My angels girls are Sophie and Imogen - it still makes me teary eyed to say the names we choice for them. I miss them so much and can't stop thinking about what could have been if i'd realised sooner that i was in labour.. i keep re-playing in my mind what happened that day and leading up to it.. i feel as though i have nothing to look forward to at the moment as everything we were planing was a round the girls.. i hate not being able to look up things on the web to buy for the girls.. i still have the few cloths that my dad had brought for them still boxed up waiting for them to use.. i hurts so much that they won't ever be here.. but i'm sure that pain will pass. Hopefully when were blessed with a happy 9 months. Sorry to sound so sad but my DH has just gone back to work and i'm home alone thinking about them every minute.. All i want is to have that lovely warm feeling back inside me, knowing that were going to have a wonderful child, the excitment and planing for thier arrival..
Guessing that most of you feel the same and it is a help to know you guys are there to support others even whilst going through your own pain. i feel luckly in one way (i know this sounds bad) i really don't know how i would cope if they were still born at term, i hurt of them being 21 weeks and to young to surivive after birth is bad enough, any later would have completely shattered me - don't know how most of you do it.
Well sorry to be so low today - i'm going now to make a nice warm cuppa tea to cheer me up,
Laura xx
howdy everyone.
Jo, yes, you have the right to be upset and your dh has the right to falter a step too. it is so difficult to imagine a positive future sometimes, and guilt is a constant companion. i am glad he is feeling more positive now.
Lynn, i agree, i always knew intellectually that life is so difficult, i guess i didn't think it would be so especially difficult for me. that guilt thing is a nasty thing, isn't it? i have the same feelings about Yeti, that i could have done something to save him, shouldn't i have known he was in distress. but i try to meditate on my total lack of control to try to counter it. i'm doing okay right now, which is good.
Starbright- i like your new pen name, and hope you still feel safe sharing here!
Laura- what beautiful names for your little girls. it is so painful to give up one's hopes for the future when one has spent so many months planning for nothing else. you are right, time is the only healer we can count on, but it just goes so slowly now. i hope you do get that lovely warm feeling back inside you, and that you will hold some of your babies in your arms rather than only in your heart. and i am sure your pain is no less because your girls were born at 21 weeks, they are your daughters no matter their age and your hopes of your future with them is just as broken. you are exhibiting just as much strength as anyone else by living through your pain and trying to make it through to a better day. hugs to you.
as for me, i'm doing okay today. just trying to make it to next week without seeing af. but also trying not to get my hopes up. hah. we are going on a week-long backpacking trip starting tomorrow, so i'll be away from belly belly for a whole week. yikes! i have become addicted to the support and understanding here on a daily basis, but i'll be too tired anyway. we thought this would be a good way to avoid me taking a hpt too early again. nothing like being deep in the woods to make me step outside of my own head. some of my family is coming along, so we should have some fun. i'll be thinking of you all and sending good thoughts for all of you. xxoom
Laura - What beautiful names you have for you precious little ones. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}
Starbright - Love the new name!
Lynn - DH is blaming himself for me not getting pregnant, even though i keep telling him it is sure to happen eventually, It did with Storm! I keep telling him to be positive (need to tell myself that sometimes too) Anyway, how are you? 15 weeks, wow that went fast!
Auntie M Have a great week in the wild outdoors!! It must be beutiful wilderness around there! Watch out for the bears!!
Jo Hey darl, how r u feeling? I have a question, dont answer if you dont want to... is your DH the daddy to your other children? Or just Storm? Or have his troubles only started recently? Just curious. Laura Thank you for coming back and sharing a little bit more of your sad journey. Sophie and Imogen are gorgeous names for gorgeous angels.
It feels very empty doesn't it? I know i noticed a considerable difference loosing my son at 18 weeks compared to my daughter at 35weeks. I felt very ripped off having my pregnancy end so suddenly right in the middle. Like i never got to finish something i started. I dont know if it will help you, but i sort of felt the need to honor the rest of the time that i would have been pregnant. I remember his due date as much as the day he sadly died. And for me, i needed to use that time to grieve for him. For some reason until that due date came around, nothing felt right. My aunty tried to tell me to get pregnant right away and everything would be ok if i got pregnant by his due date, but i couldn't do it.
