Hey Ryn
I finally got around to reading your birth story.... you went through heaps! Sounds like everything happened because it had to... Liebling really didnt want to come out... you are lucky they didnt give you a c-section, at least you got to experience some birthcanal action! I am jealous of the ladies who got a vaginal birth! You said "As you say, you do what you have to in order to save your child's life, but it doesn't make it better in the long run." I think it does make it better... what IF Liebling hadnt made it any further than the middle of the birth canal?? what if he didnt' make it??? in the long run you have to be just grateful you got to take your baby home...??
I understand how you beat yourself up about it as you so so so wahted a natural birth, and I was so sorry to hear you didnt get it, but looking at the photos of your little boy you have been truley blessed!
You have to move on and hope for better next time... at least you have more of an idea of what to expect and maybe what to expect from your body.... you are not going to be doing Liebling any favours by being upset inside about how he came into the world...
I beat myself up lots thinking I cheated and I was cheating by the c-section, definately doesnt feel like an easy way out, I still hurt heaps inside when I do different things I have friends and 9 months later still hurt and an aunty 5 years later still numb in some spots!
So you just have to look at your baby and think about what a miracle he is and that you made him and now you get to raise him into a unique and special person, the labour/birth is just one day (or in your case a week of prelabour hell!) in the grand scheme of things and that you were very strong throughout it all and did what you had to do to be a good Mum from the start and give your little boy what he needed to be born.
Ryn and Smylie, I can relate to both of you about your feelings about your birth experiences. I too have struggled with my birth experience - even though we have our delightful and beautiful babies, it can be difficult to accept or deal with the birth experience we faced. I haven't made my experience public for various reasons including my pain, fear of being judged and a few others. I too feel cheated by what I experienced and, as much as I try not to, do harbour some resentment towards the staff at the hospital. Not so much for WHAT happened but HOW it happened. My ob knows full well I was open to a c-sect but the way in which I was TOLD and how things were handled was appalling and a major contributor towards me going into shock which saw the anethetist dose me up on sedatives immediately after Abbey was wheeled from theatre in an effort to reduce my trauma... except it made my trauma worse! I am not happy I lost over 2 hours of the day my little girl was born! But anyway, girls, I CAN relate to how you're feeling. I can't offer too much advice other than what is working for me... focusing on the good bits like my baby and I are both alive, my baby and I are healthy (ok, she is, I'm still dealing with bits and pieces!), I can have more babies, next time I will be better prepared for the potential of what happened happening again and better equipped to deal with it, I have received an apology from my Ob. If you are struggling to deal with your own experiences, I highly recommend debriefing with someone. I have debriefed with my MCHN and a couple of friends (some nurses) and it helped a lot. I have also been working on writing my experience down. I have also used my experience as a learning experience - how NOT to act as a nurse! ROFL.
Kristy, great to hear you're doing well hon. I can relate to the long legs - Abbey seems to be out grwing stuff in leg length before anything else! And her feet! My goodness they are huge!!!!
anne - good luck for tonight hon - maybe do the reverse of what we do for bubs and pop whatever they wore today under your pillow tonight?
Lil - those bonds wondersuits are small aren't they? I don't understand that claim on length and weight either... it's a shame because i love abbey in them and hers no longer fit! ROFL. I'm so glad you're doing well too hon. I have a question for yo but it is a tad personal so might have to email you
Hope everyone is well. Abbey is calling so had better go...
Bookmarks