Pantha - we can all tell you the most important thing is to have Lotte here safe and sound and healthy, and that being a mum, starting with pregnancy & childbirth is about accepting things you can't change and that you're a great mum. Those statements are true, but there can also be a grief and loss component about birthing and parenting. So my advice is if you are having those feelings, don't ignore them. You've mad a good start, being honest about your feelings and going to the forum to get support from others in the same boat, but make sure you follow up - I would recommend seeing someone if you can - get those feelings out and resolved. Its much better than denying them and having them fester and come back unexpectedly later, and somehow later it's much much worse.
I suffered a lot in the early weeks after Hannah was born with similar feelings. Luckily I could work on them and work through them, no sure how with all my energies devoted to learning how to be a mum.... still not resolved so off to the counsellor for me next week. On top of those feelings of failure for having a caesear - are getting sick with pre -eclampsia and hellp, then not being able to breast feed without drugs, not having enough supply so I could not fully nurse Hannah without assistance, not spotting that she was hungry earlier and letting her suffer, and then the whole host of feelings I have about failing my other babies. And sometimes if I really low, as blessed as I am to have Hannah, sometimes, she just reminds me of all the missed opportunities with Amelia, Nicholas and Sophie. I expect that will be a life long experience for me, so it's something I need to get a handle on, but it can be pretty tough. Oh and then there's the guilt about feeling like that.... so see it never ends. And it's not a competition about feelings. Your feelings about your caesear are entirely valid. We all have our demons and they all need attention, but also like Buzzie said, try not to fall into the trap of the "the grass being greener" if you'd had a vaginal birth, as you don't know what would have happened if things had gone down that path. But your feelings are important. Honestly if we let it, mother guilt never ends and would do our heads in. So, I want to repeat, I am so proud of you for admitting your feelings, and then telling us. It takes a LOT of COURAGE. Keep living a life of courage and you will get through. Big hugs.
Deana - oh my, I know how scary it is when there is little or no weight gain and I can only imagine how much more scary it is with Blake's vomitting. All I can say is that you have done the right thing in taking Blake to the Dr. All you can do is seek help when you think something is up and to keep seeking help if you still think something is up. I know it's not funny but I do not have any idea of how you are going to capture Blake's wee. I have a mental image of you trying to get him to pee in a cup, and following him around with a cup poised and getting it all over you. When you do get some and you've come through, you'll have to share with us how you managed it. I hope it's as simple as increasing the meds. Don't be afraid of asking the Dr about Losec. I have some friends whose baby had severe reflux and it seems to have helped their baby no end, and saved their sanity a bit too. They were initially on it for 6 weeks and then a review. I am not sure where they are at now with it, as the review will be this week sometime.
Buzzie - good luck with house hunting and vaccinations on Tuesday.
Bec - I so know what you mean about trying too much travelling in one day. Glad it got better and the trip back was more manageable.
Fuzzy - Hannah sounds so much like Chloe. Hannah rarely settles without a fair bit of assistance except when I least expect her to. LOL. It's draining sometimes. I try not to compare her to other babies ( I was doing that when she was crying in 20 hours of 24, and it honestly didn't help me and sent around the twist) - Hannah is her own individual and what she's doing now is within the range of normal. She hardly sleeps during the day, so it does mean slightly longer sleeps during the night than Chloe. But she was up at 2,4,6 today and has only had 2 cat naps of 20- 30 mins so far since. She is just down now, so maybe, just maybe I can eek an hour + from her. So my sweet, don't despair, your darling blossom s just doing it her way.
Not much to report here. Unlike poor Blake, Hannah is putting on weight and growing longer - 60cm now. And probably 6kgs by now as she was 5.96 when she was weighed on Friday. DH and I have our moments. For some reason if she cries and I am near her, he tends to say "oh do you have wind, what did mummy eat?", or "are you cold, did mummy have the bath water too cold?", or "did mummy bump your head?" God it takes every fibre within my very being not to yell at him then and there. I made a committment not to fight around Hannah, especially when I was holding her., so I hold my tongue. I have already asked him not to say things like that as it undermines my confidence and makes me angry. He said he understood but there was another instance today... grrr... men are so obtuse. I am so tempted to do the same to him, but that's just hurtful. Oh well off to have another chat to DH about it. He's apologised but I am not prepared to let it rest as honestly, it does hurt quite a lot when he says it. Life would be so dull without him. Imagine all the moments of character building that I would miss out on....
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