Good wrap up Gigi!!! Think that helps all of us as you are right its so daunting to try and catch up sometimes.
Kateo, that's fabulous news. What a relief!!!
Just letting you know we had our first ultrasound the other day a saw a lovely heart beat on the monitor its put us at about 7 weeks. Getting to that moment has been soooo hard, I'm just wondering how I'm going to get through all the other milestones!
Kate! Congratulations lovely. That's wonderful news and wow, how about you managing to keep it a secret til 12 weeks. That shows courage and strength hun and I couldn't have done it. I wanted to, but we caved after about a week. Only my family and a few close friends know I'm pregnant and I'm looking forward to being able to tell everyone after our scan in a couple of weeks at 20 weeks.
Gi - you are amazing! Loved the catch up and just goes to show how much you pay attention and care about all of us in here. You and Dory are just gorgeous too the way you support each other :-)
Sarahrach, well done on the good scan babe! It's a long slog, but just get to those mini milestones and don't wander too far ahead of yourself - I have to keep halting myself and living in the moment, which is hard for a control freak to do!
How's everyone else going?
I'm doing ok. Ok, sort of not really. I'm just starting to feel really stressed about this ultrasound. I'm too scared to even contemplate a problem and going through the hell that we went through in 2007. And all my DH and family keep saying is "you'll be fine" and "try not to worry". I know they are trying to help but what I need is someone who is happy to listen to me and let me vent and not make me shut down what I'm feeling just because it makes others uncomfortable. Anyway apart from that, things are good.
I also wanted to say that sometimes I don't feel right posting such comments in here as I know this is a haven for TTC, not hearing whinging pregnant women. So please, feel free to tell me to shove off. I just love the supportive environment and the ladies in here which is why I haven't been able to leave...
Powelly - addressing your last para about not feeling right. Speaking for myself when I was not PG but in the TTC phase, all of these thoughts about not just getting PG but what it would be like when I was and how I would feel and cope were also going around in my head. So for me reading a snippet of the emotional rollercoaster that is PG after such late losses helped me to understand that my feelings were normal when we decided to TTC again.
Hope that makes sense. Essentially what I'm trying to say is that hearing from ladies that were PG was helpful to me. So I can't imagine someone telling you to shove off :-)
Powelly..ok so I am a little tittle bit tipsy in the mid afternoon...after a wine tasting for D's work (OMG you should have read that before i dcorrected all the spelling- Ha) BUt.....Love you are wlecome in here anytime. You know hun, this space is just a space and we can make of it what we want. i know I am all philosophical atm...as i just had a HUGE discussion with this poor girl on the marketing for the label she is behind...I had my view...not sure if it went down well, I promise i was not a meany...ANYWAY- totally off topic. My face is numb. I never drink....very very rarely drink and i haven't had much. But tasting puts you over so quickly. Smelling, breathing and sipping the wine. OMG I am blotto...taxi for Dh to work i think. Thank god we took notes...i have no chance remember in most of the wines i just tasted.
Oh dear i have really gone off subject.
Powelly..honestly, sarahrach...stick around until you feel confident to fly....if that means forever then we get to have you forever....a blessing im my eyes.
O dear I am off to sit this one out a bit i think. I have not been tipsy in such a long long time. xxxxx
Gigi, you crack me up You are beautiful and I love ya heaps!! For your information, I used to drink a beer here and there and now I take a sip and I feel so drunk I cannot think straight. This is after two or so sips
Powelly, I know what you mean about people saying 'you'll be OK'......how the hell do they know that!! lol. Seriously hun, people mean well and they want to be re assuring, but we all know we have these demons in our heads and they sometimes don't want to leave. Stupid demons. So I will say, I hope it all goes well with your scan, I will have everything crossed for you hun. And as for not being able to leave?????? I am still in here from time to time, waiting for someone to kick ME out!!!
Kate, OMG congratulations sweetie!!! It's been ages since I've heard from you so it's really nice to hear some great news as well. GL with the pg hun!
