TTC after Recurrent Miscarriage/Stillbirth or Loss after the first trimester

Thanks for that Bailey, but it isn't until tomorrow - confusing huh. The new ticker I have is from an American site and it ticks over about half a day early.

I should change it I know but it is so funky that I thought I would keep it a little longer. So 15 weeks in just over 3 hours.

You are a sweetie. This bub is going to have so many awesome Aunties.

Dear Lynn (and ladies)

I hope you don't mind me joining in this thread. I have been meaning to join these chat groups for a while but haven't got that involved really. Also, after reading your post it brings back memories for me - i have a sister just like yours and i think i know how you feel !!!

First of all i am deeply sorry to hear about little Cooper and secondly i am sorry to hear you have an insensitive sister and thirdly you are no way a failure - you are a survivor and are a stronger and better person! (Ladies - i am sorry to hear about your little angels too - wish there weren't so many of us mums and dads in this situation)

I hope you don't mind me telling you about "my little sister". I do love her but it has been "about her" for as long as i can remember. My father died 10 years ago now and he was a very strong man and would stir the shi* out of us girls (there are 3 of us and i am middle child - but i don't suffer from middle child syndrome LOL) to make us stronger. I think it worked for myself and my older sister but for my younger one i think she took advantage of the fact that dad was not there anymore. Even though she played up alot while he was around (doing the bad things that teenagers do) it seems she hasn't grown out of it and she is now 33. When i got married 3.5 years ago she said to my mum "it should have been me instead"...like WTF !!! I fell pregnant straight away and hey so did she (and she announced it very early). We were due at the same time but hers came first as she needed a CS. No problem i was happy for her and i believe she was happy for me. Then she fell again 3 months after having her first. Everyone said what is she doing !!! My friends would say - you know she is competing with you and wants to "beat you" and i was like - it is not a race and i don't care. Now i find her complaining every day now (having nervous breakdowns as she puts it - i don't think these are the real ones) about not being able to cope with two toddlers....

Everything that you say to her gets turned around about her (just like your sister) and is usually negative as if you said something awful when in fact you were saying something acceptable/normal !!! I don't get it with my sister some times - i really have to watch what i say. Sometimes it is best not to say anything at all.

The disappointing thing is that my mum feels for her as if she has all the problems in the world. I just think to myself..."well you know once you have lost a baby those problems (and other peoples minute problems) are nothing".

When my baby died my sister never rang to see how myself or DH were doing (and still hasn't) - i do think she cannot cope with it being brought up and doesn't want to upset me but at the same time i think - you know you are bloody family and you can ask how we are doing! At my son's funeral she said to my mum "i can do whatever i want to Tommy's coffin" when mentioning she wanted to put roses over it. I went off ! Like hell she can do that without asking. I thought WW3 was going to break out and i tell you my fists were ready. I was so angry and disgusted and i was happy never to talk or see her again.

We all know what our family members and friends are like but when a devastating event happens (like losing a baby) i think we truly find out what they are really like (even more). It is hard for your sister to contain her emotions about her pregnancy and yes sure she should think before she acts but some people just don't get it. When this happens to me i just stay clear when i can. Just a few weeks after we lost our baby a girlfriend rang me to say she was 6 weeks pregnant - with so much excitement. I was happy for her but at the same time saying to myself "yeh good on ya !"...i keep my conversations with her further apart so i don't have to "hear it" so often.

As i have been told just stay away from those that offend and near to those who help. You have a terrific support group here - well really the best as everyone here has gone through the same situation and truly understand how you are feeling. Please stay positive for yourself and just focus on yourself and your mind/body - that is all that matters now doesn't it ?

I hope you didn't mind me jumping in like this.:)

Tommysmum - thank you so much for your post. Please know that you are more than welcome to join this thread. You are so right - this is a terrific support group, they are wonderful women and I don't know what I would do without them.
I am so sorry for the loss of your father and of your baby. I am also sorry that you have had to go through this without the support of your sister. Some of the things she has said and done to you is just so................hurtful and insensitive and I am sorry that you had to hear those things. You are right though, I do have to stay positive and remember what my dream is and never lose sight of that. Thank you again, and I hope to see you around here more often. :hug:

Nat - thank you so much for today, I really needed it. You have so much knowledge and I am so glad that I have you around to share some of it and help me through this. I hope you had fun tonight. Talk soon :hug:

Mel - how are you going babe? Have been thinking of you. Did you test today. I hope you got your BFP. My fingers and toes are crossed for you.

Deb - how are you feeling? I have been thinking of you and I hope you are doing 'ok'.

Spring - hope you had a good day today in Canberra. Did you get to see DH? How did the new clothes go?

Bailey - how are you going? Any news on your bfp???? Not long now until your trip. I bet you can't wait! Can I come too??????

Klee - I think of you often. Let us know how you are going. I know what it is like to always think that you will hear bad news but I hope that you get some good news on Monday. I will be thinking of you. I too got a skin infection not long after I had Cooper. They called it 'hormonal eczema'. My fingers were like they had been in water for a month. They were very hyper-sensitive and dry. The dr said it was to do with trauma and grief so whenever I got upset, it would make them worse. Every now and then I still get it. Big :hugs: to you and your family.

Hi to everyone else

I'll be back later to tell you all about my bt and u/s...........all I can say is :angry:

Hey Girls,

Tommysmum - How are you? I was wondering when you were going to join us in here :D

Lynn - How did your test's go? No good by the looks of your post. Are you ok? I want to test so much, but it's still too early, so I am resisting. I don't think it will happen this month though. Just a feeling, hope I am wrong, but seem to be getting the week-before-AF symptoms. My skin has just gone feral - I wish it was pg hormones doing it, but I don't think so.