It may be all very different for you, this is just how i felt at the time.
just take each day as it comes and my biggest suggestion is have a big cry and let it all out, even if you need to do this everyday, or more than once, just let it out rather than try to hold it in and be ok.
How is everyone else? Those of us with Af looming on the near horizon lets hope she packs up and goes the other way!!
Tkae care everyone
Mexox
Starbright - My oldest 3 kids are from my previous marriage, and DH is daddy to Miss 3 & Storm. His troubles have only started since Miss 3 was born in 04, we had no trouble conceiving her, only trouble since!
The dr (who is useless) thinks it could be nerve damage from his diabeties (type 1)
Thanx Jo, i am hoping you will have some good fortune soon. Either with another doctor for DH or a BFP.
I was curious because my hubby has two kids from a previous relationship and we have pretty much assumed he is all good because of them. It goes to show that stuff can happen in between thou.
Our problems come after we concieve thou, so i take most of the blame for that on my shoulders.
Keep positive and i am sure it will happen again for you ! Like you said, it's happened twice before!!
B]StarBright[/B] - I thought we had a new friend! Hello Starbright! I can totally understand you wanting to keep it a secret. And just remember you will have baby - stay positive and it will come. Where are you in your cycle? I think you are similar to Mel and Klee aren't you? You girls are all going to graduate this month - I can feel it! Sending you heaps and heaps of
Laura - don't ever say sorry in this thread. You can say and feel whatever you want. I am just so sorry for the loss of your angels. They are beautiful names and I am sure they are just as beautiful as their names. What you are feeling is so normal. I couldn't look at baby clothes for ages and I still don't look at babies. Just take one day at a time that is all you can do and gain strength each day with the support of the loving people around you It is so hard when we lose all the hopes and dreams that we had for our babies, but I hope one day very soon that you feel the warmth within you.
Auntie M - your trip sounds wonderful! I want to visit you - you are always doing something exciting! I have everything crossed for you for next week and I hope so much that you get that bfp! We will definitely miss you around
Jo - It is so hard not to blame ourselves when things go wrong and yes you are right - it will happen eventually! Keep up those positive thoughts. I'm sending you heaps and heaps of positive thoughts as well as heaps of I'm going ok thanks for asking. I had a scan today and *Hope* is all good! Sometimes I think 15 weeks - wow! Then other times I think - is that it! Just taking one week at a time at the moment.
howdy everyone. just popped in quickly before i run off to a day seminar and then vacation. yippee for you, Lynn and Hope! those scans must be stressful and yet so soothing after. i am so happy and relieved each time i hear that you two are doing well. what a roller coaster you get to ride.
lots of love to everyone, and luck! xxoom
Morning ladies, just a quick one from me, suffering from a head cold at the moment, so I'm a bit whingy, hmmn when aren't I whingy, lol
starbright - love the new name it suits you
auntie m - have a fantastic time backpacking, will be wishing no af for you
lynn - so glad to hear you and hope are doing well
mel - WHERE ARE YOU??????????????
Laui59 - such beautiful names for such beautiful girls, hopefully phoebes has taken them under her wing
jlk - sorry dh blaming himself, give him a big hug from us
Lyn I am about the same day as klee and mel. We are in the last week of our TWW. I am trying to positive thinking approach - convincing myself i am pregnant.
Yay for Hope!! I think if your little Hope is Pink that you should consider keeping Hope as a name. Have you thought about that? It would be cute.
Hey did anyone catch this show on the ABC last night, it was about a lady who made statue like doll things? It was her art work. It was a bit of a story on her and what she does with these amazing peices of art - the bit that struck a chord with me was that she started doing it because she had tried to have children, and without going into details she explained that she had had troubles and it had been difficult and heartbreaking, so she decided to stop trying and she now has her dolls instead. I guess it hit me because she obviously had never really gotten over the fact that she never had children, and this was the way she dealt with that. She gets very attatched to her creations and she has thousands of them around her home. They are her children. i did think it was a bit sad, but i guess it is her way of dealing with it. Just thought id share!
