Mipsy, I haven't read in detail about the babywise routine from the controversial Christian (?) book "Becoming Babywise" by Garry Ezzo (which I believe is controlled crying from infancy, scheduled feeding - not demand feeding, anti-attachment parenting, etc.), but I just wanted to include something here because it's something I strongly believe in, one of my motivators for starting the site. When my daughter was four months, we failed two weeks of sleep school for controlled crying and it was one of the worst experiences and regrets I have as a parent, being told to enforce routine where it clearly wasn't working.

Firstly, I just want to make it clear that I am not putting down anyone's parenting style or skills, we will always support anyone who seeks help or advice. I am only sharing my opinion and experiences on the matter as it's one of the main reasons for this site to exist.

As a general comment, I believe (as do many other gentle parenting advocates and organisations) that controlled crying and scheduled feeding should not be taught to newborns, it can be detrimental to their physical and mental health. There are warnings against this by world infant health organisations - see this Australian article in PDF format (you need Adobe Acrobat Reader to see) here on the website of the Australian Association for Infant Mental Health. From articles I have seen about it, the Ezzo methods of feeding have reportedly been linked to FTT (failure to thrive), which includes premature weaning, dehydration, poor weight gain etc. I believe Ezzo also supports spanking which I don't either (just a personal opinion, not saying others shouldn't too). There was even one point made in an article where his book claims there is nothing to prove tummy sleeping is an indicator for SIDS.

I know it would be really nice to have newborns which sleep when we want, feed when we want, play when we want - but they are only tiny babies who need lots of love and cuddles - it's not 'spoiling' your baby! In fact, methods like baby wearing have shown to be greatly beneficial to baby's development. As for routine, they will learn this themselves through 'gentle' routine and I don't mean 'gentle' only to baby but mum and dad too. I know how emotionally tough it is trying to install routine. I cried many a time seeing the nurses take her away and watch her cry (mostly not leading to a sleep).

We stopped trying everyone else's routine and followed our own. My first eventually started sleeping through the night at a little over 2 years old but was without tears and she is the happiest little thing ever. She now tells me she's tired and says "I want to go to bed mum" at 2.5 years old. My second (8 weeks now) is a fabulous sleeper, but this time, I'm more confident as a parent and I know what I want to acheive - and I think I know or work out what he wants most of the time too! At night, around 7pm, I can wrap him, put him in his cot, and he will look around and be asleep in less than a minute - not to wake again until sometime around 12-3am for a feed and he goes back down. They all have their nights but this is the minority. This is all without any crying.

I know when I was speaking to Pinky McKay after a seminar a year or so ago, she was chatting with parents seeking help, from some of the first generation of children who had come from controlled crying, they were actually having new sleeping problems which she believed may be associated to controlled crying. Controlled crying is fairly new, so I wonder what it will bring as the years unfold. I truly believe letting nature take it's course and letting little ones learn to settle with gentle techniques it the most effective. It may take longer in some cases, but I know the two weeks I spent trying to get Marisa into routine at the sleep school was so traumatic, I couldn't imagine how it would be for longer periods of time on the parent.

I strongly recommend those wanting to learn about effective gentle settling techinques to read Pinky's books - "100 Ways to Calm the Crying" and "Parenting by Heart". They will really give you the confidence to make decisions as a parent for your own children. YOU are the expert.

Some things that have helped me this time is being extra vigilant with tired signs. When I pick it up, it's easier to wrap him and put him down (sometimes he likes his arms out though!). A good day's sleep helps a good nights sleep for him, as he isn't overtired. Also, I believe that each baby is different and there are times when you can do everything right, but it doesn't work everytime! I remember a stage before Marisa just turned two, we'd do all the quiet time things, bath, books, bed etc, but she'd just get out of bed and run up and down the hallway at some ungodly hour! It passed but was very trying!

Mipsy - I hope you don't see this as an attack on you or your methods at all, it's not intended to be. Babies grow up so fast. Enjoy your cuddles (and lots of them!) and when in doubt, follow your heart.