TTC after Stillbirth/ Recurrent Miscarriage or Loss after the First Trimester

Hi ladies

Been MIA for a few days - very busy bee. DH had a bit of a melt down on Thurs night. Went out on the drink with a good mate over from Perth that he hasn't seen in 6 months. After several beers his emotions just spilled everywhere. When he got home i could see that he had been crying and he was in a bad/sad mood. He just said that it all hit home that we lost our son (plus he lost his dad in the same year and they were both named Thomas). I am glad that he got it all out (for now anyway) - he hasn't really talked about it with many people.

Lynn - it was nice to meet you the other day and i hope you have a wonderful time away. Even though AF came at least now you know where to start from and you are not waiting waiting waiting. Fingers crossed that it all goes to plan.

Kristee - welcome. Sorry to hear about your angel babies and sorry to hear about how your DH responds. Do you talk to him about it and express your feelings ? It sounds like he doesn't understand how you have felt with your babies. I hope that you sort it out soon and that you are both on the same path to ttc again.

Spring - very exciting for your 19 week scan - can't believe you are almost at the half way mark then it is counting down the days !!!

Bailey - when are you logging in ? I think you are home now (must be tired - did you do the overnight flight and how did DS go with it ???)

Mel - wow you wanted a change - i think it is always a good idea. I was thinking of dying my hair more to my natural colour (whatever that is) - i am sure it is all dark under there but i top it up with blonde/brown foils...but it is too light for me at the moment - plus i get the "blonde" comments from DH - what a nice man. M/S is still here (comes and goes) but very tired, exhausted and always when it is housework time...wonder why that is ???

Flowerchild - another one doing their hair - i think it is time for me to do mine. I have a bad regrowth but don't notice it as i wear my hair up. Have a wedding on next weekend and will put the hair down - not going to be a good look ! Hope you are feeling well and i hope you have some positive news soon.

Hello to Hindonly, Sarah, Klee and to all the other wonderful ladies out there. Big hugs from me.

Blimey, I have had one heck of a time trying to keep up with this thread lately but I have been up since 5 this morning watching the cricket - all you Aussies do know that us Kiwis let you win and we are just saving ourselves to thrash you in the final now don't you?????

Lynn - by the time you get this, you;ll be back so I hope you had a most wonderful time away. xxx

Kristee - men! Can't live without them can we but boy, do they have design flaws!!

Spring - half way there, oh wow. Come on, you can tell me, no-one is listening, just whisper - is Lil Spring a Springette????

Deb - am taking Spatone in OJ to top up the iron prescribed, have drawn the line at Spinach sandwiches. Can I tap your info - have you heard any link between Group B Strep and mid-trimester miscarriage - I tested positive after Joe (last baby) was born and it put him into SCBU for a month with pneumonia - I know I will haver to have IV AB's next time, either when waters go or contractions start. Just a thought... I can't find anything definitive on google!

Well, am still bleeding 18 days after D&C but GP says my haem is still low on BT and it may be due to this. It;s not staining a pad, just there when I wipe although I did have more loss yesterday and today it has gone!! Naughty, teasing AF!! (Old witch!!)

And as for hair - brace yourselves!! I hacked off 6 inches off the bottom of my hair yesterday (before I had read the hair part of this thread!!) because I have been so frustrated with it - gone from bra strap to above shoulder - am splurging at the hairdressers this week!!!

Much hugs to anyone I have missed, my DH is working today so I have the bathrooms, the ironing and the school uniforms to locate!!

Alex
xxx

Alex

Just read your line about Strep B - i tested positive (can't remember when they test) with both DD and DS and when DD was born i think they gave me an injection (from memory). I now of a case where a lady lost her baby around 25 week mark with Strep B infection. She was not tested during her pregnancy (was it too early not sure) but the baby died consequently. Don't know if this is of any use but just thought i would post just the same.

Thanks for this Tommysmum

I didn't have it with Tom (last but one) but tested positive a few hours before I had Joe, wasn't given anything myself but he had ABs, was on CPAP,lumbar puncture, the works.

I know we all look for answers that may not exist or just can't be found, but I find it hard to cope with losing two at about the same time, when I know I am Group B Strep +.

I will mention it to my GP when he starts testing next week - I want to rule out APS too!

Thanks again (sorry for the mini hijack everyone!)

Alex
xxx

Hello gals,
Well, I am back! :( I have been sleeping most of the day. We had an overnight flight last night so hadn't slept and DS was sick on thursday night so was up with him all night then too, so hadn't really slept since wednesday so I am so tired. Though he did have a spew in the line at customs which got us through much quicker!! He is OK, he just had a blocked ear which threw out his balance a little and made him queasy. DS is staying with nanny tonight so I will hopefully get a sleep in tomorrow.
Bali was nice, very quiet, except for the sounds of me screaming at DS, wow, he was so naughty this trip. Little bugger!
Well, AF came, just like I knew she would. Eventually!! I usually have a cycle of around 34 days, but this was 44 days, so I abit pi$$ed at her for waiting so long to come. Beeatch! I am ok about it, was a little upset on thursday when it came, but as I said in the first place, I wasn't confident anyway, so wasn't surprised. I am a little confused now about how I am meant to concieve when AF is all over the place?? blah blah blah enough about me, what have you lot been up to?? Lot's by the looks of it. I have been slowly going through the threads to see what has been going on, but it is taking me ages, so I won't do personals yet. But I do want to ask Spring...Orange and peanut butter sandwich?? Is that for real? lol
speak to ya'll soon

It's lovely to have you back Bailey! Sorry about DS being sick - the poor love. It's really hard when kids get sick out of your home environment - you must be exhausted... :hugs:

Sorry that your period arrrived - it brings you down for a few days doesn't it? I have been thinking of you and I am sure I can speak for everyone when I say WE MISSED YOU!

