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And so starts the tww! ...
I hate it already!
Sent from my iPhone (via Tapatalk) so please forgive the spelling mistakes...
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Chin up love, the days are young. You will reach the end with glory and grace. I know you will.
Sweet, what does P.I.G mean?
Good luck this month, my fingers are crossed for you.
AFM- CD6 and AF should be done now...before end of the day anyway. Preparing for our last couple of attempts i think. The end is nigh and we are doing ok. I will not be in here much talking about me/us as i have a feeling there will be enough pressure without talking myself into more. So this is the last you will hear about this cycle from me. I think that is best.
GOod timing, my first Psych appointment will be while I am ovulating, which should be an interesting dynamic. Not sure yet if it will be a good thing of not to be trenching through the past and how i am feeling at such a senstitive time...or maybe it is the perfect time to do so. I will go with the flow and make the most of it.
Love to you all...busy couple fo weeks for me and dh. Last 1st bday for a nephew this weekend for the year. The theme is carnival and I am going as a fortune teller/gypsy...so true to my spirit. Guide Dogs stuff going well so far. Went to an info morning yesterday and it was more that i thought but I am still up for it. The first 8weeks i have to carry it up and down stairs...and not let it walk about until it is vaccinated among other things...should be interesting.
Sands meeting tonight, mechanic tomorrow...camping next week and a bit of looking after the kids Mon/Tues. Somehow i think i need this distraction in the the TWW instead.
Anyway back to yoga for now.
Thinking of you all...
Chez, hope you are going well. Thankful to hear little man's heart will heal in time. Keep those legs crossed! ;)
Skybie, hope your decision making is getting easier with time. I looove horses and everythign Dory said just made be 'feel' them all over again. I will go horse riding in Aug down at a friends house. DH is allergic to them...so i have never learned as i would have like to. But i have been and I love it. I frightens me a little. They are so big. But i can't help feel a connection to horses. They are magnificent animals. I love their eyelashes and the way they shiver to shake off a fly or relax. I, like dory, also love thier smell. xoxo
LND, good luck sweet. I hope this is our month. Your inlaws sound like fun love...hope you enjoyed the food and not having to wash up!
Em J, I wish my brothers were as brave...they are big chickens for showing emotion, but i love them anyway. I am close with my SILs, one more than the other but pretty close. After losing DD, it put a lot of strain on those relationships for me. Love, why do you have to have a hysterectomy...or maybe have to? Is there another way. I don't want to assuem you haven't but have you looked into alternatives? I wish you were not feeling this pressure. Your beautiful boy was born such a short time ago and there is enough pressure to live life without all the rest. I hope you are feeling a bit better. Thinking of you. xx
Miss B, Thank you hun, I have passed that on. He is getting a lot better in the last few days. Still quite stressed but has been doing a soft poo everyday again...thankfully.
Dory, How are you going love? Hope the household is feeling well again. Winter is on it's way...so time to crack out the soups and warming slow cooked meals. Hope you enjoyed your dinner out too.
ClairesMummy, How are you holding up?
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Sometimes my green is not working....really annoying me. xoxoxo
Have a great week guys. xoxo:D
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Seems i dont have to think about whether or not i do want a baby. i got a bfp this morning. only 9dpo so not confident yet, but it is hwat it is i guess.
feeling pretty numb atm not happy not sad, just numb....and petrified
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Skybie~ Congrats on the BFP darl, woohoo for you. Like my GP told me with my last BFP a line is a line darl. Seems we are on the same day in our cycles I'm also at 9DPO today. Maybe 10 as Im not 100% sure which day I O'd.
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Hi Skybie
That's great news hun. I'm feeling quietly confident for you FX
ox
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i wasnt sure either. my cycles are usually 32 days but since having Jack theyve been 28, and just by chance we DTD on CD 15, did a few opks around CD 18 to no avail, so guessumed i was about 9dpo today. which im figuring is about right, if it was a 32 days cycle i'd be 4dpo today, and wouldnt have gotten a bfp.
When are u going to test?
Feels weird, i felt pregnant which is why i tested. now im freakiing out that this bub will think its a replacement for Jack when it gets olderr....garggghhh getting ahead of myself here! need to get to 12 weeks before worrying about that stuff huh??
Oh ment to tell u girls, squid FINALLY started walking this week! we're so wrapped, only took 20 months and 9 days!
