Aries...welcome back hun. Lovely to hear you are back on the bus! It surely is a bus in here in now which is both sad and a blessing i guess. Too many people in a similar boat but then more support than ever. Good Luck for this cycle...I hope the Easter Bunny brings you more that just chocolate eggies.
Beata, Wow hun. I am so glad you came by here too. CONGRATULATIONS! A very strong name. So very happy for you. I hope we all follow in your footsteps. I hope it all went well and are feeling well too.
Love and best wishes
Just dropping in everyone to say Happy Easter and long live Chocolate! Feeling a bit gloomy and pensive today. My self induced pregnancy shock therapy is having a bit of an affect atm. I am feeling a bit sad for myself and altogether left out. I hate having left those blissful and innocent feelings behind. I get a bit carried away with celebrating everyone else and forget to leave time for me. It is funny, i know all of this sounds entirely contradicting... but i just want to be alone right now. I get angry that i feel i must be normal for everyone around me. I am convinced of it too i guess. I love my loved ones but these days i feel a bit resentful that i think of them all, do things for them, celebrate their journey's no matter how hard that might be for me and no one considers me. My mother will ring, but that is for her benefit alone...that is for sure. This does get really lonely too often. The main people in my life right now are pregnant, four of them so if I am to socialize it is with this...pregnancy. You might think, well I have asked for it, and yes i probably have just by being who i am. Taking photos and making things for them. I don't know how to exist without doing these things. I am not sure how to protect myself sometimes and let my spirit live too. I think i need to be thought of once in a while. It is not too much to ask.
Thanks for listening to me vent and pity myself for a moment. I will sort it. xoox
Happy Easter.
HM xoxo
Hi everyone!
Sorry I have been MIA. My computer was unable to connect to the internet an entire week! It was terrible!
Beata- Congrats! I am so glad you dropped by!
Aries- welcome back! It is great to hear from you again. Fingers crossed for those eggies!
Chez- Sounds like good news all around. I am glad things are going well with DH. I took to speaking with my DH about the same thing, but it looks like I am not having as much success. I dunno...Maybe I will talk to him again about it later. Sounds liek things are lining up for you. I wish you the best with the IVF!
dory- Sounds like you and your friend might be moving away from eachother, but I have had plenty of friendships that have come back after that. I hope things are going well for you! I have also seen Julie and Julia and thought it was really cute! I have been thinking about you being on bed rest, how are you passing the time? reading and movies?
blessed- CONGRATS on your exam! Hooray!
Gigi1- Your last post made me cry. it truly was beautiful. I understand so much how you feel. Just about all who are close to me are pregnant, and I am trying so hard to support them and be involved in their lives, but every time it feels like a little pin***** in my heart. Last weekend I sat in the shower and cried for about 10 minutes on just how unfair things can be. You are completely allowed to be a little selfish. I really admire how strong you are and am amazed at everything you are doing for your family and friends when I know sometimes there is that little voice saying when will it be my turn? Happy Easter to you and may the chocolate help you feel a little better!
Tenibear and crumpet- Robert (my DS) was due on April 27th. I can feel the date looming. Keep me posted on your plans. right now I just want to take the day off of work and probably stay home and have some good tears. I miss him so much!
AFM- So I took another hpt this morning and it was negative. I am 10 days post ovulation....ARGH! I believe the test. I feel like what are we doing wrong? But I am not as upset as last time around. I guess there is still a little hope till AF arrives, but I really don’t have any. And I was really thinking that this might be it. At least I get to have a beer with my colleagues this afternoon- we are celebrating the beautiful day here with drinks today…..so I wanted to know if I could partake a beer or not… It is crazy though because I thought I really was experiencing some symptoms, but I guess it was all on my head. I have been super emotional lately--I dunno if it is PMS or what but I am crying at a lot of things and feel quite silly a lot of the time. I wonder if I should go and see someone has this happened to anyone else? I am also really debating temping and doing OPK next cycle...our vacation will be in the middle and maybe I just need a little break. I don't know. Any thoughts!
Anyway love to you all!
