Emma - You ended up getting one did you??!! They're FANTASTIC aren't they? B still LOVES his even though he doesn't need it to walk anymore. I've disconnected his touch pad and he wanders around carrying it. That's so cute that E sits in front of his and bum dances

I am a practiced master of creating a huge wall and letting everyone think on the outside that everything is fine. Has to do with growing up with a very abusive alcholic father. TTC number two is really what brought everything to the surface. I have very strong issues with having an only child (it's a hang up of mine...again the abusive alcholic father...who was an only child). I definitely want two children, but I started to have panic attacks and not sleep and all these other things when we started TTC number two, so I went to a councillor, who told me I really needed to see a psych...so here I am. Ironically enough the thought of having an only child is worse for me then the thought of going through another pregnancy even if it's as bad as the one I had with B (I mentioned I have a few hang ups given to me by my fabulous father right?)

And another huge for you. All the problems with T sleeping must be really hard to cope with. Being sleep deprived is really horrible and it must really play havoc on your system both mentally and physically. Are you able to put him in daycare for another day a week? Just to give you some time to sleep? One day to get caught up on grocery shopping and the like and the other to literally just sleep?

And I don't think it's horrible at all to hope that my DH decides not having his mother in our lives will be better for everyone because it's the exact same thing I've been hoping for!

OP - that's for posting the list for us! It's strange to see so many names on it as we've not heard from so many mum's in such a long time. I certanly hope they and bubs are all doing well.

My therapist says it's quite common for lots of women to suffer mild PTSD from pregnancy, but most people don't say anything at all about it becasue it's not the 'accepted thing' to say that pregnany isn't a magical time of sunshine and fluffy clouds. She thinks there should be a support group of some time similar to what has been created for PND, but that so few people speak about it it's hard to know how many women like us there are. She has a collegue that is actually doing a PhD thesis on it and I've agreed to be part of her research when she gets to that part of it.

Thankfully I was able to bond to B as soon as he was born (as in I loved him from the second I saw him...literally), but I feel ripped off that I wasn't able to bond with him before he was born...ah well.

And being a practiced master of 'all is well in Dr. Tal land' not even my DH knew that I wasn't eating properly. So yes...no one, and I do mean no one actually knew what was going on in my mind till I had my first panic attack. And even then it was only picked up because I had it in front of one of my friends that herself has had panic attacks so knew exactly what it was or I probably wuold have tried to pass it off as just an asthma attack.