Lil Spring - Sorry, I jumped the gun, but Happy 15 weeks now! :confetti: Tell your mum not to change that ticker, it's cute. I hope you are behavin' your little self.

Mel - Did you resist the urge or did you test again??

hi too to everyone else, I will come back in later to have a chat!

Tommys Mum: I am amazed that after the horrible things you have had to endure, you are still kind enough to offer your support and advice. You must me an absolutely wonderful soul. I am so sorry for the loss of you baby, my heart breaks for you and your family. It is weird sometimes how the people who are the closest to us, can sometimes cause the most harm. Please know that no matter what, we will all support you. You never have to fear being judged or in competition with us. Big love honey, you are a very brave woman :hug:

Lynn: Oh babe, I don't know if I am jumping the gun for saying sorry about the results, but from the looks of your post it wasn't great news. If and when you want to chat about it, I am here for you hun. Take care.

Bailey: Lil Spring said to say Ta Aunty B, we are the big 15 weeks today (well 15w 1d) if you look at my ticker. You are being very restrained not testing yet. When do you think you will give in? I have everything crossed for a BFP and I am sending you a huge big cloud of :bluedust:.

Nat, Mel, Flowerchild, Chelle, Klee and all you other wonderful women, I hope you are all well. I have only just got home from Canberra so I am going to have some late dinner and then stalk BB for a while. Got to see DH for and hour or so which was nice but way too short. He is such a spunk that I just wanted to bundle him into the overhead locker and bring him home with me.

Be back soon
Lv Spring

Lol Spring - You would have problems storing DH in the overhead locker, there are new restrictions on what you can take onboard flights now, so he would have to fit in a clear 20cm x 20cm sandwich bag :D

Well as you will see my ticker is gone :(

I had a bt and u/s this morning. The u/s showed that there are NO follicles :confused: Confused????? Yeah me too. I had a different lady to the one that did my u/s last Friday. The lady today said that there are no follicles there and that would be consistent with my bt results over the past few days, very low levels of hormones. I told her that I was confused because the lady that did my u/s last Friday gave me hope and told me that I had some good size follicles. She said that they were probably cysts. I was so mad!!! How can you get that so wrong????? Here I am with a little bit of hope that I will o this month because I am told that I have some really good follicles and then *bang* all hope is gone. I am having another bt on Monday and I have made an appointment with the FS for Tuesday so we can work out what is going on. I am going to get him to do another u/s and get his opinion. I am also going to tell him how disappointed I am at getting conflicting results. This process is hard enough without being given false hope. I have little hope now that this is going to happen this month but the nurse today said that it can still happen, it will just be late. They believe that my body is not responding to Clomid so I will discuss options with my FS on Tuesday.

I am trying to remain positive but it is so hard :crying:

Lynn :cry: I am so sorry. I don't know what to say, but I am praying that the FS will be able to give you a clearer picture about what is going on. I know it must be so hard to stay positive with all of this but try not to get too down just yet, wait to talk to the FS.

WTF is the person who did your scan last Friday thinking???? Surely cysts and follies looke totally different!!!! You have every right to be angry/upset. I am so sorry that you have had to endure this. It just isn't fair babe.

You know what, the only thing out of all of this that I am sure of is that you are an absolutely amazing, caring, compasionate, wonderful, kind, understanding, inspiring woman. I would give anything for a little bit of good news to come your way.

If there is anything, and I mean anything that I can do, please just let me know.

With :hugs: and more :hugs:

Luv Spring

Hey Lynn, just a thought but there is a thread for PCOS here somewhere, maybe post in there and see if the girls there know anything about the u/s and what the cyst's look like compared to the folicles. They may be able to give you some advice.

Spring - thank you so much for your kind words. I guess a bit of DH is rubbing off on me. He always says don't worry about things you can't change. I can't change what this woman said to me last week, I CAN be angry about it and I CAN get answers as to what is going on. I need to find the positives, otherwise it will destroy me. The only thing that hurts is that I had hope for a week and it was false hope. But then again it gave me something to believe in for a while. I had a bit of a breakdown this morning and my m&d came over and my beautiful mum cried with me in frustration but my dad (god love him!) always thinks positive and drilled it into me that there is always a chance and if it isn't this month, then it will be next month because they will sort out what is going on and help. I guess I just have to believe that. I need to believe in something positive otherwise it will just eat away at me.

Bailey - thanks for letting me know about the thread. I do go in and read it sometimes as well as the TTC on Clomid thread. I spent the day with Dr Nat today so she was able to help me. I guess I just need to wait until Tuesday and speak to FS and get his opinion and work out where to go from here..................surely forward for a change! These hurdles are getting higher and harder, arent they?

Lynn the hurdles are getting higher and harder, but if anyone can jump them, it is you.

I agree that if it is at all possible you should try your hardest to stay positive, but it doesn't change the fact that you are allowed to feel all the other emotions such as anger and dispair. I can understand how your DH feels, I think he is just trying to make it better like most men do.

Your M&D are wonderful parents. I am so glad that you have them for support.

Luv Spring

Lynn - I am so sorry you are going through this :hug: What a stupid woman! Spring is right, surely they can tell the difference between a follicle and a cyst! It must be so hard for you, if only they had have told you all the way through that nothing was happening - it would have still been hard to deal with but at least you werent expecting something that wasnt happening. I really hope your FS can tell you what you can do from here. Do you know if maybe he just needs to up your dose of clomid or something? Sorry probably a stupid question...

