Kate...that was just gorgeous. So very beautiful and just what i would have wanted to read. You are an incredible lady to have thought of this. Thank you for sharing it here. I am so grateful. Your story is just so heart breaking and so very raw. I am sorry you lost your baby girl just as you were expecting to meet her, take her home and hold her forever. I just don't know what to say. I am glad you got to give birth to her too. I am glad your husband was there and that he knew what you needed...instinctively. What a gift. Sending you a huge hug lovely.


Dory...Yes that is what i heard re c-sections earlier on. No hun, i am not upset at all. like you have so aptly(sp) put...it has helped me find my tears again. I want to talk about it more. I understand it is reliving it but it really helps to do that sometimes. I miss telling her story. Not many people ask anymore. It has been told. Unfortunately it is her only story so i have to relive it at times.
I was thinking fo sending in exerts from my diary to SANDs for their magazine in hope it might help someone and help me keep her memories alive. i am a bit too nervous about it. I am scared for some reason.

Faced a challenge tonight. Had a lovely night at The Waifs...and Mamma Kin. The Waifs came on stage and Vicki was pregnant...about the same timing that i was with DD. Her sister Donna said she had a few months to go which confirmed it for me. I was front and centre staring at her belly all night...i couldn't miss it. I was thrilled for her and felt honoured that she was still performing and giving it her all. If that baby doesn't come out holding an instrument...i will kick myself. But hurt seeing it. I am not sure why this struck a cord. I have facing strangers in the street pregnant. I am facing babies and dealing with it...sometimes not well but i do.
I was not prepared for this reminder tonight. I probably relate to vicki the most out of the two sisters and i used to admire and envy her voice and style...now her belly too. It was also a huge reminder for DH...of our dd, our pregnancy and of our life before- when we saw them last 8 years ago.
i am thrown...a bit angry and upset. Not at anyone...just thrown. I am not sure what is going on in my head. I have just spent the last few hours staring at the one thing i wanted to get away from tonight. I feel really heavy right now...

Dory...glad i can help although I am not sure what i did. I think sometimes...someones words can strike a cord and then other times...can speak to us so vividly it is like they are in our head. I know i find that. xoxo

I AM going for a shower and will try to get some sleep...i have another big day tomorrow and a lot in my head to process. I feel like a pressure cooker right now. xooxo I just want to scream.