Tam! WOW I can't imagine how busy you must be with 2 babies!! how is it going??
I'm almost all caught up with my sleep now I think.
from when I got home on Saturday night I'd not really slept since the saturday night of the week before as the contractions/braxton hicks started last sunday.
on my own at home today..... DH and my folks are out so I can have a go of handling things on my own. So far so good.
GAve Luxxe a bath, a feed and then down for a sleep... I did a load of washgin and had lunch and now I'm just watching some tv and on the computer.
as for the trauma Jillian... well yeah you're right.... both physical and emotional.
I really am getting through it... just have so much anger at the treatment we both rec'd
I just find it a bit hard to talk about becuase I get really upset.
but basically.... whilst I was having my placenta manually removed, Luxxe was up in the NICU with DH and my mum and the swear word swear word swear word Doctors were trying to give her anti-biotics and put in a canula/drip thing to administer the drugs.
in her first three hours out in the world, theystuck her with needles 17 times. 17 TIMES!!!!!!!!!! becuase they couldn't get a vein. she stillhas bruises and pin holes in both her hands and feet and the inside of her wrists and her thighs. first the intern tried then the registrar and then they got teh fellow in to try. stupid bastards. I don't know how DH survived it. He didn't leave her side...but there wasn't much he could do.
I had to watch them give her a heel ***** to collect some blood and they were just butchers.... so rough and she was screaming screaming screaming. then they have the nerve to come back 2 hours later and saythey have to do it again becuase the sample clotted. I just wanted to grab her a run away.
by the time I forced them to release us on Saturday night she had had 25 needles.
I just can't help it... It breaks my heart and I jsut cry and cry at the thought of it... but watching it was even worse.... I just feel like I've let her down. I'm glad she won't remember it.... but I know I'll never forget.
I tried so hard to prepare for a gentle birth and entrance into this world... and I couldn't get it. I just feel like i've failed her...and that after the birth being drug free... and yet having to have the syntocin and having every dr on duty stick their hand up me to move the cervix or to do wahtever they were doing.... and usually during a contraction ..... I just was trying to hard to get her safely into the world.... and then when she really needed me I couldn't be there becuase the bloody syntocin made my uterus clamp down on the placenta and wouldn't let it birth.
All I can say is that I will be forever FOREVER grateful that I had my midwives there with us.
I can not imagine how much worse it would have been if they weren't there to be on our side... to limit the intervention, to question everything their stupid hospital policies threw at us. to literally be a barricade between the drs and me. at one point there were 2 drs inthe birth room and the midwives had one of them with my camera and the other one holding my leg sot hat they couldn't violate me any further.
and then with luxxe.... they were there to get them to back off with the injections.
Oh and all of those injections... ALL FOR NOTHING!!! because her blood cultures all came back perfect... jsut like we told them.... she never had any signs of anyting being wrong... other than when they kept hurting her.
she's just starting to get over the whole thing.... she kept frighting in her sleep and hates being on her back and doesn't like bright over head lights... or having clothes off.... because everytime they'd stick her that's the scene she was suffering.
I was only there for 2 days.... but I never ever ever want to go back and will do whatever it takes to never have by child in that position ever again.
next baby will be at home.... HELL OR HIGH WATER
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh so upset and angry
right. going to go have a drink and sob for a while.
I think I still have a few more cries left to get out and then I can move forward with being thankful and just get on with how blessed we are to have this beautiful girl... healthy, safe and in my arms.
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