Thank you all for your replies, the student that has been recommended to me is through 'midwives naturally' - she is actually a grandmother so obviously already has a lot of experience with labour etc. I really do appreciate everything you have all said. I have thought about a doula but as this student came recommended by a midwife who deals a lot with homebirths etc, I am just assuming she would probably be as helpful as a doula in training anyway?
I know some people that hate hospitals and prefer homebirths and are very 'anti drugs' etc, I CAN understand where these people are coming from but I am just not one of them. To me, as long as I am informed and I am happy with what is going on, I don't care whether I have pain relief or not, as long as it is what I have asked for. However, this is the attitude that got me in to trouble last time, I put my faith in the docs and midwives and when asked if I had a birth plan, I said my plan was to 'go with it' as I had no previous experience to know better. I think this is part of why I was not informed about much at all through the birth. I actually went through labour from around 7pm to 5am without even knowing I was in labour - I had been told the hormones would only be just enough to allow me to have my waters broken the following morning, so I just thought the pains I was having were from that. Because of this I didn't have my mum with me until the last part of the birth because I hadn't been able to tell her what was going on and to come to the hospital.
I also thought I was being weak when it came to dealing with the pain of contractions, I made loads of noise and couldn't handle it - it wasn't until they brought in the forceps that I was told the baby was posterior through the whole birth - perhaps if they had told me that earlier I would've been more prepared for what was going to happen. Also, they told me I needed the constant monitoring due to being induced so I was stuck on the bed for most of the labour - maybe if I had known I could get up and walk around and change positions the baby would've turned and not been posterior and I would've had an easier time through the contractions.
These are the reasons I feel like it would help to have that extra person there for me, but as I also know what to expect this time I also know I will be able to speak up for myself. My Husband is a fantastic support but he was very much like me, in that he didn't know what to expect with an induction and didn't question what the docs or midwives were saying.
Even now looking back, perhaps I didn't even need to be induced? Sure, I had high blood pressure but was an induction really necessary? Maybe if I had waited until I went in to labour myself the birth would've been totally different. And I think that is also where an extra person would help (even if it is a student) I could ask them questions and have them answered by someone that is not through the hospital.
I sound like I am talking myself in to it now haha
As for the student that was in the room the last time, I don't recall even being asked if she could be there, I never met her before the birth at all. It just felt like another set of eyes watching me whilst I was in agony. Maybe they did ask me, probably when I was in the middle of a contraction and had no idea what I was agreeing to LOL
I have debriefed about my labour - just through the forum on bellybelly, I haven't actually spoken to anyone face to face about it. When I think back now I still feel scared and upset by it but then I also think I am just lucky I got through it and have a healthy child at the end of it, there are lots of mums that go through worse than I did so sometimes I wonder why I am so scared!
Just because other peoples experience is worse doesn't mean there isn't something to grieve for you about yours. Maybe you could find a birth debrief group near you? There are some about. I know of a few, if you let me know where you live (PM) then I could possibly put you in contact. Anyway I hope everything works out for you whatever you choose
SiarasMummy I know this isn't your question exactly, but one thing that did make a HUGE difference between my first and second birth was a calm birth course. I had forceps, episiotomy etc first time round and felt out of control and very frightened. I did the course before my second birth with my DH and ended up having the most beautiful birth where I totally felt in control. I honestly didn't feel that I needed any third party as I was so confident in what I was doing. I realise alot of what happened to you was out of your control and for me this was one way to ensure I had control back. Interestingly the midwife that was present at my first birth also admitted me for my second and upon reading my birth preferences made it clear to me that she didn't think I could do it without drugs as I intended (which is what I really wanted to do). I am about to give birth again and am hoping to have my cousin who is a trainee midwife there (she has also given birth 4 times) but not really because I think she will change the outcome of the birth - I just think it would be special to have her there. I am not in any way trying to sway you for or against having a trainee midwife, I just thought I would share what worked for me after a fairly traumatic first birth.
On another topic.....I can't believe your midwife vomitted during the labour - what on earth was she vomitting about??????
I wish all the best for a positive and lovely birth experience.
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