Babies Born June 2006 #41

[Bathsheba]

Ooooh Maya, I would have been swearing like a fisherman's wife too if the bedroom light was switched on at that time of the morning after a rough night. Could he use a lamp instead? Or better still a light in the hall way? After whinging about my sitch in my last post I have to add that at least DH is considerate in that regard (lights on in the morning)... I think with men it takes a few years for it to finally sink in that if "mumma aint happy then no body happy" plus he has had more experience of looking after unsettled babies at night and knows what true sleep deprivation is like. In our first year of being parents we did lock horns more frequently over stuff like that... and even though i carry on a bit about DH taking me for granted in reality he is basically considerate... but it's a learned skill!

Rory: just as well Flynn isn't walking then! I'd dread having to be crippled and have to deal with chasing Niall around all day! Oh and enjoy your 4 days in the office BTW please don't interpret my sour grapes as anti working mums! DH would love to create a balance by being the one to stay at home with the boys ATM however unfortunately, as you know, my potential income just wouldn't support our lifestyle... but maybe one day....

[Jesswith6]

It seems to me that no other mum stays actually inside at home by herself with the kids as much as I do

What was that Bath? I think I qualify as doing that as well.
Yes I do have DH but he is as useless at looking after the children as my mum's dogs!
There are a lot of mothers in BB that are SAHM and do stay inside the house a lot. Having "cabin fever" as you put it makes it sound like you hate being a SAHM..

[Bathsheba]

*sigh* no Jess, I don't hate being a SAHM. I just came here to vent. I think every mother has days/weeks that are challenging and I think it's ok to admit it. Do I have to put up a facade and pretend that I am happy all the time? DH is allowed to vent to me about his job, which I know he enjoys, but i don't think he will quit just because he has a rough spell. And that's all I am having: a rough spell.

ETA: i know there are many mums here in BB who get cabin fever and when I read their posts I give them a cyber hug because i sympathsise It is more the mums IRL that I was comparing myself to (and I don't know that many fulltime SAHMs IRL). Maybe it is just human nature to speak more positively about life IRL... BB is more of a 'confessional'.... so you are more likely to hear people's real thoughts... and I think my posted 'thoughts' might have given the wrong impression (Jess).

[Jesswith6]

I know you are going through a rough patch hun and I understand the need to vent. As for "facade", I let it out quite regulary that I'm not happy but that doesn't mean I hate being a SAHM.
I just got angry with that sentence. Do you want to know what annoys me about other parents? Those parents who no matter how sick their child is, they send them along to school.
LOOK I'll be back as soon as I can....DH is getting annoyed at me for not helping him!

[Smoke Jaguar]

I think that was exactly Bath's pet hate - very sick kids at school! I think I will hate that as well. Seriously contemplating homeschooling except for the fact that I'm studying to be working one day...can't homeschool if I'm at work! One day, maybe not Oscar, but maybe another kid of mine will be homeschooled...
I don't think it sounded like Bath hates being a SAHM mum at all. To me, it read like the downsides of being a SAHM were really getting to her. Just as the downsides of being a working mum get to working mums, but they are allowed to vent about that. Women get shot down by other women for daring to suggest that mothering children from home is anything less than totally fulfilling on a personal development level.
The thing is, even if Bath or anyone else DID hate being a SAHM...what of it? It still wouldn't constitute an insult of SAHM's, just an honest assessment of an individual situation.
So, what I'm trying to say is that what is bliss for one person doesn't have to be bliss for someone else, because there are so many individual factors in our lives that, surprise, surprise, make us individuals!
So, come on, let's keep up our Junie tradition of giving everyone the benefit of the doubt and not assuming that a comment is a personal attack, unless someone actually does vilify someone or a group of people in particular
Gotta cook...

[Bathsheba]

Ta Maya Y'know it's a bit like the way we all whinged through our pregnancies: "oh my back aches, I can't sleep, I feel disgusting etc" but that was not to say we hated being pregnant! And even now when we are up at 3am helping our unsettled babies back to sleep it might seem as though we are the only mum awake in the world... we know it's not the case... it's just how it seems.

Anyhow, no hard feelings Jess. I know you have your hands full.

[Roryrory]

(stepping shyly into the ring)

I think I would hate being a SAHM. As much as I hate my job some days I have money, professional respect, status in society (as much as people hate lawyers we are "up there" so to speak), a great boss, the chance to be alone (on the train, in my office - ahhh bliss after a day of kid wrangling) and I am actually a part of my profession's governing body so I am involved in a bit of politics as well. I would really hate to lose all that to be a SAHM.

But on the other hand, I would really like a break to be able to be a SAHM for a few years. I think I could be quite happy, for a while, having bubs, going to playgroup and activities at the library (which I can't do now cause I am working), being a super-housewife (LOL!!) When you are trying to do both you can idealise each extreme.

