Raffy -

AFM - cant say much more i can hear Coops starting to stir, im feeling better already. not completely better but i can definately tell the difference, i dont get AS anxious and upset when Cooper cries now. im a little upset, DFs parents have been asking questions as in 'why did you have days off work last week' and 'why did Amy go to the doctors' and DF just keeps saying oh shes just a little sad WTF?? call it what it is. its like hes ashamed of me! i didnt get PND on purpose. i think he thinks its not a big deal and its normal?? ummmmm its not normal to not want to hold your own child, and when your breast feeding you feel physically sick. i showed him the letter from the doctor that says 'servere post partum depression' and 'its a matter of urgency as im worried re: self harm' and 'possible hospitalisation' he just goes 'oh ok' its really getting to me, but im not sure why. i just dont want him to be ashamed of me, i already think im a failure as a mother as it is. anyways gotta dash, gotta fold washing before coops completely wakes up xx
Oh sweety, DF is not being insensitive on purpose. He does not understand what you are going through. My DH was and still is the same. He has told me in years since then that he never knew what I was going through but knew I had hit rock bottom. I had thoughts of self harm too. Not self inflicted but of something else harming me like being hit by a car, a dog attack etc I don't think he is ashamed though but it is tough on him also. I know he hates seeing the love of his life like this and I know Cooper loves you REGARDLESS!
For a normal, healthy person these are NOT normal thoughts but for you atm, this is normal for you. I just wish I could reach out and hold you and let you know you are never, ever alone. I am actually tearing up now. I wish I could fix everything for you. I am glad you have family coming to your rescue!
One more thing. You are not failing as a Mother. You are a bl00dy brilliant Mummy.

Please hang in there.
We all love you hun.
xxxxx