Sarah, yay for the lovely HB!! I bet you are so relieved and over the moon. Those first hurdles are very hard, big hugs!
Hi Dory, how are you gorgeous? Hope the angels internment went well
Hi Cheryl!! How are you doing hun??
Did I miss anyone??? Sorry, I don't pop in as often as I would like!
Hi Miss B!! Spreading your love again....love having you here.
Yes...thsi is not my usual self....thank you for laughing! xx
I shoul dhave said that. Powelly...no one ever knows hun and you need the time and space to vent what ever you are feeling...rational or otherwise. Tell them to come see me! I will sort them out. No just jokes. I am sure they are well meaning but it makes it hard. I think people are scared. They might feel that if they entertain an idea, thought, feeling, that is might stick around. Embrace it i say and it ever stays forever.
Oh dear....over and out I am going to sit down. xoxoxo
I should just add....to make you all laugh.
I just walked outside to hang the washing...the aircon was on...so I closed the door. CLUNK! the dowel fell down and locked me out. I have just move various pieces of courtyard junk to be able to jump up on to the roof...scale the wall to the second story bedroom window. Oh yes i feel secure right now. Pulled the screen and jumped back in. I LOCKED MYSELF OUT simply hanging the washing.
I must stop now doing whatever i am doing...before i hurt someone!
See you all later on. xoxoxo SOBER
hahaha Gi! You are a cracker girl. I love it. I used to drink lots and do similar things but obviously curbed my ways when I had DS. I still love a glass or two every night and am missing it in pregnancy. Hope your head wasn't too sore this morning and am so glad you didn't hurt yourself after your roof escapade!!!!
Sarahrach - too true. I too loved hearing from the preg's as it 1. gave me hope and 2. got me prepared for the barrage of emotions... Did I say ready? I don't think one after loss can ever be ready for how crazy a pregnancy is!
Miss B - thanks for your kind words too. I don't think I'll ever leave this forum even though I know I'll never be TTC again!
Ah Gi, the sweet surrender to tipsy land.... sometimes it can be so nice just to let go a little.. thankyou for sharing... the amazing aventures of tipsy Gi! I think I could write a nice little book based on your adventures today... hope you didn't feel too messy afterwards and could just sleep it off.
Powelly - I can't leave either... it is a supportive group of women in here, and maybe when such a nice vibe exists, maybe even friendship, then it's ok? But one of the things I think about is making sure those who need it have a safe place.... I would hate to think that I was taking their safe place away.... so I guess it's important for those who need a safe place to speak up when they don't or can't hear about the ups and downs of a journey they so desperately want to be on. Does that make any sense? I am hoping to TTC again, I wonder if my journey to date makes me more "desperate", or maybe I have just found my niche? Doesn't feel like it sometimes... but I guess we probably all think we can do better sometimes. So if you don't mind me asking, why no TTC again?
I hope that you are able to find something to distract yourself from the all pervasive fear.... nothing anyone can say will help... not really, it's something that you must conquer or at teh very least endure, and vent when you need to. Hugs and breathe....
Here's a question. When Nick was born ( well slipped on out really)... I was relating my history with Amelia to the obs on call ( that is trauma in itself having to always re-live the trauma by telling people about it again) and he said " oh you actually laboured?" I keep forgetting to ask about that comment, but I wanted to know what your experiences were if you don't mind sharing. Amelia was 22 weeks +6 days, and I had a full on labour. Same with Sophie at 19 weeks + days. I am wondering why the obs would have said that.... just got me thinking. The reason I am asking now? I re read some of my journals recently and that comment was in it.... I had forgotten about it.
Ahhh...yes i was sober within the hour. I am not big drinker....maybe a few times a year i might have one or two drinks and that is it. So when i have anything...i feel it. I was just giggly and a twit. But a little too much to drive i think. I gave up drinking a long long time ago, for when you are TTCing I have rarely let myself loose. And to be honest i just can't handle feeling off later. BLah. My drink of choice...wine or my big delight....frangelico and lime juice on ice. MMmmmm love it. But this day was a NZ wine show and we were tasting for DH's wine menu at work...Sauv Blanc's had whispered in my ear all afternoon. Some were very nice...and i didn't spit them out as i propably should have. Next time.
