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Thread: TTC after Late Loss/Recurrent Miscarriage/Stillbirth after the 1st trimester ~ Jan 07

  1. #1
    kirsty Guest

    Default TTC after Late Loss/Recurrent Miscarriage/Stillbirth after the 1st trimester ~ Jan 07

    Trying to Conceive after Late Loss/Recurrent Miscarriage/Stillbirth

    If you have found yourself in this forum you no doubt have had a painful journey. TTC after recurrent miscarriage/stillbirth or Late Loss takes special courage and support. The aim of this forum is to provide a place where women who have endured loss can share their stories, friendships, treatments and triumphs!

    My greatest wish is that you all leave this forum with nice big fat positives in the shortest possible time!!!

    If at any time you'd like to make a suggestion, complaint or provide any feedback for this forum, please contact one of your following moderators

    Flowerchild ~ [email protected]
    Kirsty ~ [email protected]
    Tiggy - [email protected]
    Cailin - [email protected] Admin

    or alternately you may contact Kelly at [email protected] (however she may take a little longer to respond at times!).

    We appreciate all your feedback as it does help to make our forums a much happier, relaxed place to chat! We will always take your comments seriously - all comments are treated confidentially...

    Also, don't forget to check out the informative BellyBelly Conception Articles.


  2. #2
    kirsty Guest

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    Hiya lovely ladies, last thread is here

    __________________________________________________ ________________________

    Spring I have everything crossed for you that that second line just keeps on getting darker for you & of course we will be here to support you whichever way it goes. Thanx for asking after me, I too feel like more of a lurker than a poster atm but am always here keeping an eye on you all.

    Jo you have every right to be here & I can't believe how strong you must be being coping with all your losses by yourself. We are here no matter what & will help you in anyway we can. I think we all hit the go back button from time to time instead of the reply one ~ I am certainly guilty of that of late (especially since we got our test results back).

    Huge hi's to everyone else hope you are all well.

    Ok so I am finally feeling like I can cope with letting out how our tests went & what they found without falling in a heap.

    We had our OB appt earlier this month & she was fantastic, started going through the Pathology slips, most she was going "negative" too & one she said "negative" & then changed it to "we'll come back to that one", well my DH wasn't having any of that & asked her what it meant. She explained that the test was for "antiphospholipid antibodies" & that the first time I was tested for it they just wrote negative but this time I actually had levels of 12 & 9 written on the sheet. She said that often low levels like this can be responsible for recurrent miscarriages but she will ring the specialist we saw at The Royal Womens in Melbourne last year to see what he thinks, but she thinks it may be significant for us. DH then asked what it meant in regards to having another baby & she said it is one of the best ones to have as it is really easily treated ~ low dose aspirin daily & daily clexane injections. So out of all the bad there may be some good. But I am having a little trouble dealing with it all to be honest. Part of me is glad that they have found something treatable but another part of me is so disappointed that there may have been something that simple to do that may have saved my angel (I know that there was nothing that could be done to save Thomas as not even a daily needle would have prevented him from tying the knot in his cord).

    Anyway I have to go into hospital on Monday Jan 22nd for a hysteroscopy just to make sure all is okay internally & then we go back to her for our results on Feb 12th & hopefully then we'll know whether we are able to join the TTC game or not.

    Anyway thanx for letting me ramble & big hugs to all.

  3. #3

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    Oh Kristy - I think it is really good they have found something which they can treat. Even though I know it is hard to deal with that thought of "if only we had known" - I felt exactly the same when the OB told me I had anticardiolipin antibodies - but how could you have known? If the bloods show negative for the antibodies you can only go by that. I hope this gives you something positive to feel and I wish you all the best for your hysteroscopy on the 22nd.

    Take care,

    Mel

  4. #4

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    Thanks girls - today seems to be worse than yesterday. I just feel so.......................I don't know. Just not right. Numb, empty..........

    I bought a magnet that had this poem on it. I keep it on the front of my fridge with Cooper's footprint. I have read it so many times today to make me feel better (it's not working yet) and thought I should share it.

    May You Always Have an Angel by Your Side
    May you always have an angel by your side
    Watching out for you
    Helping you believe in brighter days and in dreams come true
    Giving you comfort and courage
    Someone to catch you if you fall
    Inspiring smiles
    Holding your hand and helping you through it all
    May you always have an angel by your side
    - Douglas Pagels

    Spring - I do hope you get your soon.

