Do u give an engagement gift?

[tellytubby]

What do you do? Do you buy a gift for an engagement party??

We didn't have an engagement, let alone a party. And for our wedding we specifically asked for no gifts/money. Those who put money/cheques in their card were graciously returned the funds, as we honestly, just wanted their presence.

SIL is getting married. She is having 1 of her engagement parties here in her home town, a breakfast party (different I know). She has written a little note saying our presence is present enough. However if we would like, they would appreciate a gift of money.

Wwyd?

[Charlotte91]

Personally, nothing. If they don't want gifts, don't give one.
I personally hate it when people ask for money.

lol, I'm also a cheap skate when it comes to money.

[Joeve]

Hmmm if you want to give something do, if not don't. She has left it open so thats good.

[Teeki]

The way she's worded it, seems to me like she wants to so the 'right' thing, by asking for no gifts, but if they truly didn't want anything I think they'd leave off the part about money. She's not going to be offended if you don't give her anything - she can't be when that's on the invite, but I think maybe they would like a little something.

With our engagement party, we didn't even know you got gifts. So we were completely unprepared when people gave them to us! And now SiL is engaged, having her party on the 30th, and we've just realised now we need to get her something - who knows what!!

Anyway, I reckon you could go either way with wording like that on the invite, just do what you're comfortable with

[Artechim]

I know they said no presents, but a really nice engagement present is a silver cake slice which they can then use at the wedding. I have heard of people getting them for engagement, and then using them at the wedding and first birthday parties for their children.

[Teeki]

I know they said no presents, but a really nice engagement present is a silver cake slice which they can then use at the wedding. I have heard of people getting them for engagement, and then using them at the wedding and first birthday parties for their children.

Actually I second that. It's great if you engrave it with the date too, then later they add the dates of their wedding, and children's birthdays etc. Friends of mine did that and it's definitely a gift that gets used a lot

[Miss E]

Yes, I generally do give a gift if someone is having an engagement party. But TBH I hate giving money, it just doesn't sit right with me iykwim? To me money just isn't a gift. I much prefer to buy something personal/sentimental for people that they will keep and remember. I still remember who gave us what for our engagement and wedding (we got engaged 8 years ago and married 6 years ago) and cherish those things. But the money we were given is long gone and to be honest I can't even remember who gave us money or how much. So to me it's not a true gift (I'm not sure if I'm wording this right...).

Given that it is family, I think it would be nice to give them something special. I've often given the 'Love' book from the MILK series (a coffee table book with a beatutiful collection of photos representing love) as an engagement gift. But even something like a nice photo frame for them to put a picture from their engagement party in is nice iykwim?

If it was me, I would try and give something a little bit sentimental because they are family. Or give nothing at all. Given that she has said no gifts I don't think they would be offended if you didn't give anything either.

[KimmyF]

I can't go to a party empty handed so I always give a gift, and I like to give a gift that I know the person would want, so if it is money that they asked for I would give that. I'd rather give a present but also don't like to give a present that they will never use anyway!
Just my two cents worth though.
BTW we had a wishing well at our wedding and I personally wrote each thank you note telling each guest what we put their money towards, (lounge suite and coffee table) and I'll always remember that without our guests gifts we wouldn't have been able to purchase those. It didn't matter to us if people gave us $1 or $100 we thanked every body the same way.

anyway as I said just my opinion

[tellytubby]

The way she's worded it, seems to me like she wants to so the 'right' thing, by asking for no gifts, but if they truly didn't want anything I think they'd leave off the part about money.

I think I agree Kaytee. She wants to be polite, but deep down it'd be great to get some cash! Hahaha!

Yes, I generally do give a gift if someone is having an engagement party. But TBH I hate giving money, it just doesn't sit right with me iykwim? To me money just isn't a gift. I much prefer to buy something personal/sentimental for people that they will keep and remember. I still remember who gave us what for our engagement and wedding (we got engaged 8 years ago and married 6 years ago) and cherish those things. But the money we were given is long gone and to be honest I can't even remember who gave us money or how much. So to me it's not a true gift (I'm not sure if I'm wording this right...).

Miss E yes I'm much the same. I remember every gift my son, and daughter were given for their baptism/birth. I love gifts, so much more thought, and a lot more personal than cash. I'll definitely have a look on the book depository for the love book too! Thank you for the sugestion x

Artechim
I know they said no presents, but a really nice engagement present is a silver cake slice which they can then use at the wedding. I have heard of people getting them for engagement, and then using them at the wedding and first birthday parties for their children.

Ooo another great idea! Thank you Artechim!


Thanks for the thoughts ladies. It is just going to be me and kids for this one, as DH will be on his first shift for his new work (so can't really get the day off!). I think I will go a small gift, not cash. Would be slightly embarrasing if I arrived, without a gift, and everyone else was giving! Hmm! DH is telling me not to get anything.. but he won't be there, I will!

[sas85]

I'd give her money.

We got a lot of gifts for our engagement party and our wedding. (Which was good as we were starting from scratch and basically stocked our whole house with it) but the money was fantastic for buying things we really needed or only wanted personal touches on or paying off things we'd bought for our new lives together that were too big ticket for people to buy as gifts, we appreciated it so much. Some of the gifts people bought us on their own ended up being doubles or triples and were regifted or not used as not our taste, so I can understand this thinking, but it was rare for us.

It's becoming more common for people to prefer money instead of gifts, and it sounds like she worded it with ettiquette and left it up to you. So I guess it depends on your budget or whether you want to, but it sounds fair enough to me?