TTC AFTER Late Loss/Recurrent Miscarriage/ Stillbirth Sept 2009

[cmeglles]

Hi everyone, thank you so much for the warm welcome. This forum has been so helpful. I live in a small town without a support group.

Aries- I would be interested to hear if a counsellor helps. Hopefully you are feeling better.

Samcougar and Chez67- my fingers and toes are crossed for you!

blessedatlast- congrats! If it makes you feel stronger we are TTC while I am getting my MD/PhD. I guess my philosophy is not to put life on hold for my school- school can take a break for me. Good luck!

Dory- what a beautiful post. It made me cry because I know how you feel, I wish I was angry too (sometimes any other emotion). But mostly all I feel is sadness. We had footprints made and held our son and it made all the difference in the world. All I can think of is how beautiful he was. I really treasure the thought of that and how much love I have in my heart for a child.

Has anybody been shopping for Christmas gifts yet? I went with an aunt and had a very hard time, I started crying and had to leave the store. I still want to spend all my time in the area for babies, where I was heading when I was pregnant. I don't know if that is strange, or what do I do if I see something I want? Do I buy it in hopes of the next child? Anyway I think all of my shopping will be done online for a bit.

Thanks for listening.

[dory]

aries - just wanted to make sure we are all vulnerable enough without a well intentioned but insensitive comment adding to it all. thanks for letting me know - and god luck with relaxing a little - maybe you'll find your zen and tell the rest of us how you got it!

cmeglles - wow - I wasn't sure I had any tears left - but your description of your time with your son has brought me to tears, genuine tears. Thankyou.
It makes a difference for me too. I think we are lucky to have those precious memories.

I am almost skipping Christmas this year. DH and I are spending it at home with the cats. For gifts for others - we are intending to give gift cards/vouchers, here in Aus you can get a range of gift vouchers in one store. Easy.

I too am drawn to the baby section. It's hard to resist and heartbreaking all at the same time. God idea to skip it for a while. It is very confronting.

It will be good to hear what the other girls are doing about Christmas.

What area is your PhD in? I wasn't sure what MD meant I am not sure we have that in Oz, but I am happy to be corrected. I have been toying with the idea of further study, but have previously not pursued it because I was focused on work and sport.

Oh and well done on having the courage to TCC again.

[Miss.B]

Hi Girls,

Just quickly popping in to say a big hello and spread some much needed and in here!!

Welcome to the newbies and I'm sorry you have found yourself here, but I found this thread so supportive and just beautifully inspiring while TTC after my own late loss, I know you're in the right place ladies. I wish you much healing and love and I will be thinking of you approaching Christmas. It's never easy
Good luck with your journeys, I hope they are short!!

Cheryl, Aries, Samcougar, Blessedatlast, good luck ladies and sending you lots of my 'preggy dance' vibes I hope it works for you soon!! I suppose with Christmas around the corner, it's a good distraction to just go with the flow and you never know you might get a lovely suprise soon!!! I pray with all my heart ladies

Just a quick update from me, everything is goig well....I've been told yesterday I am being retrenched (officially) I am just over the moon as I get a good payout and was going on mat. leave anyway with no plans to come back to my work anyway!! We're off to Surfers Paradise on Boxing Day for a week, I just can't wait to have a lovely holiday with my darling DF! He has been so excited as he's never been to QLD before (hellooooooo!! lol).

I hope everyone has a great weekend and big hugs to all!

B xxx

[Gigi1]

Hey girls,
Love and dust to everyone.

I still found myself this weekend, catching up with very old friends, needing devastation from others. I sometimes feel like I need people to see the gravity of things. Not all the time, but sometimes. Just an awareness of where i am at i guess, all good.

Got away for a couple of days which was much needed.
Love and wishes to all
HM xoxo

[cmeglles]

What area is your PhD in? I wasn't sure what MD meant I am not sure we have that in Oz,

My PhD is in microbiology and immunology. An MD stands for medical doctor--it is kind of a strange program here in the US. You do 2 years of medical school classes and then go into your thesis work and then go back to do the clinical part of medical school. It is to train people who want to do both research and be a physician. A long haul, but I guess I really like being in school.

It is funny, I was not interested in doing obstetrics and gynecology for a specialty before everything happened, but I realize the scientific community does not know and understand women's bodies at all. So right now I think I may want to be a high risk obstetrician. I don't know....I guess I just realized how vulnerable I was and am right now and want to be a part of a process that heals and helps women in a similar situation.

Take care everyone and LOTS of babydust!

[helle]

I've been told yesterday I am being retrenched (officially)
B xxx

Sometimes these things just have excellent timing don't they?

[Chez67]

Hi ladies

Just popping in to say hi. AF has arrived today, which is good and bad. Good because it looks like my cycle is finally sorting itself out, although this was short at 23 days, which is much better than 82 last time! Bad because we're not pg of course. But TBH I wasn't too keen on having a due date close to Ryan's, so in a way I am not too disappointed. At least the AF explains that absolute cr@ppy mood I was in most of the time, with major mood swings! Poor DH, he did cop the brunt of it a few times

I hope everyone is doing well. Just a short post tonight and back for personals later.

oxo

[Gigi1]

Oh Chez, I am sorry hun. I hope that with your cycle coming into sync, you have better and better chances. I hope your next month is the perfect month for you. We had similar feelings around due dates and birth dates etc.
Thinking of you xx

[Chez67]

Thanks Gigi1

I have been quite emotional since the weekend, which is easy to put down to PMS now, but looking back on it I was an emotional, moody cow! Yesterday and today I have been very teary and doing quite a bit of comfort eating of chocolate, which so unlike me. I think part of it is hormonal but also because it was this time last year we found out I was pg and it meant the beginning of what should have been good things for us, which have turned out to be difficult memories. Even showing my neighbours, who are lovely and treat us like part of their family, our wedding photos was very hard. It took me back to a time when I was pg still and we had such hope and love and were so happy. But then a few weeks later it all turned bad. I am hoping that next year brings good things for us; it is about the only thing that is keeping me going at the moment. And to make things worse DH is away for work just when I need him around to hold me.

Anyway, thanks for understanding. I hope for lots of good things for you and all the ladies here who have all had such a painful journey so far

oxo

[Aries]

Hi Ladies

Selfish post

Sorry I have been MIA the last few days - We lost my Nana on Thursday night. My cherished best friend, my mentor and my light in the tough times. Boy what a year 2009 has shaped up to be. My only comfort is that I hope she has my baby angel in her arms right now, giving him those cuddles that I so desperatley want to give him myself.
She was only 72. Very sudden, brain aneurism (sp?).
So very lost but am even more determined to get pg this Christmas. Just finished my course of clomid so fingers are crossed for the coming week. I hope we have some eggies (proper ones!) on that scan on Monday.

Will come back later for personals.

My love to all xox