TTC after Recurrent Miscarriage/Stillbirth or Loss after the 1st trimester SEPT/OCT07

[angelicdragon]

Ellie I am so sorry for your hard day hun. It is hard facing lost dreams and seeing babies and young children.

Klee I can truly understand you waiting til 12 weeks. I think all of us do. We can't live through what we have without some fear and trepidation.

Sheree I thought you were up north QLD way? Emerald is in Vic? I hope Lachlan continues to be ok.

Jo hugs for you and I hope AF is not treating you too harshly. I am about to head to town and hoping we are back before I make a mess as this AF is a bad one

looks like I have to go
bye til later
Jude

[CeCeSays]

tested today... 11 dpo. But ff says I am triphasic. liar liar! can someone seriously kick me? I am out for this cycle aren't I? I did get a really impressive pink evap line on a dollar tree test. But it was WAY after 10 minutes. I am making myself nuts. someone kick me.
i wish I had the self control to stop the self torture.

I think next cycle we will use the preseed and do the smep plan again. woo hoo.

To make matters worse, I saw our old OB at the store and he tried to hug me. I mean what would make him think that after everything he caused, a hug would make me happy?
wow, I am in an ugly place. sorry ladies.

CeCe

[klee]

jo hon so sorry to hear, would expect nothing less then you being upset. i don't know what to say as i don't think anything could help, i am here for you if you need to chat, huge cyber hugs hun.
judy - so sorry af came too, even though you were expecting it can't be easy either. i don't know much about fertility issues so sorry i can't help. mel might be able to help? i guess the lap can only help though, hopefully by giving you an answer,
sheree - so glad to hear you are going to stay.
ellie - so good to see you back, sorry to hear the stories of your neighbours and their innocence, there was probably a time where we were the same you know, how difficult it must have been for you. i hope your knee is recovering well and that your doing ok. cd40, and still no sign of af, any tests?
sb - hon sorry i didn't reply on sat i wasn't overly chatty, but what you said totally made sense.
i'm sorry for my little burst on saturday, i didn't think before i posted, my head has been a little all over the place, i realise this is a late loss/recurrent loss forum, i meant the 12 week thing in that this time if we get passed the 12 weeks i have a feeling everything will be ok, sorry if that hurt anyone, my apologies again. anyway i am going to try not to whinge just a little stressed. hugs to everyone

[klee]

cece - just to give you hope, i tested until 12dpo with bfns, had 13dpo off testing and got the faintest of lines on 14 dpo. hope that gives you a little bit of hope

[CeCeSays]

klee-- thanks. I have been a little short on hope for a while. I will gladly borrow some. I think trying to set your sights on 12 weeks is super healthy... but be warned that you will be hounded on 12 weeks 1 day by me... reminding you to celebrate. You're in Aus like everyone else right? I may have to make a baby blanket and ship it.


Judy- everyone... including my best friend's sister who had previouly lost a tube and had ablasion... who I know who had a lap got a bfp soon after. So, I guess thats 11 women. I will tuck in some prayers for you.

Ellie- when I was in high school I was super dork-tastic and just knew I would have 8 kids: john. paul, george. ringo. parsely, sage, rosemary, and thyme. Yeah, laugh away... and no I didn't date much. My awkward stage was from about 9yo till well after college.

I feel like a whining idiot moaning on about bfn's when its only been four months since we lost Eli and many of you guys have been ttc for much much longer. I think today is just one of my wet t-shirt contest days... thats what I tell mom when I am having a crying fit and she gets too worried about me. I guess its my way of making her smile. I miss my mom so much... but I love the lady I take care of too. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone but me. My mom used to be this strong loud wonderful southern woman who would put me in her lap... even at my age... and put things in perspective for me. After she had her stroke at 49, she became a confused and often scared little girl. Here I go again acting a fool. I am sorry ladies, you shouldn't have to listen to this dribble with all of your experiences.

There is this song that comes on the contemprary Christian station here that I had heard like a million times before we lost Eli... with a 12 yo, a 2yo, a grandma and hubby I never once heard the words until the night I came home from my second stint in the hossy. Don't let the Christian undertones scare ya off... but the song and video is really good and helps me when I am digging myself into a hole of yucky. Be prepared to have a wet face (or shirt and bra like me)

YouTube - Held by Natalie Grant

Hugs to you all.

[shereejoy]

Jude - well there is an Emerald in North Qld too, only we are more westerly, out the bush in the sticks, and the closest town of reasonable size is Mackay 3 hours North and Rockhampton 3 hours south. Gosh I feel for you Jude, you have been through so much, your determination is amazing though. Be strong, you have come this far.