Dory hun...big thoughts to be thinking. I find that comment from the Ob a bit strange...I am not sure why, possibly because i thought there was only one way to have a baby...and that was to labour or of course C section. I wonder when it is that labour is labour. Even for our period...our uterus contracts and we dilate somewhat.
Ok my experience was that I laboured...7 hours for DD. I had to be almost fully dilated to birth her. Her body was tiny but she was swollen with fluid. She had a large cyst behind her neck which is why i had to be fully dilated. This, in the end burst on her arrival but made her decent a lot slower especially at the end as she came feet first- bless her. I started to show signs of labour and it was only then that i placed 1/4 of a tab of misoprostal on my cervix to make sure my body would kick in. There was no way i would consider taking a full tab as my body was already kicking in.
I waited nearly 5 weeks to go into labour for DD's birth i think. My choice entirely as i wanted to give my body a chance to go naturally...or as close to. My biggest fear was retaining the placenta and needing a curette. I refused to take the misoprostal any earlier on as i wanted to try and have as little pain relief as possible and i was frightened of pushing my body more than i needed to. This might have been my only chance at giving birth. I wanted to give my body a chance of having a relatively normal experience which in my heart and head -might help me heal faster too. She was born 28 weeks and 5 days. Labour still knocked me for six a bit and i am not sure i the misoprostal contributed to this. My SIL said...bless her, labour is labour. The size of your baby seems to make very little difference on the discomfort and labour pain- i have no idea if it is true of if she was comforting me...i don't care really as it was nice to hear. Which helped me feel like i had entered that hall of fame...labour, a mother, the club i longed for. I just held a scar on my heart that is all, and my child was an angel.
So yes a very normal labour for me too hun and i think i coped well with it.
I hope this helps you.
I am so glad to hear comments that some of you are staying here even though you are no longer TTC for whatever reason. I was wondering if it was OK for me to still hang about even though I am currently not TTC. I sort of feel OK popping in now and then now.
I must say I was glad to have given birth to Ellen and not have a C section. She was full term so a full sized baby.
I only was 3hr 45 mins in labour and I didn't find it very tough. I was expecting it to hurt more and to take longer. I have wondered ever since if perhaps the birth didn't hurt as much as other women say because Ellen had already died.
I have been a bit worried about the new little squirt this week as I have had lower back pain and I had that when Ellen died. The hospital let me come in for a quick scan just to make sure I wasn't too stressed and everything is just fine.
Gi - thanks for sharing about your labour with DD ... I think you are truly an amazing soul and so blessed to have gotten to know you. I've been told too that labour is labour. Glad you didn't have to have any intervention after DD was born... and no pain meds - well done. It is such a wonderful achievement. I understand what you mean about being part of a club..... I feel proud to have birthed. I wish that I had had your grace and peace when Amelia was born.
I had to be fully dialated and effaced too and she was 450gms with 17cm little head. I still think a lot about Amelia's birth and how I was so scared, when I realised I would deliver and remember asking meekly " no caesarean?". I had been in labour by that stage for 2 days and in hospital for 1..... but still hoping it would all stop and instead I'd be in a hospital for an extended period. For me the contractions became excruciating and on top of one another without respite. I whimpered a lot... knowing I had to endure but not believing I could. I decided to have an epidural, to relieve the pain, but so DH and I could actually have time to try and process what was going on. In the time after the epidural took effect to the time just before delivery was a very special time for DH and I. We were able to calmly but sadly contemplate the birth of our little girl and do a short list of names, and just be together quietly and to allow our obs to prepare us for the next steps. I had always anticipated I would cope better with the pain... my GP always tells me I have a very high pain threshold for procedures she does. I got the chance to see how I went with the pain with Sophie as I had no pain relief. I think I was in hard labour for 5 hours, but had been in labour for at least a day before then. I should check sometime about what the hospital says for times etc. Be interesting to know.
