateo and Tess. Hope you are all OK! Babydust to you all.
Oh Suz..Bummer hun. I am sorry it is a BFN this month.
Happy that this AF is 'appearing' a better colour though. That has to be good. You must be healing well. I hope your specialist finds nothing to be concerned about. Will be thinking of you. Hypochondriac...no chance hun. You are a level headed chicka. Feelings about things like this are justified and normal. Good on you for being brave. xoxoxo i hope i have good news for you too soon. xoxo
Susie - sorry about the bfn.... but I am really liking your description of AF. My TCM practitioner says that is a good sign of getting the uterine lining/endometrium in good shape...... so good work, despite the shorter cycle. You know a shorter cycle means more BD'ing? He he.... I am being a little saucy here. :)
I think it's a good idea to get a second opinion.... no point ignoring your fears. Knowledge is power. Best to deal with it head on. I am so proud of you. And your DH for being so supportive. I know you'll be scared, but when you have your second opinion, you can then talk about it with your Dr and come up with a plan, if one is needed. Fingers crossed no special plan is needed and you get your two lines this cycle.....
I don't think you're a hypochondraic either. I was worried about Ahsermen's syndrome too, amongst many many things. To be honest, I think exploring as many optopns andeven if all you do if get to cross them off the list (and not get any other real answers), is part of the greiving and healing and looking to the future process.
BTW your DS must be coming up to his second birthday this month or has he already celebrated the big day?
We met a couple at one of our classes who are expecting twins. Both DH and I were upset when we first found out, but then we were both nervous for them, hoping that things would go well for them. I just got an email and they are now 27 weeks and their identicial twin girls are just going so well. It really made me feel so happy for them. I know they had been trying for a while and went through IVF for this pregnancy, so their journey hasn't been easy. We haven't shared ours yet, it just didn't seem right to. But it's amazing how other people's good news can make me feel happy and sad at the same time. Happy for them but sad that things didn't work out differently for us.... everone in here knows those feelings all too well.
Thanks for your support and understanding Dory. I have an appointment with the specialist next Thurs and I understand he can tell fairly accurately with a 3D ultrasound if there is any scarring so no need to go through a HSG (if all looks good from scan). I am going to ask him to check my lining as I'll be about cd12. I am feeling less worried as this AF progresses but a big AOK from him will stop my mind churning!!
My gorgeous DS turns 2 on the 29th! Thanks for asking. Gosh time flys. I was watching some video footage the other day of when he was a baby and he couldn't control his limbs...so adorable and made me remember those early days. You really do just forget them. Go buy a camcorder Dory if you don't have one!!
Knowing everything I now know about twin pregnancies, Dory, (too much knowledge is scary sometimes) I would have felt the same about that couple too. Glad to hear everything is going well for them.
FX to some BFP's in here this month!!
PS - your sauciness is from your BD drought (lol!)
Susie - experience is a harsh teacher....
GL with your appointment Thurs. I had both ultrasound & HSG. HSG was not as bad as I thought it might be and also got my tubes flushed at the same time ( specialist called it similar to a grease and oil change and that in his experience those bfp's often come within a few cycles of the grease and oil change.... he was spot on for us).
Sory I haven't posted for a while. We've been away...........say no more.....had a lovely lovely break........now I have a tww ......I will post better when I'm not teary and able to think better.....
thinking of you all
K
*sneaks in*
Kate, I'm glad you've had a lovely break......big hugs hun, I hope you're smiling soon again. GL in your 2WW, I have everything crossed for you hun :pray:.
Hiya to everyone, hope you're all going well. GL for those in the TWW :crossfingers:, wishing you lots of :bluedust: and :stickyvibesboy:and sorry for those with BFNs....hope that there will be a BFP for you soon!!!
Beata xxx
*sneaks out*
Kateo, welcome back sweety and wish you all the luck this month xoxo
Suz, Good luck for tomorrow hun xoxo
Dory, love that mood you are in hun, you vixen! You wouldn't have a scratch that needs itching would you?
