They don't have to be soft. Just steamed normal. Can give them anything you fancy. No rules
As for your DH. Be direct. Tell him he can't go. It really is as simple as that. Men are stupid. The worst thing to do is to say go, knowing that you will end up with the poos. Because then when you do have the poops with him, he will wonder why and be able to say, well you told me I could go so why are you angry?
Who is this friend anyway? If you don't know him and didn't know about it in advance he can't be that important??? For petes sake your a family! They only birthdays a grown man with a baby needs to attend are important friends hitting significant ages, which you'd know about. And family members!!!
Yeah, everyone needs a night out once and a while but he is just taking advantage of you. Would you like a night out?