I feel better now - my cousin did this, she got married when I was about 3m pg, I gave her £25 ($60) and no longer feel tight about it!

It's very rude to ask for a specific amount - I know when we did a wedding list we put things on there for £3 and some things for £200 (wishful thinking, but someone did buy us the dinner service!) so people could have a good range. I would be too embarrassed to ask for money, let alone a specific amount!

If I were asked to pay £30 ($75) per head to attend (so £60 for me and DH, maybe even £90 if they included DS in that), as well as getting there, new outfit (at least for DS), hotel... I just wouldn't go. I would spend that amound on a gift if I loved the person a lot, but not for them to pay off a wedding bill!