I really havent even looked in the "pregnancy after late loss" thread.... NOt that I am worried. I just feel more "at home" here.
I really would love to see us all over there.
Gigi - How are you feeling hunny??? Isnt it weird how its when we are feeling good (or seemingly so ) something bites us on the ass. Little things... another story of FB was I receieved a email from a "friend" on FB asking me when my babies first birthday was... and they thought it must be coming up.... I stared at it for the longest time.
There also was the stupid health care nurse in town... hold on to your socks with this story. My phone rang 6 months after Matthews death, and it was the local health care nurse, she never let me speak an word in edgewise. She started berating me about not immunising Matthew, and getting him regularly weighed and checked. I let her go, she went on for a good 5 mins, all the while I was getting angrier and angrier... by the time she finished I was seething... Shaking so much, I am sort of glad she wasnt in my face. BUt her last question to me was "what possible reason do you have for not getting Matthew checked, for his own health and welfare...." There was silence as I was trying to compose myself, until she said "excuse me are you there? I would like to know a reason" Well I gave her one.... All I could manage without screaming was "HE IS DEAD!!!" There, naturally, was stunned silence.... but no sorry. I hung up and rang hubby in tears. Needless to say everyone heard about it then.
Tashy - I cant read your story hun... no permissions. I am worried for you.
Kateo - YOu do sound strangly calm my dear. Your doing great.
Skybie - I am sorry hunny ((BIG HUGS)) thank you for sharing and please come vent, laugh, cry with us often.
To everyone else I have forgotten (I am sorry) but HUGE HUGS.
AFM - I am 9 weeks now, and man do I feel second hand. No morning sickness but low BP and constant fatigue is taking its toll. I know I had an inital blood test to proove it but everyone around me is shocked to find out I havent been back to the doctor... I dont know, I am starting to think it is sub-concious. Having the medical people involved. I keep making appointments and then cancelling them for one reason or another. and thats just for a referal. I spoke to the specialist breifly and she explained I would be classed as high risk, and be marked down for a c section about 2 -3 weeks before. Because of what happened to Matthew I must not be allowed to go into labour. The shock could send me over the edge. But I have now made an appointment at the GP for next week, and I have made a pact with myself that I am going to keep it.
Hello Lovely Ladies,
We are finally moved into our new house and unpacked! Now what do I do with myself?
I am so sorry Skybie and Tashy to hear your sad news. I know no words can help but I am thinking of you both.
Ladytess - OMG you think that the nurse would have checked into your history more before ringing you and giving you a blast. Obviously some one has screwed up royally for your history not to be complete. Congratulations on your pregnancy, I totally understand why you dont want to be at the drs, lately in my experience all they bring is bad news! I know its not their fault but I really hate going to them now.
Gigi and Dory - Since I had my DD I have had trouble with abnormal pap tests. CN1, CN2, and CN3 are the three levels that they call the abnormal changes before they say that it is cervical cancer. I have had cervical dyathermy (burn the lining of the cervix) done twice, and just before I fell pregnant with James I had CN3 (the level before cancer) frozen off. So my ob/gyn said to get in and have our babies so that if it does progress to cancer we can do the hysterectomy. I got a call back into the drs yesterday and of course the abnormal changes are back but only at a low level this time - yay! So no treatment just yet going to wait 6 months and retest if im not UTD!
We also got the preliminary post mortem results from James. They believe probably placental insufficiency. They dont know why this happened but may have had something to do with a bleed I had at about 4 months. His placental size was that of a 19-20 week old when he was born at 27 weeks. It has given me a little bit of peace to know that nothing I did or didnt do would have changed anything but I still feel that my body failed him and didnt do the job it was made to do. There is a 6% chance it could happen again, but they said that I would be a high risk pregnancy and would not be delt with by local drs and be tested to death by specialists in Maitland or Newcastle.
So at the moment I am in my first TWW, and it is horrible. My hats really go out to you ladies that have been doing this for months and years. I really cannot believe sometimes that mother nature can be so cruel.
Grr just did a big post and is didnt come up!! Will try and re write but I can never say it the same a second time!
LadyTess - Im so sorry for the insensitivity of the health nurse. Someone has obviously stuffed up big time by not having your medical history up to date. Congratulations on your pregnancy! I can totally understand avoiding the drs, in my latest experiences all they have bought is bad news, I know its not their fault but I am very antsy at the drs now where I never had an issue before.
Skybie and Tashy - I dont have any magical words for either of you, my heart breaks for you both and for your losses. Big hugs to you both.
