Babies Born ~ September 2007 #74

[Artechim]

Cally, I read your post earlier and did an internal happy dance that we haven't had any readers home yet, but of course it was short lived and waiting in his bag today. Pretty much as you described, wobbling his legs and hence book all over the place then getting grumpy when I pointed out missed lines. I managed to save it by sitting him at the table and reading alternate pages. I had managed to erase the homework hell from my mind over the summer but I guess it is back again. I hate the fact that it takes longer to get him settled in and acting reasonable than it takes to do the actual work.

MD, do you think that alexithymia is a born personality trait, or something that develops during childhood due to parenting practices/circumstance?

[Cassius2]

Hello wuverlies!

Cally: I feel your pain man! There are days where Miss L is just way too strung out and tired to get her reading done. i have personally found that in the morning before school works best for her. after school she is just too wrecked.

we SOOOO need water tanks. they will be on the list for march me thinks. at the moment we havent had any rain i dont think in over a month. actually maybe longer?? it is so hot and dry. and i am TOTALLY raging right now as there was a CFA meeting for our street (it is a recognised significant fire risk street etc) and I GOT THE DATE WRONG! turned up today only to realise it was last night so angry at myself.

Arte: i too groaned internally when the readers turned up yesterday hahahaha. and now that she is doing better with her reading the darn stories are bloomin' long!

MD: some of those things about colours would, i reckon, be awesome to use on Miss L. whenever she goes a bit OTT etc we really need to hold her and focus her on how her 'belly' feels (gut feeling i guess) and ask her to see if that's how she wants to feel ITMS. but the colours might be a better way of self checking...

AFM: throwing ourselves into the country life with gusto: blue light disco and BBQ at the local pool tonight hahaha! LOVE IT!

[Artechim]

Cass, the country life rocks We have a gypsy fair in town tomorrow. The kids are very excited lol

Usually we read a chapter of a book to W at bedtime and he will happily lay there and read the next chapter or two before he goes to sleep so I am going to talk to the teacher and see if we can count that instead of forcing unbelievably boring works upon him.

[AnyDream]

Cally, I'm glad you've got your voice back now , that can't have been nice.

Re reading, I found with DD1 that there were definitely different "windows" during the day when she would read with a lot more concentration/patience. After tea is good here, before tea is a disaster. TBH we don't have any problems with miss E fidgeting - but I suspect the readers were "too easy" last year, they had a very limited range in the reception box. Already we've had completely different readers come home (longer text, more words, etc). BUT - I'm quick to prompt her when she stalls. I usually sound the start of the word and then she gets it.

TBH I have no idea how well she is actually reading because she constantly surprises me at what she reads in other contexts. Like when I'm reading to her (eg, Milly Molly Mandy, not a huge # of pictures) and she corrects me (!). I think she uses a predictive method more than decoding the letters phonetically, which is good for fluency now but I'm not sure whether it might be a disaster a bit further down the track? Anyway, they have this trick at school which is pretty neat: every time you can't work out a word by yourself, you hold up a finger. If you get to five fingers, then maybe you're reading the wrong book, and it's best to pick another one.

LOL Arte at your internal happy dance. Ah it's so peaceful when they just come home and there are no homework, isn't it? Re the alexithymia - from my reading it seems like there may be a bit of both aspects. For the family member I'm thinking of, I think there may be an inherited aspect, but then I think about that person's mother and their extremely limited range of emotional expression (including facially) and then I wonder if it's a learnt response to the absence of emotional feedback? Plus in this case there was also a significant head injury at a young age. (FWIW alexithymia can also be a trait in people with PTSD, another kettle of fish). BUT I do believe that even IF it was a born personality trait, early recognition and then explicit teaching of self-awareness and corresponding social skills would help enormously and might even grow some adaptive brainal pathways, kwim? There are plenty of kids with aspergers who display alexithymic traits and who, with good early intervention, go on to function well in this area. It's the people who get to their 40s and 50s without ever realising they're out of sync with 98% of the world's population who are the ones who are going to struggle, IMO.

BTW "gypsy fair" sounds awesome. Again I'm wanting to move to NZ.

Cass, I will let you know how the colour thing goes, I'm kind of just feeling my way because i don't want to spend a bajillion dollars on buying other people's kits. Bummer missing the CFA meeting, but I'm sure they would be happy to send someone out to talk to you, seeing as how you're new to the whole shebang. Anyway, it's good excuse to knock on a few more neighbours' doors, if you haven't already.