    Kirsty - I am glad that you have found the reason for your recurrent miscarriages. All the best for 22 Jan. If only we could stop our little bubbies getting caught in the cord. I hate the cord - I'm not having a cord next time (lol)

    Mel - I would love to see a picture of Nicholas. If you want to, send it to [email protected].
    Last edited by Lynn; January 13th, 2007 at 09:57 PM.

  5. #5
    kerry Guest

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    Spring - sending you :sticky: vibes for a BFP. I'm like the others a line is a line, however faint.

    Mel - With B we had only lost our first angel (my 2nd) the month before I fell in with Bridie and her twin. We had decided that we weren't going to ttc for 6 months after the m/c and I had even had a depo injection, so not ttc can actually be the trick that does it.

    Lynn - ... it does get easier in time but what you are feeling now is an important part of the grieving process and shouldn't be supressed. Don't feel guilty or bad that you have days where you just can't seem to function because we have all been there and it does get easier.

    Kirsty - best wishes for the 22nd. Like Mel said, it is good that it seems they have found something that they can treat easily. It is a pity that we can't turn back time.. god how we would all love to be able to do that, but at least you have a bright prognosis for the future.

  6. #6

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    Kirsty : I am relieved for you that you have some answers but I can totally understand the mixed emotions that you must be feeling. You have done the right thing searching for answers and I hope that these answers give you the strenght and the hope to carry on TTC.

    Lynn: the up and the down days just continue babe. I don't mean to tell you that because it happens for all of us, but I know myself I still have days where it all just seems too much. When you just want to feel ok again, not even great, just ok it seems like even that is a struggle. I still say to myself I just want to feel constant. That is the state I aim for. Not unpredictable.....just constant. Hang in there sweetie... PS the poem is beautiful.


    Mel: LMAO about the toy clean up. I can just imagine the kids thinking that Santa was on their case. I just love the innocence of children, even if you use it to help clean up the toys. Also with the BD'ing this month, what DH doesn't know won't hurt him

    Kerry: Do you like to be called Kerry? Anyway hun how are you? I hope you are having a nice relaxing weekend. You are amazing... I hope you know that.


    Well I have left my update to last because I feel really selfish writing about this here. I know that if this does turn out to be a BFP you will be happy for me, but please don't think that I am throwing it in your face. I wish with all my might that each and everyone one of us not only gets a BFP but also gets to hold a gorgeous little earth angel soon. So please, please just know that even if this is a BFP, I don't want to leave the TTC thread yet, so don't kick me out (lol)

    Well the line is darker than yesterday but still really feint. I am not even entertaining the thought that it is a +ive. I don't know why, maybe a self defence mechanisim. At the same time I am so excited but I just don't want to get my hopes up just yet. DH and I decided to keep testing until Tuesday when we get to Sydney and if the line keeps getting darker that we will go to a GP that day. Have I done the right thing? I mean I had tests but there are still so many I could have? I feel in my heart that everything will be ok and with the twins from the very begining I had sense of dread. So because I feel different will it be ok? Flowerchild said short LP like mine can cause early loss... Am I about to start bleeding? How early is early? I know I am going on and on but I have such mixed emotions at the moment. I am just really scared. So until Tuesday it is not a BFP, just some weird line on the test. :eek:

    I'll pop in later to say hi,

    Luv Spring

  7. #7

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    Hey there all,

    OMG, how irresponsible... I only woke up an hour ago, didn't sleep well last night so I have slept all morning leaving DH to look after the 3 kids on his own (the only excuse I have is technically they are not mine - is that gonne work? Nah didn't think so, lol). What a great example I set!

    Jo - I agree, and I am hoping that taking the pressure off will help. Although I will probably still feel that pressure inside just without letting DH know. But without sounding like complete freak, I want that pressure and I need it to get through the days. I hope you are doing ok?