Take care of yourself and let me know if you need anything :hugs:

Love Mel

Hey Lynn and Bailey

Just wanted to say nighty ni from me. Time to hit the sack :asleep:

Talk tomorrow.

luv Spring

Don't get me wrong, I am completely shattered and upset and all of those other feelings. I really did think that this was going to be my month. I was on the meds and I thought it would work. We all have dreams, and one of mine was to hold my next bubba on Christmas Day. Last Christmas was the worst and I thought I would make this Christmas better but that isn't going to be now :( I just feel like I don't have any energy left to feel anything. I don't know if that is because I have that numb feeling again - so many emotions that you just don't know what to feel. It is so devastating that my body won't do what it is supposed to do.

Lynn: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

I hope you manage to get some sleep.

Lv Spring

Hey Mel, I was getting worried because I hadn't heard from you in a while.

Not a stupid question about Clomid. I did ask him if that is what we would do but he said that there are too many side effects with increasing Clomid so we would probably go to FSH injections. I never ever thought I would have to inject myself to fall preg but hey I will do anything right about now.

Hi to everyone else,

Deb - Im sorry it isnt your month this month :hug: I hope you are doing ok and know that we are all here for you.

Bailey - I havent resisted the urge, I have tested every day for the last couple of days (see below). I still have my fingers crossed for you this month. You must be getting so excited about your holiday :)

Spring - Wow you sound like you have had a busy day, you must be buggered! Glad you got to see DH even if only for a short time, I can imagine how hard it is to leave without him.

Nat - Hope you are well.

tommysmum - Welcome to the thread. Sorry you have to be here, but I hope you can find some support with us.

OK well as for me, I have been testing and I have gotten all BFNs! Considering I am due for AF on Sunday I think we can now safely say that I am not pregnant AGAIN! What is wrong with me? It is making me so angry and I am so frustrated. Everyone else seems to fall without even trying but I so desperately want to be pregnant and it has been almost 7 months since we lost Nicholas. 7 months of being a childless mother, 7 months of living my life hoping and waiting to be pregnant, every decision I make in life now is based around I will be pregnant "soon".... well "soon" has been and gone a thousand times now and quite frankly it is not fair. We have been trying so hard and I would give up anything I have in life just to get a BFP and I cant get it. What the hell do I have to do? How many other positions can we try? How much longer do we have to wait? To be perfectly honest, I dont know if I can keep doing this :crying: I feel like I keep getting nowhere in life and it has been so long and my life just wont move forward, and the stress is too much. People say relax and it will happen... how can I relax when we have been trying for all this time and nothing is happening? I stress that something is wrong! I stress that it is never going to happen! I stress that I will not be having a live baby in 2007 like I had planned! I stress about whether there is something wrong with me! I stress about what if Nicholas was and always will be my only child! I stress about whether we are doing it enough! I stress about whether we are doing it too much! I stress about whether we are doing it in the right position! I stress about whether I have elevated my a*** for long enough after! I stress about stressing cause I know it is probably the reason I am not getting pregnant :wall:

DH is having his sperm test tomorrow and I have my Levovist next Thursday - where do we go if they are all normal? I have an appointment with an infertility specialist on 15 May but I dont think I cant wait that long mentally - I know I sound like a spoilt child but I WANT IT NOW!!!!! I think I have waited long enough!!!!!!

I so wish that stupid girl who posted a reply to one of my threads all those months ago and told me "I should just think myself lucky I can get pregnant" could read this now cause I would really like to tell her to F*** OFF!!!!

Anyway sorry but I really needed to vent all of that.

Mel

Hey Lynn,

Yeah I am here and I am ok, wasnt on last night cause we had some dramas with our bird and had to take him to the vet but anyway... long story!

Daily injections sound awful :( But you do what you have to do right? I remember when I thought I was going to need daily injections until they got the new antibody levels back which said they werent as high as they originally thought, I was thinking it would be awful but I would have done anything.

I kind of know what you mean about your body not doing what it should, I know we are in different situations and I know it must be harder for you because you cant make the plans cause of things not working properly, but as stupid as it sounds I sort of feel that way about my own body. Yes, I am ovulating and everything - but where is that getting me?

Anyway, I really do hope your FS can give you some answers and some hope... where are we without hope? Its what gets us through the days :hug:

Well I am going to go off and feel sorry for myself and you now :(

Good morning ladies,

Lynn - I never even thought of talking to Dr Nat, I am sure she was able to give you lots of info. I hope today is a better day for you:hug:

Just wanted to let you sydney gals know that in todays Daily Telegraph there is an article on stillbirth on page 86. Mel, if you like, I can post you a copy, email me your address and I can copy it at work today and send it down.
Off to get ready for work, so will come in later, have a good day everyone.

Hi again, was just about to go when I saw Lynn and Mel's post's.

Mel - You have every right to be stressed and upset about this. Is there anyway you can get into the FS earlier than that, or try another one? Even if you try going down to their office and have a tantrum in the waiting room till they squeeze you in there somewhere?
I still have my fingers crossed for you and am hoping with everything that you get that BFP tomorrow.

Lynn - I just wanted to say that I have that same thing as you with the baby-by-christmas. I am really sad that I won't have a baby by then too. I just always imagined that I would fall first go (bit too optimistic) and that this christmas will so much better than the first and I have been struggling with that the last few days since I really started to realise I won't get that BFP this month. It is hard letting that go. I hope you are feeling a little better today, and hopefully the specialist can give you some proper answers next week. just a thought though, is it possible that the original u/s was right and there was follie's and that the second sonographer is wrong? Were both u/s's at the same place?

