I'm exhausted today -spent yesterday running around chasing xrays, BTs, medicals, certified copies of everything but the kitchen sink - I have said it before but NZIS are very anal - they want us to prove we are in a 'genuine' relationship for heaven's sake - like the fact we have been together over a 100 years, married and have lots of little male monsters isn't enough- feel very frustrated I'm sure it willl all work itself out but it is SO stressful and the timing is (now) all wrong for me to feel like a good fight!
I had my blood work done for my medical and I am so worried that my haemoglobin is going to be under the lower limit - I am usually about 152 and with the blood loss brought on by the m/c I dropped to 94 - they were borderline blood transfusion and nearly did my D&C in the night but opned the theatre at 6.00 am instead. My SpR was great and told me if they question my blood work, he will do a letter and explain the situation - but it still stresses me. Can anyone say how long it takes for haem. to come back up again (I am on iron, eating red meat and green veggies, blah, blah)
Also (sorry if this is TMI) - I am still bleeding 12 days after the D&C - no clots or real loss onto a pad, just a lot of red slime (told you it was TMI ) when I wipe - I have NEVER bled this long, even after childbirth and even though it is browning off now, I am worried about how long it has gone on - it is normal (even though it isn;t usual for me??
Sorry for that rant, now.......
Lynne - hope you are coping with what has been thrown at you the last few days, and that you will stand by your guns and have it out with the FS - you are NOT paying peanuts, so you shouldn't be getting a monkey!!!
Mel (the letterbox smuggler!): ooh that made me smile, like I have never done anything like that before ever !!
Flower: I expect you will be playing Roxy Music's 'Dance Away' this weekend!!!!!!!
Spring: hope the headache is better, take care of you and Springer/Springette xxx
Tommysmum: thank you for your kind welcome, hope the kitchen is going well and you are having a good weekend with your tactful DH!! (am slightly worried we are married to the same man!!!!)
Ok I have been doing some thinking and I think I need to write it out and see how i feel..............and perhaps get some opinions from you guys.
I am not a quitter and I'm not one to usually give up, but lately I have been feeling that there are just too many hurdles. I have been thinking that I might give the TTC away for a while so I can just grieve. I feel like I am on this roller-coaster ride with all the ups and downs and it is making me so sick. I know I have a fertility problem and that it is going to take time, but with everything else happening around me I just don't know if this is the time and if I have enough energy at the moment to continue on the TTC journey. I think that maybe I am making the TTC journey harder because I am so stressed and upset all the time and so I am in a vicious cycle. Maybe I need some help with my grieving and get an understand of it before I can start to be positive about TTC. Maybe it is because I have had so many hurdles that I think I can't do it anymore. I don't know. I desperately want another baby but is now the right time given everything that is going on at the moment?????????????
It's just a thought...............I thought I would put my feelings out there.
Lynn: The decision to TTC or perhaps putting off TTC is such a personal decision and only you know what is going on in your heart and your head. You are not a quitter by any means if you decide to have a break.... I must admit, I don't know if I would have the strength to go through all you are going through and at the same time grieve the loss of a child.
How does DH feel about it? Are you on the same page or does he want to continue TTC without a break? I am so sorry that I am not being very helpful but it such an intimate decision that I don't want to let my opinions get in the way.
I could be wrong, but last time when you decided just to let nature have it's way you fell with Cooper didn't you? Perhaps that is your body saying let me do my thing. It must just get so tiring doing all the BT, scans, checks and I think that you know your body well enough to make the right decision for you and DH. It may be a stupid question, but are there counsellors who specialise in fertilty/grief issues? Someone who understands all of the emotions you are feeling and help you work through the difficult decisions you have to make. If you want me to, I can do a bit of research and see if I can find someone who can help you out. Perhaps you could just say we'll have this month off, go to QLD and reassess where to go from there.
No matter how long you wait, the grief for Cooper will always be there, but perhaps if you give yourself a bit of 'me time' the TTC journey will be a little easier.
I hope I have helped, don't really feel like I have.
I'm sure it willl all work itself out but it is SO stressful and the timing is (now) all wrong for me to feel like a good fight!
) when I wipe - I have NEVER bled this long, even after childbirth and even though it is browning off now, I am worried about how long it has gone on - it is normal (even though it isn;t usual for me??
!!
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