Hi Ladies,
Been a while since I have visited but I think I am up to speed.....
LnD - congrats hun if I did not say so earlier - hope things are sailiing along beautifully!
mummydreamer - big step - hope all works out beautifully for you....
Gigi - glad you are feeling strong & in a pretty good place. What are you & DH doing to detox? Anything special or just healthy living, yoga etc? Hope it rewards you nicely with a big sticky bfp in no time....
Dory - sorry you are feeling so urgh. No the best time to get your mojo on huh? lol at the pee stick episode also Sending you big hugs for all the tough dates coming up - the years are rolling around too fast for my liking
Tashy - hope you are coping ok love
Ahurani - good luck to you once af leaves the building.
afm..... got my recurrent m/c results back the other day - seems the 4 m/cs are attributed to DH having a through the roof high sperm dna fragmentation level. Lucky to have any kidlets & Dr marvelling that I even fall pg to m/c. Detox, anti oxidants etc is where we are at so hoping that makes a very big difference & quickly. Might be back on the ttc bandwagon as soon as next month but will see what the month holds for us. Not the news I was hoping for/ expecting as I feel way less in control of this now that the issue is not mine
Anyway, good luck to us all - may we all get the lucky break that is soooooo overdue in all of our cases.
xxxx
Mummytotwo- I will be quick sweet, but essentially...
No sugar, wheat/but very limited gluten free too just the occasional rice noodle, no flours, low oil, very low salt, very low dairy(only nat yoghurt and kefir), limited fruit ie no rockmelon, no watermelon, no dried fruits
Lots of brown rice, legumes and veges, fish, coconut oil, olive oil, particular vegetable juices, soaked nuts, sprouted seeds.
Suppliments...some of which- Spirulina, bee pollen, royal jelly, magnesium and calcium, iodine, flouradix(iron), LSA mix, good quality multi vitamin, zinc, probiotic, fish oils, chia seeds, lemon barley water.
Homeopathics, Massage, Yoga, Abdominal massage, Mora Therapy (kind of like accupuncture without the needles working on the meridians and energy frequencies...), meditation, tibetan singing bowls.
I also do a coffee enema most days but only while nutrient levels are extrememly high. A bit confronting when you first try...but becomes very normal after a while. This is the second time we have used them for help in a detox...i find them beneficial for me.
You know me by now...nothing is half way. Of course that doesn't cover it all, but most of it. Hope it helps.
Sorry to hear the results but good that you have them and know what you are trying to fight. Look into the research for bee pollen and royal jelly for semen/sperm nutrition. See if it can help hubby. xoxo
Dory - I hope you are feeling better. Sending baby dust your way... You made me laugh and cry with your description of the floater tester.
Ahurani - I am glad AF is here for you finally, (even though we all hate her with a passion), but it means a new start. Sending Baby dust your way. Please don;t feel like your cheating, I felt that about Matthew as well, while despretly trying to concieve after loosing him. What I found helped me was a reading called "spirit baby" it is on this forum somewhere. I dont know if it will help ease your guilt, but I can only say what helped me, and continues to help me with this pregnancy.
AFM - Well 12 weeks... and first ultrasound tomorrow **sigh** I have come to the realisation (and forgive me for how cold it might sound) that I have been avoiding medical intervention of any sort truley because I am scared of what we will find out. I have anxiety up the wazoo about what a loss will do to our sanity and well being. And sadly at the moment I think I am in self protection mode and not feeling very "attached" to this baby/babies. A friend suggested that maybe I just need this ultrasound to hear the HB and be sure everything is going great before I made the decision to bond. I am just conciously concerned about NOT bonding at all because of what happened... I dunno
Also another of my though processes are Baby showers..... what is the protocol???? do I have another for this baby? I dont know how I feel about having one let alone inviting people to another shower in 2 years. Is it rude to ask someone to host it for me??? I dont know what do to.
Hey our lovely Lady Tess, always feels like you are royalty when i type out your username! Huge good luck tomorrow! Funny what we do for self preservation. We all do it hun. I would be/am the same. I have had to get bloods done for the last 3 months and not only am I fearful of needles etc but what they will find. I said to Dh...i want to wait until i have more peace of mind...healthier. I found it easier to put my head in the sand a number of time through life. It is hard facing something head on. You will get through this and with all my heart i hope you have a cheeky little monkey waving back at you on the screen to put your mind at rest and help you bond even more. I think you are right...self preservation sounds spot on to me- not allowing yourself to get too close, reveal too much. You have this licked...don;t you worry and we are all here holding your hand.
