TTC AFTER Late Loss/Recurrent Miscarriage/ Stillbirth Sept 2009

[Miss.B]

Hello ladies,

How hot is it in Melbourne!!!!?? Yesterday was 43 here, but I mostly stayed inside, today is a lot less but I just can't cope with the heat, it's so muggy and I hate it!!! Can't wait for the cool change.....

Gigi, you cracked me up! I know I don't visit here that much, I can just see you sitting there thinking, who is this person??? lol. Here's holping you catch that eggie next time

Chez, I am so hoping and praying you're UTD hun!! Seriously sounds very promissing, keep us updated, I'll be checking daily for sure! GL darling

Dory, I think Josh is coming with me in my box when it's my time. I seriously cannot imagine parting with his ashes, but then again, it's a very personal thing I think. I am happy to have him here, I talk to him everyday like he's here anyway!! I've got a plaque for him at the Memorial Park, and I visit there every once in a while (family can also go when they want) but b/c he's at home I don't go regularly. For xmas I've put a little xmas tree for him and my friend put up a 'Santa stops here' sign which was really lovely.

Teagz, I hope you're feeling better hun. I'm so hoping bub decides to grace us with his arrival before Monday!!

Blessedatlast, Ill be 30 weeks on Saturday hun. Time is just flying now...Fingers and toes and everything else I can cross for implantation bleed for you hun. I would be so happy if you all got your BFPs within weeks of each other so you could be in the same belly budies group!! How awesome would that be!! GL hunni, and have fun at Movie World. I just loooooooooooove the Gold Coast!

Well, I better go and watch my movie (ha!! a woman of leasure I am these days!!).

BRING ON THE BFPs IN HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Big hugs
B xxx

[Gigi1]

Beata- You certainly had me turning circles. I am so sorry hun. Hope you are doing well. I am the same with DD's ashes...they are not going anywhere. I won't be spreading them...they are in our bed. I was thinking of making a pillow for them as they are not comfortable to cuddle and that is what we do all the time. But she stays with us...i know it is just her ashes but she feel more present having them near us. They still travel with us if we go somewhere over night.

Dory it has taken me some time to reply to your post relaying the painful loss of you babies. I just can't believe it, all in the space of a year. You are an incredible inspiration having hope. You have played a big part in my healing to be able to consider another spirit in our lives. I have no idea where the hope comes from but it is starting to return for me too. I have started to see and feel another spirit on our lives other than DD. For a long time all i wanted was just DD back. I still do, but i am happy to have another too. I never thought i would have room in my life for more than her essence. She takes up space and time in our life and we wouldn't have it any other way.
I think it was a wonderful and thoughtful gift for you to give the hospital a camera. That is just perfect. You go into these experiences totally blind to what you might need or want.
I just want to say you are a brave brave woman and I try to walk in your footsteps everyday hoping i have your strength when my time comes.

Chez, hun my fingers are crossed for you.
BEata, hope there is a pool for you somewhere to float in.
Teagz, wishing you a beautiful and healing birth experience.
Aries, hope you are doing ok hun, haven't heard ffrom you in a while.
Blessedatlast, i am forever holding out hope for you, hope your cycle sorts itself out soon and you get not only peace of mind but a big fat positive.
For anyone i have missed. Love and peace and hope you are traveling well, being gentle with yourself and finding moments to smile.

I am reading Spirit Babies at the moment, lovely read and really helping my psychic connections, intuition and spiritual communications. I am CD 4 now and starting to get my head around another month. Most discomfort has gone although i know there is the last surge to go. Funny but my labour with DD was exactly the same as my periods are in sequence...chaotic contractions, calm, rhythmic and uniform, a sense of 'has this stopped' and then last surge but manageable and finishing. Funny how that was. Right, i have some ironing to do.

Love HM xoxo

[dory]

Oh my beautiful lovelies - thankyou. It's nice to know that your love is really never far away, just like my precious ones. It has taken me a long time to comfortable sharing and I chose the right girls to listen.

AFM - I don't think I am anything special, I just am trying to manage the curveballs that life sends me. Just like everyone else here. Doing it tough moment by moment and day by day.

The glucose tolerance test yesterday was ok. I forgot to ask when the results will be ready. Tried to call pathology lab today but it kept ringing out. Will try again tomorrow.

Apart from that - I feel a bit lost right now. Not as glum, but lost. Still have some of the symptoms intermittently. Am pretty tired tonight, so am going to bed now. Although I wish I could stay in here and just talk.

