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Thread: Babies born ~ March 1-15 2010 # 3

  1. #19

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    So good to hear from u LJ Glad everything is going well..some days i swear i have PND but i put it down to lack of sleep/hormones..coz i only feel like it some days


  2. #20

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    LJ, I'm the same.... putting Robert's unsettledness down to a new developmental stage. He's rolling around the floor and trying to crawl (we too have not mastered the art of sitting up). There are absolutely no sign of teeth. He squeals a lot and seems generally happy at the moment. He's gone off eating "food" so I think I might try that no mush thing when he can sit a bit better in the highchair and eat with us. In the meantime I will continue to offer him his mush - we've only just introduced breakfast, previously he was only having dinner.

    I put one of DHs t-shirts on Robert's mattress and it seemed to do the trick in helping him to settle. It was one that he'd worn the night before he went away (okay.... here's my confession. The night before DH goes away I make him put on a clean t-shirt after his shower and wear it until he goes to bed. Then it doesn't get washed til he comes home. When I'm feeling sad I put it on and snuggle into his pillow).

    I have thrown away all idea of having a routine and doing things "the way you should". Each time I try to do something about it we both end up in tears, which is why I'm not fussed about the food thing. The childcare centre that Robert's booked into are okay with that and said that he will most likely just end up following the other bubs routines when he's with them but if he doesn't, well they'll just follow his lead. Which is what I'm going to do. Follow his lead. Ah, it's like the clouds parted and the sun has shone down again. Everything is so much simpler when I don't stress about doing the right thing!!

    Deedles, when I get cranky I take to stomping around the house (although quietly past the nursery if he's sleeping!). I also throw "light" things, like dirty clothes that should have been put in the wash. Not quite as satisfying as hearing a loud bang, but it doesn't wake the baby and it doesn't brake anything!! I know where you're coming from.

    Well I'm going to take the chance and have a shower..... he wakes as soon as I think of having one, it's uncanny!

    Hope everyone is travelling well. Sorry I've been slack, I've been on Facebook lately instead of here. But there's loads of things that I can post here that I wouldn't dream of posting on facebook!

  3. #21

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    I have had cramping this month and last month but nothing more... wondering if AF is on its way. Was kinda hoping it would hang out for till we at least start on solids!

  4. #22

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    Sorry girls - have a big rant!! And need some advice and perspective (as I know mine is out of whack!!) - Very weird getting so personal but I am at my wits end!

    DH says last night that we are going to mind his sister's two kids (10 and 12yrs) on Thursday night so she can go out for the night (single mum but DAD just up the road but an idiot). We looked after them alot but now not a good time. SIL's mum and sister are local too!!

    Anyway wasn't happy but thought just try and go with it!! Not that bad.

    Well last night I slept two hours - I was so anxious about looking after the extra two and them waking my 5mth old and two year old who go to sleep at 6.30pm - and are very very light sleepers. Sophie still feeding every three to four hours overnight. Whilst getting anxious about it, I knew it was illogical but couldn't help it. Then I thought - if I tell DH then he will get cranky and yell at me. But if I don't then I will absolutely lose it by the weekend and I am seriously worried about our marriage - I am very very very close to walking!


    So this morning - DH asks why I didn't sleep. I explain 5mth and worried about kids coming to stay. Said very anxious about it. His answer is that he will look after kids and I don't have to do anything. Sure! Anyway - I said we don't need extra pressures. Then he went off handle - saying I am ridiculus (which I said I know but it only adds to the anxiety). Then he said he would ring his sister and say that I said no. Then he said that my mum can't come and stay next weekend for a night as it disrupts his schedule and she is more noisy. I said I don't have to look after her.

    Am I unreasonable?? I knew it was going to end in a fight either way!!

    DH said he doesn't know what is wrong with him and that is harder for him living with me. He thanked me for ruining another day for him...he does this daily!! Then stormed off to work.

    I told him on the weekend that I am extremely close to snapping and he lets his sister dump her kids with us so as she can get on the **** for the night (not anything special!)

    What should I do? I feel so trapped! I was thinking of contacting his mother and seeing if she could intervene - I have a poor relationship with her and DH lies to her but pretends they have a good relationship - what do you think?