[Artechim]

Far out is is cold here again. Thinking of turning on the heat pump. Swim club is probably cancelled today, which is a good thing because I have had the swimsuits on on the line since Thursday and the rain is showing no sign of letting up!

The gyspy fair was only about 8 house buses, so not hugely exciting but the walk there and a look around managed to break up the day.

[Cally]

MD - I'd never heard of that 5 finger thing before, but it was on one of the info sheets which came home last week too. A really good one for when she is reading a book from the home collection. Couldn't they grab other readers last year - Miss K would have to run across the courtyard to year 1 to grab one from their collection once she got past a certain level.

We get homework on Fridays and have to return it on Thursday's. Loving having the weekend to do it. Also loving being able to read other books when the readers are finished. She got through 3 Dr Seuss books on the weekend - some quite easy, but it's still reading and getting back into the swing of it.

Arte - we're talking about getting Miss K into her own reading at bedtime too. We got into the routine of proper book read by one parent, into bed, other parent reads 'short story', then 1st parent returns for cuddle/kiss. Getting sick of having to go back in for second time when I am parent 1, also the 'short story' is from a collection of 12 she has which can be recited from memory by all! She hasn't been into them lately and has wanted us to make up stories. I have nil imagination and HATE doing that. So ditch 'short story' and let her read for 5-10 minutes by herself. Then second parent can go in and turn light off and it's all over.

Also reaffirmed my belief on the weekend that small bikes should be supplied with brake lights! She stopped dead in the middle of the path and I missed her by inches! Got my adrenalin rush for the day and not a good one.

[Artechim]

OMG I hate it when they stop dead in front of you on the bike!! I get grumpy real quick if W keeps swerving/stopping in front of me. Especially if I have E in the baby carrier.

That sounds like a long bedtime routine. I also have no imagination - I shudder inside when they ask me to make up my own story lol - def try getting her to read by herself. I am not sure if it is perfect reading, but he can tell me what happened in the last chapter the next night so I guess enough is going in.

ETA. W's teacher stopped by to drop off his reading books (no forgetting around here lol) and she said he is allowed to read silently now! Freedom!!!

In other news, DH has a job interview tomorrow for a position that would see us moving to his hometown right at the arse of the world. It would be great for the kids. They would see their grandparents all the time. All.The.Time. I am in two minds about it. I know it would be totally great for the kids to have some actual family around and the town has a swimming pool, movies, full range supermarkets, a department store and even an ice skating arena. More stuff to do in the weekends etc. But I have friends here and it has taken a long time to get a nice little circle of people and I like my quiet little town where everyone knows everyone. Also I hate that I am a public crier and the goodbyes would suck. They approached him and he almost certainly has the job if he wants it so it all sort of comes down to the money.

[Cally]

Arte - oh, that move sounds good and bad. Away from your little town and friend, but closer to extended family..... DH has been talking about looking at other places for him to go and I don't really want to think about it. It helps that my role is definitely here with minimal chance of relocating so we'd end up with a total wage drop if DH got a new job. I've been here 9 years and only just starting to feel like I belong, do not want to start again!

[Artechim]

Cally, don't sell yourself short - I am sure you could find another job. But it is a good card to play. Not working works against me because I would be more likely to find something in school/kindy hours in a bigger town and the g.parents would be available to pick up the kids if needed. I also prefer to stick my head in the sand. It has taken so long to build up my little community. But then again the family we car pool with are planning to buy a yacht and go island hopping for a year or two and other friends are moving in the next couple of years. I don't want to be the one left holding on to what used to be itms. But the thought of starting all over with no friends is hard.

Anyway, he had the interview and they didn't talk about the salary! Now we still have no idea if it is even viable. A bit frustrating.

[AnyDream]

Sorry Arte but I had a bit of an LOL at your cold weather. 43 here today. AGAIN. Oh well at least we have electricity. BTW - the arse end of the world is actually a very nice bit of NZ and probably not much further from civilisation in real terms from where you're at now. I understand how daunting it is to uproot from friendships, though. No advice, only a reminder that there are beautiful people every where, you just have to keep shining your own gorgeous light and they will find you. xxx

I don't know what the deal was with the readers last year. The new teacher keeps saying how the readers they've got are easier than what they were reading last year (to make up for the backwards drift over school holidays & boost up the reading confidence) but I keep thinking, yeah... NAH. They just had one mega box of readers last year (and not a lot of attention paid to selection), unlike this year when they are all in colour coded, number levels. Not that it mattered much since E was supplementing her own reading with other texts.