That's just it, for me, actually. I idealise each extreme.

The extreme of working (full time or part time) is being a "man" and having a wife to do all the things that Bath (no doubt!) does for her DH - makes sure there is food in the house, washes his clothes, buys presents for the kids/family - generally ensures he can focus soley on his work while at work. You know what I was doing during a meeting at work today? Writing a list of what I had to get done this week and planning what we would have for dinner so that the evenings weren't a mad rush on my "work" days. I bet most managing partners in law firms don't have to think about such things.

And for me the extreme of being a SAHM is having enough money and time to enjoy it (ie: not having the stress of thinking whether you need to go back to work soon, not having to contribute to household income, being free to spend money on food without having to watch every penny). C'mon Bath, if you had someone to do the cr@ppy jobs and your days were spent going to the gym while the boys were in occasional care, gardening while someone else made sure Niall didn't bite Wade, and every week a group of intelligent, like minded women gathered at your house to engage in mutually-supportive child-minding while you all did cross-stitch, you would be stoked!! who WOULDN'T want to be a SAHM LOL!!

But unfortunately I think most of us mind ourselves in the middle. We might have a great job that tempts us but resent it when we can't be with our kids, or the "chance" to stay at home because DH "earns enough" but crave outside stimulation. And sometimes our personalities lend themselves more to one way of living more than the other.

Oh gotta share this girls - DH just offered me a cuppa and remarked that if I was an Amercian Indian my name would be "****e$ Manny Times", in reference to the fact that I was up FIVE TIMES last night for a wee LOL!!!

[Jesswith6]

You know I love ya Bath...

My Opinion here!
I love being a SAHM cause I know that while they are here in my sight they are safe ( except fo rBell who can hurt herself just getting out of bed!), but on the other hand I would like to have 10 minutes to myself at times, just to do little things like have a shower in peace, go to the toilet, drive into town. At the moment in my house, DH has decided that if he goes anywhere,be it into town or over to Corowa, he goes by himself and leaves me with the kids. Most of the time I'm ok with it, but other times I hit the roof because I can never go anywhere without at least one child. All I want is to be able to have some time alone.
I'm talking again...Shgutting up now

[Roryrory]

Jess I can't imagine what its like.

Better go to bed - DH needs to fix the car tomorrow so I gotta train it into the city with Flynn to make my 7.45am meeting - GRRR - was planning on driving in (no work tomorrow!!) but now something with wrong with a gasket or something......

[Coolabahdee]

Well I can't sleep....*sigh* .....I miss Michael, I have sick kids AGAIN and Bath I so hear you on the cabin fever thing, I've been really flat myself of late and I'm just plain sick and tired. I know we chose this, and I know it is really to our benefit in the long run but I just wish......I don't know....
I think because the kids have been sick I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I hate those parents that send their sick children to school or care. Grrrrrrrr,Totally inconsiderate. I'm going stir crazy cause they are all hanging off me and we can't get out. I don't have any time to myself only late at night and lately ecen that is being taken up with the constant needs of my children. Not having anyone to bounce off is really depressing. I am loving the daily video chats with DH though. I am thankful for that. As soon as I think we are a very healthy house again, bang. They catch someting else, Thursday through to Saturday we were all well. Saturday was a good day, we went to hockey and then to the shops before Dinner at my SIL's. I bought a new Dryer since my little one has died. It's a 10kg LG Dryer, Bargain of the year, I got it from the LG factory outlet centre and it comes with a warranty the only thing wrong with it is it has a few scratches, that's it, nothing electronically or mechanically wrong. Brandnew except for the scratches on the side. Valued at $2100 bought it for $1110 inc GST. I'm so stoked. just need DH to hurry home to put a new plug in as it's a 20A instead of a 10A. The line is not big enough. I use the fence to hang towels and sheets out. I'm on the look out for a big washer too, I do 3 loads a day at least. I have a 6 kg washer and want atleast an 8kg one. Although if I can get my hands on one, a 10 kg one would be awesome.
Congrats on the exam Jess.
Hugs Bath, I hear ya sister!!
Ali yay for the blue bundle on his way
Hello everyone, Mel, Maya, Tali, Julie, Donna, Amanda, Nickers, ummmmm who did I forget, I'm sorry, ...OMG Passions is on ...it is way to late, but atleast I don't have to do anything much tomorrow, I have been studying, Doing art which is alot of fun, oh my goodness I so suck at art, lol. But apparently it's not the end result that is important it is the process and reflecting on the process. lol. OK I'm rambling, night,
Cheers
Dee
Lol sorry Rory it was you I forgot not that your forgetable, just that I am forgetful. How's that baby growing and Flynny? Ohhh No for the car, not the head gasket?? ekk, is it caput?