I'll pop back tomorrow... :hug:

Bailey: WELCOME BACK HUN!!! We missed you but I am glad that you had a nice time. Sorry that the beeeatch arrived. I am not sure if you temp or use OPK's, but If your cycle is a bit out of whack it might be worth a try. LMAO about the orange and peanut butter sandwich. Although it sounds interesting, I ate the organge by itself and then the sanger, not having any weird cravings like that.

Klee and Kristee: There must be something about the name because that is my name also but spelt with a K and a Y. Soon we will rule the world Whooohahaha.

Lynn: I know you are the best State in the world, but if you get a chance to read these posts just want to say I hope you are having a ball and those injections are not too scary.

Deb: How does the new style feel? I love getting a haircut and really need one come to think of it. I can't imagine doing it with three kids in tow, I bet you didn't really get a chance to lie back and enjoy the head massage but I am sure it was an interesting time.

Tommysmum: My DH was the strong one for weeks after we had Harry and then one afternoon, he was driving to a friends house to help him carry and install a new plasma and on the way ran up the bum of a car. He said he just wasn't concentrating. Luckily no one was hurt but the lady who was in the car said, 'having a bad day' DH just broke down then and there. He ended up talking to this complete stranger on the side of the road about Harry and she was so nice to him. She even rang later in the evening to check that he was ok and it was him who caused the accident!!! I am glad that DH has mates he feels safe confiding in, it is important for him to deal with his grief in his own time and in his own way.

Heybacko: WOW 6 inches, that's huge!!! how do you feel? Like a totally different woman I bet. I hope that you bleeding is coming to an end and that you levels get back to normal soon.

Mel: How is your hair after the big Chop. Boy I think we might have to start a separate hairdressing thread. You'll have to email me a pic to hotmail. I bet you look like a spunk-rat.

Well I thought I would update you on the Aunty visit. My suspicions were confirmed, everything was going really well until the AIL was through half a bottle of bubbly and the truth came out. She was skirting around the issue of my MIL and I just said, don't mince words, how about we talk about the real reason you are here! DH said he was very proud of how I dealt with her.

I just reiterated over and over how I felt. Many times she told me that she thinks I was being too harsh and to give the MIL a break. I must admit, I told her to get F*@#^D a few times but then calmed down. I told her about the horrible things the MIL did at the funeral and that I wasn't that I was being stubborn, it is just that I have no space in my life for a realationship with her. DH said that if one of my parents had treated him like she has treated me, then he would want nothing to do with them either. One really interesting thing she did say is that they were raised in a strict Catholic family where love is conditional, WTF, what a pathetic excuse!!!!! My family are Catholic and we were always lavashed with more love then we could handle. What pathetic excuse!!!

I also told her about how angry I was about how MIL treated DH and that I don't care who she is, she doesn't mess with him and I will support and defend him till the day I die. She is also a big coward, she put a letter in with DH's birthday card which amongst other things said she understands how hard the last 6 months have been and we hope that we can put behind us things that are silly and unnecessary SILLY and UNNECESSARY, she hasn't even stopped to consider here behaviour and how she has treated us!!!! That means nothing to me, where is the appology for the appaling way you behaved you cow!!! To be honest it made me angrier but I didn't want to upset DH by making a big deal of it.

Apparently they are in Europe until 1 May and will contact us when they get back, if she calls I am just going to answer and say, I hope you had a nice holiday but I do not want to talk to you. Goodbye

Sorry for going on and on. I don't want to worry DH anymore all of this on his birthday but I know I can tell you girls anything. DH is having a sleep in today, so just wanted to get it out before he wakes up.

Anyway, I'll pop in later after he heads back to Canberra, Hi to all you other wonderful ladies.

OMG OMG OMG, can I just say that I am the most excited pumpkin on the block, the BIggest Loser and Big Brother all on one night!!! I not ashamed to admit I am an addict. Do I have anyother Reality TV users in here??? (lol)

Luv Spring

Just a quickie for Spring, I'll pop back later to catch up with everyone else...

Just wanted to say well done you for getting through the AIL visit - she couldn't fool the combined radar of BB!! Bet it came as quite a shock to her for you to be so calm and composed and standing by your guns!! I bet Lil Spring was getting a few little kicks and jabs in too, with Harry looking down thinking 'my Mummy kicks butt!'! How could she say 'silly and unnecessary' - WTF was that supposed to achieve?? Are the women in your DH's family aliens or what??? I mean, what planet, eh???

If I had been treated as you have been, I would be saying 'thanks but no thanks' too, sometimes there is just no going back, and a mistake is just to big to ever put right again.

I think you were strong, brave and totally in the right - DH may love his mother in a 'have to' sort of way but I bet he sure doesn't like her much, so good to hear him backing you all the way. Just a shame they picked his birthday to hijack, so out of touch, aren't they.

:hug: to you Spring, a job well done!

Love Alex
xxxx

Thanks HeybackO,

It is like my MIl has some members of her family under a spell where they forget commonsense and don't think about what they are saying/doing and that what she says and does is gospil. She nags and bullies people until they submit. Well DH and I aren't going to be bullied, that's for sure. . Nevermind, we DH and I have had a lovely day together so until she opens her mouth and says the next stupid thing, I am just going to forget about her and her pathetic excuses.

