Weddings, hens nights, and pregnancy

[Indadhanu]

Couldn't think of the right title for this, but am having a bit of a quandry!

A friend of mine is getting married this year, on 08-08-08, and having her hens night at the end of July.

I am due 04-08-08.... She knows this, of course, though I have a feeling she still thinks I'll be able to come down for it. It's not too far away I guess, about 2 hr drive...

Ok, I've never been pregnant and don't actually know whats it like in those two weeks before your EDD, and after giving birth (or if I am overdue).

My first question is.... Being about 38 weeks pregnant (assuming Bubble hasn't arrived) at the time of the hens night... whats the likely hood that I'm going to want to spend the night bar hopping? I'm not a bar person at the best of times (not a night owl either) so I'm not sure what to tell her about that for starters.

Second question is... If I'm still pregnant at the time of the wedding, would it be silly to travel that far away from home? I mean, what if I go into labour at the wedding? I'd probably still have time to get home I'm sure but... I dunno, I've never been pregnant so I have no idea ... what are your thoughts on this? Will I want to be travelling that far if I'm 4 days overdue?
If I've had bub beforehand I doubt I'd go, I think its no kids, and I am hoping to breastfeed and don't know anyone who would look after her (unless Shel doesn't come, but then I wouldn't go alone anyway). Plus I probably wouldn't feel like being at a wedding if I've just given birth.

All this sounds like I don't want to go... I do, I'd love to go... I'm just not sure... This friend has a 12mth old princess herself, though I just wonder if her expectations (of me coming to the hens night and wedding) are a bit much?

Any thoughts? What would you have done if you had been invited to a hens night at 38w, or a wedding that close to your EDD?


Oh, and don't even get me started on what I'd wear to the wedding either!!!! I've looked at pregnancy stuff, and I feel like basically my options will be different coloured potato sacks...

[Kitt3n]

Straight up, i wouldnt go - too risky being so close to EDD, and you will have buckleys of feeling like partying! I mean really, would feel like going NOW, let alone then?

Suggest that maybe you could partake in an "in honour of" night out after bubs has arrived and you are all settled. could be several months down the track though (would mean you would have to leave bubble!!).

[neekyv]

hey there....
seriously- i'd skip both!
I was only 16 weeks prepnant at my best friends hens night- and 25 weeks at her wedding- and all i wanted to do at both was find somewhere quiet, get comfy and have a snooze!

[jaspen]

I can't imagine wanting to go to a hens night that close or going to a wedding 4 days ODor 4 days post birth (eg I have had c/sect so 4 days post birth would not have been possible anyway) but in saying that would the option of going (with bubs in tow given so young) if bubs came early (eg a couple of weeks) be worth considering??? Maybe if you broach it from that respect it might show that you really want to go but the practicalities at that stage of pregnancy just don't allow. If late numbers aren't flexible then you probably need to say no I can't come but know I'm thinking the best for you.

[Enchanted]

I had the same dilemma when I was about 36wks pg with Oscar. I kept freaking out at the thought of going into labour etc. You know what though... I went to the Hens night and a fanstastic time!! I drove from place to place and as soon as I'd had enough I came home. I'm glad I went though as it was one of the last times I was able to go out baby free! The wedding was 1.5hrs away from us and I went to that too, DH didn't drink JIC but it's quite unlikely that bubs will come that quickly that you won't be able to make it home.

It is really up to you hun. I think you should go and have a great time as you probably won't do it for a while. See how you feel at the time, by then you might just want to (try to ) curl up in a ball and not go anywhere or you might be wanting to get out of the house and mingle! I was feeling great at the end of my pregnancy, I had the usual aches and pains but all in all I was glad I got out of the house and had a bit of fun.

Sorry rambling now. HTH!

Edit- I will PM you a couple of websites with maternity dresses

[Liz185]

I'm sure your friend won't mind if you decide not to go. You can never tell how you'll be feeling- I know that the last 4 weeks are the absolute WORST because all your body aches and pains come flowing right on in!

Look, if it was me, I'd probably tell your friend that you'd love to go but that you don't know how you'll be.

I think if you go somewhere that you're not sitting down for ages, it should be OK! I went to a charity concert and was in the seat for AGGGGES!! SO uncomfortable

[visitor1]

I wouldnt be going to either. The last few weeks you need to save up energy!!

[sangie]

I would probably wait until it got a bit closer before deciding, if that is possible? I went to a wedding when I was 37 weeks and I was fine, it was 1.5hrs away and DH didn't drink so he could drive me if I went into labour. I decided to go along when I was 36 weeks and the bride/groom were so understanding and told the wedding reception staff that I would be 'late' deciding!

Oh and believe it or not I found a gorgeous red maternity dress at Target, not potato sack looking at all!

[Enchanted]

That reminds me, thanks Sangie!! Kmart also have some great maternity clothes too!

[Beach Mama]

Awww hun firstly :hugs: Sounds like you need it!!
I was asked to be a bridesmaid for a really good friends wedding, and then we found out I was pregnant. I was due the 8th May and wedding was on the 19th May! I was the only bridesmaid too so things were really tricky, we basically took it as a I might be there I might not, and this wedding was 2 hours away too.
As far as the hens night goes - I was 38 weeks pregnant and organised the whole shebang for her - we went out for a great night out, yeah I was tired but I had a blast and everyone understood that I wanted to sit for most of it. This particular hens was quite a tame night - out for dinner at the Langham and then drinks at a ****tail bar so it wasn't like we were out partying but still I was HUGE but I enjoyed every part of my pregnancy and wasn't going to sit at home for 5-6 weeks waiting for the baby to arrive!!

I would say, talk to your friend and tell her you will work it out as it all gets closer. You might find that once you hit 38 weeks you will be tired and waiting for bubby to arrive but you might like nothing better than to get out and have a night out =- sure you might go home early but you would be there.

As far as the wedding goes and being so close to your DD, again, I think it really needs to be a case of wait and see. Reply that yes you will be there- with the proviso that you might not. Nobody will crack it if you don't turn up because you are in hospital having your baby!! If bubby is already a week old and you feel up to it, you could go, again could you speak to your friend about all the scenarios?? Sure she might not want kids there but a newborn is completely different!

Ok Im getting all preachy and stuff - basically I think there are possible ways around it if you do want to go but it might pay to chat to your friend about different scenarios and see how she feels!! One of my internal thoughts was - ok if I go and Im in labour on the day of the wedding am I prepared to give birth at hospital XYZ and my answer was yes.
Good luck hon! Its a hard one and by the way - I never got to the wedding - Isabelle was born on her wedding day!!

ETA - Oh yes!! I bought my outfit for the hens from Kmart not maternity but it was a cute black dress, empire cut under bust and I got it in a size 16 and wore it with leggings!! Very cute!! I think buying something regular but in a bigger size is a great idea, I did that for lots of my clothes!

[meow]

Ahhh- it's all a bit frustrating huh? We have THREE weddings on the weekend 2 weeks after bubba is due. For quite a while I was still hoping to go to at least one but once we finally said "No, we can't come" I realised it was a huge load of stress off. You don't want to wishing your baby will come just to fit in with things- you don't need that pressure.

There is no way I'd want to be bar hopping at 38 weeks- my pelvis gets tired enough going up to the shops! And if it's not normally your style I can't see you making it. Maybe if they are starting the hens with a dinner you could do that then bail?

So, unfortunately I think it's a no to both as well. You'll just have to have her over to pour over the wedding photos and tell you about the day afterwards.