TTC AFTER Late Loss/Recurrent Miscarriage/ Stillbirth Sept 2009

[dory]

blessedatlast - I hear you girl. Be strong. Sorry about the thrush.... take care of yourself, you deserve to be pampered.

teagz - there is such indignity in all of this, but I'd do it thousands of times to get the outcome I want. Hopefully DH is OK. It;s hard for them too.

[Gigi1]

Oh dear hun, what you must be feeling. People still really surprise me. I think it is because you think the best of people and sometimes that is a bit of a let down. Your results and this woman need a good kick out of you life. You are too right, she is not important to you and she can jump. Isn't it funny how we let these people get up out skirt even a little. Oh she is not worth it. Amazing!
Hun, so sorry you are getting BFP. I buy the pee sticks through ebay...so cheap it is rediculas. I got onto it in the UK and i just pee whenever i feel like it. It can either help calm me or the opposite but worth the try every time. I just hope that it is not much longer for you and this month takes you by surprise before you know it. It will be interesting to see what the Dr says re the symptoms. I thought i have been overly tired too this week which was my only initial symptom with DD.
Anniversaries. Boy you have made it thus far. What a huge mountain you have climbed. Are you going to do anything special for the twins EDD and Amelia's first birthday? Of course you probably are and silly question but thought i would ask and see what you had in mind. I can only understand some of what you are going through. I understand what it is like to go through this once...but again is just too much to bear.
You must be kind to yourself hun and take it easy. Can you make sure you are not working on those days? I am not looking forward to a few different days coming up this year. Kind of sad in a way that 2009 is over. My DD was born that year and it is already history. 2010 she will be one. We were thinking of getting a tattoo...scared out of my knickers and if you knew me....so not like me. We had been thinking of it and just wasn't sure where i would put it, what it would be etc. Working on it bit my bit. We met a couple once that did memorial tats for their baby and the ought behind it just stuck with us. She had her done on her hip...always to carry her baby on her hip and her DH had it on his under upper arm area...under his wing. We just thought that was lovely and permanent and perfect. So we are trying to get to that point.

Hun i hope the day today gets a little easier and the week a little easier again. You are an incredibly strong woman to have survived and loved through what you have experienced and good and beautiful things will come you way. I hope it is very soon. Blow that other stuff, that woman...blow her off. SHe doesn't deserve you. It is perfectly normal and ok to sometimes see your glass half empty...perfectly normal. HUgs and love xx

Blessedatlast. Oh babe, sorry you are uncomfortable and can't have some fun making a brother or sister for Seth and Taite. I was saying exactly that the other day. I don't want another baby...i just want DD. She was all i wanted...i want her back. I was furious. It helps me to know i am not the only one that thinks this sometimes. I feel dreadful for it, but it helps knowing i am not a lone. Hope you are feeling better today hun.

Love and wishes to all

AFM- Well we are CD25 and might go and test again...have not tested for 2 days. I know this month have tested crazy early but i needed to get involved didn't i. Waiting is just silly business. Went to the movies today and saw Old Dogs, funny. Silly funny but good anyway for a laugh. There are a heap i want to see. Will have to make a list!
Will continue to look after my nephew until May when SIl has her baby. They were really nice to us today which was lovely and unexpected. Dh really needs a break from work. He is tired and is not right atm. I am rambling here to avoid thinking and talking about pregnancy....i am going to test. CD 25 is not to bad to test hey? I have had a few heavy feelings like before AF but i am still hopefull.
I am going bye x

[Aries]

OHHHH Gigi cant wait to hear........ fingers are crossed so much that they are blue!!!!!

xo

[Gigi1]

Hmmm...not looking promising. Nothing coming up. Looks like this month is a goner too. Bugger!
Thanks Aries for the cheer. Might have to save it until next month.