Nice to know that I'm not over-reacting though, sometimes I think well maybe I am being a bit harsh but I know when I hear from outsiders that they think the same, I feel validated.

Lv Spring

Hi everybody,

Spring - MIL and AIL sound psycho! I think you should just not worry about them, it is useless trying to reason with someone who cannot see any fault in anything they do. It's like trying to argue with a liar, it's pointless and impossible. Glad to hear you're sticking it to 'em! Don't let it bother you, you have bigger more important things to think about.
I think I will try the OPK's, not sure if I can bothered with trying to work out the temping. I don't know what else to do, my cycles just seem crazy. I am not sure if it is better to try the OPK's or one of those Maybe Baby things?? Does anyone have any advice on either??

Will come back in later to see how everyone is.

Hi everybody,

Bailey - Welcome back :D Sorry to hear that AF arrived, I have to admit that I was kind of convinced - until you didnt post again after you said you gonna get a test. Glad your holiday was nice, sorry DH was a monster but I guess its kind of a typical 3 year old kind of thing to do huh. Hope you caught up on your sleep and now we can look foward to seeing round here again.

Deb - What a stressful event taking the kiddies with you to get your hair done, people should be understanding though. As long as they are not being naughty they are only kids and kids will run around and be noisy - its life. Your wine and cheese night sounds nice, your whole weekend sounds like a pretty good one actually. How is your life in the land of the TWW going?

Tommysmum - That is pretty sad that your DH broke down on his night out, but maybe its something he needed to do. I think its great he has such a supportive mate. I dont know about you but sometimes I find it difficult that men and women handle grief and sadness differently and on the occasions that my DH gets upset about Nicholas it kind of makes me feel good cause it shows me that he does love Nicholas and that it does affect him. Sometimes he just goes about life and makes me wonder what he feels. Bit of a bummer about the morning sickness huh? But its kind of a catch 22 - you dont wanna complain cause you are happy to be UTD but all the same it kinda sucks!

Alex - Must be something in the air about all these new hair-dos. I had a similar type of dramatic cut to your, similar length cut off. Its kind of drastic and I am still getting used to it after all these years of having long hair, but I kind of like it.

Kristee - Congrats on getting the go ahead to TTC - thats great news. I can understand your frustration with DH because men do handle different to us women - I think women tend to be more outwardly emotional whereas men for the most part tend to deal with it internally and help themselves by helping the ones they love. Re him seeming like he isnt grieving for your bubs, I dont know him and therefore cant really say with knowledge but I was wondering if maybe he is affected by your losses and that is the reason he wants to throw himself into TTC. If he is so desperate to have another bub with you he surely cant be NOT sad at the fact you keep going through the losses of your little ones. I hope that is not out of line, I just wanted to put forward that maybe this is his way of dealing with it. I have to be honest that as soon as I gave birth to Nicholas and the funeral was over I spoke to DH about wanting to try for another bub, it is the only way I can cope and I dont think I would have got through these last 7 months without my TTC journey (as hard and frustrating as it is). But as I said I dont know your DH so I could be very wrong.

Lynn - I know your not checking BB but I hope you are having a wonderful time and cant wait til your back to hear all about it. Hope the jabs are going well.

WARNING: YET ANOTHER LONG POST / VENT / GOT NOTHING BETTER TO DO CHAT:

OK so it has been a reasonably eventful weekend for me. Apart from lopping all of my hair off, DH and I had a massive argument on Friday night. Cant really remember how it started (probably over something stupid) but in the end it came out that it bothers DH that I dont want to have sex except to TTC anymore. I personally dont believe this is true but I will admit that since having Nicholas things have changed. He asked me if I still love him the way I used to and I said that I love him more than I used to but that doesnt mean I want to have sex everyday. He basically said that the last few months he has been thinking I am only with him because I want a baby. I said I wouldnt have married him in November if that were the case and now I just feel awful because I have been thinking how would I feel if he constantly said he wasnt in the mood to me except when he was ovulating (apart from that sounding completely freaky LOL) and I think I would feel like crap. So anyway we sorted it out and the fight only lasted about an hour or so and in the end alot of my feelings came out about how I dont feel very good about myself and dont feel I am very attractive anymore cause I still have a post baby body and that the want to have another baby consumes every thought in my head and everything I do. Even every day I got to work I think to myself I am just going in as a means to an end until I get pregnant. Really I want to be at home looking after my child that way I should be had he not passed away 2 weeks before his induction date. So as hard as it was having this fight I really think it was something that needed to happen because both of us let out a lot of feelings and I think I actually love him more for knowing how he feels.