Moi, CD 21 today and about 12-13dpo...I am getting very close to the end here. xoxox
P.s. Dory, When are you going to get your avi done hun? Can't wait to see what it looks like. xoxo
Gi - I am not sure about the avvie. I did think about it a while ago but then nothing came of it. Speaking of avvie's- I LOVE yours. DD is just perfect and the rainbow. Of course I knew you and DH to be hotties. You know, I have been thinking about breaking our self imposed ban on DTD or "the drought" as I call it. That is a huge step forward. I can't even remember what it's like to DTD... it's been 6 months. Argh. Do you think I'll remember how? LOL.
Not too long til "testing"...... maybe I should keep everything crossed for you just in case? ( ie then I don't have to confront whether I remember or not... he he)
Hey love, I am sure you could get back on the horse no worries. Hee hee, it is funy what goes through your mind though hey...and the nerves too. If it has been a while for us, i get butterflies in my belly. Go and get down and dirty hun!
Thanks for the 'hottie' remark...you are a gem! DOn't you love what you can do with a cartoon. Thought for sure we could have done something creative with the Karma Sutra after all the TTCing over the years...but i controlled myself. I love having DD there/
Go to go. But one thing...don't ask me why...but that last two days have kind of gone somewhere. I am only CD20 today...so ignore my post yesterday. I spent the whole day yesterday planning for tomorrow, but forgot about today. Talk about lost in time somewhere. Very disorientating.
xoxoox
Hi ladies
Kateo - welcome back from your break hun. Hope this TWW goes quickly for you and that you have something to smile about very soon :hug:
Suzie - sorry about the BFN but things are sounding good for your cycle this month. Hope the appointment went well yesterday and you got good results on your lining etc. and can rule out Ashberger's.
Dory and Gigi - :-) thanks for being my muscle if I ever need it IRL... I guess that is a hurdle we will encounter at some stage in the future re people's reactions - some people can be so surprising and not always in a good way.
AFM, this looks like our last cycle before ED as everything is now in place to prepare for my evaluation cycle next month. Just a couple of more b/t results to get and an appointment with the psych and we are ready to go. B/ts are all done and psych appointment made so now back to the waiting. I am feeling at peace with our decision now and am trying to be cautiously optimistic about it.
Hope everyone has a great weekend. It looks like a lovely sunny weekend coming up for us which will be nice.
oxo
Oh hun, that is awesome. I can't believe everything has been put together so quickly. I so admire you sweety. This is a great ad wonderful step. xoxo
Hey Cherryl, just wanted to wish you lots of luck with your ED cycle. I think what you are doing is just amazing, I really hope it works for you and you have your much wanted bub soon. I'm glad that you have this new and exciting journey to look forward too. I also don't think you should stop posting in here, after all you are still in your TTC journey, no matter how it is travelled! Good luck to you and your hubby sweetie, I really hope and pray it works for you guys.
Big hugs,
B xxx
Gigi and Beata thanks. It might seem like we have done this very quickly but really it has taken more than 2 years since we were first advised to find an ED to where we are today. Of course we had to accept it first and that meant grieving the loss of my own genetic child. Falling pg kind of threw that process somewhat. But we have done lots of reading and I have spoken to many mums of ED children and have learnt a lot from them and their experiences. If this doesn't work then I guess that will be the end of our TTC journey. What a difficult road we travel!
Thanks again for everyone's kind words and support. It means a lot to me.
oxo
I am finding this thread very helpful. It's so nice to know other people have doubts and worries about their TTC journeys.....it's not nice that they are worried and doubtful, just good to know I'm not the only one.
Chez, your plan sounds very very exciting. I think any child who is loved is lucky, you will love any child you concieve using the process you have chosen. I wish you hope health and happiness in your journey.
Dory, your support and kind word are a constant help to me thanks.
To everyone else thanks, and good luck to you on your journeys.
I am 4 days from the end of my 2ww......arrggghhhh.
I feel weird but not sure if I'm preggas......I'm almost too scared to hope.