For a while I was really disconcerted with the fact that Hannah arrived by caesearan.... and that surprised me, because I was just so grateful that she was here, safely. It probably hit at about week 3 or 4. I didn't feel disconnected from Hannah... but was just so sad that I didn't get to labour and was under a general when she was born. I spoke to my counsellor about it and she said I was probably trying to re write history. I have to admit, there was an element of that.... wanted to know what it was like to labour and get a take home baby.
It's such an emotional journey as well as physical.... and even when dreams come true, there is still such an emotional journey to be had.
Kate - so glad things were ok for you and squirt! Its very scary .... I am glad the hospital was understanding.... as they should be. You make a pest of yourself up there if it helps you get through ok? I am not sure about the effect of a baby dying on labour, except to make it heartbreaking. Every woman labours differently in the way she perceives it and pain. - wow - 3 hours and 45 mins is amazing.... although when it's you in those moments it seems like a while... have you written any more poetry lately?
I gave two of my angel balloons away today. A friend came to visit with her two kids and they saw the balloons and of course wanted them. I didn't mind, but I am wondering if it upset my fried a little for her kids to have balloons which read "beloved babies Amelia, Nicholas and Sophie loved eternally, fly free" written on them? Or maybe she was just sad for me?
Anyway, I think we are all amazing... we gave our children such a gift... the gift of our love, a gift which continues today... love eternal.
Thanks for your post and wow, it's been amazingly sad reading your stories and realising that it's all too common, the tragedy of losing babies and how heart-wrenching it is.
To answer your questions, we won't be TTC again because we only wanted two children. I love DS and can't wait to have this bundle, but that will be enough for my DH and I. We feel blessed to have been given DS let alone any more and to be honest, even when TTC this bub, I was wondering if I was pushing my luck asking for another healthy baby after I'd been blessed with one.
As for what happened when we lost our first little boy. I'll try and be brief. At our Morph scan at 19w, 4 days, we were told we were having a boy, and in the same sentence, that the doctor would need to talk to us as they had found some serious problems. He was diagnosed with severe spina bifida/hydrocephelus and the prognosis was terrible. After rushing around for two days talking to every doctor, specialist, etc we were given 24 hours to make a decision. I can't begin to tell you how much I wanted him, but in my heart I knew he wouldn't have any kind of life as the complications were just too great (and that is if he made it to term). I was induced and endured a 20 hour labour, all the while hearing other babies being delivered screaming into this world, alive. The care we received at the hospital was ok, but in hindsight, they had no idea how to deal with this sort of thing. No information was given, nothing. And as he was born a day before he was deemed "viable" (what the hell is that anyway!!! he was MY CHILD, regardless of how long he'd been inside me for!), we were told we wouldn't be able to recognise him legally, no birth certificate, no funeral. I'm sure that this is one of the main reasons I still haven't been able to let go, even to this day. That and the guilt of being forced to make a decision that one should never have to make. Whilst I got to have cuddles and stay with him, I never got to take him home and that kills me inside. Because I knew no different, I bled for 13 weeks after delivery. I was sick, I felt horribly anxious and didn't know what was wrong. I ended up in the ED one day and after an internal ultrasound I was told I had retained placenta in there, and a lot of it. So I had a D&C the next day (they kindly waited a day as it was my birthday when I presented). The night of my D&C I was resting at home and when I stood up, I noticed I was bleeding a lot. I had started to heomorrage and we had to call an ambulance. That night I spent in the geriatric ward as it was the only bed available and I didn't sleep a wink, trying to figure out if this was some sort of never ending nightmare or was I truly living this... After that, I healed physically but the anxiety lasted much longer. For someone who had never had depression/anxiety or anything like that, it's been really hard to come to terms with.
Dory I have also been asked how I delivered and they are always shocked to hear of the ordeal. I guess they expect it would have been a c-sec.
