Uh-oh. DP is mad at me. I suggested that my dad look after Oscar so that we could watch Borat this weekend and he said we could leave him with his mum, then, so we could both go to brigade training. He now thinks I'm changing criteria for leaving Oscar as it suits me. My point of view is that my dad is more familiar with Oscar's hungry and sleepy signs than DP's mum cos he has spent more time with him and actually put him to sleep, whereas MIL has never spent long enough with him to put him to sleep, or where we have been there has not tried to get him to sleep (hands him back to me when he cries). DP now seems to think I don't want to leave him with her for something other than practical reasons. She just hasn't spent the time with him for me to leave him comfortably with her for a couple of hours. My plan (and I've told it to DP but he's got convenient amnesia) is to speak to MIL and organise days of the week where I can walk around with Oscar, leave him with her for increasing half hour increments while I go into the village, or do some shopping etc, so that she can get used to him and him to her. What I would need to do is to be there for a bit first, before leaving him, because he doesn't know her well enough to just be left without that buffer time with both of us there. DP is p*d off now and has gone to the shed. He is not listening to me and whatever this thoughts were about his mum and Oscar are now surfacing - cos he certainly hasn't shared them with me when I've asked him what he thinks about his mum not spending time with Oscar. In fact, the only thing he has ever said about it is that she is a busy person with lots on. Like I didn't already know that. And why is it up to ME to establish an Oscar/MIL relationship, when it's his son and mother? Why can't he call her and ask her round, or if she'll be home so I can go round? All of a sudden it means a lot to him to have his mum spend time with Oscar, but he's mad at me cos it hasn't happened yet!
Anyway, the only person who could realistically look after Oscar for 2 hours, so far, is my dad. He is the only person outside of DP and I who can regularly get Oscar to sleep, can keep him entertained without turning the TV on and who recognises his sleepy noises (i.e. the 'I need to be asleep' noises).
I realise there are mixed feelings because his dad is not around anymore, but I cannot go into his head and sort out what's going on. I'm not a mind reader!
The thing is, my reasonings are really about Oscar's wellbeing. He knows my dad. My dad knows him and is comfortable with him and doesn't pass him back when he cries (unless it's hungry crying). MIL has visited and we have visited her, but she has not really spent any time nurturing him yet. I would like to make that happen, but it must be done gradually, as it happened with my dad. I wish DP could think outside of his emotions (that he hasn't even articulated to himself) and see the sense in my methodology!
Sorry, I'm having a vent, but somehow I just became the bad guy in this house.
ETA: Mel, I'm still on for Wed! We just had the sheets of rain come through this way. What a southerly, huh? Yesterday's humidity was divine, today is definitely inside weather. Ay! the trees are getting very bendy out here...
Want to put the boy down and head into Belgrave to do some things. DP has done a good job with the boy this morning, probably in anticipation of me leaving them tomorrow night for this union dinner. Whatever the reason, it's nice to see DP so confident with his boy
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