I went out for dinner with a girlfriend last night (while DH went to the 30th - more on that in the next paragraph) and I discussed everything with her - I am a very open person with my friends which is probably bad but really its just me - and gave me a huge reality check which showed me how I basically have to get over myself and little and remember DH is going through this as well. I said I saw his point of view but that I really think he doesnt understand how hard it is for me as he has 3 children already, I dont have any. I said that he still has someone to celebrate fathers day with and call him Daddy whereas I have noone. Mothers Day is coming up soon and I am a mum but who is going to celebrate it with me? I am really not looking forward to that day and I think we will celebrate it with our mothers on the Saturday and I will just spend the Sunday crying because of everything I am missing out on. Nicholas would have been 8 months old the week before mothers day and I know what a beautiful age 8 months old is and I feel pretty ****ed off that I dont get to enjoy that with my child on Mothers Day. Anyway, she said that she think it is a little harsh for me to say he doesnt hurt as much cause he has kids. She thinks that he has still lost his son, he still doesnt get to watch his 8 month old child grow. She said that it is just like saying he loves his oldest child more than he loves his 2 year old because she is the 3rd and the others mean more to him. I then discussed all of this with DH when he got home and said that he agreed with her. He said that he thinks it is harder on me cause he believes it is always harder on the mother because a mother has a stronger bond with an unborn child than a father but that it doesnt mean it isnt hard on him, he said he still cuddled and kissed his son and he still gets angry because he wants a child with me and that while he has 3 kids to someone else, really they are her kids because she doesnt allow him to have a say in any aspect in their lives and so he has lost out hugely. I feel so awful about all of this, and then when I mentioned about fathers day he made me realise something I hadnt thought of and that is that fathers day this year falls on the 6 September and Nicholas' first birthday is on 5 September so he said he is not going to have a nice fathers day the way I think he will and that because Nicholas actually died overnight on fathers day last year that it will never be a 100% happy day for him every again. I really am annoyed with myself now, why do I get so wrapped up in what I feel and end up being so thoughtless about the person I love more than anyone else in the world? I wish I could go back and undo alot of the things I said but I cant, and he says he is glad I have said them cause at least we can discuss it and work it out.

Ok so last but not least the 30th... DH went and said that when they asked where I was he said that I just couldnt go because it is hard for me to face everybody when I know that everyone goes about things like nothing has happened (so proud of him for that). He said I would have actually enjoyed myself because everyone mentioned Nicholas, he said the mates emotionally challenged dad who asked me how my kids were last time I saw him didnt say anything but that if we need anything we know where they are (like I would ask them for help when he cant even mentioned it) but the sisters and the mum all asked if I wasnt there because of "the baby". He said he sat with his mates brother and SIL all night who had their 2 kids (3 and 18 months) with them and they spoke all about Nicholas all night and asked questions and said her cousin just lost a little girl at 26 weeks. I told DH that of course they mentioned "the baby" (who actually has a name!) because I wasnt there! Its easy for them to say it to you, because they think that I am the "loose cannon" being the mother, you know we dont want to upset her (hello I am upset most of the time anyway) and he said he disagrees. I said maybe the brother and SIL would have still spoken about it but I guarantee that noone else would have mentioned him because they said about him was if he the reason I wasnt there. Much the same way that they dont really ask him if HE is ok, they always say how is Mel? and I am sure that has got to hurt the father of the child. In a way I would like them to know that actually Nicholas is not the reason I wasnt there but in fact THEY are the reason - because THEY cant do the decent thing and acknowledge that I was pregnant and lost my baby at almost full term. But I am trying to remind myself that in the world there are some compassionate and open people and there are also some emotionally challenged, scared people and they fall into that category. Anyway, that is the vent part of the looooooooooooooooooooooong post.

None of this probably makes sense now as I havent read over it but what the hell I am gonna post it anyway LOL.

Hope you all have a nice night.

Love Mel.

Spring - Thought I would post one of your own cause it was gonna be lengthy and my other post was already ridiculously long LOL...

One HUGE reality TV fan here!!!! DH absolutely hates it, its one of the reasons I love Foxtel cause it is full of reality TV and celebrity reality TV - I said to DH a little while ago that I was so excited about tonight cause BB (the OTHER BB) is back and he goes oh yeah great, cant wait! But yet, I had to put up with footy :rolleyes: So my big plan tonight is left overs for dinner, BB, Rove (spunk) and bed - sounds amazing. Hows the rumour that there is no prize money this year though! I bet there will be a few unhappy campers! I did get my hair chopped, pretty much like Alex did - went from just below bra strap to just below neck! DH was devastated when I said I was cutting it (he loves long hair) but he says I look beautiful with shorter hair (although he is bias LOL). It feel so light but it will take a bit of getting used to, dont have a pic of it yet but when I get one I will email through. Oh... and while I was there got my eyebrows waxed and tinted (go figure dark hair, but almost blonde eyebrows) and she burnt just underneath my left eyebrown with the wax :crying: It is so sore, even now and I keep putting moisturiser on it cause I can tell a blister is forming and its all red. She always does my eyebrows perfectly so I dont know what went wrong, although it still looks good maybe a little too thin but oh well - more worried about the damn blister right now - how embarrasing!

Re AILs visit - that sensitivity gene that is missing in your MIL must run in the whole family! Well done on how well you handled her though, I am pretty impressed. It is a little disappointed that people would do that though, almost like false pretenses. I think it is pretty harsh that MIL couldnt let DHs birthday go by without bringing all this crap up. Surely he is entitled to not think about this stuff on his birthday? And I would have thought as a mother she would want him to enjoy his special day! But then again she does and says alot of things that most mothers wouldnt so it is probably no surprise. I hope regardless of his nutso mother he enjoyed his day and I am sure you made it really special for him cause youre a great wife. Tell him :happybirthday: from all of us BB girls.

Love Mel

P.S. BTW still waiting on my piece of cake to arrive in the mail ;)

Hey Bailey, sorry didnt see your post til after I posted. I have only ever done OPK's and I still do them - I have heard of Maybe Baby but dont really know what it all is. I know Lynn temps but I wouldnt have a clue what to be looking for myself. I did OPK's this month and I used different brand and found them to be slightly better than the other ones I was using, so I dont know if it differs between brands. I guess if you have a thermometer (with DS I would guess you do) you could always take your temps just for the hell of it - keep ya busy anyway LOL. If your cycle is all over the place it might be a good idea to keep an eye on things one way or the other. Funny, without TTC a 44 day cycle would be a dream but what a PITA when working out conception.