  5. #23

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    Oh LJ

    That's just a completely awful situation to be in. If the thought of having your SILs kids over is causing you so much anxiety, then obviously you need a little more understanding from DH. It could just be that it's the proverbial straw that broke the camels back. Little things build up and it just takes one thing to make everything come crashing down.

    Have you got a good GP or someone you can talk to who isn't directly involved? You can't go on like this being worried about upsetting DH or ruining his day (as he puts it). It sounds like you do need some sort of counselling.

    In the short term can you stay with your mum for a couple of days? Maybe Thursday night? Sorry, I don't know how far away she is from you.

    Have you spoken to your SIL? Then again, don't know that I would want to..... mine easily gets me worked up. What about the other sister?

    There's no easy fix solution here. I don't want to undermine how you feel. Is it the kids staying over or, is it that you feel your SIL is using you? If they do come over make rules, after dinner is quiet time. They can read, watch some telly, play a (quiet) board game, colour in. Set a bedtime. Thursday night is a school night so bed should be 830 and no later. They are also old enough to do little things like set and clear the table for dinner and put the dishes away.

    I know it's a bit different but DHs kids never used to help me at all and I used to dread them coming over. It would stress me out no end. I put rules in place and it's working. I still get a bit cranky because they don't understand the meaning the baby is asleep and if you wake him up again so help me.......argh

    You really do need to talk to someone. You can't go on like you are. It's not good for you to try and keep things bottled up so you don't upset DH. Don't stay away from here, we're always here to listen to and offer what advice we can. Take care of yourself and your little ones.

    Cass
    x

  6. #24

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    Thanks Cass. Think I should make another GP appointment and get referral for counselling.

    I am upset because I feel that DH really doesn't get how much I am struggling. I am angry that his sister asks us - when her Mum and other sister are around with no kids or major issues at the moment. But because they all go out drinking together - I get dumped with the kids. She used to do it on Saturday afternoons and all the family would go out together and leave me at home with all the kids. (And I get lectures from DH on how much his family does for me!!! )

    My family is 90mins away. Not really an option an my mother is not exactly on the supportive, understanding side. At least I admit that openly to DH.

    I have no problem disciplining the kids (it is my job so they behave well here).

    The issue is that DH can't say to his sister "no - now is not a good time for us!". We were meant to be going to bkfast together in the morning on Friday coz MIL was going to take DS for an hour or two - but now his family have all decided to go out for the night instead (public hol on gold coast Friday) - so let's drop off the kids at our place!!!

    I guess counselling really is needed here for perspective????

  7. #25

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    Far out LJ , im so sorry this has happened, this is the last thing you need atm

    Does Dh understand PND at all? does he understand everything?

  8. #26

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    I concur LJ - a counselling referral is a great idea as you need to talk to someone and it sounds like DH isnt getting it/listening.
    Keep us posted xx

    Pls do vent as neccesary

  9. #27

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    Hey LJ hun, if you can see a counsellor that would be a great idea. I really need to get one myself.
    I seem to have an anger problem with the boys and I just can't handle doing too much lately, so I understand completely about not wanting to babysit other peoples children when you have your own to look after.
    I know DH's should understand, and I guess some do. All I know is that I love my DH but he can be a bit clueless sometimes towards my feelings and how I am doing.

    Sending calming and happy vibes your way. Hoping I can feel them too!

    Oh and Lennox finally has 2 bottom teeth now. The second is taking it's time though and has been sitting just under the gum for a while and he has been one grumpy, clingy little baby.
    Today he cried and cried his heart out and there was nothing I could do to make him happy. I ended up being glued to him pretty much all day.
    He still hasn't rolled yet, he can get so far but then he just can't push himself that bit further, I can see the frustration on his face when he tries, poor lil tucker.

  10. #28

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    .......
    Last edited by CinderToriella; August 27th, 2010 at 09:24 AM.

  11. #29

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    Girls, just remember that we are doing a great job. We need to stop second guessing ourselves and follow our instincts. We all have these amazing little bubs who depend on us.

    Sitting tonight on the couch with Robert I just breathed in the sweet scent of him. He was supposed to be in his bed asleep but the last few nights he's been really restless. Tonight, instead of fighting it, I'm just going with the flow. No clock watching to see if he's gone at least 3 hours between feeds!!