Baby showers...good question as that raises a bit of anxiety with me too. I think about it often. My first gut instinct is that i don't want one out of fear, then a part of me thinks i should. I didn't have one for DD but that is irrelevant i think as i woul dbe having the same thoughts. I think for me alone, my fears comes down to how i think people will be. Will they think of DD, will they go nuts with being excited like this was my first born and it is not, will they try and make me 'move on'. I am getting ahead of myself here. I have worried people might think i am 'fixed'. I don't want to not do things for another baby but i am not sure i want to share my sadness/happiness- special kind of happy, with them either. It is still a very private world for me. I am scared...and i am not even pregnant yet.
I think with these things, it is what ever you want to do. You still want to celebrate this as you would any other baby wouldn't you. I don't think it would be rude to ask someone. For second babies do they do it differently? I know with my SIL's second, we went out for lunch. I think you do what you feel is right for you, people will understand.
Good luck tomorrow and will be sending you much love and strength. xoxo
Gigi - thanks a heap for the info. Sounds very full on but I hope you are feeling awesome because of it & that it all pays off very shortly. Is that both you & DH? Thanks for the tip about bee pollen & royal jelly also. It is tough for me as DH had to be talked into bubba no. 3, agreed then we had all the m/c. Now for him to find out it is his issue - I dunno - he hasn't embraced detoxing, cleaning his act up like I had hoped Perhaps he still needs time....Also he was quite a big drinker partly to manage his chronic neck/ back pain so I guess it is all contributing. Why o why is it so complicated sometimes?
Lady_Tess - much good luck to you for tomorrow. Hoping for FAB news for you x
Sorry for the all about me post girls but promise to be back soon for persies xxxx
Mto2- It is a tough one. Yes Dh is doing it all but we have to be careful with him because he just drops the weight so easily, it is quite ****y...So we have to make sure he keeps his calories up and when you take so much out of the diet, that can be tough. But yes he is in 100% as he desperately wants a child and this is our last ditch effort to fulfill that dream. It would be hard doing it on your own- motivation wise, most of my friends find this. I hope you work it out over time together. It takes commitment and i can understand your frustration when it is now not focused on your body. Sounds like Dh has to face some truths of his own and as a couple. Tough times but i bet you guys sort it out. It is complicated hun...never easy, but worth it too. Will be thinking of you. xoox
Good morning lovely ladies.
Not alot to report, just dropping in to say hi to everyone! I hope everyone is doing well, in baby making and all other areas of your lives. I take my hats off to all of you ladies that have been trying to conceive for months/years! Its only been 2 and a bit months since we lost James and I am totally obsessed with baby making. Its already doing my head in. I started doing ovulation testing this month and was so happy to get the lh surge anyone would have thought it was a positive preg test. Just happy that everything is in working order cause the way my luck has been going not ovulating would be the next thing to go wrong! So now I am in the TWW. The worst thing is that AF is due on James's EDD. So if I get AF it will be a slap in the face and if I get a positive test I dont know how I will feel. Will it be wrong to be happy etc etc. No one told me when I was pregnant with my DD who is now 6, how much guilt comes with being a Mum. After losing James I now know it doesnt matter if they are here with us or not the guilt still remains!
Gigi your detox diet sounds very hard to stick to! I love food (as my once skinny loose jeans and are now tight prove) You are amazing and give me strength to know that no matter what happens I can keep going!! It must be a comfort to know that your DH is in the same place as you emotionally and wanting a baby. It must be hard for women who's partners are not as supportive. I have decided not to tell my DH when I am ovulating etc as I dont want to make sex a chore for him or us.
I have a question for you ladies with older children about how to handle their questions about what happened to your angel baby. My DD asked me the other day if God is going to take away all our babies. We explained to her about James that he was too sick and God needed an angel baby. But it is coming up in other areas too. She was playing babies the other day with her dolls and gave me one and said " Pretend your a mummy and this is your baby but this one lives!" Damn near killed me! I just let it go and said nothing. But she brings it up when we see other babies, like "they have a cute baby and they got to keep theirs" I just dont know what to say, or say nothing? I dont know if this is contributing to me wanting a baby more now than ever, to give her a sibling and have her know its not always going to end in death.