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Congratulations Skybie. :hug: the ambivalence is totally normal. No baby could ever replace your precious son, you will love him and miss him always. This is a new life, a new pregnancy, a new baby and a new birth. Loving and wanting this baby takes nothing away from Jack. It will take time to sink in. I'm sending you loads of sticky vibes as well as strength and peace to deal with it.
Are you getting counselling hun? If not, have you thought of trying SANDS or SIDS and Kids. SIDS and Kids have monthly meetings for parents with a subsequent pregnancy. I havent been personally, because I'm trying to stay away from sad stories and generally stick my head in the sand, but I am getting counselling.
Dont be surprised if your grief and anxiety go through the roof over the next few weeks. Totally normal - it will ebb and flow. Just go with it, let it out. The fear will seem overwhelming at times, but you can get through it and love and cherish this baby too. When's your EDD? Is it close to Jack's birthday?
Hi to everyone else. Sorry I've been neglectful in here. I hope you're all OK.
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I wAs thinking about going to the SIDS pregnancy meeting I meet with my gp once a month and we have big talks.
Scarily I'm due in the 11th of feb so a few days after jacks birthday but this baby will be coming at 36 weeks so it won't be too close to his birthday
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Congratulations Skybie on your pregnancy - and also on Squid finally walking!
After losing my angel at 18w it felt very strange to fall pregnant again. I felt as if I was walking on eggshells the entire pregnancy with DS2. It didn't feel "real" until at least 28 weeks - which was the gestation at which XH and I had chosen to "resuscitate" if things went haywire.
I did find that counselling and venting with a girlfriend helped a lot.
*hugs* and thinking of you.
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Well Skybie, that is wonderful news hun... in time either one or the other was going to happen and which ever did would have been fine. I am glad it is another bubba. It seems fitting that Jack gets to be a big brother!
Congrats on Squid walking...little tiger will be running circles around you now.
Tashy- good to hear you are going well. Such wonderful and thoughtful advice for Skybie. We are so lucky to have you.
Claires Mummy- wishing you much luck and fortune this cycle.
Better be off girls...I have a few things to get ready for the 1st bday party tomorrow. I have no idea what to dress up as...and it is driving me batty. Got to get these games made though. xoxo
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Just popping in to Congratulate Skye :) Soo thrilled for your rainbow baby hun :hug:
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Congratulations skybie.....I hope you cope with the ups and downs. It's tough having a subsequent pregnancy but hopefully worth all the worry.
Hi to the rest of you. Sorry I haven't been keeping up well, just too stressed anmd worried for myself atm.
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Just popping in to wish you skybie all the best for your pg hun! Congratulations hunni, I am very very happy for you :)
And a big yay for squid walking! Hoorah!!
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Skybie - wow - your BFP news is awesome, but it totally took my breath away. Congratulations sweetie!!!!!.... My wish for you is that you manage the fear. I think what Tashy said is pretty good advice. It's pretty hard to remember that though as your anxiety skyrockets. Unlike Divvy, I am not sure it felt really to me until we'd been home for a little while with HB. But my advice? Do something nice for yourself each day, and do something each day to celebrate your pregnancy. As scared as you are, this baby, can be celebrated and the pregnancy embraced. But if you can't do that, that's ok, you need to do what works for you to get through. Well done on the long wait for walking!
Gi - sweety - I don't have the words. So much going on for you. Enjoy the birthday party tomorrow. How very exciting!
Thinking of you Kateo - I know it's hard. Hope you're ok.
Chez - thinking of you too.
AFM - not much to report. The recent bouts of illness have meant no TTC. Hoping to get back on the bandwagon. Hoping to get back into exercise. Hoping to get back to the accupuncture. Hoping to get on to BB more often. We'll see how all of those hopes go huh?
Interestingly when I saw some heavily pregnant women recently, DH actually noticed they were pregnant and he sort of sighed wistfully.
Anyway, I'd better go. For some inexplicable reason I feel a bit glum.
Belly rubs Skybie!
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Just a quick one for me ladies, today is CD1 another short LP for me of 9 days. Out for the count and no more TTC for us until after my OB/GYN appointment at the end of next month. So I will just cruise along until then. Good luck everyone and i will pop in from time to time.