    Lynn - That is a beautiful poem And, I second everything Spring said. I often wonder if those days where you feel completely overwhelmed with emotion and sadness will every go away. I think they may start to be less frequent when we hold our earth bubbas in our arms, but even after that I feel they may always rear their ugly head. I will send you an email a bit later on today, thanks for wanting to see it makes me feel great

    Spring - You know what I believe, a line is a line. I understand that you don't want to get too excited at this point, I would probably be doing the same. But, as far as I see it if you aren't pregnant you get zip, nothing! I remember on the day I found out I was pregnant with Nicholas, I did a pharmacy test at home which came up with an absolute positive within about 2 seconds (I think it was Crystal Clear brand) and after my initial freak out decided to go to the doctor to confirm it, and when the doctor had me do a wee test there it came up with nothing and then after about 3-4 mins a very faint line appeared and he said that I was still pregnant, just the HCG concentrate may not be all that strong. Since then I have wondered if different tests are more accurate or sensitive than others. Are you using the tests from that online place? Maybe if you can be bothered you could go to pharmacy and buy a good brand test to see if it is any different on there. If you get a faint line on that also, I think you can safely feel quite confident.

    As far as your concerns go, don't stress about whether you have done the right thing. I know you were going to look into having more tests when you get to Sydney, but if you are already pregnant it is a great thing. I believe in feelings, you say you have a feeling things will be different this time. After learning about everything from before you got pregnant, during and then at the end, I too believe everything will be ok. As you know that is the reason I decided not to have the vaccination and that I am not going to avoid TTC this month meaning if I succeed I won't be able to have the hysterogram, I know it may be the wrong thing to do but deep down I believe they have found the causes and I really do think things will be different next time (admittedly that calmness may chance if and when I get a bfp). When are you actually due to AF again? Also, don't quote me but as I remember it Deb actually said that a 12 day luteal phase (think that's what she called it) is ok, and its a shorter one that may cause early miscarriage because the closer you get to AF being due the less time there is for implantation, which takes days, before the uterus starts preparing to shed. Deb will correct me if I am wrong when she gets back but that's kind of what I remember her saying. If you do end up getting a definite positive just try to seek out an OB in Sydney and interview them to see if they feel confident about delivering a healthy baby and in turn make you feel confident they can. If you feel either of those things get another opinion until you find someone who makes you feel that way. Remember that my new OB said that if I was pregnant at the time I had those tests done that they would deal with it.



    To everyone else, I hope you are all well. Deb, looking forward to seeing you back online.

    Love Mel

  8. #8

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    P.S. Spring - as if we would kick you out, lol. No one is going to be unhappy for you if you get a You wouldn't be rubbing it in our faces at all, and I'll kick your butt if you leave the thread! Yes we all want our own, but you really do deserve it so much and have been my saviour, and also extremely supportive of everyone on BB, so we would all be very Sending your way!

  9. #9

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    Hi all, thanks again for all your kind words, I can't tell you enough how much it helps to have someone understand, but I guess you all know that, thats's why you're all here. I meant to say in my last post that the doc said I could ttc 6 months after the c section, not 6 months from now, so she said we could try after easter, which isn't too bad. So if you all don't mind I'll stick around even though I'm not currently ttc. I think that it will still do me good to hear about everyones 's over the next few months.
    Thanks
    Bailey

  10. #10

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    Thanks Mel. You know you are a gem. Well I chickened out and didn't get another test. No AF yet and she is due today so everything crossed. It is weird that I don't want to test because I am such a HPT addict usually. I am just going to wait until tomorrow and then do another with FMU. We have a busy day tomorrow because it is the last day in Brissy but I will be sure to pop in and let you all know if that peculiar line is actually a BFP.

    Why do I feel so nervous, I almost feel sick to my tummy with worry but I just have to take it a day at a time. I did a bit of reading also about short LP and I think as you said Mel it is only really an issue during implantation. From what I understand HCG only begins to increase once implantation has occurred. I could be totally wrong but I have to tell myself there is nothing I can do to change the outcome so I just have to stinkin wait.

    PS Thanks for not kicking me out. You have been my saviour Mel and I don't think I would have made it through the last 14 weeks and 2 days without all of you wonderful women. Don't think you could get rid of me that easily. I think I will hang around until my kids are 18 (lol)

    Luv Spring

    PPS It is a top secret at the moment, well with the exception of all of you gals (lol) and DH so lets see how long I last before I let it slip.

    Nighty Nigh

  11. #11

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    So hey it's me again - no one seems to have been around today, so hope that means youre all having a great weekend.