I still have 10 weeks left of paid parental leave before I have to start looking for work and am not sure how I will go with that. I dont know if I want to go back to my old work or start something new. We are in a new area so I dont have to go back to my old job so it would be a good chance to do something different. Might be good for me too not sitting around thinking about babies.
I have started to wear an ipod out shopping too, crying babies are just everywhere. I am trying not to be selfish and be happy for them, but some days it is just too much to hear them. I just want to pick them up and cuddle them.
We went out to lunch the other weekend and a friend of a friend has a 5 month old boy named James and I did find it a bit therapeutic to have a cuddle.
I hope this all makes sense lol. A bit of a jumble of thoughts but I feel like I can say here what I cant say to friends and family. I have great support but I dont know that they fully get it.
I better go, wishing you all lots of luck for this cycle and that your little miracle is on the way!
Love Trace!
PS Are any of you ladies friends on Facebook?
Gigi - you are lucky DH is 100% committed & that you can work together to acheive your goal.
My DH has had 0 alcohol since finding out so I guess that is committment on some level although I would have liked him to embrace it a bit more. Must remember to give him time & space. It can't be easy to learn that you have probably been responsible for 4 m/c's & all the pain & turmoil it has caused us both in the process.....Totally agree though that the sacrifices are soooooo worth it
Emily James - everything you wrote about makes 100% sense. The wanting another baby for DD, the obsession about ttc, being around babies at the supermaket, irl etc. It is all totally normal sweet & I am sorry for you that you get to experience this. I hope you are blessed with another bubba again real soon & that we all are.
Last Tess - how did your scan go sweets?
Hi to all the other ladies - hope everyone is well...... xxxx
Lady Tess - hope your scan went well sweetie..... about baby showers? In theory I think that all pregnancies and the expectation of bringing home a live baby should be celebrated.... it's nice to be surrounded by those you love before the baby arrives and be excited about the prospect of a new little soul. And honestly, it's not like having a baby shower is going to change the outcome, it can't. So why not embrace it?
But in practice? I have never really wanted one, mostly because it was hard to contemplate being "excited" about bringing a baby home with my obstetric history.... and I also thought I was not the type to ask people to buy me or the baby gifts and play those silly games. But having said that, a friend of mine arranged a really small one with some close colleagues from work. It was really just a get together and a chance to chat. There were some gifts, but the focus was not on the imminent arrival of the baby. It was really hard to go, once I realised what it was, but I am glad I went, and now I have the memory of having celebrated publically, and feeling special.
A word on the games - they are not for me. But each to their own.
EmilyJames - I know what you mean abut being obsessed..... I think the long termers wax and wane in their intensity of their obsession. If you look at the SANDS website they have a couple of books to help older children when a baby has died. But OMG, it must just break your heart to hear your little one talking like that. I think the best thing is, and I am not talking from any experience here, is just to let her feel free to talk about James, and his dying, let her ask questions and answer as best you can. Death is a really hard concept for kids to grasp because of its permanence. She will get there, and so will you, but hugs for a hard time.
AFM - well the germ fairy has struck again. I have come down with norovirus ( 24 hour gastro) but in addition to the misery of gastro there were fever, chills, aches, cramping ( everywhere but my tummy), and just general misery. Luckily DH has stepped in and has taken over parenting Hannah. Poor kid I was feeding her in the middle of the night when it struck and I had to put her down to go puke. And since then I have barely been near her. I feel awful keeping my distance but so worth it if she doesn't get it. I got it in the middle of the night Sunday ( so really Monday morning) so it's possible I am still contagious. Needless to say lots of handwashing and toilet washing here. I am completely anxious that she will get it as I can't imagine just how miserable she might be if she did.
Gi - you have your mojo! It is so good to have your energy jumping right off the page at me. Wish I had your DH's problem of the weight falling off me.... there's always something we want huh?
I never did manage to move over to the pregnant after late loss group, so you're stuck with me.
EJ - A really good response to the "replacing" messages from people is, "if your mother/father died, you'd just go get another one?" People really don’t think and no one who hasn’t been through this hell of losing a baby can relate. Most people we know have been fine, though I did get a couple of people suggest we adopt - this while our son was still kicking me inside.
