Oh i'm so sorry for the situation he's put you in. It must be pretty scary for you right now.
I know quite a few single mums in the town that I live in and yep, it can be tough doing it on your own and also financially, however, there is lots of support around. Definately talk to Centrelink about your entitlements and you should be able to get a Health Care Card. Things such as child care when they're older (if you're still a single parent) will be subsidised by Govt and things like 3 yr old kinder are covered (well in Vic, anyway) if you're on a health care card. It must be hard to make a decision when those around you are pushing for one thing. Hopefully the counsellor can go through a lot of things with you and help you clarify what YOU really want to do.
If you're worried about 'quality' of life - kids need to feel loved, nurtured and supported. If you can sort out the basics like a roof/rental assistance, money for bills and food (get DH to pay $), then they don't 'need' anything else. Education and health care (as much as we run them down) are pretty good in this country. You can always return to p/t work or study when they're a little older and in child care or school.
You can get groceries delivered to your front door or take the kids with you - supermarkets have baby trolleys (even twin ones) and/or you can pick up a second hand baby carrier and wear one/have one in the trolley while you shop. I take our 3 kids each week (4, 3 and 6 months) and it's a fricking nightmare, but we get through it. Aldi nappies are much cheaper than other brands and I mix them up with cloth nappies to last longer between shops. You can get baby stuff second hand or given to you. There's loads of people who pass their baby gear on and if you put your name on a noticeboard at your local playgroup, I'm sure you'd get given some baby items for free. I guess I'm just trying to give you some ideas of how you could manage on your own with your twins b/c it sounds from your original post that abortion isn't something you're keen on (?)
Every parent struggles when they first become a parent and I'm pretty sure it's doubly hard with twins and lack of support. I'm not sure if there is a local BB Perth group of mums that you can link in with? Also, a new mum's gp (and local twins groups) can be invaluable support when you've just become a parent, who you can see each week/develop a support network and friends who will know your kids and can help with babysitting each other's kids when they're a bit older. My mum's gp was a godsend.
There's lots of support on here too and I'm pretty sure people who have finished their families can also help you out with practical items (myself included).
I'm really sorry that what should have been a joyous and exciting time for you, has turned out to be so incredibly stressful. Sending you lots of love while you sort through what to do next.
Oh i'm so sorry for the situation he's put you in. It must be pretty scary for you right now.
I know quite a few single mums in the town that I live in and yep, it can be tough doing it on your own and also financially, however, there is lots of support around. Definately talk to Centrelink about your entitlements and you should be able to get a Health Care Card. Things such as child care when they're older (if you're still a single parent) will be subsidised by Govt and things like 3 yr old kinder are covered (well in Vic, anyway) if you're on a health care card. It must be hard to make a decision when those around you are pushing for one thing. Hopefully the counsellor can go through a lot of things with you and help you clarify what YOU really want to do.
If you're worried about 'quality' of life - kids need to feel loved, nurtured and supported. If you can sort out the basics like a roof/rental assistance, money for bills and food (get DH to pay $), then they don't 'need' anything else. Education and health care (as much as we run them down) are pretty good in this country. You can always return to p/t work or study when they're a little older and in child care or school.
You can get groceries delivered to your front door or take the kids with you - supermarkets have baby trolleys (even twin ones) and/or you can pick up a second hand baby carrier and wear one/have one in the trolley while you shop. I take our 3 kids each week (4, 3 and 6 months) and it's a fricking nightmare, but we get through it. Aldi nappies are much cheaper than other brands and I mix them up with cloth nappies to last longer between shops. You can get baby stuff second hand or given to you. There's loads of people who pass their baby gear on and if you put your name on a noticeboard at your local playgroup, I'm sure you'd get given some baby items for free. I guess I'm just trying to give you some ideas of how you could manage on your own with your twins b/c it sounds from your original post that abortion isn't something you're keen on (?)
