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AJP - all sorts of things can trigger PND, not just an unsettled baby. For me it was just having a child that was male! I didn't know what to do with this small male creature, and hadn't had any point of reference. The delay of not dealing with things from my own childhood brought the depression rushing to the forefront. I probably had PND with my daughter as well, but no where as bad. and then when I had another child, and the things that had popped out in the previous two year half years before having Nathan, that I just kept pushing down, became more and more persistent. When you become a parent youself, a pandora's box opens, were things that you have put away from your own childhood, relationships with your own parents etc etc, become very very apparent. Well this was the case with me. Its different for everyone of course, but based on what you have said, I felt some connection to it.
The other saying that I live by is that the only moment you have any control over is the one you are in right now. I used to live so much in the future that the present passed me by all the time. I was so busy forecasting that I forgot how to live in the moment. Not any more.
I'm glad you are going to the Doctor, and see if you can get to see a counsellor of some sort. Your right, talking it out is such a relief. Getting it out of your head is like relieving a pressure valve.
Take care and thinking of you.
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oh Vicki its funny you should mention that, but I had to grieve having a girl the first time. I really wanted a boy, of course I loved Matilda instantly... but I still had to grieve the little boy I didn't have. Thats why we found out the gender this time, to give me an opportunity to grieve again if needed (and it was...).
I'm amazed at the moment that I'm holding together... I've definatley had my moments this past week, even today... but compared to PND I'm going great mentally.
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Christy - do you find that because you have experienced it before that you are hypersensitive to all the "signs"? I know I am. When I got home from hospital, the first day I was by myself I was running around in the morning, and was shaking and basically feeling exactly like I do when I have an anxiety attack - so of course I'm thinking oh no not again... but because I had Gestational Diabetes that takes a little while to settle after birth, so once I sat down to have some breakfast at 9.30am, and things settled down, it suddenly dawned on my that I was having a hypo NOT an anxiety attack. Which was confirmed again that afternoon when exactly the same thing happened. So I was both relieved and freaked out - if that makes sense...lol. Thankfully since then it hasn't happened againg because I have been more careful and are eating like I did when I was testing my blood sugar levels, and having small but often meals.
I don't feel anything like I did when I had Nathan, I'm much calmer - a little moody, but nothing like what I experienced before. I think though because I have experienced major mental illness I'm very concious of not letting things get out of hand. Aston is a great baby, very placid and easy going. thank god for small merices. I feel better emotionally and mentally now then when I was pregnant. Even so I still take each day as it comes. I am a lot less harder on myself this time round, and like you said to AJP, if I get a load of washing done in the day and thats all then its fantastic, and I don't beat myself up about it.
raving a bit here, think I'm tired...lol. Sleep....mmmmm wouldn't that be lovely...lol
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Definately hypersensitive to the signs... thats for sure. I am more calm this time around so that is great, last time I had IL's & my mum sitting around asking "Whats wrong with her?" because Matilda screamed a lot... it was so stressful. LOL at sleep... I hope you got some.
Well I'm crook atm. I thought it was allergies or something but it turned into a full on head cold yesterday arvo...so I probably will be sleeping alot today.
Hope you all have a lovely Christmas! And that Santa blesses you all with sleep ;)
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Hi Ladies,
Merry Christmas
I hope you all have a lovely day spent with loved ones and that Santa was generous to those of you who were good this year.:P
Love and best wishes to you all.
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Well I hope you all had a wonderful day yesterday. We did.
I dont know if its because Im tired, but Im feeling very teary today. I have been feeling myself getting snappy towards DH, but I have been convincing myself that its him who is cranky, until today when I lost it over lint being on my fav skirt after he did the washing. I burst into tears, I dont know why I got so upset considering it was only lint, and now I feel terrible because he feels terrible. He hates it when Im sad.
I think I've been running on adrenilin for the last 7wks, considering I've not been going to bed most nights til 11pm or could this be 7 wks of pent up baby blues?
Anyway Im feeling a little better now, not so teary but just 'flat'.IYKWIM. Maybe I just needed to get it out.
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Merry Christmas all!
Robyn - I've been feeling the same. But i've been getting cranky about Andrew not hanging out the washing. I've even been snappy towards our cat!
Ella was the centre of attention for the last 3 days and has loved it but its meant she's been so difficult to settle. The next few days will be "boring" days where hopefully she'll swing back into her routine. Next week we're flying down to Melbourne to visit my family so that will probably throw it all out the window again! (sigh....)
Hope everyone had a great Xmas with happy babies.
Ann
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LOL I think our hormones are hard to settle like our babies, when we get overstimulated its hard to control our emotions ;) or thats my excuse & I'm sticking to it....