I just feel so useless when I try to support you guys and encourage you to get that magical BFP because I haven't had that struggle. Sorry if I just can't be what I need to be for you but I am trying my hardest.

Mel: I agree with Bailey, you shouldn't have to wait until May. Is there any way you can get in earlier? If not, can you get a referral to a different specialist just so that you can get things moving? I can't even imagine how much stress this is causing you. It would be impossible to relax and that isn't really useful advice, this isn't about relaxing, it is about having an earth baby. I hope that DH's test today goes well. How long do you have to wait for the results? What is the Levovist test that you are having? I know you are searching for reasons and I totally understand why you are exploring every option. I just can't tell you how badly I want for you not to have to be going through this.

Lynn: I don't know what to say about this Christmas. There is nothing I can say to make it better. I remember last Christmas DH and I didn't see a soul, we had toast for lunch and spent the day curled up in bed sobbing. I wouldn't wish that pain on my worst enemy. I can understand why you are looking in the future towards Christmas, it is a major milestone and a day that will never really be the same without our babies. But try not to torment yourself. Just try to look at to each day as an acomplishment in itself. Otherwise if we look to far ahead, this journey just seems to long and too painful. I don't know if what I am trying to say is coming out right. I just mean that you are showing so much courage getting through each day so that in itself is massive. I hope that you have a gourgeous little bub growing in your belly or better still, in your arms by Christmas.

Bailey: I am so sorry hun that you are not hopeful for a BFP this month. I had a look at your ticker though and if the days in pink are the days you O'd, then is it still to early for a bfp? As I said to Lynn above, I wish I had the words to make it all better but every time I try to say what is in my heart, I feel like my words fail me. I am so sorry that you feel you won't have a bub in your arms this Christmas, but I am not going to give up hope for you until the witch arrives.

I am just so sad :cry: for each of you, you don't deserve to be suffering more pain then you already have. I am sending a huge cloud of :bluedust: to each of you.

Luv Spring

HI everyone,
Sorry I have been out of action but I am back now!
LYnn: I am so so very sorry - follicles can look much like cysts - however it is unlikely that such a mistake was made. I am wondering if perhaps what is happening is that your follies are not maturing. This happens with low hormone levels - there sometimes isn't enough lutinising hormone produced and the little loves just shrivel up. It sounds like this to me. One of the treatments is clomid and the injectibles you have spoken of. A hcg trigger shot is given so that the follies release their eggs and then hopefully within a few cycles pregnancy occurs. This is just my take on what I feel may be happening but of course I can't know for sure. Big big hugs my love - it is so disheartening I know. I know what you mean about a baby for Christmas. I have had two Christmas's now without that baby to add to our family. Last Christmas was to be the last but it's not looking like that is going to be the case for me either... :cry: I picked up your stone yesterday and I will post it on Monday - I am hoping you will get it for Easter.

Mel: I am sorry this isn't your month again. That poster was very insensitive and I know how much those words hurt. Mel, have you had your hormone levels checked? It isn't unusual to take some time for fertility to resume after birth. It's great that your DH is having a SA. I just wish I could give you a big hug. I know how disappointing it is to see another month pass. :hugs:

Bailey: Yay at the internet connection on holidays - we won't miss out on you while you are gone and we can all have a little "cyber holiday" with you! Are you testing soon?

Spring: You deserve this pregnancy and Lil Spring. Don't you waste any time feeling guilt at being pregnant. We will all get our chance - our journey's are all different. The timing is different for us all and the lessons we have to learn are unique to us all. We will all get there - you are the first cab off the rank - but there are lots more cabs to go. You just enjoy the miracle of your Lil Spring. We so much appreciate your love and support.

Tommysmum and Klee: Welcome to this thread and I am so sorry for the deaths of your babies. I look forward to getting to know you. May your stay in here be short and sweet! :hug:

Well I got my period yesterday :cry: I knew it was coming as I had tested and got bfn. My progesterone on 9dpo was 42 this month on 100mgs of clomid. Not so great. However, the peak is on 7po so, it is likely that the level was higher. I saw my gorgeous obs yesterday and left feeling good. Her take on it is that my fertility is working just fine - but with the lower prog. it is showing that I am probably only producing one follicle. As we all know (big sigh!) as you get older (I am 39 for those who don't know) egg quality is decreased. So, if you only produce 1 egg a cycle you have to wing it that that eggy is gorgeous. It would seem my eggs haven't been so gorgeous of late - possibly why we lost the pregnancy last month.:sad: .

So, the plan is that we need to stimulate a few follies a cycle to give me the best chance. We are upping the clomid to 150mgs for the next 2 months with follie scans. If my follies are looking ripe we will do a trigger shot so that sex can be perfectly and religiously timed! So, this month I will have a follie scan the day after Easter Monday (cd12) and go from there. I don't have too many side effects on clomid (cranky but nothing much else) so let's hope I go okay.
I always feel better with a plan so I am feeling good now. She is very positive and optimistic that it's a matter of time. So, I am going with that. Of course nothing is certain but I truly believe I will get there and I am not going to stop that belief. It is a bloody hard road though TTC after so many losses. So many babies that have been said goodbye to - it is really hard to be patient sometimes.
My friend pregnant with twins and due around the same time as my last Angel was due had a show yesterday - it's very exciting. I will keep you posted. These little boys are very special - they are a reminder that life goes on. It is a hard time though knowing that I would be due too and instead I am trying to get pregnant!
Anyway I am off now to do some jobs around the place. It's a lovely cool day here - looking like rain. I hope you all have a great Saturday - I will be back over the weekend.