That's sad about your DD. I don’t have any experience but I know with my niece, who is 6, she was really affected by Leo's death. She wanted to come to Jude's funeral, but her parents felt it would be too much for her. Hell - it was too much for the rest of us. She's religious, so prays for her cousins in heaven every day. I also gave her a little angel - a cherub sleeping - that may help her. I think only time and love can heal the pain, though, like you, your DD will always mourn her brother.
kateo - I hope things are going well for you.
Ahurani - the subsequent pregnancy will be stressful no matter how long you wait. Maybe waiting can give you more time to mourn, but then will that also stress you more? Make sure you have the support in place to guide you through, whatever you decide to do. We didn’t want Jude to be due around Leo's birthday, so waited so it would be later in the year. Now, I don’t care. I just want a living child and I'll do whatever to get there. However, we won't try before Jude's EDD - the next few months belong to him. We're dependent on postmortem/genetic results anyway.
Mummydreamer - lots of luck. I hope the support group helps. I've never been to one, just been to counselling.
dory - your support has been invaluable I hope you're better soon.
Gigi - your health regime sounds tough but really good. I want to get back into yoga. I just need SPD to leave and will be seeing an acupuncturist to help. Right now, he's concentrating on helping me with grief and energy levels. I've also been getting reflexology. And trying to sleep and eat well. I generally don’t sleep well though.
LadyTess - I'm glad things are going well. I also avoided nearly everything in the first trimester. My thoughts are, if it won’t change the outcome, leave baby alone. Re: baby showers, maybe you'd feel more comfortable with a blessingway.
Mymmyto2 - I imagine your DH is struggling to accept his DNA fragmentation may be the issue. Men often seem to take longer to accept things. I know my DH is very supportive, but still he processes grief differently to me. TBH, I'm worried, as he now has high BP.
AFM - Thanks for all your words of support. I can't believe we're back here again, only now mourning 2 children. It's beyond bizarre. On the one hand, we kind of know the steps to this grief dance, as we've been dancing it for the last 11 months. But add another little boy we miss out on forever - that's just unbelievable.
In the weeks leading up to saying goodbye, I focused so much on Jude I felt I'd put Leo to the wayside. Then after Jude was born sleeping, in the week leading up to his funeral, I felt Leo close by again, helping us through. That sounds weird I know. Over the weekend I felt completely normal and wondered what was wrong with me for not crying much. Then yesterday I just crashed and I feel like I'm wading through mud again just to get through the day.
The strangest thing is this is normal for us. We get pregnant, hope for the best, fear something going wrong, delight in our growing child, birth our baby who dies and then have a funeral followed by weeks or months before we get any answers. Apparently that's not most people's normal.... I just want 1 healthy baby who lives.
We won't be trying again until we have some answers. We both need time to grieve and process this and look at our options. Hopefully in that time, I can get fitter and healthier, though I've been scoffing chocolate and other carbs which seems to be my normal response to grief. Apart from the howling sessions.
I'm not sure how often I'll be in here. I should probably take some time away from BB - all the PAs and BAs feel like a stab in the heart.
Just wanted to sneak in quickly and say hello to everyone and spread some serious baby dust!!
And a special big hello to you Tash I don't post in here much apart from coming in to spread some baby dust Just wanted to say that I think you should stay close to BB and get the support that you need as I found it so valueble after I lost Josh. I know it's hard to ignore the BA and PA when you're on here but just come and say hello to us whenever you feel like it hun, we do miss you heaps. Your advice and words of wisdom are just amazing hun and hopefully we can brighten your day when you need it. I pray that in time you'll bring that beautiful healthy bub home. Big hugs
Hi Tash,
Thanks for asking, going fine but I am a bit stressed out. I have got Gestational Diabetes which is a real bugger but other than that all good. I have been very busy and just not up to doing persies for everyone, sorry. I know I am slack but I'm just not able to manage more.
It was nice to read the idea of having a baby shower to celebrate the pregnancy even if you can't be sure you'll celebrate a birth. I think I might have one for this little squirt.
