I've been MIA too, because I've been feeling terrible reading about all your perfect sleeping babies (but don't get me wrong, I'm really happy for all of you, I've just been having a hard time).

I know I'm not the only one struggling, so I can recommend watching the sleep videos on the raising children web site. It's a pretty good resource. It reassured me that I'm not going through anything unusual or anywhere near the worst case.

I've been taking on the challenge of encouraging Jude to go to sleep on his own, following the advice of the MCHN (is that the right acronym? I'm not down with these abbreviations - I'm too old for net jargon). I've been trying to rock him to sleep in my arms and it's been killing me emotionally and physically. Now I just pop a dummy in his mouth if he's grizzling, pat his nappy and leave him in his bed to (hopefully) fall asleep.

I have to admit, I'm not very in tune with him. I haven't been able to recognise his tired signs or understand his cries at all. I never know what's wrong. So I've been trying really hard these last few days to watch out for the textbook signs, like yawning and jerky movements, arching his back etc. I think I assumed he was hungry all the time when I should have been putting him to bed.

I saw the psychologist yesterday. She asked me every question imaginable including all about my family, highschool and ex boyfriends. I think I talked too much about irrelevant stuff from my past because I have no emotional connection with ex boyfriends etc, but when I talk about my current situation and how exhausted and hopeless I feel I start crying, so I was avoiding the real issue. I have another appointment next week, so I'll try to suck it up and get to the real problem.

With the medicare safety net my $175 appointment ended up costing me $12. Gotta get all my medical stuff out of the way before the end of the year!