LOL at your complicated bedtime routine, Cally. Ours blew out a lot over the holidays. We had that many nights when she was still bouncing around and singing out and demanding at 10pm (!!). Seems to have sorted itself out now that's she's back at school and more tired. After she's had stories and cuddles in the loungeroom, DH usually puts her to bed (because he can't be distracted into lengthy extra snuggles and chats like I am) and she has a dim (15 watt) lamp and an audio book on the stereo. That lamp stays on until she's asleep because she's scared in the darkness. She also looks at books, even when an audio book is on (?). I might start rotating more relaxation type music and even some visualisations through the playlist.

Cass, I hope all is well up your way today. x

[Cally]

Arte - I think I'd be able to get a job most places we moved to - the only thing would be the salary and conditions. I've got a really good spot here with boss and colleagues who cope with the fact that DH can't do much child stuff in term time and am able to manage with minimal notice if something happens (ie getting an award at assembly, helping out in the classroom). Salary wise is good - my equivalent role at the local council was on offer last year for about $10k less than what I am on - and that's a more demanding role than what I am expected to do. So if DH moves, he gets a bigger wage, but likely offset by a reduction on my side. So that needs to be weighed up with relocating away from a beautiful spot with IL's close by and my family only a couple of hours away.

MD - I can't believe the readers weren't more regulated last year. Ours all had bright yellow stickers on the front with their level and were individually handed out each morning by the teacher after listening to them read the first page or two of the one they had the night before. We all dropped 2 levels at the start of this year in comparison to what they were at last year.

10pm and she was still awake!! Far out! My bedtime is 9:30 and I usually have to start with my ear plugs in because DH has already fallen asleep. Modifications to routine have been discussed and are awaiting a little light to go next to her bed. On the shopping list for this weekend.

[Artechim]

10pm is not unusual around here for A. She has always been a night owl. They all go to bed at 8pm but most nights she is chattering away to all her friends (soft toys lol) or drawing pictures, singing etc until 9 at the earliest. She usually stays in her room entertaining herself though so it is alright. I am totally envious of those people that can get their kids to bed early but what we have now was not easy to come by so I won't complain

[AnyDream]

Cally, I didn't mind so much about the readers because E was happy to sit there and read them no matter how lame/easy they were LOL. They used to send a whole wad home once a week so you could always read the others.

Little light next to the bed = brilliant idea. I'd like to get something like this for E's room, just don't want anything too bright (we think that might have been part of the problem over the holidays after the bulb blew & the new one was brighter). I'm also looking for an actual night light with a dim, red-toned bulb (best for sleep chemicals in brain) - I think Ikea has one so will check it out next time we're there. (I can feel some swedish meatballs coming on).

Arte, I don't mind so much if E's chatting quietly or reading to herself either. I just don't like being summonsed every 10 minutes because she wants her sheet adjusted, or her toys rotated, or to listen to a long and rambly treatise about character x in the audio book. LOL.

[Cassius2]

Hello!

Cally: your bedtime routine sounds a bit like ours lol. we have stories (2...for each Big Kid) and then they watch an episode of 'curious george' on youtube. and then the real dragging on the chain begins: water, toilet, kisses for everyone hahahaha. but that said, once they hit the pillow they are in bed and out. we aim for 7.30 but normally they are in by 8.

...but then there is Miss E...and well, that is a whole long night affair hahahaha.

Arte: oh no! you guys seemed to be settling in really well there (lovely school, nice place and a circle of friends)....is your DH happy in your current place? or is he kinda dreaming of being closer to folks?

MD: we are finally having some break from the hot weather...what about you guys? yesterday was a bit gross here with an out of control bushfire 3ks up the road. thankfully there was no wind as it is all just bush and scrub between it and our house. took until late last night for them to get it safe.

ikea does have the red coloured night lights! they are fabulous!

[AnyDream]

Cass, so relieved to hear the fire is all sorted out up your way - what a country summer baptism it has been for you! xxx Weather definitely kinder here today, still warm but we've have a few microdropules of rain, hopefully more to come. Sweet relief. Class teacher at school commented how different the kids all seemed this morning.