Gigi and Dory - Ok lovely ladies, you both asked some questions and I hope I answer them properly. Ever since I had my DD i have had problems with abnormal pap tests. CN1, CN2 and CN3 refer to the abnormal cell changes before the cells are cervical cancer. I have had 5 treatments now, some cervial diathermy (burning of lininig) and freezing. My ob/gyn last time said hurry up and have babies and then if it turns to cancer (as I had CN3's) I can have a hysterectomy. SO I had a pap test 2 weeks ago and got the call back in, abnormal cell changes but only early changes so I have decided to wait 6 months and retest. Will give myself 6 months to TTC and then if not UTD will have treatment.
While at the drs the preliminary post mortem results were back for my James. They say it was probably placenta insufficiency. His placenta was only the size of 19-20 weeks when he was born at 27 weeks. They think - but said cant know for sure, that it may have something to do with a bleed I had at around 10 weeks. They said only a 6% chance of it happening again. I have found a little bit of peace but still feel like my body failed him, that it should have done what it was meant to do.
A childless friend of mine said the other day that I will probably get over James when I have another baby... I just stared at her and said that no matter how many babies I have I will always be one baby short. Some people either just dont get it or really dont think before they speak. I know it's just that I am sensitive at the moment but my Nephews girlfriend is pregnant and wont stop saying on FB how much she is hating it and cant stop vomiting cause of the stupid baby. I just get so angry! Its worse cause its my husbands family - if it keeps up for my own mental health I think I will have to block her. Anyone else have this problem?
I better go lovely ladies and cook some tea. I hope you all have a lovely weekend. Much love and strength to you all, Trace xoxoxo
HI all, thanks for the kind words Lady-Tess.
I am sorry I can't say much atm . Just managing to cope (a bit) with our very upset world here.
It's only little issues but combined I am finding things tough.
Our car broke down and we had it fixed but all advice is to get another one......I really didn't want this hassle while I am pg. Because of this I spent all last week being a taxi for hubby so I had a car while he was at work. Made me tired.
My little dog went in for surgery today. All good but because of my medical experiences I was very stressed that he wouldn't survive the aneasthetic. He had to have three teeth removed and some stiches in one of his gums. He should be OK.
A friend who was trying to get pg while I was pg with Ellen had her first baby this week. I have found it hard to cope with. I am happy for her but feel ripped off that I didn't get to hold my angel and she has a living one before me..............stupid I know!!!!!
I have another friend due in about 3 weeks.....I'm trying to behave properly but it's tough.
So I am sorry I haven't been here much
I am sorry I haven't had time to properly be involved here.
kateo: omg i feel the same way. My friend is pg and due in december and the thought that she is going to have a baby to take home and I dont kills me :/
emilyjames: i guess thats a typical comment from someone with no children. You will never get over James
AFM: So I went back to the FS and he goes youve ovulated. Im like WHAT? He's like yeah Im like wow *add disappointed face here*
So I asked him questions about rupturing, placenta accreta, previa and another placental abruption. He recons there is a less than 5% chance of another abruption and accreta is so rare hes never seen it.
I also told him he is too expensive for an ob. lol. Hes like really? And Im like yes, I called Price and Steele and they are way cheaper. He then proceeded to try and sell himself to me lol. He said he can give me a nice discount Which worked because I feel so bloody safe in his hands :/
Next I said are you sure I ovulated?!? And he gets out the results again and goes oh no look you havent(read May last year not this year). Pheww. So I got my clomid and a script for provera too. He said if AF hasnt come in 2 weeks to start that. So as soon as AF starts I start clomid.
SO now Im thinking..
I did some calculations.. If I started taking the provera say tomorrow for 7 days and it should make you bleed within the next 7 days after the last tablet. So the 19th would be the start of LMP which would make Estimated Due Date (40 weeks full term): Thursday 29 March 2012. (Say c section at 37w on 8th March)
So if i waited the 2 weeks LMP would be 30th June and Estimated Due Date (40 weeks full term): Monday 09 April 2012. (Say c section at 37w on 19th March)
Anyway this is only if we do get pregnant on the first cycle. So my question/dilemma is..
As much as we want a baby is it horrible to have it so close to H's birthday? Last night I was thinking maybe as much as I want another baby... am I ready emotionally? How do I know? I know her birthday will be a horrible time but a baby around the same time? I dunno WTYT?
Hello everyone, i know i've been on and off here, but just thought i would pop my head in.....
