Hi everyone,

Happy New Year! And happy 6 months to all our little ones!!

I’m hoping some of you still remember me; even though it’s been such a long time since I posted.
I made a new years resolution to make a bit more of an effort to get online, particularly when I have family & friends interstate that don’t get to see Annie regularly. And of course this included catching up with you all as much as I can too. I have to admit it’s been so strange not being on the PC much; particularly when I lived on here, before Annie arrived! I’m sure some of you would remember my marathon posts as a belly buddy!

Our first few months as new parents were a little rocky… and a terribly steep learning curve! I actually think it was a shame I didn’t get the time to chat with you all, as I’m sure many of you could have given me some words of wisdom & support that I really needed at the time.

Without making this a marathon ‘me’ story – just want to share a little bit of our journey, as explanation of my absence…
Well Annie arrived a little earlier than we expected on the 4th July (EDD 15th July), and DH & I climbed aboard the roller coaster of our lives!
I went in to spontaneous labour, but my blood pressure went skyward & Annie became seriously distressed… so it all resulted in an unplanned emergency caesarean…

Meeting Annie was just an amazing experience… what a joy to finally look in to the eyes of the little person that had been bouncing around inside me for almost 9 months!
After a short stay in hospital, I still remember arriving home for our 2nd wedding anniversary (7th July), walking through the front door & looking at DH and saying ‘what do we do now?’!!

The first few weeks were a bit of a blur, as we spent our days just keeping on top of how to feed, change, settle, etc… If I got a shower & breakfast before midday, I was doing well! Fortunately, DH had the first 6 weeks at home with me and I healed really well… all a blessing!

Annie cried a lot; but being first time parents & not having spent a whole lot of time around new bubs, we really had no concept of what was normal. Initially, we thought she had bad wind… & I think I actually posted on here looking for advice & I probably didn’t get back on to thank those of you that had shared experiences and advice – so I’m sorry for the late appreciation!!… We tried lots of things – different techniques, different products, etc… As it turns out we were heading down the completely wrong path; Annie was finally diagnosed with silent reflux (or infant heartburn) at 9 weeks (following a routine appt with a midwife who got to experience a crying episode – and she insisted we make an appt with a paed asap). Poor little pumpkin, apparently her little oesophagus was red raw by this stage, from all the stomach acids that had been burning her during her first 9 weeks!. So we started her on meds (losec) twice a day… meds that were supposed to reduce the amount of acid in her tummy; however, we were told it could take up to 10 days for it take affect. Anyway, there was a whole lot more crying… and by this stage, Annie had associated feeding with pain… so we had a few weeks where she didn’t gain weight, which was awful and she would cry (as would I) & fuss at every feed. This took soooo long to get past… I honestly think it was a good couple of months before she really started to ‘enjoy’ feeding.

Our Paed told us to begin Annie on solids by 4 months, which we did & I do think this has helped. I took it really slow, with only a single meal of rice cereal for a good few weeks – and now she’s on all sorts of vegies & fruits. Fortunately, she’s taken to solids exceptionally well.
We are still on meds, but by default we are actually weaning her, as she grows & we aren’t increasing the dosage. We have tried to drop it back a couple of times in recent months, but without success so far. It also has meant we’ve had lots of trouble with teaching her to self settle; sleep through the night; daytime naps… I started sleeping her on her tummy at around 2.5/3mths; as she just seemed to settle so much better. Even though I’ve had many well meaning people tell me I’m doing the wrong thing & significantly increasing her risk of SIDS. But I was desperate for her to get some sleep!

On reflection, I didn’t do too well at coping during the early months. I found it hard to adapt to motherhood, as it was all so new. And up until this point in my life, if I needed a new skill I would do a course, read a book, study, research etc to obtain it… but there was nothing I could really do to give me all the skills I needed for motherhood… so I felt really out of control, like I was doing everything wrong, particularly when Annie was finally diagnosed. I really beat myself up & still feel terrible that it took us so long to do something for the poor little thing. She was suffering so much in those early days & if anything we were making it worse by trying to ‘treat wind’ – by making her burp, etc… all things that increased the amount of acid that would come up & burn her! No wonder she would scream!! And like a lot of people, unfortunately we don’t have a lot of supportive family close by, so I didn’t really have anyone near or staying with us to provide support or an extra pair of hands.

I think I’ve finally accepted that I honestly did the best I could as a new Mum. And I’m certainly grateful that Annie’s condition is easily treated & now manageable. There are so many people much worse off than us. But I certainly struggled within myself for a long time.

Well now that we are past all that, we’re really enjoying our little girl; she is such a delight & much more contented these days - although we're still working on mastering good sleep routines! We are loving watching her learn & develop every day; she’s very easy to love. And I think she’s forgiven us for all the pain she went through in those early weeks!!! Although she did have that imploring look last week as the Doctor gave her, her 6 month needles… like ‘hey Mum, Dad, this woman is hurting me & you guys aren’t stopping her!’

Anyway that’s where I’ve been, I really look forward to sharing more with you all & catching up on some personals soon. I’m sorry I’ve missed being there for any of you during your own challenges and tough times… and of course enjoying all the good stuff with you as well.

A heartfelt thank-you to those of you that reached out to me in those early days, it really meant a lot to me, even if I didn’t share my appreciation at the time!