I send baby dust and best wishes to all of you. May the moon cycle allow you to concieve. Hang in there and keep loving the journey as her as that is
Go gently
Kate
I just wanted to send you the biggest cyber hugs possible for the loss of your beautiful Jude. You sound so amazingly strong and calm. I hope that you get some answers soon as to why you have been dealt such an unfair blow in such a short time. I agree that BB can be such an amazing place of support but understand what you mean about the PAs and BAs. It took me a long time to be able to look outside of this thread, back into the mainstream of BB where life continues without this sense of grief and loss and definitely without the understanding that the ladies in here show. I hope that in time you can bring your healthy bub home with you.
Howdy ladies. Scan went well. Dates are spot on. 13 weeks yesterday. Sorry took so long to get on here and tell you, I am just feeling weird about sharing in this thread. I know how it feels to read about a pregnancy or birth when you have lost as we have. I just don't want to appear I am rubbing it in anyone's face. I am sorry, but j seem to be hypersensitive about this.
As for siblings, I know full well how innocent comments can hurt as we have a 9 year old who was at every scan and went to school the morning I went into labour with the excitement of meeting his baby brother after school. Needless to say he was slapped in the face with reality when we arrived later that day. It is a sad truth that our kids know the meaning of loss. They felt the pain as well, but they are simple, and they say it like it is. The words "can we have this baby alive?" " did you see it mum, did you see the baby was still alive" have left my sons mouth on a regular basis since the announcement of ttc and subsequent pregnancy. As adults I think we complicate things, we rationalize things, when our kids will just see the black and white if things. We can't show them that their words have hurt us, because they won't tell us what they are thinking anymore, for fear of hurting us.
It is hard when you are going through the grief process aswell. My son was my rock, his light guided me cause no matter what, I was still his mum, and he still needed me. I needed to realise that although noone feels the pain of a mother after a late loss, they are hurting too. But they are quieter about it. They see it as it is. Which can seem harsh, but then the reality of a 9 year old knowing that sort of grief is astounding. Show me any child on the street who when talking about their mums pregnancy will say something about death, there will be very few.
What also might help is the fact that I was on a mission to get pregnant again to show my son it can end in smiles. I want to show him we can give him what he was so much looking forward to for 40 weeks.
Hi girls, I would love to spend more time in here today but i must be quick. Come down with a flu last 48hrs just before Ov, Had an appointment that has obviously ignited a little bug detox. Within hours of leaving the naturopaths office and treatment...bang. Yesterday was pretty miserable but already feeling so much better today. I am trusting this is part of cleansing out my system. I am thankful i have not had any dairy or sugar and totally believe it is why this is already shifting.
M22- good on DH for cuttign the booze for a while, that is a big step. Thinking of you hun.
Tashy- been thinking of you a lot, hope you are doing well. Hope Accupuncture can help with the shift. Yoga is such a connection for me...i am a bit snotty right now, but will still try to do some. It always seems to help.
EmJ- An ipod is such a good idea. Thinking of you as Jame's EDD approaches. My DD's EDD is just over a week away.
Kate- Bummer re the GD hun, hope you have the support you need to manage it well. Thinking of you.
Dores, yes very jealous of a mans ability to drop weight just thinking about it. But I think you and I are pretty hot as we are!
Tess, I am thrilled for you. Great scan hun. Your beautiful boys no doubt keep you going. xoxo
I have to head.
Sorry for my very short Persies, and for all those i have missed.
Love and hope to you all. xoxooxoxox
Registered User
Sending you big hugs for all the tough dates coming up - the years are rolling around too fast for my liking
), meditation, tibetan singing bowls.
Please don;t feel like your cheating, I felt that about Matthew as well, while despretly trying to concieve after loosing him. What I found helped me was a reading called "spirit baby" it is on this forum somewhere. I dont know if it will help ease your guilt, but I can only say what helped me, and continues to help me with this pregnancy.
Perhaps he still needs time....Also he was quite a big drinker partly to manage his chronic neck/ back pain so I guess it is all contributing. Why o why is it so complicated sometimes?
Just wanted to say that I think you should stay close to BB and get the support that you need as I found it so valueble after I lost Josh. I know it's hard to ignore the BA and PA when you're on here but just come and say hello to us whenever you feel like it hun, we do miss you heaps. Your advice and words of wisdom are just amazing hun and hopefully we can brighten your day when you need it. I pray that in time you'll bring that beautiful healthy bub home. Big hugs
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