Ahurani, just wanted to say big hugs i was having the same dilemma about when to try for another baby. i know everyone is different, some people need to be pregnant or have a baby to get through that first year, but for me personally.....i didn't want to have a baby or be close around J's birthday. I kind of wanted that time to be all about him, and for our focus to be on him....BUT that's just how we feel....i know there are others who want different. so hope this helps a little.....hope you can start trying pretty soon, it's nice when OB's go out of their way to help you, im glad you have one you really like
Lady-Tess - OH MY GOSH!!!! what an effing rude and clueless HCN. and what gives her the right to call you up anyway and berate you, even if your boy was alive? i'd like to say put in a complaint or something, but i know with things like this it's easier just to let them go. i had problems with the funeral parlor lady and an urn i ordered for J. she treated me so rude, and everyone was so fired up about it, but seriously i was just not emotionally able to do anything with it....so sorry you've gone through that.
Tashy, im not sure whats happening as i can't read your link, but i just wanted to say im so sorry for whatever it is, and huge huge hugs!
Skybie, im sorry as well for what you've gone through it's just not fair big hugs to you too xxx
EmilyJames, i know what you feel about insensitive people as well, i have a friend who is due in December, and when she announced on FB she was having a boy, she sent me an sms saying 'It's a boy!!! ' and that was it.....no 'im sorry, this must be hard,' etc, just a huge slap in the face....grrr some people just really don't get it, do they?
Kateo, im so sorry, it is really hard isn't it.....another friend was pg, and turned up to pre school last week with her 6 day old little boy....man it really sucked seeing her holding her little boy who was living and breathing and happy....i mean, i was happy for her, cause i know she was worried after what happened to me, but still....i wish i could have been a part of that, you know? and the day after a few people asked me how i was and knew it must have been hard, and i thought, 'was i that obvious??'
and to everyone else i've missed, hope everyone is going well....
well for me, im terrified, BUT me and DH decided that i should come off the pill as of today....im soooo scared! but as i said to DH i just can't get another baby out of my head. i've started going to a support group, so im getting some counselling and stuff....it's just going to be a very scary journey.
Last edited by mummydreamer; June 5th, 2011 at 08:33 AM.
I got a yesterday and this morning so I guess it's official! I'm pregnant!
Also very nervous as I know the risk of miscarriage is high as I've been on clomid. Also scared if I'm carrying twins. I guess I'll have to wait and see.
Very tired. Headachey, not many other symptoms yet.
Thank you for all your support ladies. xx I will continue to stalk if that's ok?
Sent from my iPhone (via Tapatalk) so please forgive the spelling mistakes...
Lady Tess - I can't believe that health nurse.. That must have been the most difficult thing to have to listen to.. I had to call up and get Taite and Seth taken off my medicare card and the guy said something about me not having custody of them, or who's got them now, (something like that, can't really remember) and I said bluntly "No one has them. They're dead" He quickly apologised.
Emily James - Sorry your friend was so insensitive.
MummyDreamer - Good luck coming off the pill, I hope your cycles go back to normal quickly. It is a scary journey, but it will hopefully be worth it. xx
Oh it has been busy in here and so easy to get confused when we don't know so much about each other or can associate a face to a story. Right time to get my head around it.
Firstly LysnD- Congratulations sweety, hope you have a happy and healthy pregnancy. I am thrilled for you and your DP/H. Hope you can get some rest and enjoy the highlights hun. xoxo Good luck and best wishes. P.s. stalk as long as you like and don't be a stranger. i suspect as others have found, it is still pretty comfy i here.
MD- Wow, off the pill and let the adventure begin. I hope it won't take you long and you are UTD before you know it.
Lady Tess, That is crazy crazy stuff. I hope she has learnt through that experience..NEVER to behave that way again. What was she thinking. What right does she have to pass such judgement also. Tut Tut and so sorry you wore the brunt of her stupidity. Thank you for sharing and reminding me I am not alone. 9 Weeks, that is fantastic! You have done what you needed to babe, don't second guess yourself. You were never going to neglect the pregnancy. You needed some time. Your subconscious was no doubt making sure of that. That is what i think. You do what you need to to get through, regardless of people opinions. Your body and Your baby...i think this way anyway. oxox
EmilyJames, Wow FB seems to be a bit of a foe sometimes i think. You protect yourself anyway you can hun. It is hard when some people get so caught up in their own world...it can seem like no one else is in the picture. Hugs hun!