    We only have these special little people for such a short time before they grow up and become independent. If they need to use you as a dummy for a few days, is it really so bad? Is it really so bad if they are clingy and the house doesn't get cleaned or dinner is late on the table?

    I say no. I left a messy house today to take my sweet little thing for a walk. When we came home I did a bit of a tidy up (because he was sleeping). As soon as he woke we went outside to sit in the lovely sunshine and he put grass into his mouth for the first time. Everything's a wonder for him, and I want to be right there next to him enjoying it.

  12. #30

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    LJ - I really feel for you and I understand so many of the feelings you've described - the anxiety, the insomnia, questioning/doubting if my feelings are valid. If you're like me you must be feeling so exhausted on every level. I had all of this after DD was born and I found therapy to be so helpful. It's really important to find a counsellor that you like and trust, and that works in a way that suits you. So don't be afraid to change if you need to. I found psychotherapy to be a good style for me and the lady I saw included a lot of mindfulness techniques in her sessions, which I found really effective. Feel free to PM me anytime

    I think it can be really hard to try and get DHs to understand how overwhelmed we can feel as mums, especially when dealing with PND. If you just look at the insidious nature of long-term sleep deprivation and then add everything else on top it's not surprising so many of us struggle but for some reason it can be almost impossible getting this through to some men. Would your DH consider going to a couple of therapy sessions with you? We went to about 3 I think (a few years ago now) and it helped us to communicate more effectively. DH wasn't keen but did it for me and I think he was secretly pleased he went.

    Deedles - Sounds like you're having a rough time at the moment too If you like the sound of what I mentioned above re. the counsellor I saw just let me know and I can give you her name. Her office is on Wickham Tce so it's nice and central.

    Shell - I think motherhood is great for bringing up any 'issues' we had lurking in the back ground For me it brought up a lot of issues I had with my mum.
    I hope Hannah starts settling for you at night - it's exhausting isn't it?! Toby's been a bit the same lately and after a pretty massive argument with DH on the weekend he offered to take Toby and sleep in the spare bed and give him a bottle when he woke. The little monkey slept from 8.30pm to 3am, had a small feed of ebm then slept until 7am!! He's NEVER done that before. We tried it again last night but instead of giving Toby a bottle DH brought him to me to be fed. He slept 7pm to midnight, had a feed then I took him back to DH and he slept until 5am, I took him back to bed with me then and gave him a big feed and he slept until 7.30am. So, I'm pretty sure he wakes so much because he can smell me and if he stirs he decides he wants a boob to suck. Would your DH try getting up to Hannah one night? I'm going to try and settle Toby back in his own bed tonight and see how he goes. Will let you know.

    Other than that we're going along pretty well here. Both the kids have been sick this week though. Both ears infected and a sore throat for Toby and a chest infection for DD. Poor wee things are both on anti-biotics. I hate giving it to them but I think it's a necessary evil. Toby's also teething - his gums are so hard but not too bumpy yet so I think teeth may be a while away still but he's dribbling like crazy and chewing on everything he can get in his mouth. He's so cute at the moment - I spend all day kissing and cuddling him.

    Ok, bed for me now. Big squeezes to all of you having a tough time xo

  13. #31

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    Cass - I totally agree with you. I'm definitely savoring every moment with my little guy (the above mentioned argument with DH was about me not keeping on top of washing/house work. I firmly pointed out that he has a happy wife and two happy, nurtured and loved children and that he should get over the house work for now. Thankfully he pulled his head in after I pointed this out!).

    I'm very much parenting by instinct this time around. It definitely makes a big difference that the PND hasn't come back (touch wood) and I'm constantly amazed at how much I'm loving being a mummy to a baby this time *sigh of contentment*. I loved DD to pieces but it was just such hard work that I couldn't sit back and enjoy. Motherhood can be the most amazing yet overwhelming thing all at once.

    Ladies could I get you to have a look at a thread I posted in the 'Parenting Debrief' section? I don't know how to link it to here but the title is '4 yr olds self image..'. I'd really appreciate any feedback you might have. Thanks xo

  14. #32

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    Jandals, I've made a note to have a look..... for now it's time for brekky!! I'll let you know!