Every parent struggles when they first become a parent and I'm pretty sure it's doubly hard with twins and lack of support. I'm not sure if there is a local BB Perth group of mums that you can link in with? Also, a new mum's gp (and local twins groups) can be invaluable support when you've just become a parent, who you can see each week/develop a support network and friends who will know your kids and can help with babysitting each other's kids when they're a bit older. My mum's gp was a godsend.
There's lots of support on here too and I'm pretty sure people who have finished their families can also help you out with practical items (myself included).
I'm really sorry that what should have been a joyous and exciting time for you, has turned out to be so incredibly stressful. Sending you lots of love while you sort through what to do next.
I'm sure you would have done counselling before you started IVF, so maybe your DH has just started to freak out. But if he continues to proceed with divorce then it is his loss, yes having twins is hard work but they are will also provide you with such joy as well.
I would also recommend you make contact with your local Multiple Birth Association in your area, each one offers different services and you might find some extra support. Plus they may also be able to help you with being able to get items for your babies as parents of older twins always have lots of stuff to get rid of. Once your twins are born you may also be able to get support services through your local council to help you get over the initial period of getting them home and into a routine, the support services can offer things like general housework or even respite care to look after the babies so you can get out and do shopping ect.
Also once they arrive if you struggle to breastfeed then one of the formula companies offers a substantial discount on formula as well (almost 50% off) so there are a lot of options available to you.
I hope things start to look more positive for you soon.
I also forgot to mention the baby bonus, which I think you get for each twin (not sure what the govt is doing on this as I think they reduced it a bit for subsequent children?), which could help initially with things like nappies and formula etc.
Will it be hard: I don't doubt somedays will be unbearable, others great, and the rest not so bad
Can you do it: Of course. Positive thinking and proaction can do amaing things.
Do you have to do it: No, WA is prochoice. This is YOUR decision, not choice.
Regarding the pre-nup: Did it mention IVF/Assisited Conception processes? If not, i'd argue that the pre-nup be nul-invoid (please someone correct my spelling ASAP).
I'm so sorry to hear you've been out in this position. I think the others have offered some very good advice. If you want these babies then you can do it - I firmly believe that if you want something badly enough then you will cope. I don't doubt it will be hard, but you can do it.
Queen luxury - your story made me cry. 3 months ago I gave birth to twins and yes it's been hard but you can do this, and itvwill be the best thingnyou ever do.
My DH works long hours, travels a lot so sometime I feel like I'm very alone as well. I know it's not the same but this is what I can tell you.... Your friends will spring into action and be there for you. Sometimes my girlfriends come over in their lunch break to bring a sandwich, feed a baby and fold my washing.
Centerline will help you and your husband will have to pay child support - you will have enough money to live. If you PM me your address I will send you enough clothes for the first 3 months (there's a fair bit of pink butnlotsbof grey and navy as well) if you live in wA I will come and help you out - anything so don't have to give up your babies.
Chances are your DH will see these two miracles and change his mind. Twins are a hell of a shock - but you'll get through, I can give you a couple of car seats - I have 4 kids and more stuff than I'll ever need again. It's called the sisterhood - we stick together and we never give up. You are wonderfully young - if he does leave chances are you'll meet someone better who will love you and your miracle babies.... Perhaps this is your destiny.... Who knows.
All I can tell you is that milky smiles, unconditional love, total trust and warm hugs are what bakes do best. Don't deprive yourself of that because your DH has cold feet. If you need help I will help you, as others have done for me. But you must first help yourself - be strong, find the courage to know you have two beautiful lives depending on you. Do it for love and the rest will follow.
If you need clothes, car seats, even nappies PM me, go to counselling make the decision that is right for you. Twins are a miracle and they wouldn't have been sent to you - if the universe didn't think you could handle them.
Been thinking of you.
Registered User
this is just heartbreaking. i'm so sorry you're going through this. sending you much love and hugs xxx
Bookmarks