[Roryrory]

Hey Dee, no it is the inlet manifold gasket - apparently a common prob with our model (1996 holden) Lucky DH is car savvy - he is gonna do it this arvo after I take F to the doctors - he has this spot on his back which started as a red lump about 4 weeks ago and now looks like a cross between a pimple and a wart. Small thing I know, but our GP is a doc who is as close to a paediatrician you can get (spent the last 20 yrs only seeing kids) so I feel much better taking him along just in case it is something serious.

Baby is growing well- kicking absolutely heaps! Either Flynn was lazy, I was immune to kicks last time or with F my placenta was in a different place (prob all 3!!) because I can feel far more and stronger kicks this time.

LOL at "Although if I can get my hands on one, a 10 kg one would be awesome" - you sound like me with fridges - I have a major "big fridge" fixation. Ours is 505 litres which I bought while there were just 2 of us. I dunno how I am gonna copy without 2 fridges once we have our 3 kids!!

[MelS]

Bath - I can totally understand where you are coming from and would never think for one second that you hate being a SAHM! I spose the benefits of knowing someone IRL too! Hope the sunshine today helps brighten your day.

Maya - naughty DP! DH is super, super quiet when he gets up, never hear him (He knows I would kill him). He gets up at 5am when he is on morning shift so do not want kids to be woken at that time. Hope you managed to get some sleep yesterday arvo. How is Oscar feeling?

Rory - the getting ready for work is like a military operation here! The night before I have to pack a bag for Chelsea to go to daycare and get her clothes ironed and ready. 2 bags packed for Marley, one with spare clothes etc, the other with bottles, formula, teddy etc. MIL has nappies and other supplies. Then I have to get my clothes ready and layed out. Then I have to either get dinner stuff sorted or take something out of the freezer. Its worse if DH is going to be at work when I get home. Thankfully MIL gives Marley dinner and a bath before I pick her up. We get home, put dinner on for Chelsea and I, then give Marley her bottle and into bed. Then Chelsea and I can sit down and eat. Then its time to unpack the bags from the day!!!! I am so glad I have a break between work days, gives me time to recharge for the next day. Hope Flynn goes well at Dr's.

Dee - way to go on the dryer. Hope you find a jumbo washer, maybe try to get an industrial one?

I must say, Rory and I have very similiar views on the SAHM situation. I had a manangement position when I had Chelsea and had no desire to return to that level. I stayed home until she was 16 mths old then found my current job at started 3 days a week. I could never imagine myself staying home on a fulltime basis, it just wasn't me. Now Marley is over 12mths and I have returned 2 days a week which is perfect. It can be hard some mornings but I still enjoy it and I have a wonderfully supportive DH who does alot to help. He will take Chelsea to daycare if he is on afternoon shift, then come home and do housework so the house is all clean when I get home. I think you need to have that support if its going to work. We both have to share the responsibilities which he does without complaint. I could prob afford to stay home as other expenses would no longer be applicable (such as daycare), but I choose not too because I love working and I love the work I do and the people I work with. I feel in enriches my life and that of my kids, but that doesn't mean it will be that way for everyone and I don't begrudge anyone for doing or feeling differently.

[Smoke Jaguar]

If only I'd ever had a job that was actually fulfilling! Actually, if only any of my volunteer jobs paid well...
Oscar stinks, better get us into the shower...BBL
ETA: All showered now.
Did I post the other week about resigning from my job? Well, I did. I feel really good about it, too! Yeah, I lose the staff discount, but I figure that what I would have saved from having the card whilst working there will amount to what I will save by not working there (spend money there when I work there, but when I don't work there I hardly ever go there anyway). So, I decided I wasn't that attached to the 'priviliges'. People say that the company will make a turn around and be a good place to work, next year at the earliest. I can't wait that long cos I can't stay on mat leave for that long. Plus, by that stage I can start some work in counselling and won't need the old job anyway.
It was funny the other day when I got my tax done. She asked what my occupation was and I said I was a student (true), then added 'Stay At Home Student Mummy'. I do, very much, feel like a student more than a SAHM, cos I get frustrated with all this housework getting in the way of study! Plus, I am still reluctant to call myself a SAHM, cos I'm not particularly good at keeping house. So, yeah, I have unresolved issues with this stay at home business. My situation is fuzzy!
When I do go to work, it will be only part time, cos I will want to use my powers for money to save up for a horse float etc. I will be resentful if I have to work full time. I'm going to make it work somehow.
DP was VERY good this morning! Next thing I know, the door is being shut behind him. He turned off his alarm very quickly and nary a light went on this morning! He copped an earful yesterday, though, so I'm glad I pre-emptively bought him a croissant for this morning
Oscar is whinging, better go and get dressed!