    Oh, and it does make it easier going by instinct doesn't it?!

  15. #33

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    .........
    Last edited by CinderToriella; August 27th, 2010 at 09:24 AM.

  16. #34

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    Shell hun, I'm really sorry if anything I said has upset you . That was not my intention at all. And after re-reading what Cass said I'm pretty sure she was just talking about herself and that she has come to a realisation that she wants to do things a new way with Robert. I really don't think it was meant as a judgement on you It can be hard to get meaning across on here as we don't have any visual cues to go on and as a result it's so easy for 'communications' to get skewed.

    I know you've been doing it tough sleep wise since the beginning with Hannah. And I really do understand as my DD had reflux and was a shocking sleeper until she was almost 1. I also think you are doing an amazing job at being available to Hannah whenever she needs you. Like I said in my earlier post motherhood is amazing but also incredibly hard at times. Please don't feel like you can't come and have a vent about how tired (or however you're feeling) you are here. We've all come a long way together

  17. #35

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    Shell, what Jandals said! I had no intention of upsetting you or anyone at all. I hope that you don't think I've trivialised anything. Yes, it was mainly about me and my relationship with Robert. I felt that we have too much outside pressure on us to be perfect and to do things "right" when in truth, we already are doing the right thing - it may not be by the book (depending on which one you read) but we have these wonderful little beings who are living proof on what we have already achieved. I certainly didn't intend to judge anyone. I don't believe that anyone has the right to judge another person. As Jandals said, sometimes it can be hard to get a meaning across without visual cues - seeing how our comments can make another person react.

    Please come back and share with us. I'm so, so sorry for being thoughtless.

  18. #36

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    Sorry for this, but I just have to get this out of my system. Whinger alert, don't read if you don't want to!

    I am really ****ed off at DF right now. He's acting like Lacie is my responsibility alone and its really getting on my nerves. I'm back at work, I work 3 days a week, and my other days are purely devoted to her. And I love it, don't get me wrong, I love my little girl more than anything and I hate leaving her for those 3 days.

    But I told him yesterday that I want to pop out for an hour today without Lacie, just so I can whip round Kmart without having to worry about her, and be able to get the few things I need quickly. His reply was 'aren't you leaving her with me on Sunday when you go out?'. I'm catching up with a friend tomorrow to ask her if she'll be Lacie's mentor (aka godmother) and to help her out wiht something, so I'd asked DF to have Lacie while I do that.

    I said okay, if I leave her with you Saturday, I'll take her with me on Sunday. SO then this morning, when I said I'm going to have a shower then run those errands, he cracked it at me. Said that I should wait until after lunch because otherwise HE won't get HIS jobs done, becuase he'll have to look after Lacie. I asked what jobs he had to do, and he said he wanted to work on the garden ready for her naming day. Okay.. (her naming ceremony is in late November, by the way). So I suggested he take Lacie outside wtih him while he did the gardening and it was like I'd suggested some amazing idea and how could it possibly work. I mean seriously, how does he think I manage to do all the washing etc when I'm home on my own? Obviously she's portable.

    So now Lacie is asleep and I mentioned that I was getting ready to go and he's cracked it again. Apparently me going out for an hour is going to stop him from mowing the lawns and interfere with the "three hours free time" that he gets every weekend. Its a load of c**p and I'm really really annoyed right now.

    All I want is an HOUR to go out, without Lacie, to get a few things. I'm not even doing anything fun! I'm literally going to buy nappies, formula and a few things for my sisters baby shower. I don't really think its a lot to ask for. But no, I have to wait until after lunch as that suits him better. But after lunch we are meant to be going to a bbq so again, I won't be able to go as it will interfere with his plans.

    I am really feeling like all I am right now is Rachel the Mum or Rachel the Nurse, I never get time to be just me. I only want a little bit of time and because of the freaking lawns needing mowing I can't even have that. I just feel like I'm being seen as the nanny or whatever, and not an equal partner right now.

    I'm so frustrated and I feel bad becuase I'm being grumpy around Lacie and I don't want her to pick up on any negativity or anything.

    Am I being totally unfair here?

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