Right so, a lot to think about with the cells playing such a part. I hope it wasn't insensitive to ask. I guess you just have to do what you can to give youself best chances and to keep you safe and healthy hey. Wow, you are a strong woman. You should not under estimate how incredible you are! So whether you have a nat birth or c section will you have the procedure done then, or go for more treatment first just in case you want another child? AND has there been an issue with scar tissue from previous treatments? Sorry so many questions. I hope this is not prying! As for James' results- well i hope it is good to have them...in some way. But, as you fully know...this is not your fault. You know the balance of body and baby. It is a pure miracle. You have not done anything wrong. I too find myself thinking what is wrong with me sometimes. But it is not helpful and just not true. Just don't fall into that trap...you know your body is doing the best it can. Would be nice to blame sometimes! xoox Take care and keep going. Sending you luck for this month. oxox
Ahurani- Ah...yes the dilema we put ourselves through. It is so hard but you guys will work it out. We involuntarily and in the end...found it best for us, was that we gave that first year to DD. However many...including parents to living children, have them very close together. I think many of us woul dfind it hard to have birthdays close together but no harder than what we have endured already so I think we would work our way through it. Regardless, both birthdays will be a reminder of your angel and both will be a celebration too. I hope this helps. In our first year i thought that very same thing and now i think, well...what ever miracle happens to give me another child, is a gift...the dates become insignificant in a way. But that is just us...my DH and I.xoxo Good Luck and so happy for you that you have a good OB. xoxo
Kateo- Talk about being hit all at once. Isn't that the way. If you are going to do it...do it well. Oh love, it has been such a couple of weeks for you. Don't under estimate the smaller things, My word they add up. They are usually the things that have you up against the edge. I am thinking of you and sending you a big hug. I wish I could help.
Dores- How its it all going love? TTCing and getting well that is. I hope you have had a relaxing weekend. I hope you are doing ok. I think of you all the time and wish for you the world of dreams waiting for you. xx
Samcougar...I knew it would be worth it!! xx
AFM- well camping this last weekend was fun. The weather was gorgeous. Went to first psych appointment. The jury is out but I am hopeful. I have made an appointment to see another this week to make sure i have a good fit for me. I will keep appointments with current one and hope for the best however. We will have to wait and see.
Busy day tomorrow, I have 2 nephews with me and we have swimming lessons. I will reach yoga at the end of the day with open arms...and no doubt a little exhaustion. N1 was a cherub all weekend, camping. We played and explored. It was an adventure after adventure. We caught bugs, blew bubbles, caught shrimp and crayfish, played cricket, badmington, frisbee, made aeroplanes with blocks and played hide and seek. It was so cute, before the sun got up we were all woken with a gentle singing voice. That of my 3 year old nephew singing, knick knack paddy whack, wee willy winky and bananas in pyjamas. The initial horror of being woken at such an hour was soon followed with a smile...he sounded so very cute, happy and ready for another adventure. I had a little shadow follow me around everyhwere. It was beautiful.
Got to get back to up packing and cleaning up. Lots of love to those i have missed.
I got AF 5 days ago (thankyou provera), Been so heavy but I kind of expected it to be being the first post baby. So I started clomid this morning. Lets hope it works the first round. Im feeling kind of guilty about ttc. Like Im cheating on Miss H :/ Weird feeling
Ahurani - glad you got AF, sorry shes been so mean..... about timing? For some people it's important to try to avoid angelversaries with subsequent pregnancies, certainly a lot of the grief books recommend that..... and I must admit I thought like that..... but then, my circumstances were what they were, and all I wanted was (a) to get pregnant (b) to stay pregnant (c) to deliver a healthy baby, irrespective of the timing. It's hard for me as there are so many damn dates that are significant. Try as I might to forget some of them, like EDD's I can't. But I didn't have "age" on my side, and my obstetric history didn't augur well for success. So I just full steam ahead. I don't regret those decisions. But it can be hard, having life and death dates all mixed up and close together. And I do know what you mean about feeling disrespectful to Hayley for trying again. I imagine that mothers with bubs at home who are considering #2 probably feel the same. Personally I felt that way too but I worked through it. It's not disrespectful to Hayley, and in fact to me, it is even more a celebration of the love you have for her.
Adding this bit - glad you're comfortable with your obs - makes a HUGE difference and during your next preg you are going to need some understanding and compassion and reassurance.
Gi - glad you stayed away, this is a doozy of a cold. Started out pretty minor but I am feeling oh so sorry for myself now.
I know Mummy dreamer and Gi spent time with their angels and honoured them by not TTC in the first year. I can see the merit in that, but it wasn't for me.
AFM - well the snot fairy is visiting me again. Yikes I feel physically miserable. So no TTC for the past few days anyway. DH is working crazy hours and H is up a few times at night at the mo and I am not sleeping that well, so it's not really conducive to BD. Though I did a couple of tests. PML with one - it was a floater test and I lost the floater, so I just put the container on the floor and dipped the stick myself. I didn't get the control panel wet, BUT, the stick has a bump on it, so when you're looking down at it, it looks like a very strong BFP immediately, which of course disappears when you hold it up. OMG, that really did my head in. Dory puts the stick down and there' s a BFP and my heart soars, Dory puts the stick up and it disappears. My little Dory brain struggled to work that one out. But then I did another test yesterday. BFN! Oh well. Guess all those "preg symptoms" I thought I was experincing may not be.... or (the eternal hope) it's just too early to test yet.... without a cycle back its hard to know. But I keep hoping I catch that lil egg.
