2 Feb is Chinese New Year, it is the year of the Rabbit, which is a good year for reproduction (according to DH...) So FX for all of us, may the Rabbit's year be OUR year!!!
Hey Girls... Thought I would pop in and say sorry I have been awol.... Been in and out of doctors with chestpains (they keep checking the heart) but I think it is all stress leading up to Matthews first Birthday. Of course I refer to it as his birthday because had one doctor not decided something else was more friggin important it WOULD be his birthday. Those of you with older kids? do you find that you are more "panicky" about their health? I found myself going off my tree at a pathology dept because they didnt have a blood test result within 6 hours (omg) when I had been told it would be 48 hours.. But shoot, do they know what its like to loose a child? to be yelling at anyone who will listen that something is F(&*^ing wrong~!!!!!! and for them to stand there and NOT listen while your babys life is slipping away. We put our trust in these "medical professionals" hmmmm I need to calm down again... sorry
I will do Personals tomorrow I think. Maybe not the best time tonight...
Oh Tess, what an ordeal hun. I hope you are feeling a bit better.
Yes the medical profession can often have me pulling my hair out. Which is why i try to avoid them at all costs. That is unfair...there are some great people out there. But the industry does get me frustrated.
I can imagine that you would be more worried about health of your little boy. I think...oh i don't know, I think i would be. I (in my head as i woul dbe put in a straight jacket if my family had anything to say about it) fret over my nephews... I find myself thinking about what i would be doing in their shoes and i can say it probably would not be with as much grace. It is hard.
In the first 12 months i worried about everyones health...even mine. I felt like i could lose everything in a split second. I had experienced something that no one thought was possible...unrealistically. Not to us...we were meant to be parents, good with kids, trying for so long, healthy, did everything right. Too freakin perfect in some respects. ANd our baby dies...no reason...simply unfair. So yeah, i got scared. My beliefs were rocked to the very core.
I think it would be completely normal to worry a little more. I have to keep myself in check.
I hope you feel better soon sweet and everything calms down for you so you can get back to enjoying your little boy, and your Matthew's first birthday. Take a step back and have a cuppa tea love. Sending you understanding thoughts, love and support. HM xoxo
If it is any help. I felt so so angry for such a long time. Normal, understandable and it still pops up for me now and then. I was just so angry...around about the time for you now, it was for me. Just before DDs 1st bday. Pi55ed off to the max at everything and everyone. oxox
lady tess - let it out dear one... better shared here than kept inside.... it's ok to be angry... it's such a valid and necessary emotion, even if we're not so good as a society at showing understanding for it need and compassion for those who are expressing it. I hope your DS is ok - why is he needing blood tests?
I have been angry and it was at the most unusual time. I was angry when Nicholas died. I was seething, not at anyone but that his twin sister would now miss out on being a twin in life outside the womb. It all ended in heartbreak anyway, but I just remember just seething with anger for 2 weeks straight. At first I was ok with it, surprised more than anything, then I became scared as it was just so intense, but then I made my peace with my anger. Not sure how. I think I just said to it and myself that it was welcome to come and sit with me. I know it sounds odd. But I suppose really I didn't deny it, but opened myself up to it and explored why I was angry and didn't try to change it, but just accepted it.
I am sorry you've had such a sad experience as not to be believed when you should have been. In terms of my invovlement with the medical profession, at least in terms of my angels, I haven't experienced that... but it would make me angry beyond belief.
I do worry about Hannah's health, mostly at this point in time it's SIDS,and there have been some very anxious moments for me in that regard. But I am coming to understand , that there will always be something to worry about, it's just a moving feast as to what it is at any point in time. I don't want to spend my time being preoccupied by worry when the most beautiful and precious thing, life, which right now in my home, includes my angels, my HB and DH and my fur babies, is right here for me to live. I am not trying to sound glib... I am not always good at not worrying It's more I try to not do it too much, but it's like anger, sometimes I need to acknowledge it, let it in, and just sit with it a while before sending it on its way.
The first birthday of your angel Mathew is likely to be the hardest. It doesn't get easier, but for me ( I am just about to enter the succession of 2nd angel versaries), it's more I have an idea of what to expect? Hard to explain really. But thinking of you at this time when your thoughts and rightly so with your precious baby boy, gone too soon.
Oh Gi I hear you... about being scared about everything and being rocked to the core.... maybe we should call ourselves phoenix? We have rebuilt ourselves from total devastation and have risen from ( and with) the ashes and are reformed. G'night.
A huge Happy Birthday to you Haakan! Your existance has touched so many people. Watch over you mummy and daddy as they continue to remember you which can be such a bitter sweet feeling for them. Such a big day today, happy birthday little man.
Hope you all enjoy the day as much as you can. Be gentle and hope you are doing ok. xoxooxox
Big hugs to you and your hubby TJ. We are all here with you as you face this day. Happy Birthday Haakan. Without knowing it, you have touched the lives of many and hold a dear place in your parents hearts forever xxx
TJ - I hope that in amongst the tears and sadness that you were also able to get in touch with the love you have for your darling little boy. Happy Birthday Haakon, for yesterday..... be always the guiding light for your mum and dad....
Thinking of you especially over the next few days.
I'm a bit shell shocked at the moment as I just POS and got double lines. Exciting, scary, freaking out, sad, happy and a bit more feaking out is pretty much what's going on right now.
I did not even think I was ovulating this month as my temps were all low (I was not charting, but took a couple) and I'd been on antibiotics for a few weeks. But given I'm almost a week late with my AF I thought I better take a peek. And I trickled a tiny bit into a cup (almost the colour of water) and bang - double lines.
I've felt I'd turned a corner in January and was doing really well mentally. But this is sooo quick. I know I'm blessed, I just need to process this for a moment...
Sorry - I don't know if this is the right place to post this, but I can't even really believe this is happening. Guess its off to the docs for some bloods...
SaraRach - Congratulations on your BFP! Speechless is so totally normal... so is petrified..... if you need to debrief then I'm here. You can always PM me too. Oh sweetie - I am so very happy for you. Well done. TJ's DH is a bit of a prophet already... bring on the year of the rabbit.
Thanks Dory - actually, surprising I'm feeling great right now! Just going a day at a time, but I'm feeling really fabulous which is probably freaking me out more than when I was freaking out, hahah, hope that makes sense.
Yep, clearly rabbits are good for repo. I hope its a sticky year for all that are trying, and I know no matter what happens I'll have wonderful ladies to support me through it all.
One day at a time is my mantra along with some deep breathing :-)
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It's more I try to not do it too much, but it's like anger, sometimes I need to acknowledge it, let it in, and just sit with it a while before sending it on its way.
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