No Father to Walk to down the Aisle

[Beatrix]

My situation is slightly different.

This will be my second wedding and while my dad walked me down the aisle the first time. I have decided against it this time.
Not because I don't love my dad. I do. We are close but my dad is slightly awkward and stiff on formal occasion ( it's what makes him who he is though ) and he reckons he tried giving me away the first time and it didn't work so he ain't trying again lol. All in good spirit no malice intended.

But I have actually chosen not to have anyone who was involved in my first wedding in my second except for my eldest dd. Things have changed so much for me since then and I want my day to reflect that.

So my gorgeous girls will be the ones walking with me down the aisle and the ones who answer when the celebrants asks who presents this women.

I can't wait to share it with them.

I hope this doesn't upset those who didn't have their dads to be there for them because of me having him and choosing not to use him.


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[LuluHB]

I think what is sad reading this thread is how many of us have biological fathers who are less than what we would like. Mine is a narcissistic, abusive pig and is not in my life in any way. He has never met my children or my DH and doesn't even know what my married name is.

Unfortunately the saying "you don't get to choose your relatives" is very true. Try not to worry about what you conceive as missing from your day, but focus on the good - you married the man you love and that is what is really the only important thing. Definitely you shouldn't look at some Hollywood nonsense and feel that you are missing out on something because you had a different experience.

I sometimes look at friends of mine who have both a loving mother and father and feel a little envious but I also believe that our childhoods, good and bad, mould us into the women we are today.

[Tuesday's Child]

My dad died when I was 13. I had both my mum and younger brother walk with me down the aisle. We had the celebrant ask "Who accompanies this woman to join with this man?" My mum responded with "She comes with the blessings of all of her family". (Or something like that anyway).

I asked my dad's youngest brother who is also my godfather give a speech in lieu of the father of the bride speech. This fitted really well since he was also the uncle most involved with me since dad's death and was the first to meet DH.

My wedding day was perfect (of course if I could've had dad there and be part of it I would have, but why torture myself with something that could not be?).

[Artechim]

My mum raised me alone and it was her who walked with me on my wedding day. I met my father about a year before the wedding but things were still a bit awkward and having him there would have been uncomfortable for me, and probably for mum too, so I didn't invite him. He was very understanding and happy to stay away so I could enjoy the day without worrying about others.

[Mum2twoBoys]

Totally agree with you LuluHB

[Ashlee]

So I'm the sister you wish was a brother, cheers lol

Maybe have another wedding in 15 years and B and J can walk you down the aisle

[buffy1]

Kylz, that's so difficult. I hope it's your dream day regardless of who you choose x

My mum would have walked me down the aisle but she passed away about 10 years ago, so my brother did. My dad is in the picture but he was abusive when we were younger and I just couldn't have done it. I loved having my little bro, it was really special. But you know what, I would have walked down on my own and been so proud to do that too. My buddy got married on the weekend and she her and her man walked down together - I thought that was lovely.

I guess another option to keep in mind would be a really close friend or someone who has become your family. Family doesn't have to mean a blood relation - some of my warmest memories are of mates that have really stood by me through everything - they're my family too.

[Claire_A]

My alcoholic father has never really been in my life and my beautiful Mum raised me and my seven siblings by herself. She sadly passed away about a year before I married so my sister walked me down the aisle. Honestly I was more upset that my Mum couldn't be there to do it rather than my Dad.

[Ilithyia]

I've been thinking about this lately myself.

My birth father "left" when I was about 2. I dont know the full details but have a feeling that my mum had something to do with him leaving. So my step-dad came into our lives around the same time and to this day is "my dad". However, he was quite mean and nasty to me as a chld so I have a lot of resentment towards him. So much so that I've always said that it wouldn't be him that was walking me down the aisle when the day came. But I think that decision was based on spite and hurt.

My Mums brother, my Uncle, has always been a great father figure to me and has been the one I wanted to walk me down the aisle. But I dont want to hurt my Dads feelings

Ive never met my real dad, my step dad is.my dad and raised me from when I was a yr old but my mums partner of ten yrs is also a major part of my life and I dont want to upset either of them so my brother will be walking me down the isle

I didnt even think about my Brother. What a great idea

I agree with the others hun, as long as you're happy then its his loss. You were beautiful without him

[Mummato2]

Well on my wedding day my mother decided last minute (literally as my car arrived to pick me up) that she was going to stay home because my son "needed a sleep". I didn't argue - I just left.

My dad hadn't spoken with me for years so he didn't know I was getting married.

I arrived at the place we were getting married, saw my DH, burst into tears and walked straight to him to explain about mum. He was beautiful and we got on with it from there.

I look back with mixed feelings. It was highly emotional that my dad wasn't there, my mum should have been but wasn't and all the family there were my DH's. I look back with resentment BUT the main feeling is an enormous wave of love for my DH who took it in his stride and was man enough to cover everyone who wasn't there for me. It was like the first real thing he did to prove we'd be ok.

As for getting past the feelings - I don't know that you ever do to be honest. The best thing to do though is not let the feelings override the joy of the day. For me I think that a wedding isn't about who gives you away - but the promise you've made to your DH. The symbolism for me on the day absolutely encompassed that promise.

[Beautiful Disaster]

So I'm the sister you wish was a brother, cheers lol

Maybe have another wedding in 15 years and B and J can walk you down the aisle

No I didn't say that I said I wish I had a brother didnt mean get rid of u

[Rach75]

my dad was none existant in our lives started emailing etc when I hit adult hood, on my wedding day he and his now wife were there but my mum walked me down the aisle she is the one who was there fo rme all my life

[KimB]

Unfortunately my dad was in prison when I got married and couldn't be released even to walk me down the aisle.

I got my Granddad to do it and he was as proud as punch. We love each other so much and have always had a special bond so it was no big deal to have him stand in instead. In fact it was probably easier. I'm hoping to get married again next year to DF but we plan to elope. It will be just us and the kids so my sons can give me away this time My family have taken a dislike to DF so I'd rather they not be there to ruin our day.

If you have a bestie that you can ask then do it. You don't need to have family specifically to give you away on your big day. xxx

[Mich83]

My father died when I was 7, so last year when I got married, my mother walked me down the aisle. She has always been there, and she raised me and my sister from a young age by herself, so I found my Mum to be the best choice for me.

[Beautiful Disaster]

My mum did walk me down (or waddle in my case at 33w preg) which was nice.

I can't believe so many have been through similar or in some cases terrible circumstances.

Love to all xxx

[ree]

My mum and dad split when i was 6 he was there for me but not when significant things happened when i needed my dad but my uncle mick was. Then my dad took his life 3yrs ago and i got married in nov last year and i knew as soon as i started planning my wedding that my uncle mick would walk me down the aisle he had come as my dad to my formal he was a strong male figure in my life (he was proud to do it) i was sad my dad couldnt but was so happy to have someone that loved me do it

[*TripleJ*]

i regret getting my father to walk me down (insert expletives)

i wanted to ask my uncles one which made the trip from NZ to be there but my nanna laid the guilt trip so of course i agreed he stood there and lied to my face

but other than that it was an awesome day