Oh meant to say - after fight on Friday night, DH and I went out to the movies so that we could enjoy what was left of the night and saw Disturbia... If anyone likes thrillers (like me) you will love it - I was on the edge of my seat the last half of the movie and even bit down 2 of my fingernails while watching it, and I dont bite my fingernails LOL. Anyway I highly recommend it, except for those who scare easily.

So do you think I have filled up a whole page on my own yet or should I keep posting LMAO :dunno:

:D

OK OK one more and then Ill stop...

Deb - Wanting to call on your expertise for a sec - re not having enough rompy pompy, DH said he has been trying to find out stuff on poor sperm quality and he said that he read that not having "regular" sex can decrease the quality of the sperm. He said it said to keep sperm healthy you should ejaculate every 2nd to 3rd day and that if there is too long in between the sperm can become weak and therefore reduce quality. Now - its not that I dont trust my DH but I know not all of the information you find out on the net is reliabel and I would expect DH is more than happy to believe that you should have sex every 2nd to 3rd day to keep sperm healthy but basially wanted to see if this is true! If you have info I would appreciate you advice.

Sorry - I know TMI!

Hey Mel: Sorry that you and DH had a fight, but TTC is such an emotionally charged experience and the pregnancy journey is also. Sounds like DH is feeling a bit of pressure and I am sure his swimmers results don't help. I am glad that you sorted it out, don't feel bad about what was said in the heat of the moment. As long as you have resolved it with eachother than that is what a healthy relationship is about.

About the turn over of sperm, I am not sure about the every 2 to 3 day thingo but it kinda makes sense. I guess there would be girls in here who would know much more than me. Perhaps post in the conception thread as no doubt someone in there will know what they are talking about.

Well I spoke to my Bis sister tonight all about the AIL and MIL, she wanted me to give her their numbers because no one talks to my lil' sis like that gotta love her, she is about 5ft but would stick up for me always. I feel a bit better getting it all off my chest to my big sister. She said that if MIL wants to impose herself on DH and I when Lil' Spring arrives then she will take care of her I believe her. She has just been so good to DH and I over the last 6 months I guess that is what sisters are for. Well DH has gone back so I am feeling a little blue. Only 47 sleeps until he is back for good so considering we started at 131 it is not much at all. I have my 19 week scan on Tuesday (well I'll be 18wk 4 day) and considering everything I am feeling good, almost confident. I am trying to trust my instincts, as I said, I felt a sense of dread the whole time I was pregnant with Harry even before I know he had problems. I hope more than anything that I come out with wonderful news and I will post and let you all know ASAP.

Anyway, I have had my dose of reality TV for tonight, can't wait for the Biggest Loser Finale on Thursday 'Go Paddi' and BB looks like it will be interesting.

Oh well, a shower and to bed me thinks.

big love to all of you
:grouphug:
Spring

hey Spring - Let your little-big sister at 'em I say. It sucks that you and DH have to deal with this cr@p now when you should just be enjoying having lil Spring getting big and strong and ready to come and meet us all. Why are people so selfish?

Mel - Try not to beat yourself up too much about stuff said during an arguement. Of course your DH is hurting too, but I think that sometimes we can feel so lonely in this. I know that my DH is hurting just as much as me, but sometimes I still feel like nobody else in the whole world can possibly understand how it feels for me, I think that I am the only person that is going through it. It is a lonely type of grief for me because even though DH and our families are sad and grieving the loss of Asha too, they never really felt her like I did. I don't think she was as real for them as she was and is for me. I hope you know what I mean, I dont want to seem like I am saying that no body else cares or hurts, I am just saying that I know how you must have been feeling when you think that no body understands. I hope you are feeling better.:hug:

Well I hope everyone is going well.

I have posted in the HPT and OPK thread as I was hoping one of the test-junkie/experts in there can give me some advise on weather to get a maybe Baby thing or just use the OPK's cos it seems that my cycle is totally messed up and I don't think I can work out when I will ovulate. :dunno: I am just so glad I didn't trust that stupid HPT with it's stupid little faint-but-still-visable line. I kept it and showed DH today and he can see it too! I will never get those (insert swear word of choice here) Foretel Ultra HPK's again!!

Hi everyone

Bailey - welcome back and again sorry that AF arrived. I think you are just going to have to bonk every 2nd day - i know DH will find this hard (not) but you are just going to have to do it. LOL. Actually i have Maybe Baby at home (recommended by a chemist friend) but to be honest i think it was a waste of $70 ! I am like licking this thing every night and i swear i couldnt see any change (well maybe once) - i was so frustrated with the thing i gave up after a couple of cycles. You can have it if you like (just needs a clean (to wipe off my saliva)) and perhaps a new battery. Also, the S&K meeting was really good last week (well apart from crying etc).