I'm not sure how to move on fully. I want to. The hurt is always there, although it has dulled over the almost 4 years. Writing this has been very hard. And yes, like you said, having to relive it to every midwife I come across is hard but I hope that the more I tell my story, the more I'll come to terms with it? Who knows.
Thank you all for sharing your stories. It once again shows the strength and courage of the women in here.
I will be back in when i can give the time these posts deserve.
So beautiful of everyone to share. Some healing in thie for me.
Thank you everyone...for being so open. Will be back later before i leave the house. xoxo
I am back...
Dory, i can definitely say that if I had less time and D's death had come sooner, therefore not having the 'time' we had- It would have gone very differently. One of the midwives did say at the time...which i will never forget. This may not be a time to be brave and if you need the pain relief than take it hunny. I understand what she was trying to say although at the time i remember thinking...Babe this is as brave as any woman can be- to birth her dead child. But I also appreciated that is simply No shame in pain relief. I certainly took tablets! Ouch...and i didn't have to worry about the health of my baby too which helped me say yes. Labour was a humbling experience that reminded me that we all experience a different 'song'. So whatever we need to get us through, is a private and valid choice. I admire your for your choices hun. I think that the time it gave you with DH for choosing names and spending time to prepare is just irreplaceable. The importance of that was incredible and how special you got to do that.
As for c sections...i was told and not sure if this is bible as it was only one hospital that told me this, is that so early on the cut to the uterus that needs to be made is much more full on and they try to avoid it if they can...but people have it. Supposedly it can weaken the uterus with scar tissue etc....I don't know. It takes some getting your head round to get to the point that i could and would birth our girl. At first...at very first, i thought- this is what people do...you get it over and done with as soon as possible and clean up! And i know it is not really like that at all. It just didn't sit right with me. For a lot of people the heartache is so unbearable or the event is an emergency. Not to say our hearts weren't broken but we were so very determined. It is hard to talk about this stuff without fear of hurting someone or offending someone. We all have such very different views and i know i justify my choices with my own reasons but they may not be relevant for other people. I can be hurt easily with these topics, because i am at peace with my decisions and i do fear judgement for them sometimes. Other times i think...my tune, my choice and I am stronger for it.
The trouble is when you go through this sort of journey you are so raw, innocent and overwhelmed. A person can be so easily influenced and so if the support around you is lacking in anyway, it can really have an impact on your own experience. I think as humans we can eventually be pretty forgiving for circumstances but it doesn't help at the time.
I would imagine there was processing to be done on all levels of DD3's birth into the world. I think you can forgive yourself for going through those emotions. Sometimes it is just important to get that baby here and in your arms. How graceful that might be...becomes irrelevant. But in saying that every experience needs to have a valid place in our lives. Letting go can be really hard when it is not what we planned or hoped for. I think we are all a testiment to that. I like to think of it more as accepting...rather than letting go. Your choices were right for the time hun. You may get to make them again. We are always more the wiser for our own needs the next time round. Sophie tells you that.
Powelly, my heart aches for you hun. It is enough that the experience of losing your child had to be had let alone it being not the best experience it could have been. I feel your pain through your words. I am so sorry it was the way it was hun. Firstly...of course you child was viable. You should have been given the choice to birth him the next day if you so wanted...to meet their legal bs. I think you can put his name on this bub's birth cert anyway hun which might be a nice way of including him in the 'papers' of the family. Look into it.
We had a very similar experience to find out with the 'happy news', all the 'sad news' in the same sentence. Talk about heartwrenching. You are right, no one should ever have to make this decision for their child. You are a brave and strong woman to do so hun. You have done a beautifully selfless thing for your boy, never feel guilty for that. Time however, you should have been given more time. I wish for you that they could have prepared you more, given you lots of information. It sounds like they really were not well trained for this. Your after care should have been a whole lot more and they would hve picked up things were not right. Sometimes it can be 'damned if they do and damned if they don't' as far as info goes. You have so much to deal with at the time that it can be so overwhelming but i still say they should try. We asked so many questions. But those questions came over weeks not hours or days. I remember getting them to print out pages from their books with info on different drugs, side effects etc when we were making decisions to dry my milk up or not. They were very good with me...and i could imagine even though I was being as nice as pie, i was a high maitenance patient. So we all should be really.