Deb - thank you for the info. I hope you are right. Not that it makes any of this any easier but it would be good to know that there wasn't a mistake. Thank you so much for the stone. You should see my bedside table!! I have so many things that I hope will help :pray: I am sorry that the stupid witch arrived, I hope she is being kind to you. How good is a plan! I hope I get another plan on Tuesday when I see FS. This plan didn't work so hopefully the next one does.

Mel - I am so sorry that you are going through this as well. I just wish that our bodies would work :wall: This month wasn't our month so lets make April our month - we need to stay positive together. I know it is hard but we have to remember what our dream is and do everything possible to get that dream. I think you should try and see a FS as soon as possible just to rule out that there is nothing wrong.

Bailey - I have already had that thought - what if yesterday's u/s was wrong and I am about to O! But my levels are so low that that isn't possible. I really don't know what is going on but I am going to find out on Tuesday and demand that my FS does an u/s and explains exactly what he is seeing and what happened with the other two u/s. I saw the Stillbirth article in the paper this morning. A very interesting article. The comments of the family that the interviewed sound like some of the things I have said. The last comment in particular is exactly how I feel - "Even if one family is prevented from going through this, that would be enough for us". That is my aim, to stop other familes going through this painful and heartbreaking journey.

Spring - you are right, we don't deserve to suffer any more. We are still grieving for our angels and we are now struggling to fall pg and it isn't fair. But you shouldn't feel useless. Just being here and supporting us is being useful. Everyone's journey is different and that is what makes us who we are.

Hi to everyone else.

Hey Girls

Flowerchid: Sorry that your AF turned up. I hope she is short and kind to you so that you can get started on the next cycle. You sound like you have a wonderful ob, I'm glad that you felt better after seeing her and that you have a plan of attack. I hope your friend who is expecting twins is well, it amazes me that despite all your struggles, you are such a wonderful friend to so many women. Thanks for your kind words about lil' spring. I feel really blessed that I am one of the first cab's off the rank, I just wished I could have shared the cab with you all.

Lynn: I'm getting very excited about our date, I told DH and he said that he was very jealous (lol). Hope that you are feeling better.

Well I'll be in later.

Big love
Spring

Hi girls,

Mel - I sent a copy of that article for you today. :( on the BFN. How are you feeling today? Sorry to sound dumb, but what is a Levovist? I hope DH's swimmers are all good too. I cannot believe that someone posted that to you in a thread, what a b!tch.

Lynn - I am hoping the FS can answer all of your questions and look at some other options for you. I thought that you would have seen that article. Are you going to go to that ball? The lady at Sids and Kinds was telling me that they are doing alot more contributions to stillbirth and neo-natal death these days as well as SIDS as they have managed to successfully reduce the number of babies lost to SIDS, and that there are more lost to stillbirth every year than SIDS. That surprised me, but today's article backed that up.

Spring - You are so not useless in your support here. You are our rolemodel, we all wanna be just like you :D - I sound like a stalker hey? No seriously, you are so supportive to everyone here, and I know I for one love, appreciate and value your kind words, advice and support. I think that you are just what we need, we need to see that this CAN be done, that we can get pregnant, that we can get through this long hard journey and bring our babies home in the end. Like Deb said, we will all get there, you are just the first cab off the rank.

Flowerchild - Sorry to hear you got AF, but at least now you can start another cycle fresh and put your new plan into action. I hope it is the very last AF you see for a long time. I am sure your next carton of eggs will be gorgeous ;)

Hello to Nat - where you at??

hi to everyone else too!!

I am so confused at the moment. I have had weird sharpish pains in my belly today, not quite period pains, but I am not sure. If they are period pains, that would mean I will get them in a couple of days, but I am not due to get them til next monday the 9th!(That would suck, that's my birthday) Arrghhhh! I just with this stupid body of mine would either get UTD or pg! I hate this limbo! Oooh, I just had a vent.

Well, it looks like you lot all have lives.......where are you all? Here I am, the lonely newly-wed, all abandoned. First by hubby, then the monster went to sleep, and you girls all have something better to do!! Lol...I might go to bed then.:asleep: Good Night.

Hey Bailey: Sorry to stand you up but I am back now.

Thought I would swing by before bed but I assume you have already hit the sack.. I just wanted to say I hope you have a great belated hen's day tomorrow. You deserve to be spoilt rotten. Can't wait to hear all about it.

Luv Spring

Bailey - LOL! Don't feel abandoned, we are here. Spring and I just had a massive night out on the town!!! LOL.......not! We are so old sitting there drinking our cups of tea :lol:
Hope you have a great day tomorrow and I hope those pains are BFP pains :pray:
Yes I am going to the ball. I asked friends and family and was quite surprised at the response. I have 2 tables!! Are you going? Let's just hope that they can reduce the Stillbirth numbers like they have for SIDS.
You have probably already gone to bed. Where I am about to head.

Spring - thanks for the night out. It was what I needed. Otherwise I would have just sat at home on my own feeling sorry for myself.

Everyone else must be having busy nights. Hope you are all well.

Sweet dreams
luv & hugs
Lynn
xxxxxxxxxxx

Hey Lynn: I had a great night also. Called DH and he said boy that is a late night for you. I then explained that I spent it talking and drinking tea and he thought that was cute.