Mel - well you have been busy chatting (i thought this girl can talk). Don't regret what you have said to DH - it is what you feel at the time and you have to be honest with each other - they are genuine feelings and you can't help that. Are we married to the same bloke - my DH says to me "you only want me for a baby" to which i reply "yeh, what is wrong with that" - he just laughs but i think he is serious too so i better put out more...ergh ! But honestly, your priority is to have a baby isn't it (that is what i tell my husband) - to fill that hole, to help with the grief of losing Nicholas, etc. Once baby has been conceived of course you will go back to "making love" (i hate that phrase) to make love. Does this sound corny ? But i totally understand where you are coming from believe me. As for the party and everyone asking about you - of course it would have been different if you were there (nothing would have been said). I am glad DH came out and said something. Perhaps next time you see these people they will raise it and acknowledge it to your face - this is very important i know. My friends DH always says don't ask/mention that to Tommysmum (she will get upset) - but my friend is like, oh she is ok about it and wants to talk/help etc (in relation to another friend of theirs who lost their girl full term a couple of weeks ago - wanting advice from me on what to do eg: bath baby, photos etc). I am only too happy to talk about it. Mothers Day is going to be tough for sure - but little Nicholas will be watching over you and giving you hugs and kisses. And that goes for all those other angel babies - us mums will be gettings truck loads of kisses and hugs from them.:hug:

Spring - Go for your big (well little) SIS - way to go. I just can't believe you have OTP (Off the planet) family - it can be so upsetting can't it when family and friends are so insensitive and actually havge no f**** idea. You are handling it well i must say but remember just look after yourself (and DH) - that is the most important thing - the other issues are just obstacles. As for reality TV - i do love Biggest Loser (i do like Patti too but do you think she will win ??? i have my doubts for some reason). I swore not to watch BB but got sucked into it. So no prize money - i thought that was hilarious - and their faces - not happy chappies (esp the mormon, Rebecca - i was quite suprised with her reaction). I do like Thomas - he seems sweet (so far) and innocent (?). Sorry i must say that some of those girls and guys are just soooo punishing though !

Hello to everyone else out there - hope you are all doing fine and feeling well. Sorry if i missed any personals (there was just so much to read - Mel).

Take care and will be back on line tomorrow. I must to the housework today - DH said it is a pigsty (he actually noticed for once) - i do like a clean place but man it gets filthy easy. I hate being a housewife sometimes.....

hi everyone,

Tommysmum - Lol, i didn't want to have to bonk that much that was why I was going to go out and buy the Maybe Baby today :) But if you don't want yours I will be happy to buy it from you. They are about $85 at the chemist up the road. Are you going tomorrow to playgroup? Oh, I got your DD a fairy dress from Bali, it is so cute! I will probably speak to you tomorrow anyway. Sorry to hear that DH brokedown, but I guess it is good to get it out.

Deb - I just saw your email about the article, I posted it today.

Well, I am off to do some shopping, so I will talk to you gals later :)

Hi Bailey

I am thinking of going to playgroup - will you be there too (do you need a lift esp if it is raining) ? Let me know. $85 for a maybe baby - geez - gone up - they must rate themselves (well i am sure it works for some). I will get mine out now and give it to you tomorrow (no need to buy it from me - just use it).

talk tomorrow

Hi all,
I have had a busy day today and Iam exhausted. So please excuse my lack of personals.
Mel: It is good that you were able to express yourself to your dH. Good on you. I think how he is feeling is how many men feel in the ttc process (irks me a bit sometimes - like I enjoy the endless tww, clomid side effects and general rollercoaster!). Big hugs my love... :hugs: I have way more to say to you but I just can't be in here for long - dinners on, kiddies are splashing in the bath etc etc!
I also wanted to say. It is supposedly best for a man to ejaculate every few days in order for the best sperm quality and count. So, he is right! Regular intercourse throughout your cycle is the best for those little swimmers. So get ye to thy room!

Bailey: thankyou for posting the article -

I had my progesterone level done today and will find out the result tomorrow. I have an obs appointment in the morning - she wants to see me for plan A (if I have conceived this month :dance:) and Plan B (if I haven't :cry:).
I am feeling a bit flat today - you all know the drill with the TWW. If I am not pregnant this month I feel like I will fall in a bit of a heap. I JUST WANNA HAVE AN EARTH BABY PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway enough of that. I have to get back to my roast lamb. We just had a huge huntsman (really ugly hairy one about the size of my palm) in the bathroom. I was very brave and instilling the virtues of spiders - but oh Lordy they give me the heebie geebies!

I will come back in tomorrow after my appointment.
Big hi to everyone else.

Glad to hear from you Deb, was worried you had been a bit quiet.
Wishing you all the best for tomorrow - will be sending you +ve vibes in the morning :pray:
Drop in if you can, BB will be thinking of you
xxxxxx

Well i am going to the EPC in the morning as i have had fresh blood (with a clot) - great !!! My DD jumped on my belly this evening and i was in so much pain - my DH said not to be paranoid...i said - i am not jokin it f**** hurt and i am in pain. It then settled and now i am bleeding - whether it is related or not who knows - i am just like "whatever, do what you have to do body". Will have a scan in the morning to confirm what is going on - Bailey will keep you posted but doesn't look like i will make playgroup - will see anyway.

Tommysmum - I hope everything is OK, try not to worry too much yet, I know that it is easy to say. Let us know how everything is tomorrow. Thinking of you guys.
Kel

Thanks everyone for your comments - feeling a little embarrassed for annoying everyone with my long posts :redface: I just need to get it all out and sometimes its easier to with your girls. Dont worry I will spare everyone tonight...

