Hi all

Powelly - it's totally normal to stress about bub, especially with a known genetic thing going on. I hope bub is well. I've read to picture bub in a bubble of peace - all white and filled with love. It might not stop the anxiety, but it may help you calm a bit. btw - I think you're allowed to complain about the pregnancy being hard. Just because we've lost babies, it doesn't make us saints. We can whinge too

Gigi1 - I think it's wonderful you're helping out where you can. The images on tv etc have been so distressing. It must be so much worse being there and smelling it etc. I imagine there's a lot of people in shock.

dory - supportive as ever

hi to everyone else. hope you're well.

AFM. I'm having a high anxiety day today. I actually feel sick. We have a meeting with the geneticist at the hospital in 2 hours. I hate going back to that place. Everytime we leave without a baby in our arms is like a replay of going home after Leo died. With no baby. At least we should have some answers. I just want a definitive plan. either yes it's a 1 in 4 and you'll need a CVS. Or that was a fluke. you have a 1 in 20,000 of that happening again. Then I don't know if we'll need a cvs. or whether we get one anyway. Aargh! It's doing my head in.

I'm also grieiving Lulu. I'm struggling with the fact she's really gone. I saw her last Friday at her sister's funeral. (and going to a funeral less than 6 months after my son's was hard) Then found out she had gone too on Saturday. I was sad enough for her about the pain she was going through. Now, I'm sad for myself, for friends. I can't imagine the world of pain her parents and children are in right now. It's just so wrong.

Meanwhile I'm trying to visualise that I'm growing clean eggs, free of nasty genetic disorders so we can have a healthy, take home bub. It's more difficult to do when I'm stressed though. Just need to breathe slowly and deeply.