I am glad you got to spend time with him afterwards. It sounded like a world wind. I know it was for us and we got to prepare ourselves as much as anyone can. Oh hun, your little man would be proud of you.
I can only imagine you had been knocked for six. Depression and Anxiety has entered my life once or twice in the past but this can bring anyone to the floor. I can imagine that would be confronting for someone to experience for the first time around such an experience.
Kate, I am glad you got to birth your Ellen. I just think everyone is different hun. I don't think it cahnges too much if the baby is alive or dead...if anythng i would have thought a live bubba could assist the birth with turning and hormones, moving etc. And if it is your thing..a spiritual connection too. But i think that exists when bub has died anyway...sorry , this might not be your cup of tea.
That was a short one, I hope you live near the hospital for this one. Sounds like you are made to make babies hun. That is meant in the most respectful way.I am sorry you didn't get to take your Ellen home. I hope she watches over you. I can imagine she is excited to be a big sister soon. I am glad you got to settle the nerves with a scan hun...and all was ok.
I hope i got to say all i needed to...if i missed anything or said it badly i will get to make up for it I am sure. They are hard topics to touch on, so personal and so hurtful for all.
My heart goes out to you brave ladies. yOu all inspire me to be the best i can be going through this.
Love to you all.
xoox HM
AFM- new cycle, Af just gone...off to dance my heart out tonight. The Waifs...here i come.
First got to go and look after my nephews. xoxo
Powelly - thankyou, thankyou so much for sharing.. I am so proud of you and honoured that you did... I am sorry to have put you in a position where you relived your sorrow.
Sweetie, I am so so sorry that you didn't get more compassionate care.... and that you had so many complications afterwards. Right at the very time when you are emotionally and physically vulnerable and you needed so much more, it wasn't there. I know that I am truly blessed to have received such gentle and understanding care from my obs, and most of the hossy staff.
Interestingly enough, the only one of our angels that ever came home with us was wee Nicholas. I had wanted to bring Amelia home, but by the time I decided that, too much time had passed. Even though Nicholas and Sophie weren't given legal recognition as citizens, we were able to have them cremated and have a funeral service for them. I don't know if the funeral home just felt sorry for us or what.... I think they must have because they also presented some flowers for Sophie.
To be honest though, legal status is just something imposed by society... as you said, he was your beloved little boy, and will always be.
I know this sounds peverse, but I am glad you get asked that question too about labouring.... it made me think there was something wrong with me. A friend of mine's baby boy was still born at 39 weeks and she had a casear, but I have never spoken to her about why. I might do that one day.... I do know though with earlier gestations the uterus hasn't thinned in the lower segment and the incision would have to be vertical not transverse, and if vertical, it is more difficult to recover from and it means that type of incision always, in the future.
Gi - I hope I haven't upset you by starting this line of posts..... Obviously a lot on my mind right now, but I realised we never talk about the most amazing, heartbreaking, but amazing experiences of our lives very often... and some days, I do want to remember and just be with those memories.
I am waiting for person from an awning place to arrive to measure and quote to replace some awnings.... the old ones have had their day and when we tried to clean them we put holes in the,... such a good look. Oh an the poor cat - I have him some of my tuna and juice and her loved it for the 30 seconds it stayed down and then it ALL came up again, several times and now I remember that it's too salty for cats and should be avoided. Poor little cat.
We went to hospital on a tuesday arfternoon. I wan't in labour, I was just curious as to why I hadn't felt my baby move. She was 41 weeks and I had see her wriggling about on an ultrasound the previous Friday afternoon.