Oh Mummydreamer - Tash's lil wiggle monster was just too sick and precious beautiful Jude Howard was born sleeping on 16 June..... another wee one gone too soon. Tash has a link in her sig to Sids and Kids Victoria that has a link to an everyday hero page she set up for Jude. There is a beautiful picture of wee Jude, so serene and so handsome.
Anyway, it's Amelia's EDD soon. 2 years... feels like only yesterday. Then it will be Nick's angelversary, then Sophie's, then a break from the heavy emotional stuff for a while, at least in terms of dates stirring up memories, and dreams of what might have been. Don't get me wrong, I am incredibly thankful for what is, but what is doesn't change the past and just how much the past hurts.
Anyway goodnight from me. I should try to get some sleep.
Last edited by dory; June 20th, 2011 at 09:09 PM.
: additions
Hi Ladies,
Yes Dores is right...although we did TTC in those first 12 months with much dedication...i found myself at peace with not being pregnant and giving that time for DD. You know, I am not entirely sure if it was a justification or comforting excercise but that is how we handled having no success in those first months. We started TTCing on DD's EDD as we thought that would be perfect timing. I wish I had rhyme and reason for all of this. I think we find whatever reason we can to get through. At the end of the day, there is no good reason to have lost a baby, nor is there one good reason to not fall pregnant again yet i face this ever day. I try not to get caught up in it all, try to stay up beat. All i can do is give this everything i have right now. Hoping with each month that this is the last because my stamina for it is waning.
Dores, get well sweety, I wish i could come over and give your immune system a big boost hun, you have had a bad run for sure. Hope you feel well soon and we can sit in the sun somewhere...with a scone or something. It is miserable being sick.
Ahurani- Sorry AF is being horrid hun, but glad she turned up to give you a fresh start. Fingers crossed for you. xx Don't think you are cheating little Hayley love, Dores is right...it is a beautiful celebration of her existance. I too was fixed on appropriateness and dates lining up at first and then when it came down to it...none of that matters. Days are special regardless and each one has it's place. Hayely is probably rejoicing that she gets to guide a new little brother of sister into your lives. I hope you don't have to wait long for your miracle. xoxo
Tashy- My heart breaks for you love. Welcome and farewell to little Jude and hope you are all healing well after his arrival. Hope you got to spend lots of time with him and I am thinking of you often. xoxoxox
Dores, you crack me up with the HPT...that was hilarious. So you! Love it. Glad you could have a little chuckle over it. Got to get rid of this germy trying to bring you down!
AFM- CD 3/4 today and the worst of AF is over. I knew she was coming and happy she did...an opportunity to 'clean house' before our next baby settles in. We have been doing really well with our detox and feeling really bright eyed and bushy tailed! Well into our 2nd week of hardcore part.
Made a few timely appointments so i can be sure my hormone levels are in check, this and next week. I am feeling nourished and healthy. My yoga is really kicking in and my body is feeling good too. I am slowly toning up, building strength and flexibility...it is great.
So better get back to it. Oh, Ironically, by the time i got in to see the Psychologist i was feeling pretty good and in control of my life once more. I have not had too many down days in a few weeks- touch wood, although one bad week was when i saw her...she had be beside myself and exhausted by it for a good few days after the appointment- a good thing i think. But I am good again now, I am sure it has helped a bit/alot, just perfect timing really as i was getting myself together on all fronts at the time. Funny how when you make these appointments...well with me anyway, i tend to be all action stations and do so many things at once to get the ball rolling. I figure somethings got to work...all the fail safe options under my belt...try them all and you will hit the jackpot for sure!
Which worked because I feel so bloody safe in his hands :/
i was having the same dilemma about when to try for another baby. i know everyone is different, some people need to be pregnant or have a baby to get through that first year, but for me personally.....i didn't want to have a baby or be close around J's birthday. I kind of wanted that time to be all about him, and for our focus to be on him....BUT that's just how we feel....i know there are others who want different. so hope this helps a little.....hope you can start trying pretty soon, it's nice when OB's go out of their way to help you, im glad you have one you really like 
hope everyone is going well....
yesterday and this morning so I guess it's official! I'm pregnant! 
and wishing you a smooth road ahead 
xx
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