I am going to go out on a limb here & maybe some of you girls can help.

Do you ever consider that enough is enough?

Just lately I am starting to wonder if I am asking for trouble by trying for another baby. A huge part of my rational heart says maybe I should sit back & be happy that we have our gorgeous son & to work on the things that have gone wrong since we lost our boys ~ my marriage has suffered big time due to the losses, mainly coz DH can move on so much easier than I can about what I have physically been through. Then of course there is the other part of me that so desperately wants to have another baby, I have never ever seen myself as only having one earth child in my life. But of course then there are all the doubts that I am sure will be twice as stressful as they were when I was pg with Thomas. I am starting to seriously doubt my mental & emotional capability of being pregnant again, as well as all the physical stuff that goes with it.

Then to top it off I tried to have another D&M with DH the other nite when James was on a sleepover & he didn't want to talk about it then. So then he raises it Tuesday in the car on the way to Warrnambool ~ let's just say the ensuing conversation pretty much ruined a good day out, even though I told him I didn't want to discuss it right at that time. Then he goes on to say well I thought we had already discussed it, like we can only ever talk about it once & then not think about things or reconsider things, WTF???

And I guess that none of this is helped by the fact that circumstances beyond our control have meant that our next appt with the OB in regards to test results etc has had to be rescheduled from next Monday to January 4th!!! So just another time barrier for me to think even more things & put more doubt into my mind.

Sorry girls, just really needed to get that out & see if I'm the only weird one or if others think like me (even if it is only occasionally)