Bailey: I meant to say that those pains could be implantation. I had cramps, lower belly discomfort this time. It also was in my lower back, felt like AF cramps but a bit different. Ooooh I hope that is what it is. When are you going to test?

Sweet dreams

Spring

Hi Girls,

Deb - Why is your picture of Kelly? Something has gone wrong there I think LOL. Thats great you have a plan now, its funny how it can bring some comfort just to have an idea of whats going on.

Spring - Dont ever feel like you are useless to us!!!! Yes you are pregnant and you are extremely lucky for that... but you also know how lucky you are. You are also still going through a journey and you have still lost Harry and are still hurting over that. We would never take lil Spring away from you, we all want to be in your position but that doesnt mean we resent you. You have been there for me from the beginning and I will never forget that :hug: Actually I will have to give you a buzz soon, havent spoken in a while. Re getting into FS sooner, I dont think I can. He has people who have been trying to get pregnant for years so if I ring and say I have been TTC for 7 months they are gonna say it is not urgent. Unfortunately I just have to wait! And apparently we will get DHs results early next week. He said he has a feeling his results will be bad but I said he has already produced 4 kids (incl Nicholas) so I doubt it very much and I think I am the problem.

Bailey - :pray: that they are pg pains and not AF pains. Have you done a test yet? Have you heard from the other half of the newlywed couple? I bet he is having a ball. A Levovist is an ultrasound procedure to check for blockages in the fallopian tubes. Apparently they put saline up into the fallopian tubes to check if it spills out, obviously if it doesnt there is a problem. I so hope it is ok, I have no idea how they would unblock blockages there. Have a nice Sunday, from Springs post I assume you are doing a hens day so I hope you have a ball.

Lynn - You are right April WILL be our month. I had a chat to DH yesterday and said I dont think I can keep doing this, mentally it is killing me. I feel tense all the time and I am constantly getting headaches because of all the pressure. I said that if April doesnt bring us a BFP I am going to consider going back on the pill and not trying for a while. He didnt seem to keen on that idea and said he knows it is hard but we cant give up and that it hasnt been that long. To me it feels like forever though, 7 months without Nicholas and 7 months of TTC with a slap in the face each month AF arrives :(

Hi to everyone else, Nat hope you are well.

I meant to tell you girls that DH and I had a little argument on Friday night about this sperm test he had to have. It doesnt take an einstein to figure out how they get that sample, so DH was going on about how it was embarrasing cause I had told my sister that he was having that test and that now he wouldnt be able to look her in the eye and I said noone thinks he is stupid and its not like its some brothel where you go to pay to "relieve yourself" and that everyone going there is having medical problems and noone is going to laugh at him. Well he basically said I didnt understand how hard it was and I got so upset with him and said OMG after everything I have had to do you think I dont know how hard it is! And he said that it was ok for me because I didnt have to "do it to myself" WTF!!!! So I kind of lost it a bit and said yeah cause I love going into a place like I have had to quite a few times and some stranger looks at my bits and shoves things up me which is really uncomfortable to check that everything is working. I said that if only it was as easy as me going in an doing it to myself I wouldnt mind. He ended up apologising and said he hadnt thought of it that way and I got over it. I do feel sorry for him cause I am sure it was a little embarrassing but I just got upset. Anyway, its all over now and he did it and said it wasnt as embarrassing as he thought cause it was quite discrete but still... MEN :rolleyes:

We went to DHs best mate and his wifes house last night for his Bday. His parents and his sister were there and I was right... noone acknowledged that I was even pregnant let alone had buried (or cremated) our son. His father even went to the point of greeting me with a kiss and a cuddle and said "how are the kids?" (meaning DHs kids). Now why would he ask me that? They are not my kids, they are DHs why not ask him that. I just yeah they are fine. And later in the night he said to me "so where are the kids tonight, with a babysitter?" I said "no they are with their mother" and thought to myself what a fruit loop! I said to DH what does he think they are my kids or something and he said no he knows they are not because he knew his ex wife and that he is probably just making conversation. I said well he could try making conversation by saying I am sorry you lost your son. So anyway they sat around talking about babies and so and so is pregnant and the guys mum was saying to the wife how she was gonna take all this food into the hospital with her. I just deliberately sat there looking uncomfortable and I could tell that the wife knew and tried not to talk about it too much. But they left earlyish and then it was just us, the mate and the wife and they were actually quite open to me talking about Nicholas. She talked about her pregnancy and asked me questions about mine which I answered. She commented on how she cant imagine how hard it was for me to give birth. They seemed quite different to what they usually are and I dont know why. Maybe it was DH saying to his mate on the phone that it upsets me when people dont talk about it. But anyway, we told them we would go to her 30th (with the intention of me not showing up on the night and DH going alone) and they said "oh good, we booked it at Mexicali Mama (a mex restaurant in Geelong) especially for you cause we knew you would go if we did". So, now I feel like I have to go, what a cow would I be to not show up now! Although I know it will be the same uncomfortable night, DH said we will just go to eat and then leave if it is uncomfortable. Does anyone think this is a bad present to buy her? I am going to buy her a really nice trendy baby book, the reason being because I got a baby book for my baby shower a month before I was due to have Nicholas and it said to fill in all of the info about when I first found out I was pregnant and in what order I told people and what the first gift I got was etc etc etc and I remember I struggled to remember alot of the stuff because a fair bit of time had gone by. So I thought I will buy her a little keepsake for herself and a baby book. What do you guys think?

