Hi Guys,
I am having a really really hard time with my DS. I think I might have to just wean him because he is refusing to BF. This is probably the fourth bout with breast refusal. I know the reason this time. It is simply a cold. But I have not been able to stop crying since last night and I don't think I can carry on. I have fibromyalgia and chronic pain and depression/anxiety and have been advised by a couple of doctors to quit BFing but it didn't feel right to me. My DS has happily fed for various weeks at a time, but he is refluxy snuffly baby and has had long periods of on and off refusal and then short bursts of acute refusal, like now. It builds up to a real aversion and he screams if I pick him up in the bedroom. It is so awful. Reading everyone's stories here about how much their children love feeding (and my mum also has that experience) is like a dagger in my heart. But I know that sounds really hard too, like being trapped etc.

I have read everything online, seen an LC and spent hour upon hour worrying and soul searching. I am afraid that if I stop (and I understand it isn't really my choice - he is refusing me) I will just have a nervous breakdown, because of the hormones and the disappointment and sadness.

My DH really does a lot with the kids, bc of my pain levels, and I am starting to feel like a useless burden on the family and that they would be better off without me. I also feel like once I stop BFing, I literally will not be helping or contributing anymore.

Anyway, I am really depressed and it has just flared up so quickly from refusals over the last 24 hours.

Each time I have tried to wean (and I've tried about 4 times) my DS has changed his mind so we've gone back to feeding all the time. I feel like cold turkey is the only option.

I feel completely fixated on this problem. I feel like if I could let go and relax a little, I might be able to find a solution. But I feel scarred by all the previous refusals and the feeling that I might lose control and not be able to care for my DS bc I don't really know any other way of settling him than feeding.

Any ideas or encouragement?

WW
x