Kerrie,
big hugs to you - it is certainly a stressful time. It is hard to going from having some type of control to none at all and top it all off with no sleep, no appetite and being sick - any wonder you are feeling vulnerable. Don't feel bad at all about using the bottle. The main thing is that Jess is getting fed and you are getting rest when needed. Breastfeeding is not the be all and end all!!!!!!!!!!!! It is such a hard adjustment having a newborn and I htink that we all can understand how you are feeling.

As for depression - if you feel it is getting worse - go and see your doctor. I had severe anxiety with number one and had to find different ways of coping with it. I got the help I needed and during this time, I still breastfed and my appetite returned. I wanted to run away and not take on the resposibility because it frightened me. I got through that horrible time, just like you will by gettign the help that I needed. Everyone is different, but please do not suffer through it. This time, I am taking things from feed to feed and getting as much support as I can. DON'T feel bad about bottle feeding - Jess will still grow to be a healthy, happy little girl.

It is hard for our DH's to understand as even though they are parents too, they do not have the hormones and emotional attachment that we have. Also I think that the resposibility for us can be overwhelming at times as we feel as the mothers we are the only ones who can do things and can find it hard to pass it over. Tell your DH that it makes you feel better to talk about it, that you don't expect him to understand ( who would want to understand how it feels to be depressed and out of control!!) but just to accept that you need extra reassurance at times.

You will get through it Kerrie, just look for the help that you need, guilt free and let yourself be human. We all have those times of feeling down, anxious, unsure, angry, sad and confused. That is normal, but it doesn't mean that we have to feel like that all the time. It is not your fault that you got sick, it just happened!

I am sending you HUGE hugs and thanks for letting us know how you are feeling - it is important!!!!!!

Love
Kazzy