I didn't buy into all this TTC stuff so heavily before Ellen was concieved, I just had faith. Since her death I have very very little faith.........
Kate, I have my fingers crossed for you big time hun. This journey does find you losing a bit of faith for a while. I am not sure if it ever ALL comes back but it certainly resurfaces, in part, from somewhere. But most certainly we kiss our innocence goodbye! I hope you are pleasantly surprised this month hun.
Well ladies, CD1 today. We have a fizzer. I am really disappointed although I was losing faith big time in the last few days. I have comfort in knowing my body...i did OV early, strange for me but it was confirmed today with 14DPO and AF starting. We are both Gutted with a capital G! Dh has been a star, I enjoy us reconnecting deeper and deeper everytime we invest in each other. We have had such a strong year together after losing DD. We have always been strong but there is something to be said for sahring an experience like the one we have all been through. No one will ever fully understand but the one who went through it with you. There is huge comfort in that. My second place of call is here! You ladies are incredible and a huge part of my life and support. I just don't know where i woul dbe without you all. Thank you for your love and cheers this month. I will be calling on you all again in a couple of weeks...until then...idle chit chat will be in order.
Now lets see wehn Ov will be this month...i hope it is not making a new habit of things. Regularity...please stick around, you are all I have got to hold onto somedays!!
Love and thanks to all xoxoxo
It's 3 days before AF is due so I did a test.....BFN.....had a huge cry! I did some work this am then went to a good friends funeral. I felt like I needed some good news and felt this was gonna be our month.......seems not......I am devestated. It's weird because my boobs have been tender, I've been a bit nauseous and I've felt that "calm pregnant feeling". Oh well. BUGGER!
My good friend (her hubby's funeral) gave me a hug after the service (where they chose to read one of my poems). She actually said she hopes her Tony sends me a baby! I am blown away by her caring to be thinking of me like that at her husbands funeral! She is a truly amazing woman. I hope I've been doing enough to help them. I've cooked meals for them and popped in quickly to check on them. It's so hard to not smother them but to let them know we are there.
We were going to start IVF this week but as it turns out hubby might have to be out of town right at the "vital" moment so we've decided to wait another month......hope it's the right decision.
Sorry this is all me,me, me, I'm just not coping so well atm.
Thanks for all the support I get
Kate
Oh boy hunny, you are having such a full one time. What a day. I am so sorry for your loss this month. I am also sorry you are surrounded by more grief and the loss of such a close friend. It is perfectly understandable to not be coping so well sweet. You are human and only one woman...which in the spirit of girl power is usually enough to do anything, BUT this is just a lot hun and you can only handle so much at a time. I remember saying once that I just can't handle the same amount of stuff anymore. Your boat gets full and it is closer to sinking point a lot quicker than before.
You are so thoughtful and special to be taking them meals. How kind of you hun when you have so much going on for yourself. You are an incredibly loving friend. I am sure she appreciates it and I am sure she appreciates that you have some understanding to what she might be going through. I know it is different but you know what it is like to have your heart ripped out.
And wow...and IVF cycle. Maybe it is good timing to wait a few weeks so you can catch up.
I am worried for you sweet, go easy on yourself and I hope there is someone there for you too. I went to a funeral a month after we had DD's...it hit me more than DD's funeral. I think because i had to keep it together for hers. The next funeral, was a raw reminder that death does exists, what happen to us was not a dream. It is real and it hurts and it touches everyone. Such a raw awakening...or rather a reminder of what we already know.
Oh hun, sending you a big hug. Hope you get to have a nice bath to prepare for your 'resting time' of the month- AF. I hope you get to start a cycle as soon as you can and I really HOPE you have your dreams come true.
Love and light to you hun. xoxoxo
Hi Ladies!
Hope you are all ok and still waiting to see some BFP's!!