I tested this morning, and got a faint BFP . Yes I just wrote that. I don't POAS as I am so unco I get it all over me and the test and invalidate it. Anyway, I reckon that's what I did anyway. Waiting for tomorrow to test again. Anxiously and calmly waiting. What will be will be. Can't believe I might be lucky enough to get a BFP but am pretty scared about the journey ahead, hoping for the best but expecting the worst. Don't have any other outcomes apart from being bereaved ( not trying to be a victim, just a dose of reality) Of course if it is a BFP, it could all be different this time. Hope springs eternal, at the moment it is.

But if it is a BFP, then I am buying a nice bottle of champers for the end of this particular journey, irrespective of when it ends. And right here right now, I make a committment to myself, and my babies that I will try my best to enjoy the journey. It might be all I have, or it could be so much more.

It's funny, but it took me a while to decide to post. Not because I didn't want to share, but because I know how hard it is to read about others BFP's and how despite myself and my happiness, a little part of me is crushed. So to those who are feeling a little crushed, I love you and I get how hard it is.

sweet dreams.

[Gigi1]

Oh my goodness, I will sleep tonight with my fingers crossed. I feel where you are at. It is very brave to say what you say. I can not imagine how this will feel. I hope with all my heart that this journey will be just as wonderful but different and I hope that you get to hold your baby for a longer lifetime. I hope this little spirit is here to heal your heart, at least a part of it.
I will nto be excited yet as i know you must be scared and confused. I will wait for confirmation. I hope this is as perfect as it can be.
You are always so giving, thinking of others even now. It is always hard to hear BFP but it is also wonderful. Especially when you know and feel that you deserve it, you have suffered enough. Please don't get me wrong. It is not that one deserves it more than another...but enough is enough sometimes. Enough. Life is bitter/sweet and if this is what you think it is, I am sincerely over the moon for you and will be here the whole way through, holding your hand for what ever you need. xoxox
Please no more peeing on yourself!! LOL xoxo They are difficult and small aren't they. Smile hun, laugh a little when you can. You will find your way, day by day.

[blessedatlast]

Dory, I couldn't stalk and not reply to that!! I really really hope that you do have that BFP!!

But if it is a BFP, then I am buying a nice bottle of champers for the end of this particular journey, irrespective of when it ends. And right here right now, I make a committment to myself, and my babies that I will try my best to enjoy the journey. It might be all I have, or it could be so much more

Dory, You have an amzing attitude.. I think I have a lot to learn from you

It's funny, but it took me a while to decide to post. Not because I didn't want to share, but because I know how hard it is to read about others BFP's and how despite myself and my happiness, a little part of me is crushed. So to those who are feeling a little crushed, I love you and I get how hard it is.

You are so thoughful.. Of course I am jealous as hell but I truly am happy for you.. Thank you for acknowledging our feelings. You gorgeous thing!

Hi to everyone, I am in a rush as usual, time gets away when you computer stalk!! If I am having implantation bleeding it must be a massive implantation as I am still bleeding, so no I don't think it is.. Oh well, it is lighter than it has been so I am really hoping that my bleeding is calming down. Fingers crossed!

[Miss.B]

Oh Dory, you deserve this BFP sooooooooo much hun!! I will say a quiet congratulations, but it will be a very big one when you have your BT to confirm it!! I am sitting here reading your post with tears in my eyes, I'm so excited and hopeful for you darling. I really pray this little bubba stays put for the 9 months ahead and that it all goes very smoothly for you. I know what you mean about sharing your news too, but I was lucky as months ago in this very thread I was the last one to get a BFP!! Everyone around me was getting one and b/c I had a date for my IVF cycle, aIl I could do was wait until then, and still I didn't know if the FET would work. As for being apprehensive about the new pg, I was there too hun. Back when I had my treatment in July 2008, I didn't know if I would be more happy if the treatment worked, or if it didn't. I was petrified about falling pg again after what happened with Josh, but so excited at the same time as I was so longing for a baby. When I found out I was pg, I tried so hard not to look back and decided to really, really enjoy my pg as much as possible. I think having had m/s for 17 weeks really took my mind off stressing!!
Oh hun, I also won't be able to sleep until it's all confirmed!! I've got absolutely everything crossed for you

[cmeglles]

Sorry it has taken me so long to reply. Hi to everyone--a few short personals.

