Mel - I have found so much comfort in poems and songs and have search for ones that I feel I could have written because they are about how I am feeling. I am glad that I was able to show you 'Ten Tiny Toes' and that it touched your heart. It touched my heart the first time I read it and it continues to. I think that creating this website has helped me as I am able to show things in Cooper's memory. I can't show him off so I want to show things off that I have done in his memory. I can't watch him grow, but I can now watch his garden grow. This is why the garden was so important to me. Maybe you could do a little garden for Nicholas. I know that it has helped me and now I have somewhere to go......to think, to cry, to talk, whatever. It is my little place. I hope that creating a website helps you and I would love to see it once you have done it. We played 2 songs at Cooper's funeral that I still listen to nearly every day. I want to share them with you - the first one was called 'Fly' by Celine Dion and the second was 'There you'll be' by Faith Hill. I will email them to you so you can hear them. I'm sure that you had songs at Nicholas' funeral and these are very special to you but I wanted to share Cooper's songs with you.

I hope you are feeling a little bit better now and that your headache has gone. It is a natural reaction to be shocked when you found out that you were pregant if you weren't trying to. Please don't think that any feelings you had in the first few days had anything to do with Nicholas leaving you. It was definitely not punishment. I'm sure that Nicholas knew how much he was wanted by his mummy and daddy and you would have had so much love for him and he probably forgot about the first 2 days because he had so many other special days after this. He knew what love you had for him, you are his mummy and a special one at that. It is definitely not a stupid day to get upset about. I get upset every Tuesday because it is another week without Cooper. This week was particularly hard because yesterday Cooper would have been 8 weeks old and on Sunday he will be 2 months old (depends if you count weeks or months). There are many dates that will upset us and only we know why. People will think that we can only get upset on the anniversary but for us it is so much more than that.

I do hope so much that it isn't AF about to arrive and that you get your BFP.

I just want to give you a big hug