Chez67 - You are an amazing woman and I think it's just beautiful that you will try different avenues to fulfil your dream of having a baby. There is nothing at all wrong with ED and anyone who tries to tell you there is, obviosly hasn't walked a mile in your shoes. You go girl! Fingers crossed for you :-)
Kateo - Hon, I promise promise promise that you won't always feel this awful. When we lost our little boy, I honestly thought life on this earth wasn't worth living and couldn't imagine smiling or feeling happy again. Whilst I do have my moments, and some days it feels like it only happened yesterday, things are easier now and they continue to get easier each day. I'm so sorry you got a BFN. They are the *****iest three letters when put together! I have actually started seeing car numberplates with BFN and BFP and just think I'm a loony! haha - Try and relax and do something nice for yourself EACH AND EVERY day. It gives you that little something to look forward to. Good luck with IVF. When are you starting?
GIGI! How are you? I can't remember when you are testing? Fingers crossed for you and hope this is your month!
As for me, after miscarrying late July, I'm assuming my periods are due within the next fortnight. I had signs of ovulation last week and am already moody and teary so my hormones are certainly giving me a good go of it! We'll be TTC next month and am already a little aprehensive. Whilst I have hated missing a month of TTC, it has also been nice not concentrating on every symptom, niggle, feeling! Oh well, whatever will be will be!
Hugs to all I have missed.
Powelly - good to hear from you again...sorry that no IVF starting this month... but sometimes just having that break like you said can be the most re juveninating thing, for the body mind and soul. Have my fingers crossed for the next cycle..... and make sure DH is around at the vital times, no ifs no buts next time...
Kate - like Gi I am worried about you..... my counsellor says that grieving people are like sponges - they too readily absorb the grief around them, sometimes to their detriment. So.... be sure to look out for yourself and not give too much of yourself to your friend. You sound as if you have done exactly what was needed for her. I agree with Gi, the first funeral after your own angel is so very hard. I went to my best friends mum's funeral in between losing Nicholas but still being pregnant with Sophie, and it was the first since both Amelia's & Nicholas' funerals. Although sometimes the oddest things can happen. My friends mum was catholic so the service was catholic which meant incense... after a while my strong will was required not to gag or puke at the aroma of the incense which did take my mind off my own spiraling dark thoughts. And even more ironic? My friend was having the same experience... with not gagging. Strange the things you can share with your friends. Sorry that you didn't get your bfp...
Gi - I hear you so much on becoming even closer to DH than you thought, through the grief and adversity of having your precious child die and the struggle to make a life in the aftermath. I am so proud of you and your DH for being able to do that... it really says something to me about the commitment to each other and also your DD. But remember it's not just the circumstances you found yourselves in, you both have worked hard to reveal an even deeper love and respect for each other. I find that I have changed too - last night I was just a mess. I started to cry because one of the cats knocked over my glass of water ( I left it unattended, so my bad), and DH went to clean it up for me. Then I cried because I felt DH left me (to clean up the mess)... but in the old days I would have not tried to understand why I was upset and just react to the initial feeling of being excluded by DH or worse imply that DH was blaming me for something that he wasn't even remotely blaming me for. Instead I just thought about why I was so upset (and cried, of course)but then could tell DH what was going on rather than just reacting to something that (a) wasn't the real cause of my upset and (b) making DH defensive by seeming to make it about him rather than who it was really about which was me. I have to say though it was hard work as sometimes it's really hard to work out why exactly I am upset. That was last night. A whole bunch of other stuff was actually why I was upset, it was just it reached crisis point when I felt excluded/blamed. And bless him DH was so good with me when I finally worked it out and he had an inkling of what was going on for me before I did.
I am sorry you didn't get your bfp...I was really hoping... but I have enough hope for your next cycle....
Chez - so proud of you! A friend of mine was offered a donated egg recently and she turned it down. She wasn't ready for that journey yet. But she was really honoured to have been made the offer. It's not every day that you get the offer of such an amazing gift. I am hoping that you get an offer like that or that you have an easy enough time finding an egg donor. My friends SIL has children now as a result of an ED, but I am not too sure how they actually came to arranging the ED. I have to say I am completely in the dark as to how it's done.