We had no idea there was anything wrong. We were lighthearted and just hoping to make sure all was OK before our new baby arrived. I had had a totally fuss free pregnancy even though there was a lot of fuss made about my weight and stuff.
When we got to the delivery suite a midwife tried to find a heartbeat and couldn't. She didn't say much but got a doctor and an ultrasound and he didn't say anything either. We knew there was something wrong but noone would say anything. My hubby was sitting on a chair away from me and I burst into tears. I keep begging"Is there something wrong with my baby?" he came over to me for a bit then followed the doctor outside and shouted at him to say what was going on. That doctor still wouldn't say anything.
Finally the midwife got another doctor who again did an ultrasound and finally told us the truth that our baby had died.
Due to the incredibly poor preparation in birth classes for this type of thing I imagined they would immediately do a C section and remove the dead baby from inside me. I was totally unprepared to be asked to give birth and I didn't want to. My wonderful husband talked me into it by saying I didn't want a big scar to be a reminder of our lovely baby. I finally agreed to be induced.
We were then taken to a special room with a double bed and they started the induction. It took 3 lots of gel to get me started but once in labour I had Ellen quite quickly. I used a bit of gas. At one stage I asked for an epidural but mostly because there was a high risk of me dying with the drugs not because of pain. At that stage I just wanted to go with my baby. They of course wouldn't give me the epidural.
Ellen took 3h 45m to get into the world. She was beautiful on arrival. I couldn't believe I could love something so much that was so still.
I am so so glad I did give birth to her naturally. I so hope I can do the same with the little squirt.
Because it was such a hard decision to have a natural birth I wrote this letter and they now have it to give to mothers if they find themselves in my position. I found it hard to believe the doctors really knew what I needed when they said I should give birth naturally.
Here's the letter I wrote and gave to the doctors at the hospital to use if they need.
Dear Mother-to-be,
I am writing this because I know just how devastating the news you have been given about the death of your expected child can be.
I am the mother of Ellen Mary who also passed away just before she was due to be born.
I was almost unable to believe I was carrying a dead child inside me after rejoicing for my whole pregnancy about the wriggling, busy person we had conceived.
I kept hoping there was some mistake.
I could truly not believe the doctors and midwives were asking me to give birth to her.
My instinct was to have her taken from me by caesarean while I was asleep.
My wonderful husband even said at one point that he just didn’t want to see her.
Luckily for us our midwife was a knowledgeable and wise close friend and someone we knew beyond the boundaries of health care and hospital.
She convinced us that the best thing would be to have our baby induced and to go
through labour for her. Unbelievably this was the right thing to do. We followed this advice with heavy hearts.
Now for the reason I write this short letter.
I am writing this so you have another mother’s thoughts as I felt at the time I’d have liked the opinion of another woman who had been through this experience.
It was all well and good for the professionals to give their opinions but none of them had ever been in the same situation that we were facing.
The process of labour honestly helped us feel better.
We met our child and held her. She was beautiful and we love her.
All I can say is believe me that the experience I had going through labour and birth was the right thing to do.
It helped both myself and my husband to begin the process of grieving and was totally and surprisingly helpful.
In this situation you must totally and honestly make the decisions you feel are the right ones but you now have the knowledge that the advice you are being given by doctors and midwives was also the right decision for another mother and father.
We understand your grief and we wish with all our hearts that this could be different for you.
Gi - your words are a salve to my aching soul.... thankyou, more than you will ever know... I think I will copy your post and have it handy to read and re read. Enjoy your bogey and music.. where are they playing?
Kate -your letter is simply the most touching letter... you are a beautiful woman to have written it and I hope the hospital uses it. I wish I was as good with words as Gi is, all i can say is I am so so sorry.
Thanks for helping me find my tears, strangely I have missed them, and it's nice to have them as my companion again. Fly free beautiful ones.
You are beautiful and I love ya heaps!! For your information, I used to drink a beer here and there and now I take a sip and I feel so drunk I cannot think straight. This is after two or so sips 
!! bahahahahahahahahahaha
Bookmarks