[Gigi1]

Yes well i have just about burned holes in the pee stick with my staring eyes. I hope to god everyone else sits there and thinks....Is that a shadow? Is that a line starting?
i tested right back on CD 21 and thought i saw something really faint only to be put in my place the following morning with a total blank. God give me strength.
Not that DTD is not enjoyable....i just want to enjoy it, life and all that surrounds this bl88dy baby making life of ours. It was 10 years to fall pg with DD....i just don't have that kind of mileage in me anymore. I am not sure how much more failure i can take. I am off to find something fun.
XX

[blessedatlast]

Hi again Everyone.. No news, just checking in and replying while I have the energy.. You know how sometimes you lurk in here but just don't feel you have the strength to reply, even when you want to?? Anyway, I will be quick

Gigi1- I am so sorry bout a BFN.. And yes everytime I have poas I have looked at it in every light, held it up and examined it!! I even do it with OPK's!!!

Dory- I'm sorry you are feeling crappy.. I just read it was your twins EDD and Amelia's 1st anniversary coming up.. Definitely hard times.. Are you doing anything special? I hope I don't come across as being ignorant, Dory, but I don't really know your story.. I only knew from previous posts that you had more than 1 loss.. If it is written somewhere I may have missed it.. If you would like to share it, I'd love to hear it.. Please don't think I am being rude, and if you are not up to sharing, especially with these dates coming up, I understand. It took me 6 months to write Taite and Seth's story.. It is so mentally draining.. I now keep a blog though.. I kinda wish I had kept one in the early days, just so I knew how far I had come in my grief.. Anyway rambling AGAIN.. Hope you feel better soon..

Teagz- Can't wait to hear of the arrival of your little one!! You are due this month aren't you??

Anyway Hi to everyone, my Mum, her hubby and my little brothers are up here on holidays for a week, I am so excited, I am off to see them now!!

[Chez67]

Hi everyone

blessedatlast - so sorry to hear that you have thrush - it's just doesn't seem fair sometimes does it? I hope you get some good news on the job front soon. How long until your TAFE course starts? I am already dreading the start of uni again this year, and I think I have another month! Hopefully I will be a bit more motivated by then

Dory - your symptoms sound promising - how long until your bt results? I have my fingers and toes crossed for you. Anniversaries must be so hard to deal with, particularly when you have multiples close together. I haven't even begun to think about what we will do for Ryan in March. It seems so far away at the moment but I am sure it will be here soon enough. DH has already got a tattoo on the inside of his left arm to remember Ryan. We also both wear a chain with a charm; Ryan is buried wearing the same charm with a small chain which was taken from DH's longer chain; it helps us to feel connected with him when aren't able to be with him everyday as we should. I hope the upcoming anniversaries are a gentle and peaceful time for you. And I agree with Gigi's comments about not giving time or energy to people who are not good for us in our lives. It definitely is something that I have been more conscious of since we lost Ryan. I hope this woman doesn't cause you any trouble at work. I have found work is one of my refuges where I can just be me for 8 or 9 hours per day; not a mother who has lost her son.

Gigi1 - you have no idea how many times I have gazed longingly at HPT to try to find that second line - wishing that it would appear as if by magic. But it doesn't. I only send myself crazy. I try not to involve DH and let him in on how crazy I really have become, but I think he has a sense of it too. I really hope your fatigue is a good sign How are you coping with your SIL about to have a baby? I think if it was me it would be very hard to be that close to someone who was pg. Take care hun - you are sounding so strong at the moment

Hi to Aries, samcougar and everyone else. Teagz I hope you get some news soon. I hope that sore throat didn't develop into a full blown cold.

AFM - ovulated yesterday I am pretty sure we are in with a good chance this cycle. I am really glad that I bought the fertility monitor last year while we were overseas. It takes all of the guess work out of OPKS and temps. I am so hoping that all of this good living and relaxation will pay off. I have been feeling much more confident and upbeat since the new year. I had a dream last week that we were in Perth and it was next Christmas and we were walking into the local Thai restaurant carrying a baby carrier. I could even the see the dress I was wearing, which I have hanging in the cupboard right now. I have also had a strange feeling that I will have a baby around the time that my DH turns 40 this year, which is the end of October. Of course, all of this could be just wishful thinking by my subconscious but I am really hopeful that it is all true.

We're flying back home tomorrow so I will duck back in again on the weekend.
Take care all.
oxo