All ok here. I have a cluster of symptoms that the Dr is now watching, and went in yesterday at my own request for a consult and have another pre scheduled consult tomorrow. So glad I live close by to the Drs rooms and hossy. Not that I selected the Dr's based on that in the first place, but it certainly has been handy, as it turns out. Will keep you updated. Am making sure I rest even more now.... just when I thought I might be able to become a bit more mobile and independent! At least I still get to enjoy lots of cat cuddles.....
Dory- How did your Dr's appointments go? Is everything OK? I know if I ever get pg again they are going to induce the baby at 38 weeks......
Don't worry about wanting to be mobile. You'll have plenty of time for that marching about the house rocking your baby back to sleep at 2am.......no need to worry about enjoying some "still" time now.
Chez- I am gald about your decision. Brave but good decision. My DH doesn't want that as an option.....shame.
Powelly- we might be doing IVF in the same month! We have decided to wait until next month as hubby will be away around the "crucial" time this month. Maybe we'll manage IVF "twins" together?
AFM-no IVF this cycle as mentioned. went away to a horse thingy (NSW state squad training as a groom) and expected AF to arrive whileI was away. I haven't ever been late before but since I had Ellen my cycle seems to have gone from 28 days to 30........this month 33! What the??? I thought for about 24 ours that I might have been pg and the BFN I got had been wrong.....no such luck! Well one more natural try this month then onto IVF.
Dear and lovely friends,
How are you all. I have to say I am a bit lost today so I will do my best with personals. I will have to catch up later if i miss anyone.
Kate, How are you doing hun? Dory is so right about the 'sponges' analogy. I think i got used to handling so much i tried to do it all. I ended up a bit bitter and angry when i needed the space for me and no one would give it. Funny how we are all different but there is some much in each persons story and experience that speaks to us all. I hope you are doing well today sweety...and if you are not, good on you. Just feel everything that comes to the surface, don't be scared. I think it is important to give ourselves permission and ackowlegde when we are sad. But hell if you are feel good then that is great too. I have gotten to a stage where, everything is how it should be...I TRY not to question it. Exist in the now, love and be loved. Boy, you poor thing...you probably didn't ask for all this advice and opinion. Sorry hun...been thinking of you.
Chez, How are you going? I agree with Kate, brave but good hun. I think is a a wonderful choice as i have said before. I hope all is underway for this next step and it is moving smoothly.
Dory, Yes it is so true...you will not be still for long my love. You are not far from having to run your little toosh off after your earthside bubba. So rest love and enjoy it as best you can. Now is a time to get some projects underway...learn to knit....paint a couple of paintings....catch up on dvds....sew something. Pick a hobby hun...any one and be a master at it. You are doing a great job. I have to say if i was TOLD to stay put, i would really struggle!!!
Powelly, i think you asked me where i was at re cycle...forgive me if it was not you. Maybe it was Suz...I am on a differenet page now and i can't remember. I will update below but no, I am not pregas...as much as it gutted us this month, I have been so so busy with projects and distractions, we are doing ok.
ChrisW, Hope you are recovering nicely hun. How are you going and did the op go well...Sorry if i missed your update. Been thinking of you.xx
Beata, Hope, SusieQ, Miss Tess, Samcougar other lovely ladies that pop in. Hope you are all doing well. Oh and Cmegles...has anyone heard how she is doing? Crumpet, Teni- if you still drop in...hi. i know i am missing someone.xxxx
AFM- Well we are CD7 now and in light of last months early OV...I will start testing today/tonight. I have had to take a couple of days off my exercise adventure through AF but i was also renovating through most of it. My body is quite sore so it seems i got some work out in there.
We almost instantly...even a couple of days before, started jsutifying and comforting ourselves as to why we didn't think and then later, knew we weren't pregnant. I am still working with chemicals renovating, the unit isn't finished, My weight and fitness needs a little more time to come under wraps...etc etc. That helped us get through it.
It also helped a bit, i guess, that we have had lots of action and new things going on in the house. This week we have had an aircon installed, i finished renovating a big old cupboard, our oven has been installed and built in, all the lighting has been done. We have not had an oven since Sept last year...so yep it has been an exciting week and full of lovely distractions.