Tommysmum - Oh you poor thing you must be worried absolutely sick about your bubba - I :pray: that everything is ok tomorrow and let us know how you go :hug:

Deb - OMG I hate spiders... do you realise how brave you are? I reckon if we had a huntsman in the bathroom and DH wasnt home, I would not enter the damn room until he returned and he would be marched right in there!!! I know what you mean about the feeling flat thing, its so hard isnt it? Do you have anything that is giving you a feeling? I *think* have been having a couple of symptoms and I am really trying not to let my thoughts run away, I have been weeing every 5 mins but I keep remembering I have only just got over a UTI, and I have the most severe bloating like my innards are going to fall out through my you know what, but I have thought I had symptoms many times and been wrong so its more than likely I am just a nutcase. Thanks for the info about the swimmers, looks like I better pull my finger out and succumb to my "wifely" duties more often ;)

Bailey - I know exactly what you mean about noone feeling the pain for Asha the way you do, thats what I mean when I say it is harder for me - I feel like I got to know Nicholas because of carrying him inside me and I felt that bond grown each day he was inside me, considering the bond starts as soon as you get pregnant well by late pregnancy you have as much love for them as anyone else in your family. I wonder if people understand that, because if you havent felt that bond how could you get it? I know everyone else grieves but I like to be selfish and think I am his mum and surely noone grieves the way I do for him, nor how you do for Asha - dunno if that makes sense but you know.

Spring - Just wanted to say GOOD LUCK for tomorrow - I know you wont need it lil Spring is gonna be peachey but still, well wishes cant hurt. Please try to get some piccies, I remember Nicholas' 19 weeks pics were soooooo cool and I would love to see lil Spring's happy snaps. I cant believe your almost 19 weeks! Considering he is going to induce you approx 38 weeks... YOU ARE HALF WAY THERE :confetti:

Hi to everybody else.

Anyway, I will be off now before my post gets too long :lol:

Mel

Mel - I know exactly what you mean, it was what I was trying to say. It can just seem so lonely, like no body can possibly understand or miss them as much as we do. It might sound selfish, but I just cannot see how anyone can really understand it-other than you guys of course. But even then, when you are feeling overwhelmed by it, you can forget that others have been through it too. I just sometimes feel like a complete freak, and that I am the only person in the world that this has happened to. Stupid I know, but that is what I mean about it being such a lonely loss.

Spring - Happy half-way mark!! Good luck tomorrow, make sure you let us know right away how everything goes.

Tommysmum - Hope the bleeding has stopped and we hear only good news tomorrow. Thinking of you.

OK well I wasnt going to mention this tonight because I was trying to keep my post short as I know it probably annoys people but I have had a pretty tough day, and an emotional one, and I wanted to share something with you...

Do you all remember me saying I had told a girl at the place I am working about Nicholas and that I regretted it cause I felt uncomfortable around her now because she didnt really say much?... Well today she came up to me and handed me something and said "I saw this while I was shopping on the weekend and thought of you" and she wallked off and I looked at it and it was a wallet card titled "May You Always Have Your Angel By Your Side" and it reads as follows:

"May you always have your angel by your side watching out for you
Helping you believe in brighter days and in dreams come true
Giving you comfort and courage, someone to catch you if you fall
Inspiring smiles, holding your hand and helping you through it all
May you always have your angel by your side"

Anyway, I had to run off to the toilet and compose myself and I spent most of the day after this fighting back my tears as it touched me so much that someone who is practically a stranger to me can be so caring and thoughtful but yet some people I know ignore my pain. I dont even think this lady can know how much it means to me that she thought enough of me and Nicholas to buy that for me.

Oh Mel, I am sitting here bawling over that. I have been such a sook today anyway, but that pushed me over the edge. Not sure which made me cry more, the verse itself, or that an almost stranger thought to get it for you. It really is a nice thing to do.

Oh Bailey, Im so sorry - I didnt mean to make you cry. I wonder if it is a full moon today if we all seem to be having a tough one... I was so surprised and touched when she gave it to me I dont even remember what I said, I know I said thank you but couldnt say much else cause I didnt want to cry in front of everyone (noone other than her knows) but DH said that she would have been able to tell how much it meant by my face... I hope so.

Oh well best be off and get these puffy eyes rested :( Sweet dreams :asleep:

Hi girls,

Just a quickie from me. I have read all your posts but don't have time to do personals at the moment. Just going off for my 19 week scan so I'll pop in later and give you all the wonderful news.

Also, the sweetest thing happened last night. My friend who has come from Brisbane for my scan gave me a 'mothers day present' last night. It was a ring that she had made for me with an Opal (Harry's birthstone) in it. After a lot of tears it made me realise how lucky I was to have such treasured friends and how I should just forget about the troubles with the MIL and AIL.

Oh well, I am off to Canberra this afternoon so I have to go and drop the dogs to the kennel and then get organised for the scan.

Big love to each and every one of you.

Lv Spring :grouphug:

Just sending :hug: to Flower and Spring -hope to all goes well for you both today!

Thinking of you today Tommysmum - sending you as many :stickvibesboy: :stickyvibesgirl:
that I can muster...

Spring woo hoo my love what a milestone today is! :happyforyou: I hope you can post and tell us just how beautiful Lil Spring is! Drive safely to Canberra and take good care of you and Lil Spring. RElax, Enjoy!

Mel: That poem was so very lovely - what a kind thing for that woman to do. The world is full of amazing people - we just need to try and focus on them and away from the folk that don't make us feel so great... :hug: It's great that you have symptoms - I had a :bfn: this morning at 10dpo so I think I am out of the race. I may not be but I am not feeling very positive. Anyways off to the obs by 9am (it's a 45min drive) so I need to get out of here (I am eating muesli while I type!).

Alex: Thanks for thinking of me...

I will pop back in later. Have a great day everyone.

