Hope - you are most welcome. In a way for me, when I help someone it's as if the legacy of my angels lives on and that I honour them in doing so. For me in my journey, I have no answers, and a lot of possibilities crossed off the list! So it's good that nothing is "wrong" but it also means there is nothing to "fix". Just a wing and a prayer for me.... until I find something else to chase down a rabbit hole.
We each have to find our own way, and that also includes finding a way to navigate the plethora of information out there and whether and how it relates to our own circumstances. It takes courage to research and find information and then ask questions of your Dr's. It doesn't mean you respect them any less, just means you are trying to inform yourself and find your way through. Talking about books, I also read " Is your body baby friendly" by Dr A Beer. Mostly about reproductive immunology. I am going to try and hunt down the book that Chris suggested. I am sure it was clexane because I remember asking why not heparin or asprin and hadn't really heard of it being used in pregnancy either. Wish I could remember better.
How did you BT's come back?
Chris - welcome. I agree with you totally. Each of your babies was unique and deserving of your love and grief. I am also coming to believe that for most people, there is no such thing as a replacement baby. It mght apply in circumstances where there is diagnosed or undiagnosed mental illness, such that cognition and perceptions are distorted. It might have been a hot topic for the social science for a while, but it doesn't seem to feature that prominently in the literature anymore from what I see when I scan through it. It seems though "pop psychologists" ie every day people, have picked it up and run with it. They just don't realise how demeaning the concept is.
People, whilst well intentioned, can just be so insightless and insensitive at times. But I was probably once one of those fortunate insightless ones. It takes a very special person who hasn't experienced loss of a baby to have an inkling of what its like. It's why groups like BB, in my mind are so important. The women here are so wise, hard earnt sadly, and understanding. I hope you find the support you need during your stay here - hopefully it's a short one. ( We can all but hope and dream huh?)
Your journey sounds harrowing. Whilst I think "advanced maternal age" can be a factor, I think it is also used as an excuse not to pursue other investigations, I suppose as you have found out. A friend of mine has had both of her babies now aged 3 and 1 and at least one of her miscarriages over the age of 40. I was seeing a gyno/ob/FS who used to quite often raise "advancing maternal age" with me, even when I was in my late 20's!. I understand why, but it used to bug me. My current ob/fs has never once raised it. Wise man this new ob.
Glad you found a reproductive endocrinologist to help you out. The field of reproductive immunology is controversial to say the least! But at least there is some "acceptance" of it, even if as a last resort. I am going to read that book you suggested. Thanks.
I know this is left field, but if you bruise easily, have you thought about having your platelet level tested? It can contribute to bruising easily, if low apparently. I do know what you mean about being hesitant about asprin.
Anyway, I had best better go. I have promised myself ( well cajouled mainly) to venture to the "outside" today. I am going to treat myself to a hot drink. I know I promised myself I would do it on Monday, and every day since.... but today I know I can do it!
Oh some other left field news from me - yesterday I decided to take the plunge and call Adoption Services. I have been thinking about it for a while and have "almost called a few times" this past 2 or 3 weeks. Anyway, I did yesterday. Of course the person wasn't available and I then got cold feet, really worried about what I had done. Anyway, she called back today. I need to fill out an application form and send it back. After that it might take 22 ( YES 22!!) weeks for them to get back to me. In their defence I suppose they do have to check records and get records from archives and then pour over them. Anyway, what I am really interested in is, not my biological family, but my care from the time I was born 9 weeks prem to when I was adopted 3 months later. I would have been in NICU and had a host of nurses and doctors caring for me, and then I was transferred to a home for babies. I have been to the home, but it was inadvertent. I went there for a conference for work (it's not a home for wards of the state anymore obviously) and ended up getting trapped in the toilet for about 20 mins.... LOL, me and toilets. It's weird to think that people who had so much to do with my survival for the first 3 months of my life on the outside are complete strangers to me. I suppose I realise now just how lucky I am to have had the care I did at that time. When I spoke about getting cold feet? I panicked thinking that maybe my biol family had put in a request for contact..... and I hadn't considered that. Still haven't really but at least now I can think about it and prepare, if it's there.
Dory – Thanks so much for the welcome and your support. It’s good to know that people really are having children past 40. DH and I were prepared for the probability that it would take us longer to conceive because of our age, but we never once thought about miscarriage until it began happening. Strangely enough, the only year we didn’t conceive since starting our journey was the year we sought ‘medical assistance’ (clomid and IVF). Go figure...
I am interested in the Beer book you mentioned. I read several of his articles online and checked out his website. I’ll have to make sure I read it before the ‘traditional’ test results come back so I’ll be prepared to talk to the RE if they come back ‘normal’. Also, good point about the low platelets. I never really thought about what might be causing my extreme bruising. I’ll mention it to the RE when I see him next.
Good luck with your information search (here’s hoping you find only what you’re looking for). I also hope you got out the other day for that hot drink! I had to laugh when I read that initially - we are sweltering here in Raleigh. I think we skipped spring and shot straight into summer. Had to remind myself that you’re moving on towards winter where you are.
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