Well I think I'll definitely have to schlep over to Ikea then (although our store is a bit haphazard with having stuff in stock). Also thinking of getting one of those multicolour LED bulbs with a remote control - for DD1. That would look awesome in a plain frosted glass lamp. Getting very serious about sleep in this house since I read the research that came out in Dec that has pretty well proven (*block your eyes and ears, Arte*) that sleep deprivation causes brain damage - evidenced by increases of proteins in the blood that are biomarkers of brain damage after only one night without sleep. Jeppers and yickkers! I don't even want to think what days, weeks, months of it must be doing to us. It's also pretty clear that collectively, we (electrified westerners) sleep nearly 2 hours less on average than we did a few decades back, and nearly 45 mins less on average than only 10 years ago. Holy duvet, Batman! So, Cally, all power to you my dear, tucked up in bed at 9.30 at night, you'll probably outlast all of us .

**ETA - actually the Ikea light I wanted was one of those daisy-looking ones but they have recently recalled them (poo!) - something about the cord needing to be affixed to the wall with clips. I hope they bring them back because a) they come in every shade of the Ikea rainbow and b) they seem to be the right combination of dim enough but bright enough to function as nightlight as well as bedside lamp. But they have these other little critter things so that'll have to do.

[Artechim]

MD, are we always looking at the same sort of stuff?? I have just been looking into this in the past week or so and read the same thing. A has been identified at kindy as being behind developmentally and when I cast my mind back I remember that she just would not sleep as a baby for love or money. I am sure I complained at the time about her being a chronic cat napper, but aside from having to deal with her being tired and grizzly all the time I am now wondering what long term effect it had on her - she was only sleeping maybe 1.5 hours in 3-4 naps in a 15 hour day, then the broken night sleep on top. I could never get her to engage in activities and she had a terribly short attention span. Probably pretty understandable considering she was missing out on so much sleep. Apparently the effects are worse in infants It is definitely something I will be asking the pead about when an appointment rolls around. I can only hope that it is reversible.

[AnyDream]

MD, are we always looking at the same sort of stuff?? I have just been looking into this in the past week or so and read the same thing.

LOL! Apparently so.

My reading didn't stray into the realm of infants, but I did notice a kind of negative feedback loop where sleep deprivation = brain damage (probably incremental) and brain damage = disturbances to sleep patterns. Which kind of leaves people like me with incurably broken sleep up Foofer River (well, for now, until they crack the solution on how to scrub those bad chemicals out of your brain). That's one way to look at it. On the other hand, armed with this knowledge, we also know that any improvements we can glean in either quality or duration of sleep can have a positive, curative effect. And there are many different ways to get improvement to sleep. That's why I'm all about the colour of lighting, and turning the telly off, and wakeup times, and the magnesium/Vit D/calcium supplements, and even just taking the family along on an attitude adjustment ride (yes, I've borrowed every junior reader from the library that deals with the topic of sleep, for Miss E's benefit). I'm personally resigned to the fact that I may never stop feeling tired, BUT I'm damn well going for an improvement in brain function, any way I can.

For Miss A, I'm sure you will ask lots of probing questions. If her sleep is still poor, it might be a good idea to get her screened for apnoea/other sleep disorders. But be prepared for the answers on that front to come back as a vague "nothing identified". I understand that kids with conditions like ADHD can often have very poor sleep (and I'm sure you've already read/considered that) but it's unclear which direction the causality flows. A lot of that will be outside your control, but some of it you may be able to influence using things like strategic sunlight exposure, as well as nutritional supplements, attention to food chemicals, etc.

[Artechim]

She sleeps alright now, a night owl still but sleeps from 9ish until about 7am. I am putting all my eggs in the restorative sleep basket, hoping that because she sleeps alright now that slowly any damage done as an infant will be corrected as her brain matures. I have looked a fair bit into ADHD (inattentive) because she is very vague and it is hard to get her attention but I wonder if it is more how the pathways formed as a baby because of the sleep thing? Egg and chicken. Then the other week the kindy teacher said she lacks empathy (not in a mean way) and doesn't interact properly socially. We have upped our efforts for one on one time because I know that she missed out a lot as a baby because W was taking up most of the day (and night) in a never ending tantrum back then. We also had a big leap when I started her on Omega 3, which reminds me that we have run out and I need to get more. There is a bit of a compliance issue with it though - the ones the kids will eat are inevitably lower dose. She was supposed to be my easy child!