Thanks Surprised, Fleur and Pearshaker for your thoughts. I think you're right... if I focus on what's really important to me then I would drop work (or at least drop the position I have now) and just take the time to look after myself, my daughter and my partner (things I will never get back if I lose them, unlike a job, which is always replaceable). Those are certainly the things that I want to look back on, on my deathbed (or hopefully on my verandah at 80 surrounded by grandkids!) and be grateful that I gave my energy to them. But you are absolutely right Fleur... I think I am wanting to be given the OK to make that choice. I work in a field where I have a lot of clients who have known me for years (and already express disappointment when they can't get in to see me right away!) and I think I feel that it's not OK for me to let them down by leaving and taking time out. Plus I'm worried about adding financial pressure to DH if we're only one one wage, and I guess I look at many other Mums I know who balance work and family and I think 'well why can't I do that when they manage to?' So you're right... what has complicated my choice so much is thinking too much about how my choice will affect others and worrying about what they might think, and comparing myself to a lot of other mums who seem to be handling the balance well. Stupid isn't it? I also worry about whether I'll regret the decision to put my career on hold but you're right, pearshaker, it's not as though anything is set in stone and I can't re-evaluate if necessary. Good luck with TTC.... hope you're blessed with your family very soon.