And to end my post... we are going looking at display homes today, I love looking at display homes it is so much fun. The company that DH works for is designing a new part of our suburb that has opened up with land for sale and his boss said he can get us a discount on a block of land so we have chosen our block and are going to apply for a loan to buy it. Then in about 6-12 months time we will look at taking out a mortgage to get a house built on it, and in that time try to get our debt reduced as much as possible so all we have to pay out is our mortgage repayment. Anyway we want to look at houses to get an idea of what we want because the block of land we buy has to be big enough to fit the house. And lets face it with 3 kids here part time and hopefully a couple of our own the house will need to be a reasonable size.

I am sorry I know this is an extremely long post today, I just had alot to say and I am bored cause DH is playing footy on PS2 before we go to display village. Anyway hope you all enjoy your Sunday.

Love Mel

IKWUM about Flowerchilds pic (lol) but hello Kelly nevertheless :)

Mel: Wow, how emotionally stunted is DH's mate's dad. I guess some people don't know what to say or how to react so rather than actually thinking what is coming our of their mouths, they just go along with the usual chit chat. I am sorry that it was difficult for you but it is good that after they left you actually got to talk openly with the couple about Nicholas.

About the pressent, I think that is a wonderful and very thoughtful idea, I am sure she will love it. About the sperm test well the only thing I can say to that is MEN :rolleyes: I am glad that DH finally realised the true extent of what you have been through but I also know that anything that involves the trouser snake brings out a weird side in men (lol). I am sure he will be fine DIY and I hope more than anything that the results are great so that it can be excluded.

I am having a lazy day and am about to get myself organised and go to the shops. Have to buy yet another 1st birthday pressent which means facing the horrid kids section. I was going to be a chicken and get a voucher from a book store, but I thought I would try to go to the kids section first, and if it is to hard I can get a voucher.

Hope you have a ball at the display village, I love going to them to, but until we win the lotto, I don't think I won't torment myself by going to the ones in Sydney.

Big love.
Spring

Mel, I just saw your ticker :( Big :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: mate.

Lv Spring

Pinch and a punch for the first day of the month!!!

GOT ME :redface:

LOL is that an April Fool's joke? Its after 12 now so you have to take it away :p

Spring, yes my ticker does say it is CD1 and it is correct in terms of dates... but still waiting for AF to show - I still have a glimmer of hope that she wont but I know it is too good to be true and I remember last cycle she arrived in the evening so it will probably be the same this time. I dont have any AF symptoms this month though, which I wont complain about. Although I have a shocking headache today that actually started on our way home last night :doh:

Well Mersyndol time for me :)

Good luck in the kids section. If you change your mind on that, you could always go to the bookstore and get books instead of a voucher. Every kid I know that age loves books as long as they have lots of colour and even different textures (you know the ones that have foil and stuff over them) or sounds. And if you go for something like Wiggles or whatever all kids love that. My youngest step-daughter got one last year and she absolutely loved it. The other things she loved were those books that have the buttons on the side that you push for sound effects and you can get them with Sesame Street characters on them. My nephew had an Elmo one and she loved it so much.

Hi ladies

I just want to say after reading your posts that you are all truly brave and remarkable people. I know you all know that (truthfully) but just reading your stories is just heartbreaking. It is not fair is it. It is hard to be positive when things aren't going our way but what else can we do - we MUST stay positive no matter how hard it is.

Again i am sorry to you all for losing your precious angels.


Bailey - your Hen's day today - wow - where did you go and how was it ?

Spring - Congrats on being preggers - what a wonderful time for you and it is very exciting for us all. It will give me strength and more positive vibes to know that it can happen. I know it can it just takes time....

Lynn - sorry to hear about your tests but stay positive for this week. I know what it is like to have your body all over the place - why does this happen (is it just our hormones playing up or what) - very strange ???

Mel - Sorry to hear you have been trying for 7 months - i know it feels like it is going on forever but i know you will get there soon :pray: ... With this levovist test, if the tubes are "blocked" would they do a curette to unblock ? My sister had a test (not sure if it was this particular test) to see if tubes were blocked and they cleaned it out by curette i believe - and that was what she needed to fall again. With people making insensitive comments (or not saying anything at all) - i think they just don't know what to say to be honest. A week after we lost our son a friend of a friend came up to me and said "the hospital didn't do you any favours did they !" I nearly burst out crying as i was not blaming the hospital (well it hadn't crossed my mind at that stage)...other people have said "well she can just have another"..."yeh right - not as easy as that and the one we lost will not been forgotten you know (it is not about replacing) !!!"

People can make us very frustrated and hurt us but i try (although hard) to think that they do not know what it is like to lose a baby. My closest friends couldn't even ring me as they didn't know what to say. With one of them i ended up ringing her on day 2 and it took her ages to pick up her phone, knowing it was me. I said "girls - we are friends and we can talk about this and anything - if anything like this (or another tragedy) happens again to anyone i want all of us to pick up the phone to comfort those in need". I think we have to educate those that don't know what it is like, exactly what it is like. I do still get p***ed off when i see a person and they don't say anything (and never have) and i dont' get the opportunity to say anything.

Now can anyone offer any advice or experiences on this ? In Feb i got my first period since the birth and within 5 weeks i had 3 normal periods :dance: ..NOT! Rang the ob and he said not normal but it should settle....great....now i am on day 30 and no AF. I am usually on a 28 day cycle (when my body is normal) and am not used to this. I have had pains (abdominal, back etc) all throughout the 30 days (not consistent) so i feel that my period is coming but nothing. I did a HPT last week but BPN. Any suggestions ? I can't believe i am saying this but i actually want a period to come (well if i was pg that would be better) as i think i am going the other way and will have a period at day 60 or 600 !!!