Dory that is WONDERFUL- I am so happy for you,thrilled actually, and only a teeny bit jealous. Your BFP makes me believe that we can all be successful. Thank you again for sharing your journey with us. You are truly an amazing person! Very inspiring for me.

blessedatlast- my fingers are crossed for you keep us updated. hopefully an implantation bleed

beata70- you crack me up with

"How hot is it in Melbourne!!!!?? Yesterday was 43 here, but I mostly stayed inside, today is a lot less but I just can't cope with the heat, it's so muggy and I hate it!!!"

I am freezing here. It is cold cold cold....snow on the ground subzero temps very short days. I have been wishing for sunshine.

Teagz- congrats mom! Or do you say mum?

Chez- I have my fingers crossed for you--I had pg symptoms starting 1 week after ovulation with Robert Christopher, but they were more subtle: breast tenderness, hungry all the time, and some food aversions, I also remember being pretty emotional--but that is typical PMS for me too.

A few other things...I decided to get a tattoo 2 weeks ago. We have Robert Christopher's footprints and the tattoo artist copied them exactly on my side on my hip...kinda hard to explain. I wanted it near where I had felt him move which was only on my left side, but didn't want something scary if I got pregnant again. I am really happy with it---it is my only tattoo and I was really nervous about it. The guy I went to is also a nurse at the hospital, so he didn't ask awkward questions or anything (the footprints are really small). I also have a bracelet with an angel charm on it with 2 little feet my grandmother gave me a mother and child charm for christmas as well. I have been wearing it everyday, sometimes I hold the little angel charm between my fingers and imagine I am holding my little angel boy--kinda silly I guess, but it makes me feel like he is remembered and connected to me.

Also New England in the fall/autumn is gorgeous--perhaps if we get lucky and have healthy babies we can celebrate at my house in October?? I tried to post a picture from a drive we took late in September but I don't know if it works. Kind of makes me sad because I remember being pregnant at the time these pics were taken this fall. It is pretty rural here so we often go for a drive through these beautiful tiny towns and everything is reds, yellows, oranges and greens. The air is crisp but not too cold yet and the apples are wonderful. Something I absolutely love about New England.

Sorry my post is so long....I got my AF on Monday but I am actually excited about it because it signals the first cycle the doctor has said we can go for ttc. I bought a OPK and am nervously anticipating O.

Lots and lots of babydust to you all and thank you for the hope you have given me!

Love to all!
CM

[Chez67]

Hi ladies

Dory - I have to start with you... I am so hoping that you have a BFP and that explains all of your tiredness and other symptoms and thank you for being so gracious and thinking of how we would feel about the news. You really are an exceptional human being! Good luck hun thinking of you and waiting for more news.

cmeglles - what beautiful photos. The colours remind me of where we live in Australia in autumn, although we don't get snow, except on the mountains nearby. It is hard remembering where we were this time last year isn't it? But then I try to be positive and think about how far I have come in that time, rather than looking back all of the time. I just found that it was too painful for me to do that. So now I am focused on the future and what that will bring for us. How are feeling about being able to TTC again? I know some people have been nervous. I hope this TTC journey is a short one for you.

Beata - 30 weeks - amazing! I remember your BFP announcement and how upset I felt because you and Teagz had both fallen pg. I am a stronger person now and so glad that you have continued to post here. Every successful pg and birth gives me inspiration and hope!

Blessedatlast - hope you're having a great time with your family visiting. You are sounding so upbeat and positive. I have always wondered whether going on some wild rides about the time of implantation would help - I'd give a try if I could find somewhere local

Hi to Gigi1, Aries, Samcougar and everyone else.

AFM, after starting the week with my weird symptoms, they seem to have eased off, so I am still not sure what's going on. I have decided to try to hold off POAS until next week by which time AF will be officially late. I don't see the point of building up hope only to be disappointed with the HPT. I would just rather wait and find out naturally. I find that is easier to deal with and somehow it makes sense in my head - until I change my mind that is and give in

love Cheryl oxo

[Gigi1]

Oh wow CM that is stunning. I didn't know we could do that. Those pickies are beautiful.
Glad to see you are traveling well hun. I wish you all the luck and excitment i can muster for the coming weeks. Hope you have all your dreams come true and you can make us a little jealous too. Enjoy your cold hun, send a little our way. Sorry to all those who like the heat...i am not as nice hot. xx