I missed you when I was stuck being not connected (a horrible way to be)
Since Ianto's due date is on a Friday, I'm starting to think of maybe having a party - but how would I word the invitations?
I want to have a get-together of some sort, because I'd like to do a balloon release (we were supposed to have one at the funeral, but there was a mix-up with who was meant to organise them )
ETA: I had a dream last night about holding a little girl post-birth. Very similar to one I had when I was about 15 weeks with Ianto that ended up similar to real events (I was trying to breastfeed a little boy who wouldn't/couldn't latch)... Could this be a sign of things to come? Stay tuned
Tenibear- I just know you will word it beautifully. You have done such wonderful things for Ianto and this will be equally fitting. It sounds like a lovely idea and I am in awe of your strength to do what is right for you and your DH. I hope your dream is a premonition hun, i really do.
Cmegles- Enjoy your drink hun but i hope you will have a different result in a few days. Is it too early to test for you or do you tend to show up early? I hear you re crying in the shower. My husband seem to be the only person that will see me cry these days. Sometimes not even he will be here though is he is at work. I feel like life sometimes moves on too quickly for me. Everyone forgets...you know what i mean. Anyway, thanks for hearing me and sending me such caring words. I can't thank you enough.
AFM- 3 weeks to go until DD's 1 year anniversary of the day she was born. I have to get an announcement ready for the SANDS mag, we have to decide what we want to do, what cake i will make and what else we can do. A tattoo will happen but not until the budget can pay for it which might be a couple of years. We might get a sketch done of her though, for the wall. Black and White i think. I want something of hers in every room of the house.
Oh today, i really miss her.
Love to all xoxo
I just wanted to pop in and say and wish everyone a happy Easter, well as happy as it can be anyway as I know a lot of us are going through a difficult time at the moment with significant dates coming up or having just gone. I hope that everyone can decide on something that will resonate with them and allow them to express what they are feeling, whether it be by staying at home and shedding some tears, releasing balloons or having a party. Whatever it is the most important thing is that you have remembered your precious baby and the love that you have in your heart for them.
I wish everyone the courage to ask of others, friends and family, for their love and support for this special time and always, and to have the strength to continue if these people are unable to do that.
Happy Easter everyone...I have been finding that I am having a really hard time today. I took another pregnancy test this morning and it was negative (12 dpo) with the thought that having my family in town would be a good distraction. Apparently it wasn't--I started crying this morning to DH, but didn't really have any time to gather myself before my parents wanted to leave to go to a church this morning. I am not particularly religious but I took my parents today, and all of the talk about hope and life after darkness and death really resonated with me. I am coming up on 5 months since we lost our DS and I feel like this entire winter has been so dreary and dark. Yet it is really hard for me today to see the hope in my life for having a child in our future. I started crying in church trying to hold it back and my mom held me and cried with me (DH is an atheist). I could really use some inspiring words....The grass is beginning to grow and flowers are beginning to come up and I should feel like it is a new beginning and a new chance like everyone around me, but it is really really hard.
I know that grief is really selfish, but I don't want to cry all day. Recently (past week) I have found that I am really emotional and cry at slight things that never sent me off before, I was chalking it up to high hormones and hopefully a pregnancy, but that appears to not be the case. Has anyone had this happen to them? Did you seek additional help?
Sorry no personals today---thinking of all of you and wishing you the best.
Grief is not selfish - what harm is it doing to other people? It's only been five months since you lost your son, so of course things are still feeling raw.
I've been having the same kind of thing - and I realise my loss is much more recent than yours - crying at silly little things that I wouldn't have given a second thought to. Last night at a comedy show, I started crying over the lyrics to the song the comedian played before he came out!
There's no perfect, "normal" way to grieve. We all do it in our own way.
)
and wish everyone a happy Easter, well as happy as it can be anyway as I know a lot of us are going through a difficult time at the moment with significant dates coming up or having just gone. I hope that everyone can decide on something that will resonate with them and allow them to express what they are feeling, whether it be by staying at home and shedding some tears, releasing balloons or having a party. Whatever it is the most important thing is that you have remembered your precious baby and the love that you have in your heart for them. 
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