    Just wondered if anyone can tell me if this is normal or is something weird going on. I was like a size 10-12 before I got pregnant and ever since I have sort of been 14-16 (but can get away with a 12 depending on the cut, you know how it is). I haven't weighed myself for ages cause I have been scared of what I would see. I just plucked up the courage and stood on the scales and I am only 5kgs heavier than I was before I even got pregnant. What the...? :eek: I don't understand why I am not even close to fitting back into my old clothes! 5kgs is not really that much but yet my whole body is alot wider, I still fit into my maternity bras :frown: and everything is all flabby and jelly-like. Does anyone else have this problem? I just wonder will I ever fit into my normal clothes again or this my body for eternity? Sorry, I know in the whole scheme of things its a pathetic thing to whinge about, but I honestly thought I would be heavier than I was when I was pregnant because everything, even my arms and thighs, and more wobbly than when I was pregnant. Anyway, if you think I should just get over it feel free to tell me.

  12. #12

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    Hey - I think we all posted at the same time, lol

    Bailey - Glad to hear your gonna stick around Easter isn't too far away, but you will need support until and following that time and that's what we are here for.

    Spring - It's ok that you chickened out, the outcome would be the same tomorrow as it is tonight - you either are or you are not - so see how it goes tomorrow. Not getting AF is another positive sign though. I don't blame you for feeling nervous, I kind of feel a little nervous for you so I can imagine how nervous I would be if it was actually me!

    Oh well still

    Mel

  13. #13
    clare076 Guest

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    Hi girls
    Just popping in to check up on you Spring. Good luck honey, I have all my fingers and toes crossed for you.

    I am going for my first scan on Wednesday and it would be fair to say am petrified. I really am not feeling too positive at the moment, cant explain why, just not happy with how things are progressing. But I will come back after the scan and let you know.

    Take care everyone

  14. #14

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    Bailey: I am glad to know that you can TTC around Easter. Boy there are already Easter Eggs in the shops so that is a good sign. We would love you to hang around even though you are not TTC just at the moment. The next few months may be a good chance for you to get to know your cycle so when you do TTC you have the best chance.

    Mel: I have been wondering the same thing about my lard arse. I was a size 12 bottom and 10 on top before I got pregnant. I put on more weight then I should have put that down to the fact that because of all the bleeding I had from week 7 onwards the doctors basically said to get as much rest as possible so it didn't take long for the kgs to pile on. Anyway, I still have 10 to loose which is a fair whack, but I am a darn 16, 14 if I hold my breath (lol) so I do think that it must have something to do with the way the actual shape of your body changes. I don't know, maybe do a specific post in the your body after baby thread and see what the other ladies say. 5kgs is not unhealthy though babe so hopefully it will disapear with time.

    Clare: I am not even going to be so stupid as to tell you to enjoy your scan. I am nervous just going to the toilet in the fear that I am going to see blood so I can't even imagine how you feel. But I hope with all my might that there is a happy little bub in there with a heart beating so strong Pop in after your scan and lets us know the good news.

    Well me, did another test, weird line which I won't admit is a possible BFP is still there. Darker than yesterday and there within the 5 mins. Not really dark yet, more of a feint line so still not getting too excited. One thing I have noticed is that I am so darn tired. You may look at the time of this post and think, go to bed woman? But the tiredness has hit big time but I am so nervous that I can't sleep... Go figure. Oh well, I am going to keep testing and make an appointment once we get to Sydney. Please don't think I am in any way ungrateful for this maybe BFP, I just don't want to get my hopes up only to have them come crashing down again.

    to everyone

    Spring

  15. #15
    kirsty Guest

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    Just a quickie from me this morning, got a phone call from my OB yesterday (yes on a Sunday!!) & she has spoken to the specialist in Melbourne that we saw last year. Anyway he agrees with her that the levels that came back in the anticardiolipin (sorry not antiphilsophid like I thought) test are significant. So I am having the levels retested, she wrote out a path form for me yesterday & will send it over with the clinic staff today (they are in another town from us but they come across to our town & hold an antenatal/ gyno clinic once a week on a Monday here) for me to pick up & have done. And they both think that even if the levels come back different or not as high they will more than likely treat another pregnancy with low dose daily aspirin & if levels are same or higher then maybe introduce the clexane injections. So I guess we'll see. I'll go & have the BT tomorrow coz I work this afternoon & in between that I have to get James ready to go to care while I'm at work so will run out of time (probably wouldn't if I got my butt off here!!) in the hopes that she will have the results by the time we have our follow up appt after my hysteroscopy.