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Good Luck Clairesmummy, Hope the OB/GYN has you sorted and you are back befor eyou know it. xoxo
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Hello ladies :)
I should know what we are doing on thursday. We saw the fs last Thursday and he ordered more bloods. I still haven't got af back and it's been nearly 10 weeks. It's missing lol. I hope he will just give me the prescriptions for provera and the clomid and send me on my merry way. He never mentioned anything about not being able to ttc now. I figured he would have told us to come back if he didn't think we could now. He did say don't worry I'm going to get you a baby. Which he said last time. Very therapeutic. So I've chosen what ob I'm having next time. Just waiting for the bfp.
Sorry I'm on my phone. I will get more involved when I know what we are doing :) sticky vibes to all <3
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Ahurani, welcome hun. I am not familar with your story...I don't get out much! This is my most comfortable thread these days. Is there a chance you are pregnant now? Have you tested...i know probably a silly question. xoxo
I just went to message a dear friend on FB and my last message to her in FB was just over 2 years ago. You know when your past messages come up as you write a new one...well it just shocked me a bit and tears started and just keep falling. I sounded so happy without a worry in the world. 3 weeks later we found out she was not as well as we thought. Reading this just took me straight back there. Why is it...you can know what situation you are in...be very aware of the gravity of it all, and then still have room to be reminded in a way that breaks your heart all over again. Truth be known, reading my words and being thrown back into those days before we knew, was a little treat of happiness. I felt for a moment, a fleeting moment- that feeling of utter bliss. Only to have it stripped from me a second later. A reminder of what we have lost. God i hate this. Was this a message from DD, a reminder of how happy we were and not to give up. This next baby better hurry up as I am just lost for strength these days and it does not take much to throw me 100 feet! How much i long for this...i have lost myself in this pain, this hell. When does it stop. Oh damn it. I am mad!!!!
I know another child will be just that- another. I have no fear of replacing DD. What I am nervous of is another change in my identity. I don't want to be a grief smothered mother forever, however i am frightened of being too happy. SOme day i feel like DD is slipping from my mind, my fingers and my day. I am happy all the time, i laugh, i play, i get involved in life. I am scared of moving on from her somedays. I am scared of her becoming less significant. I didn't fear this before and i am not sure why i do now. Maybe i am not doing enough for her, to remember her. Anyway...the message in FB that i just read is below...Best i go and spend some time sitting with this to understand what i am feeling. xooxoxoxThanks for listening. This is one of the very few places i can go and not be met with ....oh god, enough already, enough depressing talk! I know this time will pass, it will get better but I have felt low for some time. I trust it will get better. I just miss my daughter and the life she was meant to have. xoxoxoxo Thank you again for this open space and your understanding. xoxo
'I had had an influx of BB facebook friends lately. You all must be chatting.
All is well hun...all three of us are great. 24hrs ago...not so great for me and bubs, we had a vomiting and gastro bug...my god i have never felt so horrid nor thrown up so much. But feeling great today thank goodness. yay.
So so busy and so so happy. I am still working in the city, Florence is being fed right now while i quickly get a couple of emails done.
Hope your little family is well hun!
Chat soon with you again.'
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Gigi sweety - big hugs to you. I know all the feelings you talk about & can imagine the bittersweet pain of reading your old msg :(
I hope your next bub gets a wriggle on also. Let it be soon for all of us waiting x
Hi to everyone else bbl through the week for persies.
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Gi - the things that take you back are always so unexpected.... hugs my dear friend... hugs for being so happy and bouyant, for just a moment, so precious, and hugs for re visiting your heartache. All those other things you said? I feel them too.... so just hugs for a heavy heart and hugs for DD and what could have been. I know that you feel your journey now has been to long and that it's taken to great a toll. I wish, more than anything, that I could help ease your load.... but I just don't know what to say right now, except that I will be here anytime to listen and give you a cyber hug.
Clairesmummy _ I meant to say god to see you here!
Ahurani - GL with your next app .... and glad you've got some hope.... it's a good thing to have. Our poor Gi needs some.
Well just when I thought the snot fairy had gone, she's back.... so not much action around here of the ttc type,. Oh well. For the best, most likely.
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Mof2...thank you so much. Thank you for not trying to cheer me up or move me on. Thank you for listening.
I hope it is not long for you too. xoxox
Dory. we must have posted at the same time. Thank you my dear friend. You always now just what to say. Hard to imagine sometimes that others know your pain. Thank You thank you for always being there. It is of huge comfort to know you are never far away. Hope you feel better soon love. It is horrible being sick. xoxoxoxo
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Gigi: Yeah I tested the other day jic lol. This is my birth story https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...pieces-159289/
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hi girls, our rainbow is gone.
its taken me over 24 hours to comein and tell u. i should have kept my news to myself until i was in a safer place with the pregnancy, im so sorry. i didnt want to hurt any of u by bringing up old memories or feelings, i feel horrible.
