Hey Ryn
I finally got around to reading your birth story.... you went through heaps! Sounds like everything happened because it had to... Liebling really didnt want to come out... you are lucky they didnt give you a c-section, at least you got to experience some birthcanal action! I am jealous of the ladies who got a vaginal birth! You said "As you say, you do what you have to in order to save your child's life, but it doesn't make it better in the long run." I think it does make it better... what IF Liebling hadnt made it any further than the middle of the birth canal?? what if he didnt' make it??? in the long run you have to be just grateful you got to take your baby home...??
I understand how you beat yourself up about it as you so so so wahted a natural birth, and I was so sorry to hear you didnt get it, but looking at the photos of your little boy you have been truley blessed!
You have to move on and hope for better next time... at least you have more of an idea of what to expect and maybe what to expect from your body.... you are not going to be doing Liebling any favours by being upset inside about how he came into the world...
I beat myself up lots thinking I cheated and I was cheating by the c-section, definately doesnt feel like an easy way out, I still hurt heaps inside when I do different things I have friends and 9 months later still hurt and an aunty 5 years later still numb in some spots!
So you just have to look at your baby and think about what a miracle he is and that you made him and now you get to raise him into a unique and special person, the labour/birth is just one day (or in your case a week of prelabour hell!) in the grand scheme of things and that you were very strong throughout it all and did what you had to do to be a good Mum from the start and give your little boy what he needed to be born.