parent led weaning of a child while tandem feeding

[HotI]

we got into a bit of a rhythm of one feed every two days for a little while. dd instigated it, and i kept it going. last night was night two, but as ds is quite leech-ful at the moment and i am tired and touched out, i said no when DD asked for a feed and we had a cuppa and cuddles instead. Not sure whether to go for a one feed every 3 days, or to use this opportunity to try to wean.

i know i am still a bit undecided, i would be comfortable if it happened, but not so comfortable with pushing it, and also losing breastfeeding as a useful tool in my parenting toolbox.

[Kmn]

Kate - at the moment you are managing to teach DD that she needs to ask and that she won't always get what she wants. And she's weaning herself gradually.
I would be really wary with replacing that with "Mum says no more". If it does feel all too much then say so at the time - it seems as though she understands.

[HotI]

Thanks Kmn.

Do kids go through a physical withdrawal of some of the hormones (oxytocin?) if they wean suddenly, or don't feed when they are used to doing so?

In the past, DD has got quite antsy/uptight if for some reason she hasn't had many feeds. I think it is more than just a habit/comfort thing, but haven't read anything that supports my belief.

[Kmn]

My experience was that I got a very clingy DS for a couple of weeks - although he was at 10 sucks every few days when we stopped. And my supply was such that that might of been 10ml - I wasn't tandem feeding...

He went back to fondling me in public for a few weeks too - especially in the supermarket when he was sitting in the trolley and they were "there".

My feeling is the oxytocin is also as much from skin-to-skin as it is from actual milk at this point - but if you are "all touched out" then you probably aren't going to feel like that either.

Thinking a bit more, I feel that with an older child it is incredibly important not to send a mixed message - so if you say "no more" then it really really has to be no more. It can't be "unless you skin your knee and scream lots". This is such an important thing to the kid that if they learn that they can make Mum back down here then they will assume that they can make you back on anything. But if you don't say "no more", you just say "Mum's exhausted, can we do this when we wake up" then you're not taking that risk.