[Bathsheba]

"so I'm glad I pre-emptively bought him a croissant for this morning" <--- that made me laugh! I know the feeling.... and I try to keep frozen croissants in the 'fridge for occassions like that too... DH took the futon into the nursery a few weeks ago and tended to Niall ALL NIGHT so that I could catch up on some sleep. Out came croissants for brekkie the next morning, just the way he likes them: with honey and cheese.

Thanks girls I do feel a bit better today. Wade was able to go to Kinder today and DH is at home (with his cold getting worse over night). I spent the morning cooking a pumpkin pie and trying to remember the stresses and pressures of being in the paid workforce! LOL Rory, everything you said makes sense: especially the bit about either extreme suiting different personalities. No use a brilliant professional woman who excels in a role (and all it's demands) forcing herself to be a SAHM if she acknowledges that she just can't deal with the, for example, isolation, to the point that she is a irritable mummy day in day out. And no use a SAHM forcing herself into the paid workforce where she is so distracted by worrying about her children that she can't perform her role. However you are also right about most of us fitting into the middle ground. I think that I have a split personality when it comes to these things. On the whole I see the worth of me being a SAHM but I know too, like you, that I have a lot to offer the broader community and I want to get out there. You know me LOL I like to exercise my brain and enjoy meeting new challenges etc... there isn't a lot of scope for these during my usual SAHM week. I'm not saying that I "am above" doing the drudge, infact I think doing housework is a very healthy occupation for the soul... it keeps our ego in check, IYKWIM.... we all don't want to turn out like Paris Hilton do we? Nobody should put themselves above cleaning the toilet! But on the other hand, everyone has a right to use their God given talents... and amongst us we have teachers, lawyers, administration officers and a budding doula that are needed by our communities. Dee, you're 100% right about the "process being more important then the end product" with art education and reading that statement really gave me a sense of longing to return to the profession of art teaching because there is so much I want to share. And Mel: you are so good at being ultra organised I agree; you are such an asset to the education industry as well! I know that when I was stdying the most challenging thing about it was dealing with the uni admin staff in our faculty... trust me girls, the world of uni admin needs the likes of Mel!!! So basically I believe that as long as we find that balance of serving our communites and our families then all is good. Edit: ...and this applies to our men too!

Re-reading over that it seems a bit all over the place... I hope you all know what I mean.

Niall awake now... better go fetch him...

ETA: Rory: how is that lump on Flynn's back?

ETA: Dee: I think Maytag make 10kg industrial washing machines... we had one at the ELC I worked at.... it was wonderful... I want one of those! (they cost a packet but very well made etc).

[Smoke Jaguar]

You know, I liked that line by Dee, too, about art being a process of introspection that may or may not make an aesthetic transition to its medium! I dreamt last night that I painted something and that I kept getting angry with myself whenever I thought I'd finished only to see where I should have added something else to make it look good. Just gotta let go!
Oscar is asleep again...he only woke up about an hour ago, but was so clingy that I put him back in the sling and voila! He fell asleep. Kid's full of snot, poor boy. I just received my new oils order, so I think I'll go burn some cedarwood, pine, eucalptus, lemon and I might throw in some clove, just for laughs. My oils box is nearly full and there's at least 3 other oils I want...it's become my new vice. Still, it's cheaper than shoes...

[Roryrory]

Still, it's cheaper than shoes

That cracked me up LOL!!

Bath - I understand

And Mel, Bath is right about uni admin needing someone like you - ugh, I have such bad memories of the admin staff at melbourne!!

Better go - boy asleep, house reasonably tidy, and I have a lease to redraft

ETA: Lump/spot on Flynn's back doesn't appear to be abything serious but we are seeing a dermatologist on Monday just to get it confirmed.

[AmandaJ]

Just a quick one, still sick here and also getting cabin fever, I must admit I ventured to the shops to do food shopping this morning but otherwise I still feel wreaked.

hugs xoxo

[MelS]

So basically I believe that as long as we find that balance of serving our communites and our families then all is good - exactly Bath, how do you manage to put things in such easy, simple terms.

Bath - thank you for the comment, I hope my students think that too lol!!! PML about us turning into Paris Hilton and would be happy to have a little bit of her money!! How is DH coping with his cold?

Maya - congrats on resigning! You mentioned that you were going to do it, but hadn't yet. Must feel like that weight has been lifted. I have no doubt that after uni you will find a job that is fulfilling and exactly what you want to do. Well done to DP for being quiet and so nice of you to get him a croissant, bet he really appreciated that. Poor Oscar, hopefully the oils will help, I can smell it now!

Rory - thanks! There are some absolute shockers, thankfully not where I am. Glad to hear Flynn is all good.

Amanda - get better soon.

How bad was the wind last night? Felt like my roof was going to blow off.