Klee - you don't need to apologise I am sure everyone knew what you meant. For me, I am the same this next pregnancy I can't feel positive about, I am just going to take each day as it comes and each day as a blessing. I know that sounds horrible that I won't let myself be positive, just that I was very confident with the last pregnancy and look where that got me. I think seeing as I had no bleeding at all this time that I knew people would come down on me if I was anything but positive. Now I actually think people will understand........ Does that make sense.

Cece - Ohh honey you are not whinging, you are like the rest of us really. Hope that BFN turns into a BFP for you in the up and coming days.

Eliie - gosh that would have been terrible for you, your next door neighbours kids. Gawd why are they thinking along those lines already, can't kids just be kids. I understand that that would have upset you, I don't blame you there. The resentment we all feel towards others is terrible huh, I hate feeling like this every single day. Hope you feel better soon honey.

Jo - hope you are feeling better today honey.

Starbright - where are you? You doing ok?

Lynn - how are you?

Mel - gl with the treatment honey. I am so happy for you and glad you are feeling so positive atm, puts you in a good frame of mind for that eggy huh.

Not sure who else, sorry if I missed anyone.

Lachlan is back at daycare today, they close over the school holidays. It is only from 9am to 1pm but I guess it is better then nothing, and I can finally get a bit caught up with my paperwork for the newsagency.

Cheerio all.

[Ellie]

Hi everyone! Feeling human again today...

CeCe - You have every right to be disappointed and to vent. We can't compare journey's around here...we have all been to hell and back which is why it's so wonderful we have each other to vent with.

Klee - I totally hear you about the 12 week mark...DH and I were only talking about this last night...if we're lucky enough to get pregnant again we won't be telling anyone nor do I think we'll get 'excited' until we have our little miracle in our arms. Hang in there hunxxx

Judy - My first pregnancy was after a lap to have my tubes cleared...and to us that was an absolute miracle after trying for years. Unforunately it was an ectopic but my FS told me that lots of girls get pregnant after a lap...good luck!

Lynn - How's everything going? Hope you're well!

Jo - So sorry AF arrived. Have everything crossed for your BFP this month.

Sheree - Hope you're getting everything done with Lachlan at daycare. Isn't funny how we try to fit three days worth of 'stuff' just because we feel we should...maybe a coffee and a good girlie mag today!

Mel - Hey hun...how's the IVF journey treating you? Feeling a bit yuk by now no doubt? Have been keeping an eye on you...good luck xxx

A big HI to anyone that I've missed...sorry?

I'm taking it easy today...wishing I had a crystal ball and just knew if I'm ever going to have a baby...the mole thing all worked out ok but it was a growth that is a side effect of years of fertility drugs...dr thinks we should do one more and then give my body a rest. The reality check that there is an end to the LTTTC road has been a bit of a slap in the face...I'll be right in a day or too...just in a really deep reflective place

[~StarBright~]

:hugs:Jo- I am so sorry to hear that AF arrived. I was sure this was going to be your month. Hang in there love. We can both try hard this month! At least with AF being late- this means you may have gotten close- a little inspiration for this month. Big HUgs!!

Work is back to normal- so its just a quick one from me...

Antibiotics seem to be working- i slept all weekend!!! Literally!! So infection seems to be going away, and all would be well to try really hard except- you will never guess it- (WARNING TMI>>>) DH and i were "getting into it" on Sat night for the first time in a while- and we managed to hurt me a little bit!!!!! I wont go into major details, but as he was heading "in" we got a bit cought up and i have a little tear!!! i think he was more upset than me!! Unfortunately his little swimmers had to stay "unswum" and he aint getting back in for at least a few more days!!!!! )
So our big plans have been down graded- and i wont be starting to try quite as early as i planned!!! At least i am already on anitiotics and it doesn't look too bad- but its a little bit sore when i pee.

Love to all be back later!!!
xoxox

[CeCeSays]

starbright-- a little tearing can burn like the ****ens... but if you soak in a warm tub with a half box of baking soda it will feel SO much better. Been there done that.. wasnt cute or fun. Epsom sals are supposed to work better than the soda but it always leaves a funly film on me and I can't stand it. But as I am sure you know, I am weird.

CeCe

[Auntie M]

howdy everyone.
CeCe- so glad you will be able to move back HOME to texas. i'm sorry your mom isn't the same for you now. it is so painful when there is a daily reminder of who we are missing and how. my grandmother had alziemers (sp) for 14 years, and for the last 12 her body was really just a reminder of who she wasn't anymore. but she still needed love and care. not the same as your situation, i know, but i feel for you.
Starbright- damn, i've been hoping your health would be peak this month. i am glad you got some answers, and are getting the infection cleared up. please don't blame yourself for that damn aspirin- you did what you thought was best and that is always right.
Klee- keep track of that cm. i just read something about how more is to be expected, but it shouldn't be mucusy nor lots of water.
Mel- yipee- sounds so positive. my fingers are crossed along with everything else.
Jo- damn it damn it damn it. big hugs to you.
Judy- fertility cuts so painfully, i am sending you big hugs.
Ellie- so sorry for the long, painful road you are on. i wish i had something magic to say or do, but i can only offer you my tears and some hugs.
so sorry i was away for so long. five day migraine that wore me down. plus a load of terror over nothing and everything. it was good to read your all discussion about our angels and how we have such a burden of feelings of failure. i too wonder why i didn't know Yeti was gone, why i couldn't help him. CeCe is right, the most positive thing to do is to try to make that loss mean something by being better. some days i think i might be. and then some days it is just to much to play nice. big hugs all round.