Just a reeeeeeally quick one from me, sorry we still dont have internet at home (probably wont for a week or 2 more - long story ). Only have about 2 mins on here cause people were using it when I started my break... how rude!
But wanted to give everyone a huge hi and say I have been thinking about you all. I had a great weekend away and now back to crappy old life LOL.
Anyway, I dont have time to read personals cause of the rude person using the comp but hopefully will be back on my arvo break.
Hi everyone,
Its been ages since I posted in here, firstly because my puter crashed early June and I had to wait to be able to get a new one which I finally have now YAY and then becuase I had my darling little girl on the 26th of July,
you know I dont think reality had still hit me untill my OB handed her to me and I had her in my arms I think I was in a little bit of shock that I had a healthy little girl in my tummy all that time and now she was finally here.
I wanted to thankyou all for your support it was invaluable to me during the rough times you helped me through some tough days just knowing you were there and that you understood my fears so a huge big monsterous thankyou.
I wanted to wish you all the very best I will be thinking of you and will be popping in and checking on you.
You must all think me terribly rude, I came in, posted a few times then went quiet lol. I just keep going thru cycles and sometimes I am up and other times really down. I don't know wher I stand with TTC any more, this is my 10th cycle since the last m/c and now 2 3/4 yrs since we began TTC a last child.
Jo I can see where your DH was coming from. I often wonder if losing Annabelle then since samuel all I have to show is m/c's.. is tha a messgae to say I am done? I keep getting told it is a message to me that I should stop. Part of me though still yearns so much to hold a baby of my own one last time. To go through a pregnancy and labour/delivery. I have age against me though now so maybe mydream has run out. When I was your age I was active and aprt of a bowling team. Having another baby wasn't on my mind as DH had a vasectomy. I hope you do get a BFP for #6 soon hun.
Just read back up a bit and yes diabetes can affect sperm production but it is once again different for everyone as to ho wmuch it will affect everything.
Laura you have chosen lovely names for your girls. It must be so hard being so close to viability yet in a way so far. These early days are so ahrd but this group of ladies is so wonderful and supportive and understanding.
AuntyM you are a country girl like me lol. I was out splitting wood the other week but since then it has been too wet. We also have chooks (hens) and agist a pony (fence breaker more an accurate name for her). Can you email me judy3264@hotmail.com with info to put with Yetis name on the Sand Angels Page. I started updating the pages today but other than his name Yeti and his birthdate I don't have yours or DHs name to put in.
Lynn you know I can recall the week to week stages I went thru when I was pg with Samuel. It is so strange to be pg again and to be filled with hope and excitement but also such wariness and fear.
Starbright is a lovely username You did well to think it up.
Klee I hope you are over your cold pretty quick. Did you know that colds in women last for less time than men with colds? Men are generally sicker for longer.. or is it just seems like it as they always seem so much worse than us when we are sick.
Hi to everyone.. I'll try and be more regular posting here lol.
Like I said above I am updating the Angels in the sand pages. If you want your Angel added pease let me know. I will need their name, date and if possible the week they became an angel and yours and Dhs name and any brothers sisters or short message. If you go to my name and click on webpage link it takes you to a index page and SandAngels is listed in there. I am up to page 8.
I have an RE appt on Sept 26th although last time he said other than being fertile I have old eggs so to just keep trying. Trying is time running out. My last Cd3 results were good with FSH-6 and LH-3 and cd21 (7DPO) progesterone was 17... so why aren't I getting pg????
Sorry still havent had time to read up but wanted to say:
Amy - Congratulations on the safe arrival of your precious little girl Lucy (beautiful name too). Wishing you all the best for lots of sleepless nights and pooey nappies, to most it probably sounds horrible to us it sounds like bliss
Thankyou and yeah it is funny, the things others think are the bad bits of parenthood we all look forward to LOL people look at me stranglely when I say I have been looking forward to the sleepless nights etc,
Thanks again you are very sweet
We will definitely miss you around 
). Only have about 2 mins on here cause people were using it when I started my break... how rude! 
You did well to think it up.
Congratulations on the safe arrival of your precious little girl Lucy (beautiful name too). Wishing you all the best for lots of sleepless nights and pooey nappies, to most it probably sounds horrible to us it sounds like bliss 
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