Which one?

[briggsy's girl]

as some of you may have read, i've been asked to publish another poem. i have a couple that i am happy with, but not sure which one to submit! so, i'm going to share them with you and ask for opinions on which one you like better. any comments are welcome! i'm looking for which makes the most impact (or which makes more sense) - i won't give any context for them here because it's highly unlikely i'd put a context comment in the book...

THE BIRTH OF HOPE

Darkness engulfs me
Invading my thoughts
Altering my perceptions
The room around me
Disappears
Nothing exists
Just me
My husbands hands holding me
Giving me strength
Nothing makes sense
But that tiny blip of hope
A dot on the screen
Waiting to grow
To infuse me with light
Drive away the darkness
New Life



UNTITLED

The road stretches before me
Endless
A long and tiring journey
Getting harder every day

Horizon looms ahead of me
Distant
A target I can hope for
But fear I won't attain

So many miles behind me
Gone
No momentos to remind me
Of the journey I have made

Targets needed to focus me
Forward
What's been is done
Must keep moving

Final destination before me
Close
Dreams will come true
Just one more step...

[Aimz]

BG I really like the second one - perhaps because I can identify with it.

You're writing is really something special.

[Megan]

Hard to choose between the two. I definitely related to both of them too. If I had to choose, probably the second one. That one had the most impact on me, and I could imagine have many different meanings to many people.

[Muffy]

i love both of them...
but the first is my fav

[Pretty Butterfly]

I love both, but think the second would be best.

We know your history as such, so the first makes sense to us, not sure if it would to the general public?

I think everyone could find their own meaning in the second one, and thats the sort of poetry I enjoy. It has such emotions.... JMO....

We'll done on both hon, good luck choosing!!!

[Jennifer13]

BG can you submit them both? They may publish both or choose the one that they like the best.

I like the imagery in the first better, it is more specific and captures a moment. The second is more general and I always prefer a story that conjures up an event (whether it is something I relate to or not).

[diannescruffy]

Totally agree with Purplemamma. They are both beautiful. Well done bg.

Regards,
Dianne

[briggsy's girl]

unfortunately they'll only take one!

i figured people on BB would understand the imagery about the first one - just not sure if i could put an explanation (we have the option) for others... the second one was more generic for sure. Both were written in the middle of the night the day before our first FET when i couldn't sleep!

[LaDeeDa]

I love both of them .... but the first is my fave

[Heaven]

They are great. The second is my fav tho.

[ll80]

I like the second one.
It's well written and flows better.

[~StarBright~]

I like the 2nd one- they are both heartfelt, but i agree with ll80- the second one flows really well and i like the way it is set out- well done on getting the opportunity to share your gift of words!!

[S'rose]

Hey my super talented and clever friend... I am so very proud of you btw.

I think the 2nd because it covers a much needed hole for people searching for their goals...
Its when you are searching for the "thing" that you most want someone to relate to you, and Untitled does that I think. I feel its broad borders reaches to more people at this moment...

Having said that, there is a place for the 1st one which is just beautiful hun.

[nic]

ooh, I like the first one...but after what Sonya wrote about the 2nd one, I'm stuck between the two. So in conclusion, I'm no help at all!

Nic

[Junglemum]

Both great. If i had to choose i would say the first. Seems to have a greater impact for me.

[Inanna]

Number 1 is my favourite - you have a talent BG - well done!

[AliBaby]

Can you show them both? They may ask you if they can publish both then. you are a fantastic writer

[mummy of many]

Bg, you have a wonderful talent,both your poems are beautiful. My favourite is the second one though. Thanks for sharing them,Susan.