Anyway - better go and talk soon. Big hugs to you all.:grouphug:

Tommysmum: hey there sweetie, I hope we can help provide you with some comfort and support now that you are part of our gang. About the AF issue, I am not sure why it is happening, but it isn't unusual to be a bit out of whack for a few months. If you are having continual back/ abdominal pain for 30 days, it might be worth making an appointment with your ob or GP. Just to make sure you don't have any infections etc. I am sure it is all ok but it is worth checking. However, if you are usually on a 28 day cycle, it might be that you are UTD. You said that you did a HPT last week, it may have been too early to get a BFP. Perhaps do another one if AF doesn't turn up soon. I hope with all my heart that it is a BFP. Huge :bluedust: coming your way.


Mel: I am not giving up hope for you just yet until AF arrives. I hope she stays the hell away :SAAF:. Not having AF symptoms is a great sign and I get headaches when I am pregnant so I hope more than anything that your next post has some good news. Don't forget, some women don't get a +ive HPT until after AF is due.


Hiya to everyone else, be back later.

Luv Spring

Hi ladies,


Well I am over my abandonment issues I had last night :D

Mel - Wow, hows that friend's dad's form? It must have been so hard to sit there while he asked those stupid questions. I have found that people either don't say anything, or say stupid things. It sounds like your friends have changed a little about talking about Nicholas. Maybe now that they are expecting, they must be able to understand just a little how you must feel. I think that that baby book is a fantastic idea. Oh, I just love looking at display homes, but it just makes you want each one. How exciting to build your own place! I get an sms every couple of days from DH, he is on a yacht in the middle of the Indian Ocean, so there's hardly any service out there, so he just messages me when they drift into range. They only sail to an island in an emergency (like running out of beer) so he can't get to a land line either. But he is having a great time. I am glad too, he deserves it. He has been so fantastic over the last 5 months, and I think sometimes people forget that the men-folk are grieving too. A few friends were sort of surprised that he had gone off for those two weeks, but I really think he needs time away, not just from dealing with his loss, but also a break from me iykwim. I have been so reliant on him, and he has been so great, he must be just exhausted. Mel, I hope so much that you don't get that AF. When are you going to test again?? Oh, and hoping DH's little swimmers are good!

Lynn - You must be buggered after your night out on the town with those party animals Spring and Lil Spring. Hope you are not too tired :) That's great that your friends and family are going to the ball. I think I might try and drag hubby along. I will let you know. How are you feeling today anyway?

Spring - Glad you guy's had a good night out. I wish we could have met up today, but we will just have to do it when I get back from holidays. How did you go with buying that birthday present? Soon you will be hanging around in the baby sections buying up big for your lil spring. Do you have any inkling of what you're cooking up in there? You are going to find out at your 19 week scan aren't you? Ooh how exciting!

Tommysmum - Hey, how are you? Went to the Thaspa in the city with the girls I used to work with. it was good. I am not usually that into them, but it was nice. Just wanted to get home to the monster though, cos I have been at work thae last 3 days and I haven't spent much time with him.

Hi too to Flowerchild(who looks a bit like Kelly today :)) Dream and Chelle.

Well, I haven't had those weird pains today. I doubt that they are anything to get excited about though. I was tempted to test today, but I am not due for a week, so I thought I wouldn't get a BFP even if I was pg. So, no point really. Thanks for all the positive vibes and baby dust though. Hopefully it will happen next month like it will for Mel and Lynn!

Hi Girls

So sorry I have been MIA, have checked in but someone needs something when ever I get on the computer (DH that is!)

Deb Im sorry that Af arrived I hope it is over soon and you can start on your meds, I also love a plan nothing better, mind you each month comes around and I think boy I wonder if we tried would it have happened......but DH has made a decision that we will be going to Europe in Sept so Im holding off till then. Your OB sounds great, must be so reassuring with her. Will you be having scans reg and for how long? if eggies arent getting there can she do a little more?

Lynn I to had a great dy on Friday Im glad you felt better mind you, I to needed it if you couldnt tell! I dont know why its not happening but you will get that baby, just have a little.....I dont know maybe faith, this is maybe how its all played out as much as its not right. Your dinner date sounded wonderful!

Mel A new house....you know what they say new house new baby, Im still crossing everything for a bfp. The gift idea is a great one, might as well start filling it in asap. Im glad she has started asking you question, di you think you will go to the dinner?

Bailey You poor old married women, home alone, how was your hens day? I hope you didnt drink to much just in case those pains are of implantation!! all xxxxxx how long till you go? are you ready?

Tommymum Im so sorry for your loss, Im glad you have found us here and hope you find some comfort on this road of TTC and healing. Sometimes it takes a while for you cycle to return to normal but as spring said maybe get it checked if things dont go back to normal soon. I wish you the very best.

Spring How is that little bean going? jumping around and driving you mad with happiness!!! Dont feel that you cant give what ever, we all travel this road in our own way and the worse have lost and know the pain of it, you are an inspritation and help me go on TTC so please know that it wonderful to have you around.

OMG BL is on so I might go and try and catch up on me later mind you not that much is going on in my boring life, which Im loving. feeling a little run down tonight like im getting the flu so I might get a bath and bed in. I think maybe all the exercise is not good for me!!! I by the way got my baby fix went next door and played with the twins, got sicked on and then left!!

talk soon, a big hug to you girls :grouphug: Luv Nat xxx