Dh has been studying his little butt off which is great as i don;t have to nag him. He has his exams this week coming.
The garden is also coming along, a few things planted this morning. My SIL birthday is this week and I have sorted her gift. I looked after my nephew on fri and he slept 3 1/2 hours!!! Little star. I am having the girls in the family around for morning tea/lunch on thurs for SIL bday.
Ahhhhh...big sigh of relief to get it all down. It has been a crazy busy week....and there is plenty more on the quotes/emails and phone call front, couple of trips to bunnings, a movie with my nephew ...Tinker Bell...a MUST SEE! It was so lovely. I feel like i have not stopped. It certainly feels good to have my health doing well. Boy i need it.
So now, MY part of the month starts. Well I would normally say that a few days ago now...as AF is a time of rest for me. It just didn;t paly out that way this time. I will have to get some rest in the next couple of days instead. So now some counting down of days...waiting and a few moments to collect myself. My energy will have to be shared a little between renovating and nurturing the potential of life!
Love to you all and hope you are all (except Dory) keeping yourselves busy too. Little projects, slow one, or big gigantor ones...thinking of you all.xoxo
It seems as though my journey is taking a different path than the one I expected. Last Thurs I got my diagnosis of Asherman's. Even though I suspected it, actually having it confirmed made me feel physically ill. The specialist couldn't tell me how bad it was until I have a hysterscopy done which is planned for the beginning of Sept. So the wait is killing me.
My problem is that my mind races three steps ahead and I am already imagining being infertile and my DS being an only child. I think this has been made worse by the consultant mentioning IVF Surrogacy. I think he was just trying to lay out the options but of course this is all I can think about.
There are many positive outcomes to Asherman's though so I can only hope I am one of them.
So the plan is surgery and then a month or more of estrogen therapy to rebuild my lining (if possible, it was measly 4mm at cd12) and potentially more follow up surgery (2 or 3 surgeries in all is what he mentioned).
So my lovely ladies, this will be my last post in the TTC thread. Good luck to you all on your TTC journey's, I really do hope that you all find the happy ending you are searching for.
Thank you all too, for your kind words and for the support that you have provided me in an incredibly dark time of my life.
Babydust to you all.
Wait wait wait Suzie....Don't go so fast.
My god hun, this is horrible news. I am so sorry you are faced with this.
Can we go back over your history...if it is not too hard for you to do so. I am so sorry my memory of your details are foggy. When you lost the twins, and when your daughter was born- Can I ask why she was premi?- Did you get to find out? I can remember that you had to have her placenta removed manually, and then i think 2 more D&Cs for further bleeding and issues. Is this correct hun? Have you had any other D&Cs before the twins? Was your pregnancy with your little boy...by the way- HAPPY BIRTHDAY to him for this weekend, was your pregnancy with him text book?
I guess what i want to know is, how has so much scarring come about for you and is it hopefully they can remove it without making more? Were the D&Cs done blindly or by ultrasound?
I am so sorry for so many questions but I am heartbroken for you and I don't think you should leave here when it can be such a place of support when you need it most. I want to understand what you are goin through as much as anyone can and be there for you. When do you come back to Aus? Are you in London? How long have you been over there?
Again...too many questions I am sure.
You have taken me back to 18months ago when I was getting ready to leave London and my baby girls life was hanging in there. I remember needing to talk it over, over and over again to find myself. I was at home there and my pregnancy was handled well there, when things went wrong they were lovely, but I am happy that DD was born here how we wanted. I think what i am trying to say is that...make sure whatever procedures you go into, you are 100% happy with your care, you have had the time you need to process it all and you have choices and support.
God listen to me...you have probably been there for years and everything is perfectly fine. If so PLEASE ignore me. I don't know what has come over me. I have this need to just spit it all out in case it is what you need to hear. PLease please ignore this if it is too much and crossing a line.
Anyway i will let you be in peace. Love and thoughts are with you.
Hm xoxo
Sorry to be a "nuffy" but what is Ashermans?