To my stalkers(apparently theres alot of u!) thank u for keeping my news to yourselves, i do appreciate it.
Going to assess things a bit....i dunno, maybe my body is just trying to say NO SKYE, no more babies...what else could it be?
Love and baby dust to all of u, again im so sorry if ive upset any of u
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Skybie - sorry for your loss. Take time
Just when I thought it was safe to move to the Pregnancy after Loss group, it seems that Mother Nature decided to whip our butts again. Here's a link to explain:
https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...ciated-164035/
Sorry for the dump and run. Not coping
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Oh gorgeous lady I have no words, well a few words bb doesn't allow. I cant believe this is happening to u. I wish I could say something productive.
Sending all of my energies to u, dh and your precious boy. Everything has to be alright, it just has to
Sent from my iPod touch using Tapatalk
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Tash my god I'm so sorry :( I cant believe this is happening to you both again :( Fight on little man. Just lighting Hayley's candle for you now :hug:
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It seems it is a dark day in our little thread :(
To Skybie & Tash - big BIG hugs to you both. Our worst fears realised......
So very sorry - peace & healing vibes to you both...
Tash - I could not read you link - no permissions to access page butif there is any hope at all
I will cross my fingers tightly....
BBL for other news
xxxx
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Skybie...you are safe in here hun. I am so sorry this has happened. Are you sure this little one has gone...i hope that doesn't come out wrong. Thinking of you and wishing you all the time you need. Take care and be gentle with yourself. xoxoox
Tashy...This is just horrible and I am so sorry you are facing this. You sound so strong and brave. I in awe of you my friend. I hope with all my heart that this all works out and you are rewarded as a family for such love and devotion. Keep going little man and grow big and strong. xoxoxoox
Got to go. oxxoox
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Skybie and Tash this is just too too sad. I am so sorry.
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Skybie, I'm really sorry hun. Take care of yourself and know that I'm thinking of you lovely :hug:
Tash, I've lit my we candle for your precious son. I have prayed for a much needed miracle. You are all in my thoughts and prayers. Huge hugs my friend :hug:
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Tash adn Skybie...checking up on you both. Hope you are doing ok...hang in there.
xoxo
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:hello: Hello lovely ladies, I have been thinking of you all lately and decided i should pop in to see how everyone is going. I really miss being in here, i hope you don't mind me popping in.
Skybie and Tash, sending you both the biggest hugs girls :hug:
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Hello Lovely Samcougar. How have the last few months been as a mummy to your little girl. I bet Riley watches over you all. We think of you often too. Tell me hun...is it all worth it, Of course it would be, but some days i think this just gets a bit hard. Sending you big hugs and thanks for dropping by. xoxoxo
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Hi Ladies just thought I would pop in and say Hi..
Gigi - I had that recently too. My FB message said: "Hi Babe, I had an U/S yesterday and heard saw my babies heartbeats, the bubs are going strong, nothing much else happening, I can't wait to give up work and be a SAHM to my twinny's. Catch up soon xx" I totally know where you are coming from when you look at how happy you were and what expectations you had. :( I hope you are feeling a little better today.
Skybie and Tashybabe :( Just simply no words except I am so so sorry..
Hope everyone else is going ok xxx
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Blessed- it knocks the wind out of you a bit hey. Sorry you had a similar reminder. It sucks. Feeling pretty good today. How about you...how are you going love?xx
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Tashy - oh sweetie, no words can help give you comfort know, just know, that you are not alone and that you are a precious beautiful mother. I wish I could give you answers, I wish I could make this stop for you and that your little man would be safe and well......
Hugs for a really tough time.... I wish I could magic myself to melbourne to help you out.
Take care of yourself my sweet.
Skybie - oh sweetie..... hugs. I am glad you shared your rainbow news with us. Please don't think you did the wrong thing by sharing.... even for just the briefest of moments, your little rainbow lit my world, and their beauty sang in my heart. What a beautiful gift your little rainbow was able to give.....
Take the time you need sweetie to sort through everything.... it's all just so crushing and overwhelming now. Now is not the time to be making decisions, but to be taking care of yourself.