    Anyway girls I may not be back on until Wednesday afternoon as DH & I are going away tomorrow nite for the nite just the two of us ~ DH is turning 40 on Saturday & all he wants is for us to go away just the two of us overnight so we are!! So if I don't see you before then (I'm assuming tonite will be busy with packing & getting everyone organised! but you never know) I wish you all well & will catch up then.

  16. #16

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    Hey everyone,

    I had a better day yesterday, not sure why, it is funny how our emotions change so quickly and I feel like I can't control them. When I am feeling down, that is it, nothing can bring me up. I spent most of Saturday night in Cooper's room talking to him. This made me feel better. My psych asked me last week if I imagine what Cooper says to me when I talk to him. I never had but Saturday night I was talking to him and imagining what he would be saying back to me. It was like we were having a conversation and it was a nice feeling.

    Yesterday we started Cooper's gardens - moving some pots and things around to make room for the new garden. Hopefully by next Sunday it is all done and I will be able to sit there and talk to Coopie and write in my journal. I just feel like I need this garden. I hope it turns out perfectly, just how I picture it in my head.

    Kirsty - I hope you enjoy your night away with DH and happy birthday to your DH. Good luck with your tests. I hope you get the results that you are looking for.

    Spring - I have been thinking about you and wondering if you have your I hope you do!!!! I can totally understand how nervous you are. You should definitely NOT feel selfish if you get your - that is why we are all here. When you get it you deserve to be jumping up and down and screaming with excitement. I can understand if you don't get too excited now until it is confirmed as I can only imagine it will be nervous time. I would feel the same way. You won't be kicked out - if you do get a BPF i would love to know how you are going

    Clare - good luck with you scan on Wednesday. I will be thinking of you. Let us know how you go.

    Mel - thank you so much for sending me pictures of Nicholas - he is absolutely gorgeous!! You should be so proud and I am honoured to have seen him. Thank you.
    I too am struggling with my weight. I have PCOS so it is hard to lose the weight. I am walking twice a day and eating healthy, so hopefully it comes off as I'm sure yours will too.

    Take care everyone
    Lynn

  17. #17
    kerry Guest

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    Lynn - low gi diets are supposed to be good for pcos and they are easy to incorperate for everyone. There is even a pcos diet book available.. its more a lifestyle change than a diet so might be worth hunting out.

    Weight gain when pg... weight distribution during pregnancy tends to be to the hips and bum, this is actually natures way of balancing our bodies with our bellies. I actually lost weight with my pg (spose it had something to do with the morning noon and night sickness I had for the whole pg) and was lucky enough to leave hospital in pre-pg clothes... but since stopping b/f and having the m/c I have gone back to comfort eating and boy have I wacked it on. It is actually so depressing I barely even look in the mirror any more, not even to do my hair, but hey its not like I have anyone to impress and the people who really matter love me for who I am not what I look like.

    Spring - thinking of you and hoping for your BFP. You better not feel guilty if you get one because we all want it for you (and everyone else, except me cos I am manles atm, lol). Also please stay here with us. Honestly we wont feel that you are gloating or 'rubbing our faces in it' but would love to share in your joy, and take hope from it. lots and lots of sticky vibes.

    Oh and Jo or Kerry, I don't mind... when I first joined bb I used kerry as an alias as I was trying to hide my identity from someone who knew my XP as there were issue about us that I needed to discuss but knew she would talk to him about what I said.. then when we seperated I didn't care anymore... Jo is may name and Kerry is a play on my surname (thing aussie authors or disgraced north melbourne footballers). As long as we all settle on 1, it tends to save confussion.

  18. #18

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    Thanks Jo. That is what I eat - low gi. It is a pretty simple 'eating plan' to be on.

    I only put on 300grams when I was pregnant with Cooper. I looked after myself a lot more when I finally fell pg (didn't need the comfort food anymore). My ob said that this happens and not to worry about it as the baby will get all the goodness first. He was perfectly normal when born, except for the stupid cord! I have lost 10kg since I gave birth to Cooper but that was from not eating much (i know not good) but I just couldn't stomach anything except for mangos. I am eating heathly now.

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