Struggling with decision re working vs SAHM... would love your thoughts pls?

[pearshaker]

I wonder these same things when I think about when we are finally blessed with our family.

I think if you're DH has said that it's doable, you should do it. It sounds like you need to focus on yourself... Spend somas time with your beloved little bubba and perhaps give your notice now, and maybe even get a chance to spend some time with DH before he begins his travel.

Sounds like you wont regret the decision. Sure, you'll have to tighten the belts, but it'll be worth it in the long run.

I guess the worst thing that could happen would be that it doesn't work and you have to reevaluate...there are always options to consider :-) perhaps even get a better job that isn't so demanding :-)

HTH *hugs*

[Amber4]

Thanks Surprised, Fleur and Pearshaker for your thoughts. I think you're right... if I focus on what's really important to me then I would drop work (or at least drop the position I have now) and just take the time to look after myself, my daughter and my partner (things I will never get back if I lose them, unlike a job, which is always replaceable). Those are certainly the things that I want to look back on, on my deathbed (or hopefully on my verandah at 80 surrounded by grandkids!) and be grateful that I gave my energy to them. But you are absolutely right Fleur... I think I am wanting to be given the OK to make that choice. I work in a field where I have a lot of clients who have known me for years (and already express disappointment when they can't get in to see me right away!) and I think I feel that it's not OK for me to let them down by leaving and taking time out. Plus I'm worried about adding financial pressure to DH if we're only one one wage, and I guess I look at many other Mums I know who balance work and family and I think 'well why can't I do that when they manage to?' So you're right... what has complicated my choice so much is thinking too much about how my choice will affect others and worrying about what they might think, and comparing myself to a lot of other mums who seem to be handling the balance well. Stupid isn't it? I also worry about whether I'll regret the decision to put my career on hold but you're right, pearshaker, it's not as though anything is set in stone and I can't re-evaluate if necessary. Good luck with TTC.... hope you're blessed with your family very soon.

[Amber4]

cheezelmonster... thanks for your reply. All I can say is YES, YES, YES! to all the questions you had ('cos they're all the same things going through my head!). Thanks for your advice... it's really encouraging. How long was it for you before you stopped agonizing over the choice and just surrendered to what you were doing so that you could enjoy it???

[~Hestia~]

No worries darl

Um...thinking back I probably agonised over it for MONTHS! Quite possibly from when I started maternity leave to when I finally took the plunge and resigned lol. But as soon as I quit my job I felt at peace with my decision, I knew it was the right thing for us.

[Amber4]

Thanks to all of you for your posts... all of them spoke straight to my heart and gave me exactly what I needed to make my choice. I have to learn how to stop worrying so much about everyone else and feeling so responsible for meeting everyone's needs. And I guess I can learn to be super thrifty!!! You're all very wise women ... I'm printing this page off somehow so I can go back and re-read it in moments where I find my strength slipping and start to agonize over the old stuff. Thanks again.

[onthefly]

Ah, I got here to late with my wise advice
Glad it's all sorted - sounds like it's the right decision for you.
I worked full time from when DS was 8 weeks old till I lost my contract at 11 months (but I work from home, so a bit different). It was out of necessity at first, but then DH got another job and I started to wonder. Now I only work ocasionally and it is sooooooo much better. It woudl be better still if I didn't work at all - mothering is full time, even if you have a paid job as well.

[Mak]

Amber - so glad you have made your decision! I just wanted to add that it is ok to reevaluate and then make changes! So you make the decisions on what is right for you and your family now and then adapt as these needs change. You just have to remember it was right at the time. I sometimes find it hard as I get sucked into what others think - which often has more to do with them and not me!
Being a mum is full on regardless! xxx

[wysiwyg]

I went back to work full time in August (DD 15 months at time), and my husband went part time - but from next week we have switched to me part time 3 days and him full time. Financially that isn't so great, but I found that I just couldn't cope with the separation from DD for 5 days a week and long hours. Looking back I thought "Well if DH can work five days a week and be ok, then we can just switch roles and all will be ok" as financially much better that way, but in reality I am me, and he is him and we all deal with things differently, so as others have said you have to do what feels right for you - other people who appear to be handle the balance are not you and may also have issues which aren't visible or a different support network, but in the end is pointless trying to rationalize they are not you, you are not them and you have to do what suits you and your family best.

[Fleur]

, and I guess I look at many other Mums I know who balance work and family and I think 'well why can't I do that when they manage to?' So you're right... what has complicated my choice so much is thinking too much about how my choice will affect others and worrying about what they might think, and comparing myself to a lot of other mums who seem to be handling the balance well. Stupid isn't it? I also worry about whether I'll regret the decision to put my career on hold but you're right, pearshaker, it's not as though anything is set in stone and I can't re-evaluate if necessary.

Well, as for how your choices affect others... you matter. Your family matters. Nice to consider everyone else but not at your own expense not in this case!

And I get you on the 'other people cope' thing, I REALLY do. All I can say is, it's all relative. And you never know what else is going on, you know? I have a friend who is a SAHM & wonders how I manage work & family. I wonder how she has her family AND also has a tidy house
ETA - I think when people are coping well, it's usually becasue they are doing what suits them. I'm a crap housekeeper, not a terribly successful full-time SAHM. I am a kick-butt part-timer, though