Samcougar - good to see you in here blossom.
Gi - hugs.
Gi - hope the van's
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Gigi, yes its so worth it, but some days i can't help but feel sad about what could have been :( i guess we all think this at times...
Hi Dory, How is that gorgeous girl of yours?
sending my love to all
Bec ooxx
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Hello My Girls
I really havent even looked in the "pregnancy after late loss" thread.... NOt that I am worried. I just feel more "at home" here.
I really would love to see us all over there.
Gigi - How are you feeling hunny??? Isnt it weird how its when we are feeling good (or seemingly so ) something bites us on the ass. Little things... another story of FB was I receieved a email from a "friend" on FB asking me when my babies first birthday was... and they thought it must be coming up.... I stared at it for the longest time.
There also was the stupid health care nurse in town... hold on to your socks with this story. My phone rang 6 months after Matthews death, and it was the local health care nurse, she never let me speak an word in edgewise. She started berating me about not immunising Matthew, and getting him regularly weighed and checked. I let her go, she went on for a good 5 mins, all the while I was getting angrier and angrier... by the time she finished I was seething... Shaking so much, I am sort of glad she wasnt in my face. BUt her last question to me was "what possible reason do you have for not getting Matthew checked, for his own health and welfare...." There was silence as I was trying to compose myself, until she said "excuse me are you there? I would like to know a reason" Well I gave her one.... All I could manage without screaming was "HE IS DEAD!!!" There, naturally, was stunned silence.... but no sorry. I hung up and rang hubby in tears. Needless to say everyone heard about it then.
Tashy - I cant read your story hun... no permissions. I am worried for you. :(
Kateo - YOu do sound strangly calm my dear. Your doing great.
Skybie - I am sorry hunny ((BIG HUGS)) thank you for sharing and please come vent, laugh, cry with us often.
To everyone else I have forgotten (I am sorry) but HUGE HUGS.
AFM - I am 9 weeks now, and man do I feel second hand. No morning sickness but low BP and constant fatigue is taking its toll. I know I had an inital blood test to proove it but everyone around me is shocked to find out I havent been back to the doctor... I dont know, I am starting to think it is sub-concious. Having the medical people involved. I keep making appointments and then cancelling them for one reason or another. and thats just for a referal. I spoke to the specialist breifly and she explained I would be classed as high risk, and be marked down for a c section about 2 -3 weeks before. Because of what happened to Matthew I must not be allowed to go into labour. The shock could send me over the edge. But I have now made an appointment at the GP for next week, and I have made a pact with myself that I am going to keep it.
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Hello Lovely Ladies,
We are finally moved into our new house and unpacked! Now what do I do with myself?
I am so sorry Skybie and Tashy to hear your sad news. I know no words can help but I am thinking of you both.
Ladytess - OMG you think that the nurse would have checked into your history more before ringing you and giving you a blast. Obviously some one has screwed up royally for your history not to be complete. Congratulations on your pregnancy, I totally understand why you dont want to be at the drs, lately in my experience all they bring is bad news! I know its not their fault but I really hate going to them now.
Gigi and Dory - Since I had my DD I have had trouble with abnormal pap tests. CN1, CN2, and CN3 are the three levels that they call the abnormal changes before they say that it is cervical cancer. I have had cervical dyathermy (burn the lining of the cervix) done twice, and just before I fell pregnant with James I had CN3 (the level before cancer) frozen off. So my ob/gyn said to get in and have our babies so that if it does progress to cancer we can do the hysterectomy. I got a call back into the drs yesterday and of course the abnormal changes are back but only at a low level this time - yay! So no treatment just yet going to wait 6 months and retest if im not UTD!
We also got the preliminary post mortem results from James. They believe probably placental insufficiency. They dont know why this happened but may have had something to do with a bleed I had at about 4 months. His placental size was that of a 19-20 week old when he was born at 27 weeks. It has given me a little bit of peace to know that nothing I did or didnt do would have changed anything but I still feel that my body failed him and didnt do the job it was made to do. There is a 6% chance it could happen again, but they said that I would be a high risk pregnancy and would not be delt with by local drs and be tested to death by specialists in Maitland or Newcastle.
So at the moment I am in my first TWW, and it is horrible. My hats really go out to you ladies that have been doing this for months and years. I really cannot believe sometimes that mother nature can be so cruel.
Much love and strength to you all.
Trace xoxox