[~StarBright~]

Thanks for the advice CeCE!! I will try it tonight!! Not too bad today!! We officially started trying this morning!! Not quite as adventurously as the other day- but we gave it a shot!! Slow and steady wins the race right?! i hope so!!

How important is it to not eat or drink for the 4 hours before taking my opk? Thats what the instructions say- but its a bit hard. I am supposed to do it in the middle of the day- or afternoon but not eat or drink for four hours before hand.... i am finding that bit hard- i am a major snacker- i never go 4 hours without eating.
Just wndering how you other ladies went- or if they still worked when you had been eating. I did one yesterday afternoon and got a faint line (OPK) so i will try again this arvo.

AUNTIE M>> i had a dream about you the other night... is your first name Maye? It was in my dream- you were sitting on a front porch on a rocking chair with a blanket over you rocking a little bubba in your arms and you looked up at me and smiled. Dont know if it was a boy or a girl- but it was yours and you were so peacefull.
i see you are getting very close to your 12 week mark.... a little jump from me!! When is your first scan? I hope your migranine gets better- your fears probably wont for a while to come... we are here for you if you start to feel scared.
As far as my health getting batter- you will start to see that nothing in my life is easy- just when everything seems to be on track (i got all my opk's, full of motivation) something will happen to throw me a curve ball... i am getting used to it now, i half expect stuff to go wrong now and i am getting good at adjusting!!

JUDY>>> Sorry to hear that AF is here in full flow- just adds insult to the injury doesn't it? i hope that it goes away soon and leaves you ready to try again.

ELLIE>>> Hello, good to hear you are feeling normal again!! i am so sorry that about what your dr has said... i know with all of my trying i am waiting for them to say- ok enough is enough, but i am waiting for that day before i stop trying. (i seem to be able to GET preg- just not hold on to them) but it is a fear that i have- that i will be told to stop trying. I am not sure how i would deal with that. Plus like the way the drugs are taking their toll on your body- trying and failing is taking its toll on mine. DH is contsantly worried i will heomorage again and possibly die. (yeah, bright happy thought) And so even while we are happy to be trying- we know there are risks we are taking to make our dream come true. Some days i struggle with thinking "Am i doing the right thing?" and i know i am. And i know you are too. I am praying that if you get one last shot- that it is the one you have been waiting for, you have stuggled for so long and you deserve this!! I am crossing everything for you!!

JO>> How are you today? I hope Af is being kind to you. Tell her i said this better be the last time she shows her face for a long time or else!! Big hugs!! When do you leave for your holiday? Hope the kids are enjoying their school holidays and not making too much mess!!

SHEREEJOY>>>Hello, i am here!! I only have access to the net at work- so i disapear on the weekend- and i only get the chance to flitter in and out (came in early this morning to catch up) coz i should be working!! I am doing ok- a bit sore.... but nothing will stop me trying this month!!!!

MEL>>> Hey there lurky- goodluck this week!!

KLEE>>> i will continue to hound you via text!!

Have a good day all!!
LOve SB

[Lynn]

Mel - thinking of you babe

Jo - how are you? I have been thinking of you and I hope that wicked witch is being kind to you :hugs:

SB - I hope the infection clears up soon and there is less pain down there. Take care babe.

Ellie - wouldn't a crystal ball be wonderful.............and what about fast forwarding time! I hope you have some time to think about what you want to do and whatever that is I hope you can get there

Sheree - I think we all have the same fears and anxieties about a subsequent pg. It is so hard to be positive but like you said, just take one day at a time - that is what I do. I hope you are taking those steps very very soon.

Cece - that song is beautiful! Thank you so much for sharing. I find so much comfort in songs and poems and am forever searching the net looking for them.

Judy - how are you going? My heart and tears go out to you - infertility is so so cruel.

Hi to anyone I have missed and sending all you special girls heaps and heaps of Thanks to everyone who asked how I'm going. This week is a good week so I am trying to keep it that way. I have a scan today which is such a relief seeing bubs there bouncing around...............just trying to stay positive and thank bubs every day for sticking around.

[Lynn]

SB - we posted at the same time. Go and get busy girl!!!!! I have everything crossed for you that this is your month

[MistyFying]

Hi there lovely ladies. It's time for a new thread.