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Well i've lost it !!!! had a good week since 'coming out' about having PND felt heaps better talking to DH and MCHN christmas wasnt stressfull like i thought it would be....then my little bubble burst, got a letter yesterday from super fund stating that i no longer work at my work place (havent resigned, not going back to old position but have offered to help out and fill in where needed and possibly go back 1 day per week) made me feel very regected, i did sooooooo much for my work place in setting it up and so forth, i know it's silly but it made it seem so final, stupid thing to get upset about but...
then today went for 8 week ck at mchn saw a different nurse who told me that DD is getting flat spot on RHS which we have beena wear of and have been working on since birth to make her face the other way, but of course made me cry thinking i had permenently damaged her face which i havent, doesnt help that she sleeps sooo much approx 9 hrs per night with her head facing that way!!! she also doesnt smile much so of course i'm now thinking that i'm not stimulating her enough though i spend as much time as posible with her....aaaaarrrrrhhhhhhhhhh i feel like such a bad mum thinking i'm doing the right thing but doubting myself as per usual. spoke to DH on phone in tears, he's such a great guy if only i believed what he said more often..
found out yesterday that i have possible introitus scarring, i googled it but can only find info regarding genital mutilation such as female circumcsion so have to wait till i see gyno for more info
going away tomorrow, not sure when we'll be back but planning on seeing my Dr about PND when i return, cant stop crying.
hope everyone had a great christmas and all the babies got spoilt rotten!!!
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Christy- I love your excuse, can I borrow it? LOL
AJP- I'm sorry to hear your work has burst your bubble. Grrrr to them for making you feel this way when you were just starting to feel good.
You are not a bad mum, and you do need to listen to your DH. Baylee doesnt smile all the time, maybe Sophie is just the same. she could be a 'little thinker'. But that certainly doesnt make you a bad mum. The fact that you have 'come out' as you put it, makes you a terrific mum. :hug:
I hope the gyno can give you some useful info when you see him next and the Dr can give you more insight into your PND, until then I hope you have a lovely time away, rest up and enjoy, you deserve it.
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AJP - *hugs* you can cry! Its okay, I would cry if I got a letter from my super saying I didn't work at my job anymore. I would also cry if I had to face that scary news about whats going on with your health. Grrr at that MCHN... some of them have no tact.
Now with your PND, you can allow yourself to feel down & have cries, its not a sign of weakness...its a release. Everytime I break down & have a good cry I tell myself that its letting go of the hurt & I feel better having rid it of my brain. I think that we stand around thinking we have to have stiff upper lips when no where else in the world would you be expected to handle things emotionally at this time. In other countries the women aren't allowed to cook for 30 days, or clean. Imagine that!! HAving 30 days off after having a baby. You would feel so much better having had the time to bond with your baby & would feel able to start doing things by then.
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thanks robyn and christy, heaps better today, have my beautiful girl in my arms right now, typing one handed is hard and slow!!!!, shes been smiling more today which has made my day. sorry for my little rant yeasterday just had to get it out. were off on holidays this arvo cant wait, though were leaving good melbourne weather for crap NSW weather grrrrrr we cant win hey. well enough og me for now, i hope all bubs are doing well, christy i hope jovie is windfree next year foryou.
everyone have a great new year stay happy and healthy, and we'll talk nexa year!!!!! not sure when were coming home so you wont see me for a week or so. take care
love AJP and Sophie
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AJP - hope you have a relaxing holiday and put all the negative comments from the MCHN behind. DH sounds lovely and i'm sure thinks your a great mum!
Dont apologies for the rant - better out than in!
Ella's been doing well. Next week she has her shots so i'm bracing myself for tears/fever and generally being unsettled. How have all your babies done after the shots???
I can't believe we're so close to the new year. Hope everyone has a great new years eve with happy babies. :)
Ann
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just popping on to wish everyone a great new year! I hope that all the babies behave nicely and give everyone lots of sleep!
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Ann, DD had her shots on wed, i gave her panadol 1/2 hr prior which she didnt like, forgot to follow with a boobie chaser!!!anyway, just a few tears, not from me which surprised me, but overall she was fine, she did sleep for 13 hrs straight though!!! man were my boobs full luckily i expressed before going to bed and i did expect her to wake in the night as she went down so early, but she didnt, she has been totally fine though.
good luck and have agreat new year.....
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13hrs! OMG! I'm close to bursting after 5hours, i would be a mess after 13hours!
Ann
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WOW!!! 13 hours is amazing! We got... 8 hours last night!! From 7.30pm-3.30am!! I got up at 3.30am and went to the kitchen to get something & looked at the clock & was amazed. I went back into the bedroom & told DH who was shocked because Matilda & Jovie both stayed asleep that long. (Usually Matilda gets up first)
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Christy - that's fantastic! Ella's also been doing a few long sleeps (7hrs has been the longest). During the day she may do a 3hr sleep and most of them will be 2hr naps.
Do any of you guys have advice on cleaning their ears? I'm not sure if the baby cotton buds are the best thing for little ears??
Ann
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Happy new year everyone :)
havent been around much as we went away for a few days and still have parents here till Luke's birthday on wednsday, hope everyone is well
All is ok here, Mason is a run amok and Cooper doesnt sleep much at all during the day but does overnight so thats ok :)
catch up soon
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Hey Girlies......
I have returned from NSW.....what a trip..... just popping in quickly to catch up on what ive missed. We had a great trip away... was tiring but well worth it...
Chelsea had her 4 week check up today....all going well. Will write up a better post in the next day or 2.....im buggered....
Mummy needs sleep....while bub is finally asleep and not screaming :(
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