Hi everyone, So sorry I have been away!! So much has happened since I was last in.... Just want to send Best of luck vibes to tommysmum and Deb, and Spring today! Spring hope your scan is fantastic, Deb, hope you have a great OB visit, and fantastic prog levels, I got a BFN the day b4 AF was due, I DEF thought I was out, but no, a really stong as positive few days later, so you just may be way to early. sending as many positive vibes I can muster.
Tommysmum, I so pray it is nothing, and you will see a healthy little bean ...

Mel, what a truly lovely thing for this person to do! Such a lovely gesture.Our pain is so invisible, and thats the hard thing, and we try to just get on sometimes..

I was talking to a pregnant mother this morning, due in 2 weeks, and its like I have never had anything happen to me, I have been pregnant so many times and M/C while she was trying, and it was like I had never lost one, I didnt feel important at all. I so want this one to stick, I dont want to loose another one, I dont want to be the "poor michelle, M/C again".. ya know. Thats the main reason I dont tell anyone... but very hard going through a loss on your own...thankkgoodness for BB
I had an hcg done, and it was nice and high, but after the last M/C ihad all that too, so im afraid there is not too much to give me the great big ol confidence boost just yet. DH is going away to gold coast on thursday, so I wont get a scan until he gets back if things stay put till then anyway! I wont have time to do anything, and I would rather not know IYKWIM. Im constantly checking and so scared I will see blood, everytime I get a niggle or pain. Im just a real pain!!! So sorry for the downer post, I know Im supposed to be happy and excited, but Im just way to scared still... I was hoping it would go away by now maybe, but o well, have so may milestones to get through yet...Off to the Docs today, to see if HCG has doubled since last one, Im praying that at least that has...AAARGH
Big Hi to all the newbies, have to go way back to catch up on you all, hope your stay will be short and very sweet
SOME GREAT :bfp: P are coming this way in this thread, I can feel it.....:bluedust: :bluedust: :bluedust:

Hi all,
How is everyone, i've been away for a week then had the kids home on holidays so i haven't had the chance to get back here!

Thanks everyone so much for the support on Storms 3 month b'day, you ladies are just so wonderful!!!!!

hellooo, we have been a chatty bunch haven't we. how fantastic is that we have a forum where we are able to do this. thank goodness for bb. i haven't had a chance to catch up just yet so this is a quickie.
spring, deb and tommysmum hope all goes well for you today, thinking of you guys.
mel if you want to have a chat about maybe meeting up for SIDS or anything else email me at kr1slee@hotmail.
thanks for the advice on ttc, had a chat with DP last night about it, got a few things sorted. we figure Phoebe wasn't planned so we are just going to leave it to nature.

went to lunch with a few friends on the weekend, first time we'd sat down together since Phoebe's passing. I actually found myself comforting another friend, she had a baby a month before Phoebe, it seems she is going through a bit of post natal depression. I guess she kind of feels a bit guilty, it was really quite strange. I'm still trying to work it out in my head.

Hey girls, super duper short one from me today. I was meant to leave for Canberra an hour ago.

Lil Spring is fantastic :confetti: all totally normal which I loved to hear.

Got to scoot to... won't be back online until Thursday night.

Big love to each and every one of you

Luv Spring

Oh that's fantastic news Spring!!
Big :bellyrubs: to you and Lil Spring

Hello guys

Thanks for all your wishes EVERYBODY !!! All is ok - phew. After 3 hours waiting for various tests and chats with doctors i finally had my scan and there was a little blur on the screen with this little ticker pumping away - i just balled my eyes out. All the doctors knew what i was going thru (as you have to tell them your history) and i was expecting the worst scenario (i even didn't eat or drink today thinking i would need a D&C) but it has given me some confidence to see that little heart beating. The doc said all looked perfect (ovaries, sac, heartbeat, bloods - everything !) They could even see the "cyst" that the embryo burst out from as they put it (mind you i panicked when they said cyst). So far then that is positive news. Thanks for all your support and well wishes - truly appreciated....but a long way to go just yet. Also they said i am not as far as i thought (7w instead of 7+4)- but that it is still early to tell what dates they are set at yet.....

Flowerchild - sorry to hear about your BFN this morning but it is still not too late and you of all people know that. I pray for you (i don't really pray in the religious sense but you know what i mean)

Spring - congrats on lil spring - that is excellent news !!!

Bailey - hope you are having a better day (those **** ones have really been hitting lately haven't they). Did you go to playgroup or did the monsoon keep you at home ?

Mel - what a kind gesture of that lady (stranger). It is heartbreaking that someone so distant can do that for you and yet those close do nothing. I know i have tried to get in contact with a couple that have lost a baby recently in my area - would love to help out and send a card but i don't know their exact address and i am scared to impose (i would be the total stranger). But it just shows that i don't think it hurts to do something like that.

Klee - it is strange about your friend - perhaps it is guilt and her emotions/feelings i guess are only natural - we can't change the way we feel. You are also brave being there for her (and i guess hearing all her baby stories - very hard).

Jo - hope you are coping with the kids at home - do they go back this week ??? Should give you some peace soon.

Chelle - what you are feeling is normal - don't want to get your hopes up and looking for signs of blood all the time. I know exactly (i think most of us do) what that is like. With all that babydust you have sent how can it not stick !!!

Anyway must go and attend to a grumpy husband - ergh !

More excellent news, I am SO pleased for you Tommysmum :hug:
When I am pg again (:pray: ), I will feel exactly as you did
So glad your day went so well

spring and tommysmum - some wonderful news finally, so happy for you both.